My next one-shot involves Ash and Lance an I figured that Lance would try to get Ash back after seeing her on the talent show on TV and this is the end result...

Goodbye, Lance

by: Terrell James

A week passed by since the re-opening of the Moon Theater and after the talent show and Ash was just sitting on the stage, strumming her guitar on her own terms and ever since she had performed her own song in front of the city, she had definitely found her own voice after parting ways with her ex-boyfriend, Lance and she was definitely over him in the blink of an eye. She felt as if a burden was lifted off of her shoulders and has breathed new life since then and recently, she received massive text messages from Lance asking if he wants another chance with her as well as leaving several voicemails on her phone, begging her to take him back, in spite of him dating Becky.

Just then, her phone bloops and she stopped strumming for a quick second, picks up her phone and sees a missed call and voicemail from Lance and she just sighed in pure annoyance and wanted to know what he was saying this time and she pressed the voicemail button and heard the message via speakerphone.

'Hey, babe...it's me again. Listen, I know that you still haven't called me back a lot and this is my 28th voicemail I'm leaving for you. Please call me or text me because I miss you so much. Please call me, Ash. Bye.'

After the voicemail, she had pressed seven to delete the voicemail Lance left for her and had the intention of deleting every voicemail Lance left her with, but she saw Rosita, Johnny and Mike walking towards the stage and Rosita looked up at Ash and asked, "Hi, Ash. Who was that on the phone?"

"Lance. He left me another voicemail asking if he wants to get back with me." Ash replied.

Rosita shook her head completely at this and asked, "Another one?"

"Yeah, I already deleted the one he just sent me and I'm about to delete the rest of them." Ash answered.

"How many of those voicemails Lance left you with?" asked Johnny.

Ash brought her phone over to Johnny and saw that there were all from Lance scrolling from this morning to 2 weeks ago and he seemed surprised by the amount of voicemails he left for Ash and he asked, "Shouldn't you delete him from your contacts?"

"I should. But everytime I do, Lance would not stop calling me. It's already over the minute he brought Becky in." Ash answered.

"If you want my advice, tell him to stick those little spike things where the sun doesn't shine and just kiss a random guy, thinking that it'll be another boyfriend." Mike suggested.

Ash seemed a little taken aback by Mike's advice and let out a half-cocked eyebrow and asked, "Serious?"

"Mike, as much as that should be a good idea, I don't think it's good advice." Rosita responded.

Just then, in comes Meena and Gunter coming by and Meena asked, "Hey, what's going on?"

"We were just talking about Lance." Mike answered.

"Oh, that super total jerk dingleshblatt?" asked Gunter, stunned.

Ash nodded her head in response to what Gunter called him and asked, "That's the one."

"What did he say this time?" asked Meena.

Ash sighed heavily and just told Meena, "That he wants me back...again."

"He cheated on you with another girl and now he wants you back? Ash, when a guy cheats on you, it's his way of saying that 'I don't want you anymore, I can find somebody better than you', but he doesn't tell you that to your face. He just does it anyway before you even notice. If I were you, I would definitely..." Rosita stated, before she got interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

All of them looked over and noticed another porcupine coming close to the stage and when Ash saw him standing there, she got both annoyed and stone-faced when she faced Lance again and she said, "What are you doing here?"

"I've been trying to call you and text you all week long and you never responded to any of them, so I thought that I'd tell you what I wanted to say in person." Lance replied, unaware that the others were looking on.

"Save it, Lance. We're over. Go have fun with Becky." Ash added, very blunt.

"Becky means nothing to me, babe. I was wrong! You can step out on your own and you just impressed me at that talent show on TV and I was hoping we can go for another try?" asked Lance, a little hopeful.

Ash scoffs at this and looked at him in the eyes and asked, "You just don't get it, do you? What you did to me was so unforgivable, so dishonest and all around just plain wrong. I'm not gonna put up with this and I don't want you back."

"Baby, please...I'm asking for another chance." Lance said, pleading.

Rosita clears her throat to catch Lance's attention and said, "I believe she said she doesn't want you back. She's way better off without you."

Lance stares directly at Rosita and said, "Hey, this is between me and Ash. This has nothing to do with you, so why don't you shimmy-shammy your butt out of our business?"

"You can't talk to her like that!" Ash exclaimed.

"I'm talking to you, not her! Now come on!" Lance exclaimed, holding her hand, but Ash yanks it right back from him.

"I said I'm not going anywhere with you, cheater!" Ash shouted, angrily.

Lance became dumbfounded that she would reject him immediately and he wasn't about to give it up and he said, "Are you really gonna let these theater losers tell you what to do?!"

All of them gasped in offense over what Lance just referred to them, no one more offended than Mike and sputtered in disgust and said, "Losers?! Who you calling losers, you prickly loser?!"

"That's right! I went there! You all got talent, but you don't know Ash like I do!" Lance shouted.

"Oh, yeah? When's my birthday?" asked Ash, challenging him.

"November 22nd." Lance replied.

"Nope, August 29th. What's my favorite color?" asked Ash.

"Red."

"Black. What's my favorite food?" asked Ash.

"Hmmm...sushi!" Lance exclaimed.

"Nope...I hate sushi. My real favorite food is pasta." Ash answered.

Lance grunts in frustration and the fact that he doesn't know Ash's birthday and her likes and dislikes really proves that he's not the best boyfriend, but he brushed that off and said, "What does it matter?"

"What matters is that you don't deserve someone like Ash!" Johnny answered.

Lance quickly turns to the gorilla and he wasn't that intimidated by him and said, "And what makes you think that?"

"Because she's amazing, has great talent and any guy in this world would be utterly crazy not to have him as a girlfriend. And this is how you treat her; bring in another girl because you didn't want her? That is a very cowardly move on your part. The point is...Ash is a terrific person and you're just a cowardly piece of day old banana crumpets!" Johnny exclaimed.

That term even confused the rest of them, plus Lance who has never heard of that before and Mike clears his throat and yanks on Johnny's pant-leg and asked, "Banana crumpets?"

"It's a cockney thing." Johnny replied.

Ash turned to Lance for a quick second and replied, "What he said."

Lance scoffs at this and he turns to Johnny and said, "Spare me the dumb-ass accent, monkey boy. At least my dad isn't a criminal bitch like you."

"Watch how you speak about my dad!" Johnny shouted.

Gunter cooled things down and stepped up to Lance and said, "It's time for you to leave before you get a dose of major piggy power!"

"Shut up, fatty." Lance exclaimed.

"You know, Gunter's right. You are a...I hope I get this right...a total super jerk dingleshblatt with no balls." Ash answered.

Lance couldn't believe the amount of support Ash is getting from her friends as they backed her up and said, "I have no time for this. Are you coming with me or not?!"

"Hey, what's going on here?"

Everyone turned around and saw a very concerned Buster Moon coming to the stage to see what the hubbub was all about and once Buster saw Lance for the first time, he didn't know what to make of it and Ash clears her throat and with a calm voice, she replied, "Nothing, Mr. Moon. My ex-boyfriend was just leaving."

Lance was still shocked that Ash rejected him completely and she stared at him while mouthing 'Goodbye, Lance' and with that kind of assurance, Lance scoffs at this and just left the auditorium angrily and took one last look at Ash and he said, "You'll regret letting me go, Ash."

"The only thing I've regretted is being your girlfriend. At least I've got my friends who will stick up for me." Ash replied, standing between Johnny and Rosita.

Gunter made a kiss-off goodbye wave to Lance and exclaimed, "Auf Weidershien!"

Lance then walks out of the auditorium for good and Ash took a deep breath and collected herself as she dusted herself off from this and Johnny turned to Ash and asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah...I'm fine, Johnny." Ash replied.

"Good riddance to bad rubbish." Johnny added, with a chuckle.

"Kid, I could've said it better myself." Mike stated.

Meena then twisted her fingers around and Rosita said, "You've been kinda quiet lately. How come you didn't speak up?"

"Well, I wasn't sure if I wanted to get involved because I didn't want to start something." Meena answered.

Ash looked at Meena and replied, "It's okay, Meena. The fact that you're there is appreciative enough for me. Lance could've ripped you up with every word he said."

"Yeah, he had no right calling out my dad like that." Johnny added.

"Funny you could say that, Johnny. I had just installed a livestream cam from here to the prison so that your dad could see what happens behind the scenes." Buster responded.

That stunned Johnny to hear this and that would mean that his dad could see and hear what Lance called him in real time and Meena blinked her eyes and said, "I hope Lance doesn't come see you perform again."

"Trust me, he's not gonna see anything that involves me." Ash replied.

All of a sudden, Lance comes back to the auditorium covered in cake in a huge fury and asked, "Who left this cake in the hallway?!"

Meena covered herself with her ears and hid behind the curtains while almost everyone else burst into laughter as they see Lance all filled with cake and Ash said, "Guys, it's not really that funny."

Suddenly, Becky comes in with a load of cake splatter all over her outfit and said, "Whoever left this cake owes me a new dress! I just got it online yesterday!"

Ash then started laughing hysterically and exclaimed, "Now that's funny!"

Now that is a kiss-off to an ex story! Hope ya'll like!