Edited by Enbi & jiemae

Shadow of a Tiny Flame

SHE COULD NOT SEE THE SPRING
AS IT BURNED AWAY TOO QUICK

evanesce for the winter

"Girls!"

She cringed immediately, reflexively.

Miho didn't want to go to whatever lesson it was that their father had planned for them next. She would have really much rather just continued to enjoy the cup of tea in her palms while her sister chatted mindlessly beside her.

But that just didn't seem to be a very likely thing, and Miho had to resign herself to her fate.

She went to stand up from the engawa floor.

Fate had other ideas, it seemed, as soon as she did, something hard hit the back of her head. It sent her reeling and instinctively, she bit back the sharp yelp and the easy tears that wanted to spring forward.

"Miho-chan is crying again!"

"Yah!" Her indignant outcry rang in the air as she glared, spinning on her feet to regard the offender as bravely as she could allow herself. "You stupid boy!"

Beside her, Mito stiffened before placing her cup of tea off to the side and smoothing her dress as she stood up. She relaxed into the fighting stance that had come so easily to her when they started learning three months ago. Squinting her eyes, her sister released a fierce roar before springing off to race towards their second cousin, Yuusei.

Standing next to him was Kyuu, who promptly pointed and shouted out in reasonable fear, "Idiot! Mito is coming after us now!"

"Leave my sister alone, you twerps!"

She felt hot and stuffy under the realization that she was only continuing to prove to be just as weepy as her village knew her to be. Always crying, always hiding, always shy.

The total opposite to what the Uzumaki stood for in their attitudes.

She couldn't help it then, and the tears she had been fighting so hard to keep at bay quickly coated her cheeks and dribbled down her chin.

"Girls!" the call came again.

The tears fell even harder as she heard the voice of their handmaid, Chigusa.

How awful…how utterly…embarrassing.

Chigusa came into view just in time to see Mito slamming Yuusei's head into the ground and Kyu trip over his own feet in a desperate attempt to crawl away.

Hand heading straight up to get friendly with her face, Chigusa released a loud sigh and ordered in a tone that begged no argument, "Stop crying already, stop beating up the neighborhood boys, and come here right this instant."

Face still damp and eyes puffy, Miho quickly traveled the distance and set foot in the requested destination before looking down at her toes in quiet shame.

"DATTEBA—!"

"MITO. NOW."

"Fine."

Her sister quickly joined her, arms crossed over her chest and her knuckles bloodied. Even amidst her bravado, she slid her gaze to meet Miho's before quietly whispering, "I'll get them back later for you, okay?"

"There will be none of that," Chigusa said in an immediate denial. "There are important guests arriving today and your father has already had enough things to worry about without incidents provided by your brand of chaos."

"Tch," Mito muttered bitterly, "fine, but I'm not going to get all prettied up for them, am I? You know I hate how stuffy those clothes are!"

Chigusa merely smiled and went on as if she hadn't heard a thing. "It's time to get ready for the banquet, my girls; the Senju Clan is moments away."

evanesce for the winter

Moments meant hours in Chigusa speak as Miho and Mito found themselves being dressed up like dolls, spending more than the better half of an hour getting their clothes set up on their slight bodies. Mito abhorred it. Miho did not. The younger twin couldn't help but grin at all the pretty colors they had chosen for them.

The only thing that bothered her was that they wore the exact same thing, down to the very last adjustment to their obiage. Which disappointed her for the pure reason of having wanted to see her sister in different colors other than the bright greens, oranges, and reds that she herself wore.

"Isn't it such a hassle though?" Mito whispered to Miho as they sat down to get their hair pinned and decorated, "We're only going to see them this once, it's wasteful to go through all of this effort when I could be out there practicing my katas."

Miho looked down to her swinging feet shyly as she wondered what to say in response.

After all, she liked clothes, and especially liked it when the handmaid's had their hands in her long locks of hair. It felt nice to be touched in ways that didn't necessarily hurt, although she admitted she would despise the later onset headache that would come inevitably.

She also couldn't help but be glad that the festival was happening, for reasons why Mito seemed to hate it—it got her out of the taijutsu practice that would later leave her too exhausted to even focus on her studies. Then there was the added fact that, when surrounded by pretty things and kind older women, the boys that taunted her for her weaknesses were nowhere in sight.

She hated the taunting most of all, if she were being honest.

She knew exactly why it happened and yet, despite all better attempts at fixing it, Miho felt that she would always be the embarrassment to the Uzumaki name—especially as the daughter to the clan head himself. It was absolutely shameful to have a daughter so weak, so undoubtedly unfit to lead despite what was expected of her.

So, unsure of what to say that wouldn't bring up a new entire set of tears for the guilt that would keep her up that night, Miho just smiled as best she could while focusing on how to swing her feet without losing her geta.

Noticing her little game, Mito casually joined her with a small giggle, "What do you think they're going to be like?"

She understood immediately—they were talking about the Senju boys now.

All Miho could do was shrug. She didn't actually know many boys.

"Maybe like Yuusei-san? Or Kyu-san?"

At that, her sister wrinkled her nose considerably, "That would be the worst. Ugh, I can't believe Father wants one of them to be our future husbands. Well," Mito paused, tilting her chin up in thought, "one of my future husbands. I don't think Father wants you to be in a shinobi family when you get older."

She nodded along because it was true, but looked away as her heart thudded harshly in her chest. It still hurt to know it.

Miho refused to cry, though, and moments later she looked back to her obviously concerned sister, "I'll just be a fuinjutsu master then, even if I don't fight."

Face filling with relief, Mito grinned, "That's the way to look at it!"

"Miho-chan will be a beautiful lady for a nobleman higher than her current station," one of the handmaids, Yukari, murmured sweetly. She was a kind fifteen-year-old girl who had found herself employed in their household just a year ago, having been able to pass the tests required of her in fuinjutsu. Miho had often found comfort with Yukari, who smiled with a lovely face and talked about the boys who all wanted to marry her.

Mito found her just a bit boring, which Miho had never been able to understand why.

Gossip seemed to follow her, it seemed, and Miho found that ever so interesting. Apparently Yukari had fallen in love with a terribly mean and handsome man and the two planned to marry without her father's consent. But if it were true, the girl showed nothing of it.

"That life wouldn't be so bad, probably," Mito noted with an obviously forced, pity filled smile, and pulling Miho out of her thoughts.

"I bet I'll never get married," Miho murmured as the corners of her mouth quirked up, "I think I'd like to travel instead, 'ttekisa."

A true grin returned at the words as Mito pumped her fist up into the air. "Spoken like a true Uzumaki, 'ttebasa!"

Fumiko, the one working on Mito's hair, hissed at the movement, "Don't move! You'll ruin it!"

"Yeah, whatever, let it be ruined, 'ttebasa! I don't even care what they think about me!" Mito yelled, bringing her hands to cross over her stomach. Which wasn't very easy in a kimono, she soon found out as she struggled to bring her hands fully around.

Miho hid a demure giggle at the sight, bringing her hand to her mouth like how her mother had been teaching her.

"Ahh, Miho-chan is much more elegant than you," Fumiko noted, as she nodded, "she'll certainly make a fine wife for a Daimyo."

Miho tried not to cringe too hard at the thought, because, really, traveling sounded a whole lot more fun.

evanesce for the winter

The boys were interesting to look at, to say the least. Mostly because it was the first time for her to see someone with two hair colors instead of one. She had been told that one was Itama, the third born son, who she had been told was her own age. There were four of them and he wasn't the youngest.

Miho wasn't told but she thought the oldest one might have been thirteen, the one with a bad haircut and what seemed to be a permanent smile on his face. Hashirama, she thought his name was... It was a nice name.

From there, it was the second born, Tobirama, then finally the youngest, Kawarama.

She didn't know what to make out of any of them, but thankfully they seemed to be avoiding the twins. Or, at the very least, her.

It would certainly explain why every single time she tried to properly introduce herself, Miho either found herself with a puff of smoke in her face or was told to look at something far away—a trick she found herself falling for every time.

Either way, the boys weren't the main focus of the event.

Their parents were, as it was the start to their clan's pact with one another. Miho didn't know too much of the details but she thought that perhaps it was one of the greater relationships her clan had ever had with outsiders—because they didn't have very many to begin with.

The Senju had promised to send them crops by ships, which Miho had noticed had been quite the trouble with her friends at the orphanage. It was probably why her father had offered in return to gift them with seals, powerful ones too. The sort that the Uzumaki gave out when it was someone they knew they could trust.

Miho thought that came from Butsuma having saved her father's life in one of the battles the Uzumaki had waged no less than a year ago. It had been one of the most fearful times in her life, and a little part of her felt disappointed to be avoided by the Senju when she simply wanted to thank the great men that had gotten her father home.

But before she could do it, first there was the ceremony.

With her fingers clenched tightly into her father's, standing to the left of him, her entire immediate family walked up the steps up the platform where the Senju would come to stand on as well. There, trying not to shake like a leaf in the wind when it came to being watched by more than five hundred eyes, Miho struggled not to hide behind his leg.

Trying especially hard as the Senju main family came up to meet them, notably with no women in line, Miho bravely met each other their gazes as her hold on her father's fingers tightened to an almost painful extent.

"Here, we are brought together on this night to become united as one," her father's voice rang out, clear as the night in which they found themselves, surrounded by glowing torches hung up high, "because a life debt is not easy to pay, as it can only be repaid when another life is saved in return. It is because of this, in the trust that we have in the honor of our new brothers and sisters, that we find ourselves in a joining that will allow us all to prosper with equal trade in skill and in harvest."

"Here we are brought together on this night to become united as one," Butsuma echoed with a sure nod and a fierce smile to go together with it.

Then, as Mito had been instructed to earlier, she was the one to initiate the joining of hands as her fingers went into the hands of the oldest brother, Hashirama. Miho followed shortly after to clasp her shaking hands with Kawarama, who tried to reassure her with a squeeze. Yet it only made her flinch, too afraid to mess up in that moment.

Around them, Miho completely caught unaware of it herself, cheers raised around them, and then in swift movements the rest of their combined clan members joined hands. Tingles raised up her spine but before she could shake it off, voices began to peek out and before long, their voices rose into a chorus of melodies and strength.

It was the song of trust, so old that Miho's mind boggled at the thought that everyone somehow knew how to sing it justly and with all the lyrics intact like they'd all been born knowing it. She herself had learned it when she was young, about four, and had since then sung it only five times more.

This would be her sixth.

evanesce for the winter

It was in the following celebration that Miho got her chance to properly thank the man who had saved her father's life.

"So this is your second daughter," Butsuma said with a grin, reaching out a hand to ruffle her hair, only to stop when realized that probably wasn't the best idea.

Miho moved to cling behind her father's leg, fingers tightening on his ceremonial robes. She didn't want her hair messed with if she could help it, already she was feeling a hint of a headache and she didn't want anyone to make it worse.

Still, this was the man that had saved her father's life and she didn't treat that matter lightly.

As loud as she dared to be, she thanked him. It was a second later that she remembered her manners and separated herself from her father long enough to go into a bow.

She didn't know what to expect in his response but laughter wasn't among her guesses. Definitely not the boisterous, world shaking guffaws that left her staring up at him, puzzled.

"She's a cute one, ain't she?" her father said, joining in with a laugh of his own.

"She'll be the spitting image of her mother, that's for sure," Butsuma said, smiling from ear to ear before going in again to ruffle her hair. This time he didn't catch his mistake and it took her ducking away to be able to miss.

Which only sent him into another round of laughter.

Frowning, Miho realized that she wasn't certain if she liked the Senju clan leader. He was very loud.

She decided to run away.

evanesce for the winter

Miho learned at a young age that if she only stepped back, she could stop being noticed, that she could breathe comfortably in the shadows.

Although this trick had been used when very few populated the main house—the same could not be said for when there were guests crawling around the grounds every which way as she attempted to dodge them all. It grew to be harder to pass out of sight with there always being five more others that would simply notice her movement and stare at her like she was a sight to behold.

They always cooed at her, calling her 'Miho-hime' although she had no claim to being a princess and didn't really want to be one either. She noticed that when her sister was with her, they never called her names like that, so why was she so different?

She thought it might have been because they recognized weakness, like built-in weakness radars that led them all to her. Miho hated that feeling the most, with people looking at her as if she were something 'other'. She hated them not having a reason to do it, only seeming to like looking at her simply because she was what most would call 'cute'.

Yet, always, they never called Mito those silly pet names. In fact, they all almost had this innately respectful attitude when meeting her, like they would have treated their father. Well, actually, that was a stretch—but still.

The point was that somehow, despite them being identical twins, they could be told apart in an almost instant fashion.

Which only meant one thing; to the very core she was different, and to the very core, more than anything, she craved to be called 'the girls' at least once more. At least then she could be seen beside someone strong and made more so for it.

Because soon…as was inevitable, Miho would be the exact opposite from her remarkable sister.

Now, being faced with the truth as she ran to escape to her room, Miho wanted nothing more than to disappear. Most likely already knowing too well that dreams didn't come true unless people deserved it. There was not a doubt in her mind; she would never be called 'strong' or anything like it.

So, in what had become an unbreakable habit, Miho found herself hiding away in her room, too afraid to face the real truth.

evanesce for the winter – end

Hello again! This is a repost and I'm very happy with the fixes and edits to this chapter, especially because a good friend of mine helped so much with them. This story will have a weekly update as I already had nineteen chapters already written before I took it down. Not much is changing in this new version, but it is definitely cleaner (especially thanks to Enbi).

If you notice any spelling errors and mistakes, please let me know!