A/N: WARNING! Long Author's Note incoming for this LONG entry, but its important.

Its grand to have an update schedule in place now, with many other authors helping me with my works! Feel free to let me know if you're interested in helping!

But I kindly ask that you read this authors note before proceeding.

Flamers and threats drove me away for awhile, but I'm back. So are the flamers are back again, it seems! One in particular goes by the username of, and I quote, "fictionalparadox" who seems to enjoy slandering me with senseless hate and threats of violence. What they said was entirely uncouth, filled with foul curses and insults towards me and my family. I won't repeat the foul diatribe he spewed word for word, but in short it involved vicious threats, wanting me dead, and urinating on my corpse.

He's also attacked a number of other authors as well in a similar manner, from what I've heard.

Feel free to look this demented little twat up, PM him, report him, and give them a piece of your mind if you're so inclined. You don't have to, of course, but heaven knows I'd appreciate it. I'd do it myself, but the coward blocked me as soon as he sent his last message.

So I thought I'd take a moment to tell you guys precisely why I do what I do.

I ask you, what's wrong with writing Naruto? Is he not a symbol of hope? What's wrong with creating crossovers? What's wrong with weaving tales to delight readers? I make these stories so that others may smile, so that they can enjoy a few minutes of peace and calm in times of sadness and sorrow. I write stories to thrill and delight, to remind others that I AM HERE, that I will always BE here to support others on this site, that I will never turn away a fan, never shut out the light and NEVER lose an aspiring author to something like suicide ever again!

I have NEVER nor, will I EVER write for myself! I write for you guys, the people!

So, "fictionalparadox", you and your foul words can kindly sod off.

...Alright. I'm done ranting.

I'm also done being nice to assholes like HIM who genuinely delight in insulting others and threatening their loved ones with violence just to make themselves feel big.

Time to fight fire with fire, I say.

MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR "LOGAN" AHEAD!

Ye have been warned, dear readers! If you're fine with the way the movie ended, then by all means, feel free to move on. But if you want to see a slightly different take on how events might have ended thanks to a certain meddler...

...then feel free to read on.

Also!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! *Bangs head against wall repeatedly* I just saw Logan and SPOILERS it tore my heart out and stomped on it. An absolutely beautiful movie, and well worth the price of admission. Now, I swore I wouldn't write any new stuff until March, and I have more than kept that promise, finishing fics left and write, adopting others out, and writing endings to others. Then I saw Logan last night and good LORD did it tear my heart out!

I won't say anymore besides Logan and *minor spoiler* his daughter, are absolute fucking BEASTS to watch! Little Laura totally steals the show. So. Here we are. My lone new story for the month. Another entry in the Not Going Home saga. Yes, this is a bit lighthearted, with good reason!

This might just be a one or twoshot, depending on how well its received. I deliberately held off on this until the weekend was over so everyone could see the movie.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHOY!

"You act like you'll live forever."

"I don't intend to. The trick is to live your life to the fullest."

"You're shitting me."

"Nope. At the end of the day, enjoying your life while it lasts is the one thing you can control. Don't waste it worrying about the end."

~?

Not So Old

Dear journal,

Sooooo, I took some time from traveling the multiverse to see this "Logan" movie everyone's been talking about, Diny and Indy included. Saw the trailer and it kinda screamed a "The Last of Us" vibe, so I thought, ah, what the hell! Why not bring the whole family!. Yes, the whole family. All four hundred and ninety of us. You shoulda seen the theater's reactions. Can you say priceless? They thought we came straight from an anime convention or something. Bahaha! Had to keep Evie from tearing their heads off...well, most of them. Pretty sure one or two of them had it coming.

Ah, but I digress.

Logan.

Great movie.

Beautiful movie.

Just one tiny problem.

What problem is that, you ask?

Too.

Many.

DEATHS.

Nope, nope, nope!

I said nope to that tearfest at the end right quick!

As Mercy would say, Heroes Never die, and I'll be damned if this one does!

So in lieu of a long explanation, I'm strapping on my boots and screwing with reality again.

Hmm? What are the boots for, you ask? Several good, old fashioned kicks-in-the face courtesy of yours truly.

Fuck Transigen with their bullshit, fuck Donald Pierce, and FUCK Zander Rice!

But first, I aim to have a chat with old Wolvy himself.

After all, he's Not So Old.

NO REGRETS!

(...?...)

"Rise and shine, Logan. Time to face the new day!"

Reality came back to Wolverine in fits and spurts; bits of broken color and noise gradually interposing themselves over tormented dreams and the numbing stupor that was his hangover. Right, his beleaguered brain reminded him. Drinking. Again. But who in blazes was talking to him? Not Calliban, surely. The voice was far too loud-too damn chipper!-to ever be him. It couldn't be the professor either, locked up in the silo as he was. Gradually he became conscious of someone patting his cheek, speaking to him, trying to rouse him from his bed rest. Rather forcefully at that.

Absently, he swatted at them, to no avail.

"Go away...'m sleeping...

"Yes, I kinda realized that, Hugh Jackman. You've been out cold for the better part of the day."

Maybe if he pretended to be asleep the daydream would give up and leave him alone?

"Damnit man, don't make me shout." the voice drawled with a touch of annoyance. "Neither of us want that, do we? C'mon. Just a little chat and you can go right back to sleep. I swear! Hell, I won't even call you Hugh Jackman anymore. Scout's honor!"

What kind of dream was this?

Logan growled.

"Fuck off!"

Nearly bleary with sleep, the aging mutant rolled over with a muffled groan and furiously swiped at the impudent finger jutting against his face. When that failed, he groped blindly for something to bludgeon the bugger with. Surely this was another dream, his addled mind reasoned. Which meant whomever was tormenting him also couldn't be real. Right? Right. So when his fingers closed around an empty bottle, he gave its presence no more thought save to bring it crashing down on his tormentor's horned head.

Looking back on it...that was probably his first mistake.

Amidst the sound of broken glass came a hiss.

"Fine, then. Be that way."

With that declaration, something took hold of Logan's senses and body forced him from his dreams, hauling him back to the world of the waking. His eyes flew wide open just in time to catch a flicker of movement in his peripherals, then gravity betrayed him and his back slammed into and shortly through the ceiling. For a fleeting instant Wolverine found himself weightless, once more reminded of the debilitating panic and pain inflicted upon him by Magneto whenever they'd clashed in the past, the sheer agony of having your bones bent from within. This proved nothing like that of course; there wasn't so much pain as there was a lack of it, lasting all of a heartbeat before dropping him back to the floor. No matter how fleeting, it felt like hell all over again. Ah, but the memory of it, his complete and utter powerlessness, spurred his anger to new heights.

"Logan." the voice came at him again, cracking like a whip. "Would you just be fucking sober for one moment and listen-

Needless to say, Wolverine did not take kindly to those words.

Neither did the beast.

Rage consumed him in a red tide, drowning away all reason. Staining the world red. No sooner had his attacker released him than he sprang upward with a bestial roar. Claws burst from his knuckles with a silent 'snick' of sound and buried themselves deep into the chest of his attacker, eliciting a startled grunt of surprise amidst a grisly red spray. Wet laughter answered and the hand found his throat seconds later, crushing the air out of him, slamming him against the wall. Azure orbs the color of endless skies blazed back at him, whiskered cheeks dimpling in a spry smile.

"There's the Wolverine I knew." the stranger laughed, spattering his face with fresh blood. "Welcome back! Maybe now we can-ack?!"

Fresh adrenaline slammed through Logan's veins and he kicked back off the wall with his legs to launch himself forward in a vicious leap, lopping the offending appendage off as he went. Surprisingly, his attacker didn't scream as he shot past. He simply paused to stare at the severed stump of his right wrist, frowning as it absently spurted blood. With a long, punctuated sigh he reached down and retrieved his fallen hand, reattaching it with a twist of the wrist. As he looked on in disbelief, the fingers flexed firmly and made an angry fist.

"Aw, was that really necessary, Logan?" the intruder admonished him. "I didn't come here to pick a fight, ya know."

"Could've fooled me, bub."

Claws slowly-painfully-retracting, the man who had once been Wolverine turned to face the newcomer, taking him in at a glance.

Blue eyes, blond hair, whiskered cheeks, curved red horns jutting from his head. As far as his attire was concerned, the newcomer rather resembled one of those shinto priests he'd seen once before in Japan, all white robes crisscrossed with veins of red and orange, long sleeves hiding his hands from view. He looked, all things considered, absolutely ridiculous. He'd seen some strange things back in his day, and this wasn't even the worst of them. Still, it was unusual for someone to be stabbed in the heart and-quite literally-laugh the injury off as if it were nothing. Did he have a healing factor of some sort...?

In the end, he settled for the obvious question.

"Who are you? How do you know me? And how in the hell did you find this place?"

"Ah, so many questions!" the blond clapped his hands together sharply, drawing a flinch from Logan as its sound carried in the open spaces. "Say, is the professor in? No, wait." his horned head tilted, considering empty space in silent thought. "Don't answer that. I'd love to have a chat with him and it'd certainly make things easier-

Logan interposed himself between the horned man and the door before he could take another step.

"Don't."

"Aw, don't be like that." the stranger sighed and stepped back into the light, absently pawing at the red stain in his chest as he did so. "We're old friends, you and I. Best pals. Well, I am with one version of you. We just haven't been properly introduced yet. Who am I? Naruto. As to the what, when, where, why and how, it'd be like this; omnipotent knowledge, two days ago, south of the border, because I fucking care, and a very clever daughter. Also, wanted to get away from an angry wife. Really, I just came here to have a chat with you before I start my little game. Anymore questions?

'Are you fucking insane?'

"Completely and utterly." came Naruto's chipper reply, his smile blanching somewhat at the mutant's thunderous glower. "Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to read your mind there. Old habits and whatnot. Godhood tends to do that to ya. Last time I pulled that shtick, you put a hole in my chest. Well, it wasn't you per se, since we just met."

Balking, Logan shook his head.

"I...you...that makes no fucking sense at all!"

"I know!" the blond burst out in fresh laughter, sweeping past into the harsh daylight despite Logan's best efforts to restrain him. "Multiverse theory's a bitch. Now, lets go see the old man. It'll make things easier, I tell ya-

"I said don't!"

"Hey!"

Logan reached out and snared the horned mutant -wasn't he?- by the wrist before he could make good on his intents, bodily hauling him back inside with a snarl. To his surprise, the impudent blond didn't resist in the least; On the contrary, he allowed himself to be dragged indoors, and rather roughly at that. Part of him longed to put an end to this; that part wanted nothing more than to skewer him to the ground and be done with it. Try as he might, he couldn't seem to get a handle on him. The young man's mood seemed to swing between silly and serious at the drop of a hat and he'd already proven that himself more than capable of wriggling out of his grasp when he wanted. Couple of screws lose, this one. If anything the mercurial kid reminded him of Deadpool.

Ugh.

Now there was a thought.

"Have it your way, then." Shaking himself free, the self-proclaimed deity circled back to the table and cracked his knuckles, snickering softly. "At the very least let me get you something to drink. I'll pour."

Latching the door, Logan found himself frowning.

"We don't have anymore..."

"Em rof won esira!"

Naruto barked a series of unholy, eldritch words that sounded as though they'd been spoken in reverse. Then the world lurched beneath Logan's feet, sending the aging mutant tumbling to the floor. He went down in a tangle of curses and limbs, fumbling for purchase against a wall that had suddenly ceased to exist, alongside most of the room itself.

Jerking upright, he fixed the interloper with his most menacing glower.

"Just what the hell...?"

By the time Logan finished righting himself and turned back to find the meddlesome interloper, Naruto had inexplicably conjured himself up a bar. An actual BAR, of all things. Counter and glasses, complete with a number of red stools-and a healthy dose of liquor-the demonic blond was presently amusing himself by uncorking a fresh bottle. He'd even donned something of an apron, which Logan noted with grim satisfaction, looked even more ridiculous over those gaudy robes of his. If he was trying to play the fool, he was doing a damn good job of it...if one ignored the blatant breach of reality just now.

That...none of that had been there before.

As if the blond had simply rewritten reality and pulled one place from another.

Just what in the hell was he?

...well, shit."

"What'll it be, bub?" Naruto grinned, flashing pearly white teeth. "Whiskey or ale? Maybe a bit of gin? Or sake? I recommend the latter."

Well.

That settled it.

Obviously, he was still dreaming.

He had to be dreaming, because none of this made any damn sense!

Still, if this was a dream the very leas the could do was make it a decent one.

...whiskey." he relented, pulling up a seat.

"Ah, excellent choice." the deity trilled.

That led Logan to another question.

...what are you, really?"

"God, in a sense." the blond laughed, pouring a fresh glass. "Well, not the god. Just one of many. You like this brand, right? Here." the glass sailed at him. "Catch."

It smacked into his palm with a resounding thud.

Logan reluctantly did as he was bade, warily sniffing the chilled beverage, leering at the one who'd offered it to him. It certainly smelled like beer. Shrugging, he downed it in one gulp, grimacing as the hardened liquor seared his throat. Hmm. If this really was a dream he wouldn't get drunk off something like this. And if it wasn't, well...then he had no intention of enduring it while sober.

...thanks."

A slender brow arched.

"You're welcome. Care for another?"

"What the hell. Hit me."

"On it!"

A beat of awkward silence passed between him and the impromptu bartender, broken only by that of a third glass sliding across the counter. Pausing just long enough to drain its contents, Logan took a brief moment to ponder how it had come to this in the first place and shot the horned youth a dark glower. For his part, Naruto merely waved back and slid him another. Logan half snatched at it wearily and knocked it back, only to find another had taken its place when he wasn't looking.

A heaving sigh shook his shoulders.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were fucking with me."

"This really isn't a dream, ya know." his host informed him as he polished off a fifth round. "Although, I'm not surprised you think it is. Still, are you ready to talk now?"

...no."

"Logan."

"Fuck off."

Even with the potent alcohol warming his belly, Wolverine remained stubborn. He wasn't willing to write off the blond's persistence. A dream thought this might well be-the alternative meant he was losing what was left of his mind-he still found he held an intense dislike for the horned stranger. After all, he'd barged in, woken him up, and now he was serving drinks and wanted to talk?

What kind of bullshit day was this?

"It hurts me to see you banged up like this Logan." Naruto said. "Really. It does. You've shut everyone out." he hummed aloud, absently pouring himself another drink. "And the worst part? None of this is your fault. Not really." with a small sigh he drained the glass and set about getting another. "So you fucked up a couple of times? Made a few mistakes? Who hasn't? For me, the stakes are higher. I've screwed up and wiped out entire universes. Try living with that shit. You, you're trying to protect the old man as best you can now, but you just can't bring yourself up to muster. Wouldn't it be easier if someone lightened your load? Just a bit? You look like you could use a friend."

That remark stung more than he cared to admit.

Refusing to relinquish an answer he stood, slamming his final empty glass down on the bar. Odd. Standing usually required something of an effort from him these days. His body felt...light. As if all the weight of the last few years had suddenly evaporated. Just how much had he had to drink, anyway? Frowning, he shook the errant thought off and pushed himself off the bar, ignoring the horned mutant's ineffectual protest as he did. He needed to get the hell out of here. To go...somewhere. Anywhere that wasn't here with this infuriating kid.

"Look, whoever you are, thanks for the drinks, but I don't need your help. Besides. None of this is real."

Before the blond could get a word in edgewise he turned and stalked away from him.

"But I've already helped you." Naruto called at his back. "Why stop now?"

Logan froze, realizing he'd been had, and turned.

"What did you do?"

"Everything."

"Oh, put the claws away, drama queen." the self-professed traveler snorted dismissively, waving him away. "I didn't do anything. That whiskery you've been drinking, though? A little something I concocted in my spare time. It should solve that pesky poison problem and free up your healing factor. As to the rest, well, that's just me meddling with your body while ya slept. I may have spun the clock back a decade or so, took some of that old grey out of your hair. Try looking in a mirror some time; ya might like what ya find." a lone blue eye twinkled over his shoulder. "What, haven't you noticed-UGACH!"

Whatever else he might've said died as Logan sailed over the bar and tackled him, drilling his body to the floor with a roar.

"You bastard!" It took all Logan had just to restrain himself and hold him down; not to drive his claws through the young man's throat, "I didn't ask for this!"

"You should be grateful!" Naruto shot back, swallowing thickly. "I just saved your life!"

"I don't WANT to be saved!"

"TOO DAMN BAD!"

Before he could react, the blond tucked his legs into his chest and bucked.

In his younger days, Wolverine had taken many a mighty blow from mutants and villains alike; some of whom styled themselves as gods.

He'd survived those blows.

This was worse.

The sheer force of Naruto's abrupt kick launched Logan across the room with such speed that he physically felt the air ignite around him. That was before he slammed into a wall. Through the wall. He struck the ground and raw momentum dragged him across it, sending him tumbling across the enclosure, bits of metal and stone tearing at his skin. A bone-rattling crunch informed him that something had given in his back and he felt it realign almost instantly against a blaze of pain. Well. That answered the dream question now...didn't it? You shouldn't be able to feel pain when you were dreaming.

Squinting against the harsh sunlight, Logan righted himself with an effort and forced his body up on a knee.

'Well...shit. That actually hurt.'

He'd barely made it to his feet before a wall of concussive force slammed forward and flattened him again.

What in the hell...?

"LOGAN!"

Oh.

Naruto was already climbing out of the hole as he clawed his way upright, eyes wild and bright.

"Is this the only thing you understand anymore?!" voice booming like Thor's mighty thunder, he spread his arms wide and snarled, baring sharpened teeth. "Violence?!" With a twist of the wrist he tore the upper half of his bloodied robes away, exposing a still-healing torso laced with rough scars. "Is it? Huh?!" his voice echoed, beckoning in challenge. "C'MON, THEN! COME AND GET ME! Kill me! Show me the beast you are, and I'll knock some sense into you!"

To his dismay, Wolverine felt something in him stir at those words.

Berserk.

There it was, the old rage creeping up again, threatening to strangle all reason. After all these years, he'd nearly forgotten what it felt like. The burning, all-encompassing rage. Even now, he found his vision staining itself was going red, all the anger and frustrations of years gone by building, compounding painfully. His back hunched over, claws scraping the ground. His body started forward, a slow stride at first, then with ever increasing speed, all the while aching to cut into the one responsible for all this. Cut, rend, tear him to little pieces, rip him apart for making him feel like this again...!

Lost in years of rage, Logan did the only thing he could think to do.

He lunged.

The series of events that followed were never something Logan would remember with perfect clarity; it was all a stitch of bloodstained sounds and images that made little sense and offered no answers. Even in his most clear moments, he could only ever clearly recall cutting, slashing, hacking with wild abandon and the sensation of the same being done unto him. But in the end, when all was said and done and the dust had cleared, he found himself sprawled on the ground, unable to move. The searing rage depleted, his body exhausted.

Naruto was right there beside him, covered in countless wounds of his own.

Logan turned his head in quiet confusion.

At some point the sun had dipped well past the horizon, and now the chill of night came.

"Fucking hell...

"Satisfied?" the blond wheezed out. "Damn, you just wouldn't go down...fucking healing factor...

By way of answer, Logan started to climb back to his feet.

"Will you fucking stop?! I didn't come here to fight you!"

Snarling, the deity shoved him away.

"You ought to thank me!"

"Thank you?" he growled, climbing to his feet, "Whaddya mean you-

He paused, inhaling reflexively.

Gone.

It was gone; the crippling cough that had plagued him pain these last few years...it wasn't there anymore. He didn't experience so much as the slightest sensation of pain. Even now he could feel his wounds mending; gashes stitching themselves shut. That should be impossible. He stopped healing long ago. And yet...

"Who the hell are you?" he growled in disbelief.

Naruto growled back.

"I believe what would be more appropriate. Think of me as...an interloper." the blond ground out, looking him in the eye without fear, his grin broadening. "A meddler. Someone who doesn't want to see your story end."

"Yeah, well too damn bad."

"I could give you Jean Grey, you know." the horned youth offered suddenly. "Whole. Intact. As she was before you killed her."

Logan nearly stabbed him again.

The offer, so casually dangled before him, hurt more than any blade ever could.

"Bullshit."

"You're right." the deity admitted, dusting himself off. "I won't. Not like that. Just ripping her out of the afterlife and giving her to you? In this day and age? She'd lose her mind. That'd be cruel. I can give you something better. A life. One that doesn't end with you in the ground grieving over your mistakes. One that ends with you and Jean living the life you always wanted. I only ask for one thing in return."

"Impossible."

"I've done all kinds of impossible things." Naruto guffawed, slapping the table. "I've walked on the surface of the sun, annihilated entire alien races, traveled the multiverse, ended wars, started a few. Even helped the Mother of Dragons conquer a continent, once. Right." He palmed his face, laughing. "You have no idea who that is. What I'm saying is this. "One day." Naruto raised a finger, beaming. "That's all. Give me twenty-four measly hours of your time and then, if you still want me gone, I'm gone. That's all I ask. Help Who knows? It might save your life."

"And if I refuse?"

Naruto merely laughed at him.

"I'm not taking no for an answer this time, Logan." the specter smiled, extracting a card from one of his voluminous sleeves. "Do you go by that anymore?" he tilted his head, considering the first, the second, and the third. "Or is Wolverine? Perhaps James Howlett? So many names." laughing, he flung up his hands with a cry, scattering the cards to the winds. "Honestly, I'm amazed you can keep track of them anymore. But I'm not here to tease ya, pal. I came to offer you an opportunity. A chance to be something more."

"Why?"

"Simple. You're not so old. So, feel like chatting, yet?"

"Got nothing to say."

Naruto scoffed.

"Oh, I think you do." sighing, Naruto set his glass down, propped his elbows on the counter, and took a seat of his own. "I think you have plenty to say."

"Prove it."

Blue eyes narrowed to thin slits.

"Ask." he challenged.

"What?"

"Ask me for something." Naruto repeated, placing his palms against the wooden counter with enough force to splinter the wood. "Anything at all. Clearly you think this is a dream, so I need to knock that out of you right quick before we go any further. The simplest way to dispel your disbelief is to prove you wrong. So, in lieu of a long, drawn out conversation...ask."

'Try wiping the smug smile off your face, asshole.'

Logan was half-tempted to tell the insufferable bastard to tear his head own head off, but he suspected that wouldn't be enough to kill him. Anyone who could take a gut shot from his claws and survive being stabbed in the heart wasn't likely to die from something as simple as decapitation. Alright, then. Fine. If this "dream" really wanted to fuck with him, then he was determined to take it all the way, if only to prove him wrong. After all, what did he have to lose.

...fine. Do you worst."

"You don't want my worst, Logan." Naruto warned. "Really, you don't."

"Try me, bub."

Naruto sighed.

"As you wish, then."

And clapped his hands.

"First stop, good ol' Transigen!"

"Wait a damn minute! What's Tra-

Too late, that, as his world lurched and spun.

When Logan looked back, he found himself staring a veritable wall of guards.

With guns.

Lots of guns.

Plenty of guns.

Did I mention the guns?

Logan cursed every deity he could think of.

"Fuck."

A/N: And there we go. I apologize if I spoiled the movie for anyone. If I didn't, go out and see it tonight! Or today, depending on your timezone. Its one hell of a movie, and this fic of mine is only an attempt to add a little more light to the dark grittiness of the movie, and, hopefully, create a happy ending for all.

So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review Would You Kindly?

And enjoy a previews!

(Preview)

"Do you seriously expect me to believe we've met before?"

Naruto offered a halfhearted shrug as Logan ran a guard through, even as he caught a hail of bullets and flung them back.

"A different version of you in a parallel universe, yes. He wasn't quite as old and prickly, but still."

"Kid, you're not helping your case...

"Hands up! Now!"

The blond did as he was bade.

"Alright! I surrender! But...good luck telling the kiddies that, bub."

Donald Pierce couldn't help himself. He turned...

...and saw.

"Shit."

R&R~!

=D