A/N: This was a random idea that came to me and I had to write it into a fanfic. Let me know what you think. I'd like to write additional chapters if you guys like this idea. I think I can do a chapter for the fukutaichou and Espada as well. Your reviews are welcome and appreciated. =)

Disclaimer: All Bleach characters belong to Tite Kubo and I don't profit in any way from this story.

Captains' Assembly Hall. Rich mahogany panels lined the expanse of the hall. At one end of the long space sat Yamamoto-soutaichou, poised on a single wooden chair with a tall back. Along both sides of the room stood the best of the best, the captains of the Gotei 13. Well, ten of them.

Suì-Fēng, Unohana, Kuchiki, Kyōraku, Hitsugaya and Kurotsuchi stood to Yamaoto's right while Komamura, Kenpachi and Ukitake took the left. Most of them stood uninterested and none of them bothered to make small talk with one another. When gazes met, it was a small nod of acknowledgement or in Kenpachi's case, a scowl and then a grunt. At one point, Hitsugaya stole a glance at the soutaichou and his eyes were unmistakably closed. He sighed to himself. What a tiresome meeting, Hitsugaya thought to himself. He had better things to do. In fact, he was sure that the paperwork at the tenth division must be mounting by the minute if he knew his fukutaichou, and he did.

Suddenly, all heads turned as lower ranked Shinigami entered the hall, laboriously wheeling in barrows of mail into the room. They dumped their cargo into the middle in a giant heap. Because Shinigami used hell butterflies to communicate, they did not have anything akin to a postal office. When mail from the Living World arrived, they were collected and once a month, the captains met to go through them. Most of them had protested at first, claiming that such a menial task shouldn't be given to the elite members of the Gotei 13, but Yamamoto had insisted, saying that there could be sensitive information within. Eventually, it became evident that the mail received was never anything more than mere fan mail. Again, the captains raised the question of why they had to be the ones to sift through the mail, but being a rather stubborn and proud man, the soutaichou would not withdraw his initial decision. So, once a month, they met to comb through the immense mountains of fan mail addressed to the Gotei 13.

When the last of the envelopes were dropped onto the giant mound before them, the captains dived in, wasting no time at all. The contents of the letters were usually the same and could be skimmed in under a minute. Fans wrote to express their gratitude to their favourite captains or admonish them for something they didn't agree with. Pretty basic stuff; nothing extraordinary. Thus, when Hitsugaya held onto his letter for longer than a minute and his face turned a beet red, Kyōraku noticed right away and peered down to see what had captivated the young man's attention.

"Oh ho, Tōshirō-kun. Way to go!" He gave the pearl-haired boy a playful smack on his back.

All the captains, even Kuchiki (who is famously disinterested in almost everything) stopped what they were doing to turn their attention to their flustered colleague.

"It says here, this lady wants to have Shiro-kun's babies," Kyōraku divulged. Ignoring the death glare that Hitsugaya was now giving him, he continued.

"She goes into great detail about how she'd make that happen." He chuckled as he shared this.

Unohana held her kimono sleeve up and tittered behind it. Suì-Fēng and Kuchiki returned to their reading, pretending they were not even mildly amused. Komamura and Ukitake gave Hitsugaya a sympathetic smile and Kenpachi sneered.

"How come I never get mail like that?" Kyōraku pouted as he picked up another envelope.

"Kuchiki-taichou, I think this one is for you," Suì-Fēng held something up by the corner, distaste plastered across her features.

"What is it?" Kuchiki didn't even bother looking up.

"Look at it yourself," she said, flatly. She dropped the item into his hands, covering up the letter he was currently reading.

"Oh, another naked photo." Kuchiki's voice was indifferent. He tossed it causally into the growing mountain behind him.

"What?! You get naked pictures? Of women?" Kyōraku skipped over to Kuchiki and retrieved the discarded photo. He held it up and gawked at it unabashedly.

"She's a looker. How is this fair? I never get this kind of mail!" When he thought no one was looking, Kyōraku tucked it into his kimono sleeve and returned to his spot.

"Now that you mention it, what kind of fan mail do you get?" Kurotsuchi asked, curiously. This could be interesting data for his division.

"Hmmm... Mostly advice on how to gain my Nanao-chan's affections," he responded, breaking out into a hearty laugh.

"What about you, Mayuri-kun?"

Kurotsuchi bristled at the familiar way that Kyōraku addressed him.

"I don't get fan mail," he answered, without explaining himself.

Kyōraku raised an eyebrow, suddenly interested at Kurotsuchi's evasion. When he thought Kurotsuchi wasn't watching, he reached around Hitsugaya and stole a letter from his pile. His eyes widened as he read the contents. Kurotsuchi wasn't kidding; he certainly didn't receive fan mail. Kyōraku shook his head and returned the letter to the pile.

"Well?" Hitsugaya cocked his head to the side to look up at the tall goofy captain.

"It's more like hate mail," Kyōraku whispered to the boy. He caught Kurotsuchi's angry stare and quickly busied himself with the next letter.

The captains continued to pore over their fan mail (and hate mail) in silence for another hour or so. All of a sudden, Kenpachi threw a bunch of papers in the air and growled, startling everyone, even waking the soutaichou.

"I can't do this anymore! I'm bored! I wanna fight someone. Loser has to read my share." His eye gleamed with danger and crazy. The bells on the tips of his hair jingled sharply as he looked around the room, hungry for a taker.

Ukitake put a slender hand on the giant captain's arm and gave him a kind smile.

"Kenpachi-taichou, let me help you. There's no need to draw swords here," he said gently.

Kenpachi burst into loud maniacal laughter.

"Swords? There'll be no need of swords for me to beat you lot."

Kuchiki looked up from his mail, insulted by the comment. He would show him. But before he could put the aggressive captain in his place, Kenpachi had walked out of the Assembly Hall. The other captains looked to the soutaichou for his reaction, but there was none. His eyes were yet again closed and the steady rise and fall of his shoulders confirmed that he had fallen asleep again.

"Say, what kind of mail do you think Zaraki gets?" Kyōraku asked to no one in particular.

Before anyone could stop him, he had made his way across the hall to the other side where Kenpachi's mail had made random piles all around his spot. Kyōraku picked up the topmost letter from one of the piles and read aloud.

"Dear Kenpachi-sama, I think that you are a truly complicated man. Even though you appear dangerous and scary, your relationship with Yachiru-chan is adorable! I hope we get to see more of your softer side in the future. I would love to hear back from you. Please write back to me. Your loyal fan, Yu." Kyōraku looked up to see all eyes on him. Most of them had expressions of disbelief. Was this girl for real? Adorable? Soft? Kyōraku shrugged. He returned the letter back to its spot and walked over to his best friend.

"More get well cards?" Kyōraku poked through the pile of stationery behind his long-time pal.

"You know it. Our fans are too kind." Ukitake raked graceful fingers through his alabaster strands. He grinned, eyes curving.

Komamura nodded assent upon hearing Ukitake's comment.

"It's true," he added, still nodding.

"And you, Sajin-kun, what do the fans send you?" Kyōraku turned his attention to the large wolfish captain.

"I get a number of things actually. After my human form was released, I even received a few marriage proposals."

Kyōraku's jaw dropped. Komamura shrugged, nonchalantly. Suddenly, he turned to the two female captains.

"Do you ladies get marriage proposals too?"

"Oh yes, but I don't take them seriously," Unohana replied, smiling.

Suì-Fēng frowned and turned her head to the side.

"They're a nuisance," she muttered under her breath.

"Last one," Hitsugaya announced as he picked up the last envelope before them.

Everyone turned to watch as he turned it in his hand looking for the addressee.

"No name," he said, his brows knitting as he held it up to the light.

"Just open it then," Suì-Fēng said, impatiently.

The eight remaining (awake) captains formed a sort of huddle as Hitsugaya tore at the edge of the ivory coloured pouch. He gingerly pulled out a single sheet of paper folded into thirds and opened it up. Clearing his throat, he began to read.

"Dear Yamamoto-soutaichou, I think you are so sexy! I wish that there were more scenes of you, especially in battle. Wink, wink. Do you have a wife? A girlfriend? I hope you don't find this too forward, but I was hoping that we could meet up. I think you would like the Living World. I'd show you a good time. Call me..." Hitsugaya couldn't continue. He held the pink-dyed page up for someone else to take over. His face was a fiery red.

The room was silent for a long moment. Then, at the same time, all of the captains burst into laughter. Even Kuchiki had a smile on his stoic face. Yamamoto awoke to the sound of his captains' roaring laughter.

"This one's yours, Sensei," Kyōraku plucked the letter from Hitsugaya and handed it to Yamamoto, bowing as he approached him.

Yamamoto could feel his captains' intense stares. He knew something was up.

"You are dismissed," he declared, waving one hand at the disappointed captains before him.

As they filed out, he looked down and began to read...