This fic is dedicated to TheRamblingsOfaMadWoman who gave me some ideas for another story that she wanted to see, honey I hope I've done you something you like, I've tried to incorporate both your ideas in to one….thank you xxx

…

If You Could Read My Mind

Jack/Clarissa

…

It had been building for weeks and weeks, Nikki had already mentioned her concerns to Clarissa on more than one occasion and Thomas has already had Jack in his office three times in the last week, reprimanding him for his behaviour concerning their latest case.

"Clarissa, is there something you're not telling me?" Nikki asked as she stood in Clarissa's lab, hovering over the older woman.

"I don't know what you mean Nikki."

"Come on…Jack? This case, it's affecting him more than any other we've worked on before…what's going on?"

"Well that's something you'd have to ask Jack, not me."

"You've known him a lot longer than us; he talks to you about things he wouldn't necessarily talk to us about?"

"So you shouldn't be asking me to betray a trust, should you?"

"That's not what I'm doing."

"That's exactly what you're doing, and Thomas has already tried as well."

"We're just worried about him."

Clarissa stopped what she was working on, pressing one of the buttons on her chair so that she could turn to face Nikki.

"Look, I'll talk to him, but I'm not going to force him to open up if he doesn't want too. As you said, I've known him a long time and the more you try to push, the more he'll pull away."

"Just do what you can; anymore outbursts and Thomas will end up sacking him."

"He wouldn't do that, would he?"

"He's close; Jack nearly hit him earlier when he had him in the office."

"He did what, that's not like Jack."

"Exactly, something's not right…Clarissa please, talk to him sooner rather than later, yes?"

"I'll talk to him, I promise."

"Thank you."

Clarissa watched as Nikki walked away, she turned back and brought out her phone, quickly dialling Jack's number.

…

Jack was sitting in his car, watching a man across the road who was in his front garden giving his young son a telling off. The more Jack watched the scene, the angrier he became. His phone started to vibrate, taking it out to see Clarissa's name on the screen.

"Clarissa…I'm busy, what is it?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm taking a lunch break if that's okay with you."

"Don't lie to me; you've never taken a lunch break in all the years we've known one another."

"Clarissa I…."

"Jack, where are you and don't lie to me?"

Clarissa heard Jack groan on the other end of the line before he spoke again.

"I'm outside the Robert's house."

"You're what? Dale Roberts?"

"Yeah, look Clarissa I…"

"What the hell do you think you're playing at, are you trying to get yourself fired?"

"His eldest son is already dead; if you think I'm going to let anything happen to Peter's brother then you're crazy."

"What you're doing is against the rules, if Thomas finds out or Nikki?"

"Then don't tell them."

"Jack you…"

"Clarissa I have to go."

"Don't do this Jack, please just…"

Clarissa heard the line go dead, rolling her eyes as she placed her phone to the side.

"Clarissa, have you seen Jack about?"

She looked up to see Thomas watching her, folders in his arms.

"I think he went to lunch."

"Lunch?"

"I know…crazy."

"Thomas could never tell is Clarissa was being sarcastic or not when she spoke to him, so he chose to just smile before walking away.

…

Clarissa looked up from her desk when she heard voices in Nikki and Jack's office space, seeing Jack being escorted in by DCI Diane Phelps. Clarissa closed her eyes briefly as she began to hear Jack yelling at the police officer.

"I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE HAVING A GO AT ME; HE'S THE ONE WHO WAS USING UNDUE FORCE ON THE KID.

"Don't yell at me, I'm the one in charge of this case and you had no right to be there, what the hell were you playing at for god sake, you could have jeopardised the case."

"What happened?" Nikki asked.

"Jack here decided to take the law in to his own hands and tried to attack Mr Roberts."

"Oh come on…."

"Jack what the hell."

"He had his hand around his sons arm like a vice Nikki, the kid was terrified of him, what was I supposed to do huh?"

"How about calling me, it is my job after all?"

"Look Diane, I'm sorry okay but I…"

"Not good enough, what you did today could have had serious repercussions, luckily for you, I was able to steer Mr Roberts from making a complaint."

"Let him."

"Don't be so bloody stupid."

"He's abusing his kids and you lot are just sitting there and doing nothing to stop it."

"Until we catch him in the act or get some kind of evidence there's not a lot we can do."

"He killed his son, you know, I know it…even his wife knows it and she's just sitting there and letting it happen, this systems a bloody joke and you can't even…"

"Jack that's enough."

Everyone looked behind them to see Thomas standing there, anger on his face.

"DCI Phelps, I'm sorry for any problems Jack might have caused to your case."

"Don't apologise for me."

"You're suspended until further notice."

"Thomas?" Nikki whispered.

"No Nikki, he's gone too far this time. Go home.

"Thomas I…"

"GO HOME."

Clarissa had made her way to the office when they were in the middle of the argument, Jack turning to see her watching him closely as he grabbed his stuff from his desk.

"Don't Clarissa….just don't."

…

Thomas escorted Jack out of the building as Nikki made her apologies to Diane, Nikki walked in to the lab to see Clarissa staring in to space, her phone in her hand.

"Do you know what it is that's bothering him…Clarissa?"

"Mmmm, sorry what?"

"Do you know what's bothering him?"

"I think so."

"And you can't tell us?"

"It's a private thing; it's not something he'd want other people knowing about."

"But you know?"

"Yeah well, he trusts me. We've known one another a lot longer, we share things."

"Well what ever it is has just got him suspended."

"I know, I should have tried to do something sooner."

"You still have time, Thomas hasn't sacked him yet, and I'll put him off for as long as I can."

"Thanks Nikki."

"Whatever is it, he needs to start trusting us too. He should know us well enough to know he can tell us anything, god knows I've confided in you enough."

"It's harder for some people."

"I get that, will you see him tonight."

"Yeah, I'll go after work."

"Good and I'll work on Thomas."

"Thanks."

"Have a good night; well…you know what I mean."

"I will."

…

Thomas was at his desk going over some reports on other cases when Nikki knocked on his door.

"You busy?"

"Just catching up, what can I do for you…I thought you'd gone home?"

"I was just going but I wanted to talk to you first."

"Oh…let me guess, Jack?"

"You can't fire him Thomas?"

"He was very unprofessional today Nikki, I can't have people like that on my team."

"I think there's something about this case that's hit a nerve with him; I don't know what is; only Clarissa seems to know."

"Then she should tell us."

"You know she won't do that."

"If she doesn't then how are we supposed to help him?"

"Whatever it is, she's handling it."

"Is she?"

"She left to go and see him, if anyone can talk to him, it's Clarissa."

"Look, of course I don't really want to fire him but what he did."

"I know, he was wrong…very wrong."

"The only way I'll allow him back is if he explains exactly why he did it and he needs to make an apology to Mr Roberts, not that he deserves it but professionally, it's the right thing to do."

"I think Clarissa will make sure all of that happens."

"Good, you should go home…it's been a long day."

"You too, don't stay too late will you?"

"I won't, just a couple more and I'll leave, night Nikki."

"Night."

…

Jack threw another bottle cap on the floor as he took a long drink from his fourth bottle of beer; he let his head fall as he leaned against the wall next to the couch, groaning when he heard his front door. He got up, unsteady on his feet at first as he made his way to the door, opening it to find Clarissa on the other side.

"Clarissa?"

"Thought I'd find you here, you gonna let me in."

Jack stood aside as Clarissa wheeled herself in to his flat, looking at the empty bottles of beer on the table. He closed the door and followed her to where he originally was, getting himself comfortable on the floor again as Clarissa came up next to him as he took another drink.

"When did the lift get fixed?"

"A few months back, I think they got sick of me complaining."

"You complained to them?"

"I just told them it wasn't fair to my friend and other disabled people who had to make other alternative arrangements."

"Thanks, I think."

"What are you doing here Clarissa?"

"You know why, come on Jack….your behaviour today was completely out of order, attacking a suspect in his own home."

"It was his garden."

"That's not the point, it doesn't matter where it was, the fact that you did it was just…wrong."

"Yeah well, I got mad and I was worried about his son."

"Jack…"

"Oh come on Clarissa, we know he killed Peter and it's only a matter of time before he kills Josh, he has a temper, he's violent, he beats his kids, his wife and she doesn't even have the guts to tell the police the truth, even to protect her own son. She's already lost one, does she really want to lose another."

"It's not always that easy."

"It should be, why can't these wives speak up for what's right."

Clarissa moved her chair closer, her hand coming to rest on Jack's shoulder.

"Who exactly are we talking about here? Mrs Roberts or someone else?"

"What are you on about woman?"

"You know what I'm talking about, from the moment this case crossed our desk, the way you were when you were helping Nikki with Peter's autopsy, you began to act differently, became angry and it wasn't like you and I knew why."

"Clarissa I…"

"I should have said something sooner to Nikki and Thomas, I should have made them understand why you were behaving the way you were."

"You're my friend, that's why you didn't and I appreciate that, I really do Clarissa."

Jack looked up as her before smiling at her.

"Do you ever stop thinking about what your father did to you and your brother?"

"Never, he always took his anger out on Ryan more, back then he was too young to fight back, when I left to go to university…I wanted to take him with me, I was so afraid of the things my father would to do him. He was an awful man, he gave me more than one black eye over the years, broke my collar bone one time, my arm. I came home one weekend to find Ryan in hospital, he'd been found by a neighbour in the back garden, unconscious. The doctors found bruises all over him…."

Clarissa felt tears in her own eyes as she watched the tears begin to fall from Jack's own.

"I couldn't…I couldn't help him. I was his brother and I…I couldn't stop him Clarissa I couldn't…I…."

"Jack?"

Clarissa watched as Jack began to have difficulty with his breathing, realising quickly that he was having a panic attack. She wheeled herself in to Jack's kitchen, searching the drawers and finding a paper bag, she went back to him, a hand on his shoulder to steady him.

"Jack take this, come on….put it to your mouth and take some deep breathes."

"Clarissa I…."

"Breath Jack, come on….slowly."

Jack held the bag to his mouth, willing him to breathe. He felt Clarissa's hand on his shoulder, squeezing hard as he breathed in to the bag. It took a few minutes for Jack to regain his normal breathing, finally removing the bag and throwing it down on the floor beside him. Clarissa remover her hand and wheeled her chair back to her original position beside Jack. He closed his eyes for a few moments before moving forward and laying his head on Clarissa's lap.

"Sorry Clarissa."

"Don't, don't ever be sorry. You're a good man Jack and in the end you saved your brother and your mother from the abuse your father inflicted on them and on you."

"That's why I took up the cage fighting, I was determined to never let anyone treat me like that again, I didn't want to turn in to him. The cage fighting, it's a way to release any anger I have building up."

"Well it didn't do you much good this time, did it?"

"I messed up I know, I'll fix it."

"You need to tell Thomas and Nikki everything, about your father, the things he did to you and your family, bottling it up…it doesn't do anyone any good."

"It's not easy to talk about."

"You told me." She said, running a hand through his hair.

Jack looked up, smiling at her.

"I trust you more than anyone else in my life; I knew you would never betray me."

"And I haven't, I won't ever tell them…but you have too."

"I'll do it tomorrow."

"You're be fine."

"Yeah I know, do you think Thomas will let me back to work."

"Hopefully, only time will tell. Go and have a shower, get some sleep and I'm sure you'll feel a hundred times better in the morning."

"Will you stay, the spare rooms made up?"

"Sure…go on."

"Thanks Clarissa."

…

Jack sat outside Thomas office the next morning while Nikki and Thomas got ready to have their meeting with him. He sat scrolling through his phone, looking up when he heard Clarissa's wheelchair, he offered a smile as she approached him.

"Hey."

"How are you doing?" She asked.

"Not too bad, I'm just waiting to go in."

"You'll be okay, it's Thomas and Nikki, they'll understand."

"I know, it's just the thought of having to tell them everything."

"The more they know, the more they're able to help you, and I will too…you know that."

"I don't know what I'd do without you sometimes."

"Oh please, you'll make me blush."

They both looked up when Nikki came out of the office, a warm smile on her face.

"Jack, Thomas is ready for you now."

"Cheers Nikki."

Jack got up, turning back to Clarissa one last time.

"You'll be fine Jack…good luck."

He bent down, placing a kiss to her cheek before turning and going on to the office, the door closing behind him

"He'll be just fine." Clarissa smiled to herself.

…

-Fin