Chapter Eighteen

"So," I breathe.

There are just blank faces staring back at me, and I realize why it's taken me all year to organize another one of these things. Nobody wants to be here - particularly me - and I want to make it as painless as I possibly can for everyone. I wring my fingers together and take a deep, calming breath.

"So," I try again. "Thank you all for coming. I know we're all really busy right now but we all know this was going to have to happen eventually." I risk a smile, which eases some of the tension. I don't even know why we're all so tense. Maybe they know what I'm going to say.

I glance Jasper's way and he nods in encouragement. The two of us spent eons discussing this very meeting, and then we had to explain it all to Emmett, who was his usual go-with-the-flow boy. I'm just relieved my two best friends in the entire world are on the same page about this as I am. Turns out I'm not the only one who's been thinking -

Anyway.

"Before we begin the final meeting of the year," I say to my gathered Chapter brothers; "I just want to say something." This is the part I'm afraid I won't manage to get through, but I still try. "I just, well, I wanted to say thank you to you all. On behalf of myself, my mom and my family... just, thank you, for all your kind thoughts and prayers, and all your support during these difficult months. Especially recently.

"I know I haven't been around lately or easily reachable, so thank you for not burning down the house in my absence." There's a rumbling of laughter that helps me settle a bit more. "My mom was fond of you boys; always asked after you, and I think she was more comfortable having her son gone because she knew I was here with you crazy lot."

I'm forced to duck my head, trying to hide my face, because there are tears in my eyes. Shit. Get it together, Masen.

"So, thank you," I say again.

And then I start the meeting.

I reach into my back pocket for my little navy blue notebook and open it to the most recent page. "First things first, the final maintenance logs are going out end of this week so, if you want something fixed in your room before the start of next year, you're going to have to write it up. I'll do a walk around to check the rest of the house tomorrow but, if you're feeling kind and want to make my job easier, you could just tell me what's wrong with our oh so sexy house so I have an easy submission." I flash a smile and get a few in return. "With regards to next year, letters of intent to stay on for the next academic year have to be sent to Prof Ephraim before the end of June. Remember, sending the letter is just one step towards your return. Your year will be under review, and you have to, well, not fail, to secure your spot for next year."

And the tension is back. It's pretty easy to tell we're nearing the end of the year, and our final exams are just around the corner. We're moving into that stage of the semester where the boys are going to hole up in their bedrooms and study their asses off, because majority of them have probably been winging it all semester.

But, a celebration first.

As is expected.

"Next, we're holding our last official party this weekend, and then our annual farewell bash with the Deltas is on the night exams officially end." I glance at Jasper again, fighting off the urge to roll my eyes. "Our dear brother, Jazz, over here, thinks we should theme this weekend's party. Any takers?"

I'm met with silence.

"Thank God," I mutter, which earns me a laugh. "I've drawn up lists of what needs to be done, which should help with the party going off without a hitch. I've posted them on the board in the foyer. If you have any questions, ask Jasper." A little laugh. "If you need me, I'll be the one barking out orders on Saturday."

"Idiot," someone comments, and I'm relieved my emotions from earlier have subsided.

We discuss a few other house-related things before I get to the second thing that I'm wary of talking about.

"And, lastly, we have to discuss the election for Chapter President," I say, sighing. "My intention is for it to be as quick and painless as possible. I think I speak for majority of us when I say I don't want it to drag out at all, because I would really like to be able to hand over the reigns before we start writing exams."

Maybe he picks up something in my voice, because Eric raises his hand, a heavy frown on his face. "Why do you say it like that? Aren't you running, Edward?" he asks, and I have a mild flashback to this morning when I almost ran myself right into the ground. I can't even recall how many miles I got through before I started to see stars.

I sigh. Well, now is as good a time as any. "Actually, Eric, I'm not," I confess, which gets a significant gasp out of the group. Then, because I'm a glutton for punishment, I add: "In fact, I'm leaving the Chapter House at the end of the year."

That causes an uproar and I swear Jake would tackle me if he wasn't squished between two other boys on the two-seater couch in our common area.

I raise my hands to quiet them. "Guys," I start. "Don't get me wrong, I love it here, and I love being your President. I just - I'm just so tired." Nobody says anything to that, because they seem to understand. "Moving into this house, trying for President, working myself like a dog... it was all to make money for medical expenses. For so long, I put everyone first, but she - I - " I stop. "Next year is my final year, and I want to be able to focus on it without the stress of this job."

"So you don't have to run," Eric says; "but you could still stay."

I smile at him. "And there I thought you were vying for my job," I tease.

He blushes. "Edward."

"I need a change," I say. "This house has great memories, but also not so great ones as well." I accept that I don't have to elaborate on that. This house has seen a lot. Too much. "Please respect my decision. I mean, it's not as if I won't come visit."

"He'll have to," Tyler says; "Em and Jazz will be here."

My expression quickly turns to guilt. I'm such a fucking masochist. "Uh, well, you see, I'm kind of taking them with me," I confess, thinking it's best to get it all out there now. We'll all feel better, surely. Or worse.

"What?"

"No ways!"

"Fuck no!"

I step back, feeling a little overwhelmed by the collective reaction. "We're kind of a package deal, guys," I say. "Everyone knows that. Where I go, they go, and where they go, I go." My words don't appease anyone. The three of us are one of the main reasons the Sigma Phi Epsilon Fraternity is as popular as it is. Ephraim is probably going to shit a brick when he finds out we have no intent to stay. I'm going to have to tell him, of course. I can't just not send my letter of intent.

"It was bound to happen," I say. "I was never going to stay forever."

Nobody stays forever. I know that now. Well, I've always known that, I guess. It just sucks that I have to be reminded so often.

When I finally dismiss everyone, there's still a bit of grumbling. I hang around to see if there are any questions, but nobody approaches me. I'm guessing they're all still mad at me or something. Who knows?

I'm just pocketing my little notebook when Jasper sidles up to me, smiling in sympathy.

"Well, that went well," he comments.

I glare at him. "Thanks for all your help, by the way."

"And get in the middle of that, no ways." He pats my shoulder. "Cheer up, Lamb Chop. You just told them Papa Masen is leaving them; they need time to process."

"They're not my children, Jazz."

"But Em and I definitely are."

Despite myself, I let out an unexpected laugh and shake my head in the process. Then: "We're doing the right thing, right?"

"Does it feel like we are?"

I spend a moment thinking about it. Jasper mentioned that enacting too many changes in my life could be a symptom of my grief, and could possibly add to it. He thought I made this decision in response to what's happened, and I was forced to tell him I've actually been thinking about it for a while. I mean, I see where he's coming from, though I reckon the fact that this 'change' would really take effect when we get back after the summer helps my case.

I was going to move out.

I was always going to move out.

His coming with me is his decision, and Emmett was always going to follow. He may look like a bear but he's loyal to a fault. Wait, are bears known to be loyal animals?

"Ask me again tomorrow," I eventually tell Jasper.

He nods slowly.

"Jessica's going to be happy."

He frowns. "Why?"

"With me and Em gone; she could actually stand a chance of completing her set of Sig Eps." I laugh at my own joke but he just scowls. "Come on, that's funny."

He's about to respond, when we both hear my phone buzzing in my pocket.

"Hold that thought," I murmur as I pull my phone out and spy Tori's name. Before, I would have panicked at the thought of her calling this late, but we've talked every night this week at around this time. "Talk later?" I say to Jasper.

At his nod, I answer the phone and start for the stairs, heading up to my room.

"Hey, T," I say, and then immediately shut up at the sound I hear. She's hysterical and, for just a moment, I panic. What happened? Oh God, what more could have happened? When I realize she's actually laughing and not crying, I frown. "Uh, hello?" I murmur, stepping into my room and shutting the door with my foot. "Tori?"

"Edward," she says, the amusement still in her tone.

"Hey," I say. "Is everything okay?"

"So," she starts, breathing out as if her laughter has been a workout. "I may or may not have done a thing, Edward."

"Okay..." I say, moving to lie down on my bed. "What did you do?

She hiccups.

"Tori, are you drunk?"

"Maybe."

I frown. "Where are you?"

"At James' house."

That makes me feel marginally better. "You were drinking?"

"I was drinking."

I blink. My sister doesn't drink. "Is that the thing you did?"

"No."

I swallow audibly. "Victoria Masen," I say, my voice sterner than I remember it ever being. "Why did you call me when you're drunk?"

"Because I called Bella a bitch."

My eyes widen. "What?"

I hear the phone fall, and then get picked up again.

"Edward?"

It's James. "What's going on?"

"Look, I found her like this," he says first. "She's okay. Just, well, drunk. She was at Amber's house and there were people there and they were drinking. I guess someone asked her about you, or about you and Bella and - "

"And what?"

He clears his throat. "She called Bella a bitch."

I run my thumb and forefinger over my eyebrows, creating an outward 'V' to keep my irritation in check. "Okay," I say. "I don't know why this is a big deal. Tori's called my ex-girlfriends that a number of times."

"No, Edward, she called Bella a bitch on camera."

I freeze.

"Some fucking idiot posted it online. It's gone viral."

I blink. "What?" I ask stupidly.

"Your drunk sister just called your ex-girlfriend, who also happens to be the President's daughter, a bitch for breaking your heart when your mom was dying. On camera. For the whole fucking world to see."

Okay, so, in the great scheme of things, my reaction probably isn't normal. I mean, I know I should panic and try to do damage control but all I can really do is burst out laughing. It's a full-body laugh. Really, I cackle. Like, what the actual fuck?

James hesitates. "Uh, Edward?"

"This is fucking brilliant," I manage to say, sucking in a breath.

"Is this funny?"

"It's hilarious."

"You're not mad?"

"I'm fucking furious."

"Oh."

I sigh. "Sober her up before you take her home, James. I'll have a talk with her later." And then I hang up.

My laughter is long gone by now. I mean, out of all the things I thought I would be dealing with today, this isn't one of them. I was supposed to be drafting letters, finishing up with my syllabus and preparing for my marathon study sessions, but now my sister's called Bella a bitch... and it is fucking hilarious.

I've just dropped my phone down onto my bed when my door flies open and Jasper is standing in my doorway.

"Edward," he says, his eyes wide and face pale.

I groan as I roll over. "So," I say, as I stand up.

"You know?" he asks.

"James just told me," I say, moving towards him. "Is it bad?"

He shakes his head. "It's worse."

I follow him out of my room and down the stairs to the TV lounge. There's a group of boys gathered around the screen, and it's blaring. I never thought I'd catch my boys watching E! News but there's a first time for everything. There's a small segue way into the video, and then they play it in all its glory. The quality is bad. It's dark and noisy, but it's clearly my sister.

My very drunk, teenage, sister.

"So, how's Edward?" someone out of frame asks, which is the wrong thing to ask because it starts Tori on some other kind of tirade about Bella's and my relatively short romance, our unexpected breakup, my mom's death and her thoughts on all of it.

Thoughts I didn't even know about.

And, finally, she finishes off with the words the entire country is probably talking about.

"She's a bitch," she says. "That's about it, isn't it? Bella Swan is the ultimate bitch."

There's a chorus of laughter, and that's the end of the video.

I bury my face in my hands. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What was she thinking? Saying those things? Getting drunk? Jesus. My mom is probably rolling over in her grave. And Bella. And Charles Swan.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look up at Jasper. He has questions in his eyes, also at a loss as to what to do or say. What are we supposed to do about this?

"Get Rose here," I say, and then I go back to my room. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. I mean, I'm pretty sure Bella has people who can and will take care of this, right? They'll scrub the internet of the video and everything will be fine, right? Right? I mean, her father is the fucking President. He has the CIA and all those important people to sort this shit out.

I pace for what feels like an hour, but is probably only a few minutes, before my bedroom door is opening again. Rose looks equal parts confused, annoyed and concerned when she arrives. All things that spike dangerously when I say my next words.

"I know you've spoken to Bella."

Her eyes widen.

"It's okay," I add a beat later. "I don't care." It's a lie and we both know the truth of it. "Look, I just need you to tell her I didn't want this. I don't think she's a bitch."

"But you do," she counters.

I roll my eyes. "That's not the point," I say, slightly annoyed. "Just tell her, okay? I didn't want our issues blown up like this. I didn't ask Tori to do this. I just - I wanted to finish up this year in one piece, and this - " I stop, waving a defeated hand in the air.

Rose steps towards me, absently reaching out to touch my cheek with her right hand. "I'll tell her, Edward."

I feel winded. I mean, I guessed that Rose talked to her, sure, but having it confirmed really throws me. She's spoken to Bella. God, I have so many questions but I just about manage to hold my tongue. I convince myself I don't actually want to know. I'm better off not knowing.

"I'll tell her," she says again, and I reason it's all the conversation I have the strength for. I have to deal with my teenage and drunk sister, and somehow figure out what or even if there's a punishment for it. I mean, Tori's essentially been raising herself these past few years and I've always trusted her to make her own decisions. This... this just seems irresponsible, and I worry if it's a manifestation of the grief she won't talk to me about.

I sigh, and Rose smiles warmly at me. She seems to understand, because she says nothing more. Just pats my cheek in comfort, and then turns away. But, even as I watch her leave, I can't help myself.

"Rose," I call out, and she turns back to look at me expectantly. I take a breath. "How is she?" I ask.

She already knows about whom I'm talking. "Awful."

I swallow. "Did she ever tell you why?"

She shakes her head. "Just - just that she didn't have a choice."

I frown. "But you think that's bullshit?"

Rose turns her body to face me, her facial features soft and understanding. "What I think is Bella Swan is a nineteen-year-old girl who found her forever-boy, whom she was convinced she would end up ruining. What I think is there are all sorts of external factors that she can't tell us about; that she's not allowed to because - "

"Because she's the President's daughter."

She nods solemnly. "What I think doesn't matter, Edward."

"It matters to me."

"Then know this," she says, her tone serious; "when it comes down to it, and it will, you're going to have to deal with all of this eventually, because we both know you haven't."

I swallow.

"Are you expecting her to come back?" she asks.

"Are you?"

She takes a moment. "Not until after the election, no," she says. "Not while - " she stops, letting out a small laugh. "It's all so bloody complicated, isn't it? Who knew the President's daughter would add this much spice to our lives?"

I roll my eyes. "Don't lie," I say; "you totally knew."

"She warned us, didn't she?"

"Repeatedly."

I sigh, and she follows with her own a beat later. We smile at each other. They're tired, defeated ones.

"I should get going," she finally says. "We both have damage control to do."

I shudder involuntarily.

She watches me for a moment. "And, don't you for a second think we aren't going to discuss the fact you're moving out of the Chapter House," she says.

I frown. "How did you find out?"

"Emmett is kind of my boyfriend, you know?"

I raise my eyebrows suggestively. "Is he now?" I ask, smirking. "Are those official titles?"

She huffs in annoyance. She and Emmett have been doing this thing for months now, but they've never put a label on it. Until now, I guess. "Also, it's the talk of Fraternity Quad."

"But I just told them."

"News spreads, Masen."

I shake my head. "I guess that's not the only Masen-related thing that's gone viral."

She shakes her head in slight disapproval at my attempted joke. I don't regret it one bit, but it does force a certain heaviness to settle over my chest. I was just getting to a sort-of good place, and now this.

"It's going to be okay, Edward," she says gently. "I don't know how or why or even when, but it's going to be okay."

"Why do you sound so sure?" I find myself asking.

"Because I've seen," she tells me. "If you've already managed to survive all this life has already thrown at you, I'm convinced you can survive anything." She smiles ever so slightly, her gaze meeting mine. "And, just in case you forget or something - because you are getting old - you have all of us to help and support you. Even when you're too damn proud to accept it."

Now, Rose and I don't really hug, but I make the exception tonight. She's been so good to me, and to the boys, and to Bella, despite it all. I close the gap between us in three quick strides and drag her into my arms. She's tense with surprise, but she eventually relaxes into it and hugs me back.

"You do know I'm committed to Emmett, right?" she teases after a while, and I chuckle as I release her. "Homewrecker," she mutters, sending me a playful wink.

"Get out of here," I say, shaking my head. "And, really, you wish I would rock your world."

"Oh, please, I would rock yours."

I can't help the severity of my words. "I think my world has been rocked enough, thank you very much."

No more words are exchanged.

It happens the day we throw our Chapter's last solo party for the year - the, thankfully, unthemed one.

Which is also the day Bella calls me. Three times.

I miss her calls because I'm busy preparing for the party. Well, I'm more or less just telling people what to do. This is something I'm definitely going to miss. They grumble good-naturedly, but I can tell they'll miss this too. There's something comforting about things that don't change, and my bossing people around is something I suspect will remain with me for years to come.

But, look at me, making decisions, exacting changes and avoiding my heartbreak like a total pro. Whoo. I can feel Jasper keeping a close eye on me, and Emmett is always just around. I'm a little irritated by it, because it's obvious they think I'm going to implode or... explode. Honestly, I don't know which will be worse. I'm trying to remain optimistic enough that neither will happen. I'm holding it together.

I send Jasper out with the Orange Beauty to pick up some last minute supplies and I return to my room to get ready. I don't really care much for what I'm going to wear but, if this is going to be one of my last parties as a member of a Chapter House, then I'm going to enjoy it. I'll get drunk and enjoy the night with my closest friends and hopefully forget that two of the most important women in my life just left me.

When I check my phone, I have three missed calls, one voicemail and a text from Tori. She's apologized to me every single day this week, even crying into the phone when she finally sobered up. I had to skip a day of classes to avoid people and questions, and I've kept myself securely trapped in areas of campus where the media isn't allowed. I've been contacted endlessly about my comments on the situation, but I've stayed silent. What are they expecting me to say anyway?

Sighing heavily, I reply to Tori's message. I suspect she's also a little mad at me because I was the one to suggest her punishment for the underage drinking. Sure, it was probably severely hypocritical of me, but she was drinking for all the wrong reasons, and I won't stand by and watch her devolve. Peter agreed with my assessment, and he was the one to tell her she's grounded until after graduation. James is the only person she's allowed to see at the house.

We're not completely heartless.

The voicemail is from the three calls I missed and, even as I lift the phone to my ear, I feel uneasy. It's as if I just know, and, as soon as I hear the first tremor of Bella's voice, I pull the phone away and try not to panic. No. Just, no. Why is she calling me? I haven't done anything. Okay, so she's probably calling about the video, which makes sense, but this still makes me irrationally angry. Like, extremely angry. Why would it take something like this to get her to call me, when she couldn't even be bothered to make any contact when my mom fucking died.

Breathing out through my nostrils, I return the phone to my ear and listen, my eyes automatically closing as the sound of her voice rolls over me and through me, to lodge itself deep in my gut.

"Edward, hi," she says, clearing her throat. "It's Bella. I - umm - how are you?" She sighs. "Look, I'm not supposed to be calling you, but this is something you need to hear from me. On Monday, a man named Frank Kincade is going to contact you. He works as a press liaison for the White House, and he's going to ask you to release a statement about our relationship and the way it ended. He's already written it." She pauses here to gather herself, I suspect. "You're not going to like what it says. I sure as hell don't, but it's necessary. It's - it's required. The scandal of our... breakup has shifted the current polls, and my father is..." she trails off, and I can only imagine what her father feels about my sister's fifteen seconds of fame. "The statement is - it's a denial of how serious we were. It'll say we broke up weeks ago, and that you don't share your sister's views on everything that's happened. It's a horrible lie, Edward, and I wish none of this was even happening. I wish I could make it all go away; that we'd never -

"I'm sorry about so many things. Especially this. Frank is going to tell you you need to do this, but I'm - I'm asking you, Edward. Please. I know you owe me nothing. I know it's unfair of me to ask you for anything after everything I've done, but I need this from you. We all do. I need you to agree with everything he says, even if you don't like it. It's - it's for your own protection." She sucks in a breath. "God, I'm so sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry. This was - it was never supposed to be like this. I thought - I wanted - " her voice catches on a sob. "I just wanted to be able to love you and be with you, but I can't, and I'm so sorry for that. You deserve better, and you deserve more." She takes a solidifying breath. "This number isn't mine, so please don't call it. Please just say yes to Frank. I'm sorry. Take care of yourself. I lov - sorry. God, I'm so sorry. Bye." And that's it.

I don't move for a solid thirty seconds.

And then I throw my phone across the room. It bounces off my curtains and crashes to the floor. I spare a fleeting thought that I hope it's not broken, but I really don't care. I don't care about much of anything in this moment and all I want to do is get stupidly drunk and try to forget everything. Maybe I'll even black out. God, that would be wonderful.

I take a breath, bury my hands in my hair and tug hard. It feels good, and I even come away with a few strands. I'm on my way to that baldness my mom predicted. I absently think I could probably not even touch my hair and have it still fall out with all the stress I'm under. It's all just so exhausting.

Alcohol.

I need alcohol.

Forcing Bella's message from my mind, I head downstairs... and get drunk. I don't even try to pace myself as the party goes on all around me, even though Emmett and Jasper do. I can feel all my friends' eyes on me, but I decidedly don't care. Right now, there isn't much I do care about other than drinking enough to make me forget I've just heard Bella's voice for the first time since I buried my mom. I need to forget that she was seconds away from telling me she loves me. I want to be numb of the mere thought they want me to deny the extent of my once relationship with Bella.

So, I bypass the Corona and go straight to the strong stuff: tequila. But I barely get through a full bottle before Jasper is forcing me back upstairs to my bedroom, accompanied by Rose and Emmett. They're looking at me with all the care and concern in the world, and it makes me angry. I don't deserve any of it. I never knew if I was an angry drunk until this moment, and I barely let them question me before I'm yelling in their direction.

"What?" I snap, staring at them accusingly. "What, Rose? Jazz? Huh, Em? What? What do you all want from me?" My fists clench tightly and I let out a growl. "What do you want from me?" When nobody responds, I feel a sudden and unstoppable flash of pure rage. "What?" I screech, my voice cracking. "What more? What else? I don't know what you want from me, so you have to tell me! You have to tell me! Just tell me!"

"Edward," Rose murmurs, and it sounds like she's crying. Or, is it me?

One of us is crying.

"I can't do it," I say, deflating. "I can't do it."

"Do what?" Jasper asks. "What can't you do, Edward?"

"I can't pretend it didn't happen," I mumble brokenly. "I can't just pretend I wasn't so hopelessly in love with her. I still am, so I can't. She can't make me. I won't - I can't - " Now, I know I'm the one crying. "Did I do this?" I ask, almost pleadingly. "Did I do something to deserve all of this?"

"Edward," Rose says again. "Edward, no."

"It's my fault," I say. "Everything is my fault. I was - I was too happy, and then she was just gone. And my mom - " I sob into my hands, my back arching. "I - I couldn't save her. I couldn't do it. I didn't - I didn't have enough time. Why didn't I have enough time? It's my fault. I couldn't save her. I should have done more. I - " my voice cuts off as I'm knocked by another wave of desperate cries. "She left me. She just left me." I don't even know about whom I'm talking right now, but the sentiment still remains. Bella or my mom; they both left me. "Why? What am I - I don't even know what I'm supposed to do? What do I do? How - what - " I drop to my knees, practically begging for answers.

From anyone.

Please.

I feel a hand on my back, and then I'm pulled into a warm embrace that offers me no comfort.

"Breathe," Jasper says right into my ear. "Just breathe, Edward. Breathe."

I breathe in, out, in, in, and then, mercifully, I black out.

Thank you, tequila.

I don't think I even have any more tears left to cry.

Rose makes sure I eat, and Jasper ensures I get my work done. Emmett keeps me indoors when I have the sudden urge to run, and Alice forces me to stay clean. Hygiene is important, apparently, and I get through the weekend.

Somehow.

When Frank Kincade calls on Monday morning, I barely let him finish introducing himself before I say, "No," and then hang up. I ignore every single follow-up call, hitting 'Reject' with entirely too much force than necessary. My phone's screen is already cracked after I threw it across my room. Eventually, I just switch it off and go about my day with a vicious scowl on my face, hating the idea of life enough to want to get revenge on it.

How dare they? How dare she? I'm not some pawn in some elaborate plan to reclaim the White House, just to be used and moved about at will. I'm not. I refuse to be. If they want a fucking statement, then I'll give them one. I spend my day drafting it in my head while trying to pay attention to my lecturers and ignore the stares of my classmates.

When I get back to my room, I have to switch on my phone again - I have to talk to Tori - and I'm hit by an influx of emails and messages. Briefly, I contemplate what it really means to piss off the White House, but I decidedly don't care. I won't let them demand something of me. Especially if it's not true. I won't deny the extent of my relationship with Bella, and I sure as hell won't lie to make her or her stupid family feel better about whatever role they played in said relationship's eventual demise.

Also, I think, I'm really mad at my mom.

And Tori.

Fuck.

Everything is just a fucking mess.

I was fine.

I was doing just fine, taking it one day at a time, making decisions and working towards the completion of this fucking horrific year. And now... Now, I have to ignore people and their questions. I have to make sure I don't stumble into reporters and I have to dodge phone calls from the White House. Honestly, what has my life come to? The worst part is that it's only the Bella side. There's also my family, and then school, and my friends.

I'm - I'm falling apart.

But.

I have a test to study for, I have to reassure Tori I've forgiven her, and I have to prepare for tutoring and compile several documents for Ephraim. I want to go for a run but I force myself to remain in my seat and work. I'm good at this part. If I can just focus on this for the next few weeks, I'll be okay. Things can only get better, right? God only knows things can't get any worse.

Sleep fails me and I work until I pass out at my desk. I don't dream. I suppose exhaustion does that to you. I awake before my alarm, back stiff and drool on my tabletop. It's beautiful, really, and rather disgusting. I stand and stretch my limbs, hearing my joints click and pop dangerously. One would think my body would be used to sleeping at my desk after the number of times it's happened, but apparently not.

In lieu of a shower, I change into my running gear and head down to the kitchen. I force down a banana and grab a bottle of water, before I head out of the house and breathe in the fresh air. The sun is barely peeking over the distant hills, and I smile faintly to myself. I love sunrises. I'd be remiss to find someone who actually hates the sight of them. Though, it's completely understandable to hate what they represent. A new day and all that; having to wake up and face the world.

Nobody needs that.

I pause on the sidewalk to lightly stretch my muscles, mainly to even out the stiffness from my sleep but also to prepare them for the exercise through which I'm about to put them. Once I'm ready, I start at a slow jog, absently fiddling with my earphones to get my running playlist filling the empty spaces in my mind.

I put my left earphone in and, as I lift the right one to my ear, I hear it. The sound of screeching tires hits me first, before there's a black SUV right in front of me. Like magic or some shit like that, the front door opens and a large man jumps out. Probably four seconds later, I'm persuaded - though, not really, I'm just dramatic - into the backseat.

I've barely got my bearings, when I'm already speaking. "Jesus, Bella, if you really wanted to talk, all you had to do was - "

"Mr Masen."

I freeze.

That's not Bella.

That, most definitely, is not Bella Swan.