Dead Kings Do not simply, Knock on your front door

But Let's forget about …. Thing and change the Pov!

Summery: Dean was dead, the shipping thing was stupid and Death liked his tea.

Pairing(s): Destiel, Sabriel, mentions of: Merthur, Sterek, Darry, Johnlock, Jack/Doc

~~~~G~~~~~~

Dean Winchester was bored.

Like 'I-wonder-If -banging-my-head-against-the-wall-will-kill-me-oh-no-wait-I'm-already-dead' bored.

and he was also dead.

"What are you waiting for? Eat." Oh yeah, did he mention that he was forced to have a fucking tea party with death and his rippers? "I had to go back in time to get this cherry cake. It's quite delicious ." Because he was.

"Uh…Sure, why not." God, this day sucked.

"So, Dean, where are we going this time?" Tessa pulled out a map out of thin air. "Hell? Heaven? Purgatory? "She asked. "You shouldn't have any problem getting in any of those. Here, Hell even sent you tickets and a letter promising a good time with an 'uncomfortable as hell' sleep while hanging by the chains and 'long, hot showers in blood'." She handed him a piece of…was that human skin?

"Or you could just stay here, enjoy your cake and wait for that angle of yours to bring you back to life." Death sipped his tea. "It's not like you're going to stay dead for long and Tessa and I do enjoy your company."

"How did you die anyway?" Tessa licked her jam covered fingers.

"That bitch murdered me." Dean Pointed at the pink, ugly monster standing in front of the class.

The ripper raised her eyebrows at him.

"Anyway" Dean waved her off. "I sure as hell ain't gonna stay here. One more look at that toad and I might go all 'VengefulSpirit' crap on her."

"Uh-huh" Death gave him another piece of cake.

"And I'm not going to Purgatory either. Finding that portal would be a bitch." He said with his mouth full.

"and hell?" Tessa sure seemed to like sending him there. He wondered If this was about the time he had accidently killed her with the first blade.

"Hell no dude! I don't need another hand print burned on my body! Who knows where Cas'll decide to grab me this time? We're visiting heaven."

"You're no fun."

"I'm hilarious. "He retorted. "So? Any one gonna walk me there?"

"I believe you know the way by now. "Death didn't even lift his head.

Shrugging, the hunter grabbed his leather jacket. "See you later then." He turned to leave.

"Hey! Dean-o!" And If he didn't know that damn voice… "Can I eat the rest of your cake?" The arch-angle's voice turned hopeful.

~~~~~~~~don'taskmeidon'tknoweither~~~~~~

Sam was bored.

Like 'I-wonder-If -banging-my-head-against-the-wall-will-kill-me-oh-no-wait-I'm-a-freagin-winchester-I –don't-know-how-to-stay-dead' bored.

And It was all thanks to Cas.

He and his brother had spent the last two weeks travelling around, trying to stop the apocalypse for the third time this year before the damn angle had suddenly appeared before them , Said hello to dean and zapped them to an ancient looking castle _ Which Sam would have loved to visit, If Satan wasn't busy following him around and constantly asking for his hand because 'They could build their very own personal hell near a lake filled with blood and dance to the screams of the damned as the world burned around them.'_ where something called a 'crossover' was going on and an old man called Dumb-bell-door Or Dumponzel as Dean liked to call him – "Dude, have you seen his beard?! We should just ask him to let it down and then Adam can climb out of the cage!" _ went around offering people lemon drops .

Then, as if it wasn't enough, He and a bunch of other teenagers –Who insisted that they weren't really teenagers but were actually adults who were de-aged much like him and his brother - had been forced to sit through this torture that was called DADA -seriously? dada?- and listen to a pink woman go on and on about 'the ministry of magic' , 'inappropriate teachers ' and some boys that apparently lied .

Seeing that none of that had anything to do with him, he had zoned out and started playing X and O with Lucy when his brother had suddenly grabbed his shoulder.

"She's not human Sammy." He'd mumbled. "She's not even looking at me, but I can feel life leaving my body."

"What is she then?" He'd whispered back.

"I don't know." Had been the tired reply. "Guess you have to find out."

And with that, he'd been once again left alone .

Now, about two hours and 200 useless websites that had nothing on 'ugly, pink, toad like monsters .' later, Sam was seriously losing his temper.

'There's nothing on creatures like her." He sighted and turned around only to … find his brother dead.

Oh, well, nothing he could do there.

~~~~~~~~~~~reviewwwwwwwww~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean moaned as his soul was forced into his body by an angry angle that he had somehow pissed while visiting Ash in heaven.

Seriously, all he had done was trying to gank him with his demon killing knife – which wouldn't have even tickled him! – and that son of a bitch had kicked him out of heaven. Stupid, spoiled angles and their 'I'm an angle you lowly human. 'speeches. Cas had reacted muuuuuch better when he had stabbed him the first time they met.

Groaning, he tried to get up only to be stopped by a wave of pain slamming into his body. Damn those winged dicks! Would it kill them to be a little gentler?

Taking a deep breath, he slowly opened his eyes and tried to take a look around without moving too much. He cursed as he realized that he was still in the classroom. Well, at least he couldn't hear the pink bitch rambling.

Good, Gabe had kept his deal.

"…-ople keep spelling my name as 'Destiel' . "

Ugh. What NOW?

Dean had just come back from dead. He had practically been murdered–for the 8th time that month - and this was the first words he was going to hear?

Destiel? SERIOUSLY?

"…-sorry but I have to tell you. Those… things are not the results of any kind of disease- "

'Believe me man, they are.' He thought.

"Oh, it is a disease alright!" another teen muttered. "There's no other way to justify 'Sterek'."

"And, how did you exactly find out what we were talking about?" A tried voice asked.

"I searched the net." He could see the 'duh'

"You searched the net? Are mental conversations between angles and warlocks usually classified as things you can find in a website?"

"I have mad Google skills."

Dean grinned. He already liked this kid.

"See, I don't like those ships any more than any of you do. Like, Johnlock? Really?! " Someone sighted.

"I know, right? I mean why would they pair me with that walking sex machine and sadistic mad-man of all people?"

Oh, so it was a ship war.

"Oh, please Doctor. You have it easy. You're the only one whose fandom's main ship isn't a gay one."

Dean felt the need to interfere "At least they don't ship you with your own fucking brother."

"Weren't you dead, like, one second ago?" A black-haired teen asked him.

"Well, yeah, I came back." remembering something, he turned to his younger brother. "Your girlfriends said hi Sammy."

Sam nodded "Next time tell them I miss them." And after a few seconds the geek finally lifted his head. "Or maybe I should pay them a visit myself? Hm… Let's go piss Lucy and Michael off. That way I can die sometime this week and then chuck will have to bring me back to stop the end of the world. again. "

"Sounds like a plan." He grinned at the taller man.

"Dean." Cas turned to him. "I still do not understand. What is Destiel?"

The hunter groaned. "Ugh, just forget it Cas."

The angle didn't seem that happy with the response. "But I…- "

"It's a combination of your names." The 'mad-google-skills' kid said.

Castiel looked confused. "Why would they combine my name with Dean's? "

"Well, It's not just about names…" The scar guy muttered. "It's -…. well it means you're in a relationship with each other, you know?" and seeing the hunter's look he quickly explained. "Not a real relationship! It just means that your…fans think you'd make a c-cute couple." He looked so uncomfortable that Dean almost felt bad for him.

Cas frowned. "But I still don't understand. What -…"

"Ugh, It's not that hard to get cassie!" Gabe throw his arms up in the air. "See, shipping works like this." And in a blink he was on Sam, grabbing his hair and kissing him.

Sam's eyes grew wide and dean nearly chocked on air. "WHAT THE HELL -"

Gabriel shrugged. "Hey, as Cas's older brother it's my responsibility to give him the talk" He wiggled his eyebrows at Dean. "Besides, you wouldn't want your boyfriend to be so… uneducated, would you?"

Dean just gaped at him.

"I don't understand." Castiel blinked. "Do I have to kiss Sam too?"

"This one is mine." Gabriel scowled at his brother. "You can kiss Dean." He turned to Sam. "And you… You're supposed to be a little more…dominant."

"Oh my God," Dean moaned. "Please stop this. now I need to wash my brain with bleach."

"Do you want me to kiss you Dea-"

"HELL NO DUDE."

"So," Crowley – where the hell did he come from?- asked. "Who's next."

"What?" The short blond one blinked.

"If the archangel kisses the moose, you and your boyfriend should at least give us a hug."

"I'M NOT GAY."

"Mine won't be that interesting." Google skills shrugged. "Derek just slams me into a wall and growls in my face or something and it'd be done."

"Neither would be mine." The doctor nodded. "Jack comes. Jack gets naked. Jack tries to flirt with me- It won't be anything new." He pointed to back of the class, where a handsome teenager was busy banging another boy.

"And there's no way I'd kiss Malfoy!"

There was the sound of someone tripping over their feet and falling down the stairs and then a panting, blond teenager came crashing through the door. "It's not like I want to sleep with you either, Potter."

"How the hell did he hear you?" Dean asked.

"He always seems to hear me." Potter shrugged.

Crowley turned to Dean. "Looks like it's your turn, squirrel."

"Should I kiss you now Dea-"

"I SAID NO DUDE."

"Oh come on." Gabriel said from Sam's lap. "We did our share, now it's your turn."

Dean glared at him. "You know that all of Sammy's shags die right?"

"Don't worry about me Dean-o" The archangel gave him a shit-eating grin. "I have a doctorate in avoiding death."

"Dean I w-"

"NO CAS." And at the angel's look he sighted. "You know what dude; why don't you just get me some pie? I'm pretty sure that counts as Destiel too."

Cas nodded and vanished.

"You know what Dean," Sam grinned at him. "That was a pretty accurate description of Destiel. Makes me wonder If you've read any fanfics."

"Shut your face Sammy." He said as he bit into his pi

"Hmm… They're right Merlin. You're too light." Said the new wet guy who'd just entered the room. "And I don't need to lift your shirt to count your ribs. They're cutting into my chainmail."

"See that Cas?" He pointed to them. "That's what we call a 'Merthur' "

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