Moving to Sankt Petersburg was one of the biggest steps he ever made so far in his life. Of course, he's been living and training in Detroit for a while before going back to Japan but Russia was entirely different and that was probably because of Viktor too. It wasn't everyday that you were moving in with your idol – now fiancé – and 5 time Grand Prix gold medallist, international star. Yuuri was sometimes still finding himself thinking about what he did to deserve such a treat in life, most of those thoughts running through his mind during sleepless nights. He was happy, of course there was no doubt but he was also living with the fear that one day he was going to do something wrong and lose everything, wake up from this beautiful dream.

They arrived in Russia in a cold December day and all he could remember was the fast-beating rhythm of his heart and the tingling sensation he had all over because of the wind. The Russian winters were famous but he never thought people could survive such temperatures. He felt his face warming up at Viktor's clear laughter when the older man saw his shaking frame and took gently his hand in his, promising they will be "home" soon. He looked down at the intertwined fingers, his other hand holding part of his luggage and smiled under the knitted scarf his mother made for him. The rest of his stuff was going to arrive later that week, he was carrying only his travelling bag and enough clothes to last him a few days. They took a cab and he felt unsettled because he couldn't figure out what Viktor was speaking with the driver; he kept staring outside the small window, wondering how he will manage to adapt in this huge metropolis.

"We're here, Yuu-ri!" Viktor sang his name with a smile while they were climbing the stairs of what seemed a very fancy apartment complex. "It's the 8th floor, don't forget that"

"O-okay" The Japanese stuttered, his brows furrowing and making him look unbelievably cute in the eyes of his lover.

"Don't be so tense!" The silver-haired man grinned, wrapping an arm around Yuuri's lower back, enjoying the sound the elevator made once they reached their floor. He unlocked the door, chuckling at Makkachin's enthusiasm and as soon as the door opened the poodle sprung inside and he had to drag his fiancé inside. "It's freezing; the heat was off for months now." His icy blue eyes were worried. "I am sorry, lyubov moya!" By the time Yuuri's brain processed the words and his blush deepened, Viktor was already undressing his coat and getting his shoes off.

"Don't worry" he mumbled and unwrapped the scarf, curious about the following events. He remembered reading a magazine when he was in Detroit about Viktor Nikiforov's place. Phichit and he have been spending their entire day off fangirling so it was impossible to lose this article - it contained various pictures of the place and some comments of its owner. As soon as you stepped in you were taken aback by the skater's luxurious taste (which was not a secret anymore): it was not obscenely big but it was beautifully decorated and the furniture was very expensive by the look of it. The colours were predominantly warm and they gave you a cozy feeling about the space.

"Spacing out already?" Yuuri realized he was staring so he covered the awkwardness with a false laughter.

"Jet lagged" Viktor pouted and went closer to wrap his arms around the younger male, burying his face in his black hair. He smelt fresh, minty and Yuuri breathed in the scent, trying to chase the bad thoughts away.

"I'll give you a mini-tour before letting you sleep" There was one bedroom with a walk in closet and a guest room, two bathrooms, a small kitchen and a living room, all of them surprisingly well kept and beautifully decorated.

Yuuri was shifting his weight from one foot to another so it was clear there was something on his mind.

"Where should I sleep?" Should he take the guest room or maybe the living room? He couldn't ask to sleep with Viktor, could he? Viktor frowned, this nervousness was not characteristic.

"In my bedroom, of course" His frown turned into a grin as he got closer to the blushing Japanese. "Don't you want to sleep with me, Yuuri?!" he said dramatically, placing a hand over his heart. "You wound me, my little katsudon"

"I-" Yuuri raised both hands. "Didn't mean to" He said and went to tug on Viktor's shirt gently.

"I'm teasing you" The Russian pouted and then pressed a kiss to his lover's forehead. "Go and take a shower and I will prepare the bed for sleeping" The younger man nodded and after picking some things he needed from his bag he ran the shower, careful not to put Viktor's things in a different place than they already were. It was a big bathroom, the one connected to the bedroom and it was filled with products. No wonder Viktor's hair was always so shiny and his skin so soft, Yuuri smiled to himself, looking around while drying his body. If someone would have thought he was going to live with his idol a year ago, he would have laughed in their face but he was really there and it felt like a dream.

"Viktor, I'm done" He said when he entered the bedroom and saw his fiancé was not there.

"The dryer is on the nightstand, are you hungry?" Viktor's voice was muffled. He was not hungry, he was very very tired and still feeling a little sick from the flight and from the sudden chance.

"No, I want to sleep" He heard steps and Viktor came in.

"Okay, me too" He took his shower next and meanwhile Yuuri changed into an old black shirt he was wearing to sleep and a pair of sweatpants, cuddling Makkachin when she jumped on his side of bed. He was a little self-conscious because even if they were engaged, they haven't ever gone further than making out and sleeping together might just change that. Viktor was a heartbreaker, he was speculated to have had many relationships with other people on and off ice which was intimidating for someone as inexperienced as Yuuri. And why would Viktor want him from all people he could have? He was mediocre-looking, was not a genius skater and nothing about his character was outstanding; he was deep in thought about that while rubbing Makkachin between his ears when Viktor came inside the bedroom wearing a gray t-shirt with a deep v-line and some large pants. Makkachin jumped off the bed and hurried towards her owner, making the lattest pet her lovingly. "That's my good girl"

Yuuri smiled and picked his phone to text Mari about his arrival. He didn't want to think about the lump in his throat so he opened his Instagram and liked a few of Phichit's selfies. His best friend sure was fond of pictures.

When arms wrapped around him he jumped startled but welcomed the kiss that followed.

"Under the covers, Yuuri, you're freezing" the Russian spoke in Japanese, his voice tender. It was indeed very cold so they both got under the many layers of blankets, snuggling close to each other. Viktor picked Yuuri's glasses to put them away and Makkachin jumped on the bed, settling down at their feet. "Are you okay?" A nod. "I'm so happy you're here with me, solnyshko" An entire wall of the bedroom was covered with prizes and medals from ice skating competition and even in the night they were lit by cars passing by. Yuuri couldn't sleep.

He was feeling Viktor's usually cold hand wrapped around his middle and his hot breath falling on his neck.

"Viktor?" his voice was small. The older skater struggled to get up, looking at his partner.

"What's the matter?"

"I love you" He whispered as if it was a secret, earning a sincere and big smile.

"I love you too, Yuuri" His soft lips pressed against chopped ones, head slowly leaning to a side. It was not as passionate as they usually kissed, it was slow and sweet, as if it was a confirmation of the words just spoken. Their breaths were hitched when they parted and Viktor placed another peck on Yuuri's cheek before resting his forehead against his. "I'm so lucky to have you"

Yakov was a tyrant, not that it was something he didn't already know and as hardworking as he was, he was surprised how the others were handling the pressure. The one that was slacking off the most was Viktor, who was attacked every half an hour by the coach's yells, when Yuri was not on the phone. Everyone was friendly and as "interesting" as they seemed, they were good people, acting as if they've known him forever.

He was done around 4 P.M. so he hurried to the lockers where he found the Russian Punk on a wooden bench, one knee close to his chin, fingers typing furiously.

"Hey, Yurio" he tried and began to untie his shoelaces. A blonde head snapped at him.

"That's not my name!" It was a standard answer, if someone would have woken him up in the middle of the night and called him Yurio, the answer would have come automatically. The Japanese man changed soon and went closer to his much younger friend.

"Who are you texting?" Ocean green eyes widened at his question.

"None of your business" Okay, he was not going to insist. "Otabek Altin" The voice was small and Yuuri smiled at that. "He's my friend" It was unusual to see Yuri talk so innocently about something, it looked like this friendship was really important to him.

"He's from Kazakhstan, right?" The blonde nodded.

"He's visiting soon" It was clear the teen was conflicted. "Friendships are weird" He was ready to tell that he was there in case he needed advice but didn't get the chance because arms wrapped around him and the blonde ranted about how gross they were while walking out.

"Viktor" Yuuri whined, his face red.

"Yes, love?" The silver-haired man was obvious to the stares of Georgi who just entered the lockers. A hand pushed him away and it was his turn to whine. "You wound me, Yuuri!" Damn, was this man extra. "Want to have dinner with the others?"

"S-sure" There was nothing wrong with that... excepting the fact that the conversation slowly turned from English to Russian and he was sitting awkwardly and staring at them, hearing familiar words from time to time. In Russian Viktor was even louder and that made him smile amused, leaning closer to the person in cause.

They took a cab on the way home and once they arrived Yuuri hurried to the bathroom, leaving Viktor behind with Makkachin. The bathroom was now holding his products too – sure, they were not as expensive as Viktor's but they were all he needed. The apartment was slowly becoming his too and it was a weird feeling.

When he entered the bedroom he saw it was empty and went to the kitchen where he found Viktor opening a bottle of red wine.

"Drink a glass with me" The man offered with a smile, pouring the liquid in two glasses.

"Okay" He was not holding his alcohol good and everyone knew that but one glass of wine couldn't hurt anyone. He was getting a lot more comfortable around Viktor but there was a small voice inside his head whispering to him how undeserving he was. He sipped on the wine and sat on the sofa, followed by the other man and the dog that rested her head in his lap.

"Have you talked to your parents lately?" He was surprised to hear this question.

"I called them last night" Yuuri said and Viktor nodded.

"I miss Japan and katsudon and Yuutopia" The Russian whined and rested his head against the sofa, petting Makkachin with his free hand.

"What about your parents?" The question fell hard in the quiet room and Yuuri observed Viktor's icy blue eyes widening and his spine straightening causing his entire body to look tense. He realized he shouldn't have asked that – he couldn't remember to have read anything about his family, he was never answering anything on this topic. Viktor's eyes were watching him intensely and for a moment he thought he did the unforgivable. Makkachin barked. "I-I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me"

Viktor shifted in his place and Makkachin grew nervous.

"Sit, girl" The Russian whispered gently, making his pet listen and settle back down on the cushion.

"Viktor" Yuuri tried anxious.

"Don't apologize, Yuuri" On Viktor's face grew a huge fake smile and a lump settled inside the Japanese's throat.

"Don't do that"

"What?"

"Tell me you don't want to talk about it but don't act like this" His tone was a little louder than he intended and Makkachin barked again, her black eyes following them.

"Good, I don't want to talk about it. Satisfied?" He got up with a straight face and after he placed the glass of wine on the counter he walked down the hall to the bedroom where he closed the door behind him. Yuuri was dumbfounded, his brain barely processing what was going one. He just managed to piss Viktor off, for the first time since they moved to Russia and he had no idea how he could mend it. Of course he would say something stupid to destroy everything. When Makka jumped off the couch he felt his panic grow and he looked around desperate for something.

The balcony was soothing him when he was having a panic attack. Feeling the cold air always calmed him down but he couldn't reach the balcony now, he felt his heartbeat increasing and tears flooding his eyes. He fucked things up. You don't deserve to be here. Viktor would be better without you. You're dead weight in his life. He began to shake and soon the walls seemed to close on him so he dropped the glass, breaking it in many pieces and splashing wine all over the floor and carpet.

Back in the bedroom Viktor jumped off the bed when he heard the noise. He left his phone aside and walked down the hall, deciding to apologize because he's been so mean. Of course Yuuri couldn't read minds and find out how much he pushed the idea of his parents in the back of his mind. When he saw the red drops all over the floor he hurried, scared that it could be blood. He's been gone for more than ten minutes now.

"Yuuri?" He hurried towards the place where the younger man was curled in a ball, shaking like crazy on the too-big looking couch. He's never seen Yuuri like this, not even back in China – he looked completely demolished. He knelt by the sofa and rubbed his lover's back gently. "Love, look at me" he whispered slowly, trying to make Yuuri understand. "I am sorry I snapped, please look at me"

The Japanese man moved slightly, turning his face towards worried blues.

"That's it, baby" Viktor cooed and grabbed Yuuri's hand in his, squeezing the fingers lovingly. "I am sorry" The sobs kept going, turning the younger skater's face into a swollen red mess, his glasses forgotten beside him.

"I-I'm sorry" he managed finally and Viktor sighed.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, I behaved badly. It's already hard on you and you don't need arguments." The tone was desperate. "Please stop crying" Fingers began to caress warm cheeks and to wipe tears away.

"I should go back to H-hasetsu" Viktor's heart sunk at the words.

"What?" He bent to kiss Yuuri's hand. "I need you here, please don't leave." He took a big breath. "I'll tell you everything you want to know – please, lyubov moya" His eyes began to water at the mere thought of losing Yuuri. "I've been so lonely until I've met you, I won't... I can't go back to that" His voice broke at the end, making his fiancé to rise in a sitting position and look at the man in front of him.

"I" he whispered. "I only hurt you" He grabbed a fistful of his hair and began to pull desperately. "I hate myself"

Viktor couldn't believe his ears. He knew his lover had anxiety and self esteem issues but he could not believe he was not seeing how wonderful he truly was.

"I love you" He got up and pulled the trembling frame in his arms, stopping the other's hurtful motion. "I love you so so much and you make me so happy. Nothing compares to you, not gold medals, not skating" Yuuri buried his face in the shoulder close to him, inhaling the familiar smell. He couldn't believe what he just heard but soon Viktor pulled him in his lap and began to murmur sweet words in his ear, letting him calm down while taking big breaths. It took what felt like hours until Yuuri's anxiety faded and once it did he felt exhausted.

He felt a little embarrassed but he didn't want to leave the embrace. Viktor was warm and comfortable.

"Better?" The silver haired man asked before kissing Yuuri's forehead.

"Yes, tired" he mumbled and nuzzled the other man's shirt.

"You're not leaving anymore, are you?" The arms squeezed his waist.

"Not if you don't want me to"

"Never" Viktor whispered gently, placing a kiss on the closest cheek. "Sleepy?" A nod was all he needed to pick Yuuri up and walk towards the bed where he slowly put him, deciding on joining. Makkachin followed them, settling on her own bed, close to theirs. He then remembered the glass on the floor and the possibility of Makka swallowing them and getting hurt so he jumped up, seeing the alarmed picture on Yuuri's face. "I'll go clean the floor"

He didn't need another episode with his fuzzy friend sick so he made sure every remain of the glass was gone before going back to the bedroom. His lover was still awake so he snuggled closer and wrapped his arms around his body.

"Go to sleep, solnyshko" But brown eyes didn't close. "You really scared me earlier, I thought I've broken you" His voice was worried and Yuuri got up to see him better.

"You couldn't, Viktor" he gasped. "You're.. I love you" He was short on words but the ones he spoke made the Russian smile and lean for a slow and long kiss.

"I have a short temper and I am spoiled" Everyone could see that. "But I'll tell you everything you want to know" He gulped but his fiancé was chewing on his bottom lip.

"Not now"

"Then what do you want now?" The question was curious and genuine.

"To hold you" Yuuri mumbled and cuddled closer, tightening his grip around Viktor's torso, oblivious of the older man's blush.

"You sure are something else" Viktor chuckled, holding even tighter on his fiancé. He knew they had a lot to figure out but he was sure they were going to take baby steps and be alright.

A/N: Thank you for reading! x