The world was a different place at midnight, Elena reflected as she stared out her second-storey window at the deserted street below. Quieter, more pure, almost as if everything had been draped in silence, muffling all noise. The trees rustled in the wind, and the pavement glowed under the moonlight. Every human being was asleep, their windows dark, all electricity off, returning the earth to its natural state.
It was the kind of world you could live in and forget the heartbreaking choices that lay before you when the sun rose.
Elena pressed her forehead against the cool glass of the window. The cold felt good on her anxious, overheated skin. She knew that before the sun rose she would have to make a decision. She could no longer live in a world where she was hurting both the men she loved – she had to choose between Damon and Stefan, and live with the consequences of her actions.
Elena, Damon and Jeremy had gotten back from Denver about three hours ago, and she could hear her brother's steady breathing from down the hall. Jeremy had been bone-tired when Damon's car pulled up in front of the Gilbert house, and he had dragged himself upstairs, flopped on top of his covers and fallen asleep with his shoes still on, leaving Damon and Elena alone in the house. They had stood in the kitchen, Elena nervously flustering about, putting dishes away and cleaning things up, while Damon leaned against the bench lazily, just watching her.
She could feel his gaze on her. His eyes were so intense, and they stayed glued to her, tracking her movements around the room. She was aware of his presence, of the physical space he took up in the kitchen – she was always aware of him, in a way she had never been with anybody else. She couldn't help glancing at him from time to time – it was if she were drawn to him by some magnetic force, unable to stay away from him or keep her eyes from glancing in his direction. His body, lean and hard, showed clearly through the thin fabric of his black T-shirt, and she flushed, remembering what that body felt like pressed against hers.
After an excruciating eternity of loaded silence, he had stood up, and walked over to her in that slow, confident way he had. Elena thought her heart was going to explode out of her chest as he approached her and stood over her, getting right up in her personal space. They were so close they shared a breath, and he could see him looking at her lips, his eyes loaded with wanting. She knew they were both thinking about the same thing – the heated kiss they had shared at the hotel in Denver.
It had been the wildest, most passionate kiss of her life, more explosive than all the times she and Stefan had shared together combined, but she couldn't think of Stefan, not in that moment, with Damon looking at her that way, with such reckless yearning that she felt as though she was on fire.
She had tried to fight it. Don't, she had said, and Damon had challenged her, voicing the question that had been going through her mind over and over – why not?
And she had turned around, and seen him standing there, looking at her as if she was everything in the world that he wanted, and she knew in that moment that he didn't care anymore – not about Stefan, or right and wrong, or about everything that had happened before. Just her. Only her.
To see him like that, with all his defences stripped bare, the depth of his love and his longing exposed, she knew she had to kiss him, needed to kiss him, or she felt sure she would die. Shaking her head, she abandoned the inner fight that was raging inside her, and gave in to the need that was crushing her.
When their lips met, Elena felt a supernova explode between them. It was as if a spark had passed between their spirits, blazing into an inferno that melted both of their cores, changing the shape and foundation of who they were, drawing their essences together and melding into a new shape, fusing their very souls together. As Damon kissed her, she knew something irreversible at passed between them – that they were one, and always would be.
Elena gasped for breath as Damon kissed her like she was water, and he hadn't had a drink in years. His mouth moved with ferocity over hers, and all she could do was succumb to it, kissing him back with equal fervour. His body pressed against hers, and she felt the hardness of his muscles tense as he pulled her closer still to him. She hadn't realised how much she wanted this, how much she needed it – needed Damon, Damon in her arms, Damon's lips on hers, Damon's hands on her body, until she had it. And in that moment, she knew she could never go back to life without it.
She read the memory of that explosive kiss in his eyes as he looked at her, and slowly, he raised a hand to her cheek.
"Goodnight, Elena," he whispered, caressing her face, and slipped out the door before she could respond.
Elena blinked, bringing herself back to the present, standing in her bedroom with her head pressed against the window. As she steadied her breathing, the cogs in her head began to turn. She knew that after everything that had happened between them, her and Damon could never go back to being just friends again – they were too entwined now to be separated, he was too important to her to leave her life, and he held such a strong place in her heart that she couldn't not be with him in any sort of romantic way. She couldn't live without Damon, and that was an irreversible fact. But then, she realised with a sickening feeling, she would have to give up Stefan. And the thought of that loss packed such a punch she felt like she was going to vomit.
When Elena had met Stefan, she had been hardly more than a shell of herself. She was returning to school for the first time since her parents died, and she had never felt so empty or so alone. She was consumed with grief at being an orphan, wracked with guilt over what she had done to Matt, and drowning with protective concern over Jeremy, who had fallen into the wrong crowd and who had begun to dabble in drugs. In the midst of all those tumultuous emotions, she had met Stefan. He was a cool rain to her bonfire head, the calm to her storm, a balm to her chapped heart, and the promise that love could heal you. That things could be okay. The first time her brown eyes had met his green ones, she had felt something spark in her damaged heart that she hadn't felt since her parents died – hope.
Stefan gave Elena her hope back, and his gifts hadn't stopped there. He gave her a reason to want to live - he gave her laughter and joy and love. And when she had discovered his secret, and been thrown headfirst into his supernatural, deadly world, he had given her a purpose. She was the doppelganger; she was the catalyst for a series of events that changed the foundation of their world. She was important again. Stefan was her safety, her protection. And Elena was his salvation. She was the one who helped heal his pain over Katherine and the memories being back in Mystic Falls brought him.
But as they both healed as people, became whole again, things began to get between them, over and over again. It was as if the universe was trying to drive a wedge between them, over and over again. And whenever they were driven apart, Elena always managed to find herself in one place – wherever Damon was. Over and over again. And with every time Damon saved her, or every period of time they spent alone together, her feelings for his grew stronger and stronger, until they exploded that night in Denver.
Elena jolted her head back from the window with revelation. Stefan had been her deliverance, she realised. They had needed each other, like a crutch, until they could stand on their own two feet again. Stefan had healed her heart, because at the time, it was not ready to handle a love like she felt for Damon.
Stefan had been her salvation, but Damon was the mate of her soul, her magic, her forever partner. They were always meant to be together, but Stefan had taken her hand, picked her up off the floor, and guided her to him.
Saying goodbye to Stefan was going to hurt. Even now, she felt tears start to make tracks down her cheeks at the prospect of losing him – and she would lose him, she knew. He would not be able to stay in Mystic Falls and watch her be happy with his brother.
Slowly, she walked over to her bed and curled up on top of the covers, letting the sobs wrench through her body. She loved Stefan. She just didn't think she was in love with him the way she used to be, and the guilt of it was half of what was tearing her apart. As she cried, she realised there was only one person on this earth who could make her feel any better about her decision.
Quickly, eyes still blurred by tears, she picked up her car keys and headed out to where her car was parked in the driveway. She drove like a bat out of hell, her eyes still streaming with tears. Her crying hadn't stopped as she pulled up in front of the Salvatore house. She could see lights on, and knew Damon was inside. She rapped quickly on the door, and he answered, standing in the doorframe, his body framed with the flickering light from the fireplace, wearing nothing but a black pair of jeans. He was sublime.
He took in her tear-stained face with concern, and, wordlessly, he opened his arms to her. She ran into them gratefully, her head pressed against his chest, fitting perfectly. It was if they were built for each other, designed exactly by some heavenly power to curve into each other like the world's finest artwork.
He pulled her into the house, closing the door behind them, and led her over to the couch, where he sat down with her lying against him. Being in his arms, she had managed to compose herself, and she sat up, wiping the excess tears from her face.
"Is Stefan home?" She asked him.
His face darkened, and she knew he had misinterpreted the question.
"No," he said. "Unfortunately, you can't throw your weeping body into his arms, so you'll just have to make do with m-"
She leaned in and kissed him, cutting off his words. It was a gentle kiss, and she pulled away slowly, looking into his eyes. He looked back at her with wonder, and undisguised feeling.
"I have stayed awake all night, trying to make a decision," she began quietly, lying down on the couch so that they were entwined together. He looked into her face, running his hands gently through her hair as she spoke. "I thought about Stefan, about our history together, how he healed me. And then I thought about everything that drove us apart, and how I always ended up wherever you were, no matter how hard I tried to claw my way back. And then, somehow, I didn't want to claw my way back quite as much as I used to – somehow, I found myself content to be where you were. And I started to feel things that I couldn't ignore any more. Being with you is the most intense, the most passionate, the fieriest thing I have ever felt. When I'm with you, it consumes me. You're all I can think about, all that I want. When I'm touching you, I don't want to stop. And I have come to a realisation, Damon Salvatore, I have reached the only possible conclusion to all of this – I am maddeningly, passionately, completely in love with you."
When she said those words, she saw something in him change, a wall drop behind his eyes. He took her face in his hands and crushed his lips to hers, kissing her so enthusiastically that she saw stars. It was different to the kiss in Denver, but still just as heated. In Denver, he had been kissing her like he would never get the chance again, and now he was kissing her just as hard because he knew she wanted it, she loved him, and he loved her in return. In Denver he kissed her with desperation; now, he kissed her with joy.
He moved his lips down to her ear and murmured "I love you," his breath raising goosebumps on her skin. Elena felt her heart soar, and she raised his head back up to hers, catching his lips with her mouth yet again.
She felt something click into place, their souls re-joining together, and she knew she was where she was meant to be.
She was home.
So what did you guys think? I know nothing really happened, but I just really wanted to show the inner workings of Elena's mind. Please please please review and let me know what you think! xoxoxox
