The Deserted Journey
Swirling clouds. Above, around, in and out; their colors unknown. Un seeable? Maybe. Biting cold. Loneliness. Truth...the awful truth. "But the truth will set you free". But the truth is my prison. Running. Sweat glistens from my forehead. Keep...going...almost there...Where is there? Stop. The wind blows about; dust and grime stick to me. No. They are I. Go on? Why. Why do I go on-onwards is where I must be perhaps. Images, frightening, disgraceful. You did this. All this. The blame. Is the blame on me? Why is it on me? How did I do it all! Damaged, I'm scared. Alone. Alone always. Will they come? No, to long already. He says they are dead. Are they really? Should I believe him? Why. Why me.
"Because no one else can."
Can? Or will?
"It is your choice."
But if I don't, what will happen if I, if I say no? Can I end it?
"Insignificant. Pointless. Replaceable. You are all these things. Why waste time? Why fight the unavoidable and accept your fate."
Fate. Is it all in fate's plan? Death, destruction. Innocence ripped apart, naivety obliterated. All that was mine...was it ever? Fate. Is fate hell then?
"Why waste time with such questions. No matter. It will happen with or without you. Unimportant. You are a disease. You will be erased. A mistake repeated. Never again. It won't happen. No." Finality.
My choice. But is it really? What can I do other wise. Pain. Torture. Attack. I'm splitting apart. It tears at me. My mind and body, both violated, raped of their goodness. Gone. Life. To live is to die. All have their time, so why do I fight it. To fight; my fight. But is it really mine? A fight. The world's fight. On my shoulder's. Fight. Kill. Enemy. Protect. Protect whom?
"Insignificant. All you do, all that will be done. Insignificant. All will be to ashes. Gone."
Hate. Do I hate him? Feelings...so strange...numb. So numb; Oh GOD the pain.
"Tell me, and it is over. No more. Peace."
Again. He does it again. Taunts me with freedom. To grasp it would be so easy...so easy. Why not? Nothing to lose and everything to gain. Pain. No more. Gone. Could it be? I'm loosening. No. I won't. May I be taken to hell if I do! No.
"Foolish child. Have you still not learned? I am in control. Choose. You shall lose. Triumph will not be yours."
Peace. I pray for it. No. I will not. No. It is mine. MINE!!!! Screams. Shrieks. Horrible sounds. Putrid burning. Flesh. Blood. Something will die today. Mine. My blood. My pain. My flesh. Attacks...Attacks whom? The enemy. Slice. Metal brushing bone. More shrieks. Heat, burning heat; flesh, my flesh. Peels, why does it peel? It can take no more. But it's mine. MINE! Victory,....mine...mine? Yes. Why? I am...strong?
"No. Weak. Lose. Die. End. Darkness. The abyss calls, yet you evade. Fate. DESTINY!"
Cries. Helpless cries. Me? No...us. Us. How can I be 'us'? Nonsense. Truth. The same things; Freedom-prison. Same things as well. Your prison locks your freedom, yet your freedom imprisons you. Air. Light...cool, refreshing. Victory...mine. Behind me. Can't go back. Must move on, I must go on. I won the battle. The enemy, the enemy is gone. But it won the war; for now.
Swirling clouds. Above, around, in and out; their colors unknown. Un seeable? Maybe. Biting cold. Loneliness. Truth...the awful truth. "But the truth will set you free". But the truth is my prison. Running. Sweat glistens from my forehead. Keep...going...almost there...Where is there? Stop. The wind blows about; dust and grime stick to me. No. They are I. Go on? Why. Why do I go on-onwards is where I must be perhaps. Images, frightening, disgraceful. You did this. All this. The blame. Is the blame on me? Why is it on me? How did I do it all! Damaged, I'm scared. Alone. Alone always. Will they come? No, to long already. He says they are dead. Are they really? Should I believe him? Why. Why me.
"Because no one else can."
Can? Or will?
"It is your choice."
But if I don't, what will happen if I, if I say no? Can I end it?
"Insignificant. Pointless. Replaceable. You are all these things. Why waste time? Why fight the unavoidable and accept your fate."
Fate. Is it all in fate's plan? Death, destruction. Innocence ripped apart, naivety obliterated. All that was mine...was it ever? Fate. Is fate hell then?
"Why waste time with such questions. No matter. It will happen with or without you. Unimportant. You are a disease. You will be erased. A mistake repeated. Never again. It won't happen. No." Finality.
My choice. But is it really? What can I do other wise. Pain. Torture. Attack. I'm splitting apart. It tears at me. My mind and body, both violated, raped of their goodness. Gone. Life. To live is to die. All have their time, so why do I fight it. To fight; my fight. But is it really mine? A fight. The world's fight. On my shoulder's. Fight. Kill. Enemy. Protect. Protect whom?
"Insignificant. All you do, all that will be done. Insignificant. All will be to ashes. Gone."
Hate. Do I hate him? Feelings...so strange...numb. So numb; Oh GOD the pain.
"Tell me, and it is over. No more. Peace."
Again. He does it again. Taunts me with freedom. To grasp it would be so easy...so easy. Why not? Nothing to lose and everything to gain. Pain. No more. Gone. Could it be? I'm loosening. No. I won't. May I be taken to hell if I do! No.
"Foolish child. Have you still not learned? I am in control. Choose. You shall lose. Triumph will not be yours."
Peace. I pray for it. No. I will not. No. It is mine. MINE!!!! Screams. Shrieks. Horrible sounds. Putrid burning. Flesh. Blood. Something will die today. Mine. My blood. My pain. My flesh. Attacks...Attacks whom? The enemy. Slice. Metal brushing bone. More shrieks. Heat, burning heat; flesh, my flesh. Peels, why does it peel? It can take no more. But it's mine. MINE! Victory,....mine...mine? Yes. Why? I am...strong?
"No. Weak. Lose. Die. End. Darkness. The abyss calls, yet you evade. Fate. DESTINY!"
Cries. Helpless cries. Me? No...us. Us. How can I be 'us'? Nonsense. Truth. The same things; Freedom-prison. Same things as well. Your prison locks your freedom, yet your freedom imprisons you. Air. Light...cool, refreshing. Victory...mine. Behind me. Can't go back. Must move on, I must go on. I won the battle. The enemy, the enemy is gone. But it won the war; for now.