'Thoughts'

"Letters"

POV Change + Author's Notes

Ember's POV

I was sitting in the library, looking up a way to get Voldemort his body back. I knew he wouldn't be able to get very far without a body of his own, even if someone were to bring him. I actually found a fairly easy potion that helps animagi, who got stuck in their animal form, return to normal. It was much better than the extremely dark one I found. That one had the bone from a father and the blood of an enemy forcibly taken. It wouldn't have even brought him back completely, just a deformed version of himself. I was doing this for a totally selfish reason: I would feel much comfortable speaking to a handsome man then some kind of fetus looking monster.

I stood up with a stretch and walked to my study. I asked Rosie to make me a pot of tea, and I got back to doing my potion's homework. I had a plethora of books to chose from, and I worked really hard on this paper.

Now that my eyesight was corrected, I could actually read the recipes. I just didn't really have the patience for it. I still didn't know what I wanted to do when I grew up. I just knew that I didn't want to fight for my entire life. I did like the thought of being a teacher. I was always good at DADA. Maybe that. I also had another thought. If Barty Crouch was using Polyjuice to pretend to be Moody, he must be somewhere!

I wrote an anonymous letter to McGonagal and told her that the REAL Mad-Eye was somewhere in the school. I used one of the spare owls in the owlry to do this because Hedwig was too easy to identify.

I had just got done with my essay when a brown horned owl swooped into the room, a letter on his leg with a blank seal. I took the letter off of the owl's leg and gave him some treats and a place to rest, so he wouldn't over work himself.

"Miss Potter,

I would agree to a meeting with you if it weren't for one problem, I am far too weak currently to move from my location. If you were able to rectify this, I see no reason for us to meet. I would also be too grateful for your actions to not harm you.

I also will need a few items. These should be simple enough to gain, and you can bring them with you to the meeting. I shall explain to you what these items are then.

My favorite tea is Earl Grey and if all my demands are met, there will be no harm brought upon you or your escort whoever it may be.

The Dark Lord Voldemort.

P.S. The items I need you to get for me are: A diadem that can be located in the Room of Requirements at Hogwarts, a cup that is currently in the Black Vaults owned by Bellatrix Lestrange, and a locket, which according to the tracking charm I put on it, should be at #12 Grimmauld Place, London. Just ask Sirius Black about it.

The Dark Lord Voldemort.

"SIRIUS!" I yelled angrily, "I need to talk to you!"

"Whoa pup," he said looking at me, "Calm down."

"I will not calm down until you explain this Post Script to me!" I handed him the letter and his eyes scanned the parchment until he got to what I was talking about. "Who the Hell is Bellatrix and what in Merlin's Beard is Grimmauld Place?"

"Bellatrix is my cousin, she's more insane than you are right now," Sirius said giving me a look. I huffed at him before he continued, "And Grimmauld Place is my childhood home. I'm never going to set foot in that place again."

"You have to," I said with a flat face, "You're the only Black left and the locket is in there."

"If you want the locket so bad, you can get it!" Sirius yelled, "You can search the entire house for all I care!"

"Didn't you have a house elf?" I asked, "Don't most wealthy families have them?"

"Yeah, but you'd be lucky if Kreature even lets you in the house let alone takes... orders... from... you..." Sirius said as I raised an eyebrow.

"So because I'm not a blood Black, he won't let me in the house without your permission? Don't we need to go to your house to ask permission?" I asked.

"Uh... does not compute?" he asked.

"Not going to work," I said, "I also need you to get the cup that was mentioned out of Bellatrix's vault."

"Why are you worrying about it now?" he asked, "The RoR is at Hogwarts. You can't get the diadem until you get back to Hogwarts anyway."

"I know, but maybe I'll be able to sneak off campus and meet up with him. I need to do this Sirius. If we go to war, I could lose you and Remus. I can't do that Sirius. I can't," I told him, "That's why I'm trying so hard to bring this to a close."

"I understand Ember," he said, "Really I do, but I don't like that you want to talk to him and not take me with you. I don't want him to kill you and not find out until your body is found in a ditch somewhere."

"Sirius," I said with a smile, "It's a parley. He can't kill me, or he will lose his reputation. As a Slytherin, his reputation is the most important thing he has. I could have sworn I've gone over this with you."

"I'm being overprotective," he said.

"I'll be fine Sirius," I said, "I'll have Draco with me." I kissed him on the head and walked away.

"You're taking Malfoy Jr. with you?!"

I sighed as I got back to my room. I had just sent a letter to Malfoy to ask him if he would be my escort to the meeting with the Dark Lord, when it did happen, and if he wanted to meet me at the Leaky Cauldron tomorrow for a date. I needed to pick out an outfit.

I was doing a lot of sighing lately. I was getting more and more depressed. Maybe everything was finally hitting home or something. I wasn't sure. I was still angry at Cedric, but I was also trying so hard to stay away from him for now. I hated him! I hated him for the feelings that are going though my body. There was love, hate, anger, happiness, everything.

Then there was Neville. He was possibly the sweetest guy in the world, and he treated me real nice. He wasn't as weak as everyone thought he was. He just needed the confidence to believe in himself. He was strong; he just didn't know it yet.

Draco was born and raised to be a gentleman, but he almost never was to Hermione and I. He was trying to fix that, but he was never a quick learner when it came to manners. I hoped that I could be close enough to actually whack him over the head once or twice, maybe step on his toes... we'd have to see. I couldn't deny the attraction I felt towards him. He was sex on a stick at age 14, and it wasn't fair. Neville, Seamus, Ron, and Dean were cute, but the Slytherins had this animal magnetism that the others wouldn't get until their later teens. Maybe it was the confidence they all had.

I had to wonder what would happen later. Would Cedric fall for me? Would Neville? Malfoy? There were just so many questions, and I had to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up before the year let out.

That was another thing that wasn't fair. In the muggle world, I would usually have until I got to my senior year in high school or maybe even university to figure out what I wanted to do, but not here. Here, I had to figure it out from the ages of 11 to 14! And I didn't even know all the jobs the wizarding world had to offer! Maybe that's why all those muggleborns work for the Ministry. They didn't know what else to do!

What if I didn't want to do the same job for the rest of my life? Was there a university for witches and wizards? I can't do the same job for the rest of my life! I'm not patient enough!

I stopped pacing around my room. It was getting really hard to breath. My train of thought was going around in very scary circles. My heart was racing, and my hands were shaking. I noticed that my vision was getting tunneled, and the only thing I could think to do was to scream before everything went dark and I fell onto my back.

"Ember!" I heard Remus yell. He leaned down beside me and I looked up at him. I was scared, and I started crying.

"I-I don't know what h-happened," I sniffled looking up at him, "Before I knew it I couldn't breath!"

"And you blacked out for a second Cub," Remus said softly, trying to calm me down, "It's okay."

"I was scared!" I cried as he ran his fingers through my hair in a soothing manner, "I was so scared Moony."

"I know Ember," he said softly, "It's a very scary thing, but you have to calm down Cub or you're going to cry yourself into another fit."I tried to calm myself down, and before long, Remus saw me fit enough to sit up. "From what I saw, it looked like you were having a anxiety attack. Want to tell me what brought it on?"

"I-I don't know. I got to thinking about the future, what I wanted to be, all the pressure, what if I don't want to do the same job for the rest of my life..." I said slowly trying to stay calm.

"Have you never had an anxiety attack before Cub?" Remus asked. I shook my head and leaned my head on his shoulder. Most people would probably think I had, with all the things I've been through... my entire life, but there were somethings I found nerve-wracking more than someone trying to kill me. I'm weird, we all knew this. Don't judge. Picking one job, and then ruining my entire life on that one decision scared the Hell out of me. I had the same anxiety whenever someone brings up kids and marriage, but those were far enough away for me to worry about it more later.

"Did I hear Ember scream?" I heard Sirius's voice come from the doorway.

"Anxiety attack," Remus said calmly, not making it a big deal thank Merlin, "We handled it."

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked, "Did you pass out? Did you hit anything when you fell? Did you hurt yourself? Are you better now?" As he asked all these questions, he looked me over as if I was a priceless vase or something. I asked Remus silently for help, but he just shook his head.

"It's best to just let him do his Mother Henning," Remus said with a chuckle, "When you were a baby and crawling around, you would always bump your head or something and it was usually Sirius and James who looked you over. You're Mum and I knew better. It was all crocodile tears with you. You knew that it was the quickest way to get attention."

"Too bad I don't like attention these days," I chuckled as Sirius tickled under my armpit, and I was finally able to pull my arm out of his grasp.

"Are you okay though?" Sirius asked looking at me in the eyes.

"I'm fine now Padfoot," I said with a soft smile, "Thanks for worrying."

"It's my job," he said with a smile. We sat there for just a little while. Fred and George took Neville and Hermione home the day after the Yule Ball, so now it was only the three of us and Hedwig, who was currently out sending my letter to Malfoy. I sighed and stood back up slowly. I still needed to find something to wear in case Malfoy said yes to my offer.