One day, Mari Ohara was horny. That's it. No bullshit, no excuse plot, no Applied Phlebotinum, nothing. Our dear Italian lemon just had an itch to scratch, and that itch just so happened to be between her legs. Mari walked along the beach, sighing to herself.

"Oh, me infelice!" She sighed hotly, throwing her head back dramatically. "Where can I find a bel stallone to fottimi insensate?" Then she saw her, rising slowly from beneath the waves, her wetsuit glistening like glitter that some dumb kid dumped all over the table and now I have to clean it up, goddammit Kevin, stop doing this. Anyway, she tossed her long blue hair like a model in a shampoo commercial, droplets of water flying off because they weren't pure enough for her pure beauty. She opened her eyes, her shining amethyst orbs connecting with Mari's golden ones for a single, brief moment, only just long enough to communicate one simple message: let's fuck.

"Kanan-chan," Mari moaned wantonly, running up to Kanan and leaping into her arms. No time was wasted as their lips locked together in a passionate battle of tongues. Saliva spilled from the corners of their mouths as they explored each other's moist caverns, gasping and moaning like a pair of horny teenagers (wait isn't that a bit redundant?) and pulling their bodies so close they were almost fused together. Finally they both realized that humans need oxygen to survive, so they slowly and reluctantly pulled apart. "Scopami, Kanan-chan," Mari whimpered sexily.

"Are you sure?" The blunette implored gently, still holding the blonde in her buff, strong arms.

Mari moaned. "It's not joke, Kanan-chan," She panted seductively before grabbing the massive bulge protruding from Kanan's crotch.

Mari slid down Kanan's body, not because that's sexy or anything but because she's wearing a goddamn wetsuit. Those things are slippery. Anyway, she soon found herself face-to face with the blunette's rock hard abs. She ran a hand along them, and she could immediately tell that these things were they real deal. These abs were what a block of carbon steel wants to be when it grows up. If Superman punched these abs he'd break his hand, they were that solid. Mari kissed Kanan's abs through her wetsuit, ignoring the fact that the wetsuit was wet and tasted like seawater. Kanan growled, and her erection continued to strain against her wetsuit, poking Mari in the chest as if to say Hey, what are you doing with those abs? Pay attention to me, I'm the main attraction here! Mari seemed to get the message as she went lower, unzipping the zipper on the crotch of the wetsuit and letting Kanan's beef stick spring free. In this AU wetsuits have zippers on their crotchital vicinities. Just roll with it.

"Wooooow, you have a really nice pavone!" Mari yelled excitedly as she admired Kanan's rather impressive love muscle. It was about thirteen inches long and four inches thick, which would probably be terrifying if it was real. Fortunately this is a fanfiction so this is actually considered sexy. Kanan let out a small moan as Mari licked away a tiny bit of prenut from the swollen purple tip. She began to gently jerk Kanan off with both hands as she opened her mouth as wide as she possibly could and somehow managed to stuff about four inches of Kanan's yogurt shotgun into her hungry maw.

"Ohh, Mari…" Kanan growled lustfully. The blunette began to lightly thrust her hips, gently fucking the blonde's mouth with her monster dong. Mari seemed to be trying to say something, but she was having a little trouble because her mouth was full of cock. Kanan ignored her and started thrusting harder. Mari seemed to sigh around Kanan's meat before taking a few more inches into her mouth. Somehow. She ran her tongue along the base of the organ, savoring its taste. Since it had spent an inordinate amount of time in a soaked wetsuit it tasted like seawater. Still kinda sexy, at least in Mari's opinion. She began to gently suck as she bobbed her head in tandem with Kanan's thrusts, making wet squelching noises as her saliva mixed with precum and the seawater dripping off the blunette's body. Kanan grabbed Mari's hair as the blonde took even more of the massive hot dog in. "Oh Mari, Mari!" Kanan cried delightedly. "I'm coming!" The blunette threw her head back as her orgasm ripped through her like Disney ripped through my heart when they shut down Lucasarts. A massive wad of baby gravy shot out of Kanan's really great whangdoodle and went straight down Mari's throat. Kanan let out a long, strangled moan, kinda like the sound someone might make after being punched in the stomach. She stood completely still for a moment, drool running down her chin as her orgasm fucking scrambled her brain. Finally she looked down to see Mari drinking the last drops of creamy milk stout from her beer can. She released Kanan's flesh flute from her mouth, one more spurt of alfredo sauce landing on her face.

"Mm! Delicioso!" Mari chirped happily as she licked the sperm smoothie off her face.

"That was…amazing," Kanan grunted contentedly. "Here. Let me pay you back."

"Oh no no no," Mari protested strongly, "You don't need to-" Too late. Kanan had already scooped her up in her lovely buff arms and now had her sitting on her shoulders, her hairy beaver right in front of her face. Oh yeah, Mari's not wearing any panties. Kinda forgot to mention that.

"How do you say it in Italian?" Kanan wondered teasingly. "Oh yes, buon appetito." And with that, she dug into Mari's Italian beef sandwich, served wet.

"Oh, oh Kanan-chan! Dov'è il bagno!" Mari keened hotly as Kanan's mouth muscle probed the depths of her moist love channel, swishing around and sending pleasure shooting through Mari's nerves like steroids through a professional baseball player's bloodstream. Kanan moaned into Mari's fish taco as she breathed in its scent. It reminded her of the ocean, which she loved almost as much as the Italian beauty whose carpet she was currently munching. She pressed deeper into the bearded clam, her nose brushing against the precious pearl. Mari cried out in ecstasy as Kanan's cunning linguist brushed against her special spot over and over and over again, like repeatedly poking an angry cat until it finally has enough of you and swipes at you with its claws before running away. And the claws of Mari's kitty were starting to swipe. And by claws I mean love juices. And by swipe I mean gush. That wasn't a very good metaphor, was it?

"Ohhhh, chiama la polizia, Kanan-chan!" Mari howled ecstatically as clam juice continued to flow from her love tunnel, splashing Kanan's face as she continued to eat her pink oyster. Kanan moaned as she drank up every drop. It tasted like seawater. Kanan loved seawater. Slowly she lowered the still-twitching blonde onto the sand below them, reluctantly pulling away from her squirting meat flower and crawling up to meet her face to face.

"Did that feel good?" Kanan inquired softly. Mari didn't even answer. She just pulled the blunette's face down for another round of tongue wrestling.

"Kanan-chan…" Mari whispered lewdly as they broke apart. "Si prega di mettere il salame in tasca pane!"

Kanan lined her thundersword up with Mari's hot pocket, the tip spreading her open like that one picture of the guy doing the thing with his ass. You know the one. Anyway, they both gazed deeply into each other's orbs before Kanan shoved her massive hambone into Mari's tunnel of love. They both cried out in delight in the moment their sweaty bodies fused together perfectly. "Oh, Mari…oh, you're so tight, babe, ohhhh…" Kanan rumbled contentedly, slowly pulling her baby arm partway out. "Ohh, oh Mari!" Kanan shouted pleasurably as she slammed into Mari's hidey hole in a way that should have killed or at least critically injured her, but didn't because reasons.

"Ohh, Kanan-chan, oh! Your biroldo feels so good inside my canolli!" Mari yelled needily as Kanan continued to take her on a one-way trip to pound town.

"Oh, Mari, I'm so close!" Kanan gasped erotically, speeding up her thrusts. Her mayo cannon was now pushing past the lips of Mari's womb, which is probably making you cringe but remember, fanfiction. They're gonna be okay. Anyway, they both continued to moan like dying giraffes as Kanan's hips accelerated to the point where they were basically just a blur.

"Oh, Kanan-chan! KANAN-CHAN! Il mio aeroscafo è pieno di anguille! I'm comiiiiing!" Mari screamed orgasmically as she orgasmed. She felt like she was being hit by a freight train, in a good way.

"Oh, Mari, me too! Ohhhhhhhhh!" Kanan bayed animalistically as she shot a massive load of hot baby batter into Mari's waiting womb, causing it to swell up like a balloon, which probably shouldn't be happening but whatever. The two of them continued to lie on the beach as they rode out their orgasms, still screaming each other's names. Little did they know that someone was watching them.

Dia Kurosawa slid back behind the snackbar, still completely disgusted, mortified, embarrassed, and yes, slightly aroused by what she just witnessed. She stared off into the distance, the image of her two friends locked together like that burned into her mind forever. She took a few moments to breath before she calmed down slightly. "Why am I friends with them?" She asked herself as she started to go home so she could vent her frustrations by writing NozoEli fanfiction.

The end.

I'm never writing KanaMari again.