Inevitable

It was easy to lose herself in the moment. Eddie had never felt more at home than she did right then dancing in Jamie's arms. One of his hands was resting in the small of her back holding her close and his other hand held hers as their fingers interlinked. As his head dipped beside hers and she felt their temples touch. She found her hand flattening on his back at the base of his neck as she held him close closing her eyes as she breathed in his comforting sent savouring the moment.

She was a fool for denying her feelings towards him for so long. She had loved him practically from day one, but she had ignored the signs like an idiot, terrified of the repercussions of her feelings towards him. After all he was her mentor. Her partner. Her best friend. She couldn't imagine her life without him. Nor could she imagine her job without him by her side.

There had been moments when she should have realised and accepted that she had feelings for him.

Like the first time she had seen him standing outside the 12th precinct. When he had turned to her she had been struck by how young he looked and also how incredibly attractive he was. And as she had gotten closer it had been hard not to get lost in his beautiful blue eyes. She had loved how adorable he was fumbling with words and seeing his adorable awkward smile had brought forth such warmth inside of her. And over the first few days riding with him and sitting outside that apartment protecting that guy, she had gotten to know him well and by the end of their first week she really had been glad that she had been assigned him as her training officer.

The next time she could remember feeling something was when they were undercover in that jewellery store and the guy had asked Jamie if she was his girlfriend. She remembered the little glance Jamie had given her before he had looked back at Grady and said 'yeah' with a slight smile slipping onto his face. His confirmation, despite it not being real, had sent butterflies dancing in her stomach and it had been hard not to smile.

Or the time when his friend Dana had been in town. Eddie hadn't liked seeing them kiss or how hands on Dana had seemed with him. It hadn't taken her long to realise that there was more to their friendship than just being plus ones to fancy lawyer shindigs. Seeing him in the bar that might dressed in his smart suit had certainly opened her eyes to how attractive he was and seeing him for once in the position to talk about the law with someone who would understand it had shown her that not only was he the kindest man she knew but he was also incredibly intelligent.

She loved seeing more of what kind of a man he was. To see more than just the man in the uniform. Her best friend the cop. She loved seeing how much more there was to him… not just the front he put up as a cop. He didn't flaunt his Harvard education to anyone. He never thought he was better than others. He was always such a modest dresser in just jeans and t-shirts when they were off duty. Seeing him in the suit for the wedding had made her truly realise that there was more. His kindness seemed never ending and he never seemed to run out of patience.

She remembered that night of the not so great double date. She had tried hard to pay attention to Spencer because he had seemed so nice and he was perfect for a little bit of fun before he left the city. But playful flirting with Jamie came so easily. She didn't even realise she was doing it until he was flirting back just as playfully and then all of a sudden she was standing beside him whilst Spencer and Hayley looked on, both looking slightly amused. Even Hayley had noticed the chemistry between then and told her to get her head out of the clouds and realise that she lived him when she had dragged her off to the bathroom.

"I can't" she had protested standing in the grimy bathroom of the bar "he's my partner Hayley… nothing can ever happen between us… and he's my best friend… I can't lose my best friend should something go wrong."

"I'm not hearing a denial of those feelings Eddie" Hayley had said and Eddie rolled her eyes "I do not have feelings for Jamie, Hayley" she said "he is my best friend… that is all."

"You've got it bad, girl" Hayley had said moving to stand in front of the door preventing her from leaving "and who says something will go wrong… I mean you already spend every hour with him and aren't sick to death of the sight of him… you spend more evenings hanging out with him than anyone else… you are always telling me about the drinks you guys have together… and to me they have always sounded more like the description of a date… you practically date the guy, but you don't get the benefits… which you totally should. As for the issue of him being your partner… ask for a new one… problem solved"

"But I like riding with him" Eddie had said staring at her "I like being his partner… I don't want to lose that."

"But what is you gain something better" Hayley had questioned "do you ever think about what you are missing out on?"

That question had stuck with Eddie ever since that night. She had always wondered what future together they could be losing out on because their stubborn beliefs that they were better off as partners.

When she had asked Jamie that very question earlier that night she had almost seen him imagine their future together and she could have sworn she had seen excitement flare up in his eyes as he had nodded, followed by an aching sadness that had been mirrored inside of her as he placed her hand over his heart and questioned "do you ever think about what we might be giving up."

She loved their partnership. She couldn't imagine doing the job without him at her side. She trusted him with her life and knew he would always have her back. She couldn't imagine not spending every day with him. He made a difficult job ten times more fun. It was so easy to laugh and joke around with him and she loved seeing his smile and she loved the way his eyes lit up when he was happy.

He made all the pain and death that she had to deal with bearable. He was there for her whenever things got too difficult. He never let her down no matter how hard she knew she could be. He made the idea of getting up every morning to a job that everyone hated her for, almost exciting. She looked forward to seeing him at the start of every shift. Even now after three years of partnership she still felt a rush of excitement when she saw him for the first time each day. She couldn't imagine doing that job without him. But at the same time she couldn't imagine her life without him as her partner in another way.

She thought back to the same night of their double date. How he had walked her home and they had been bickering about song lyrics.

'It's inevitable like you and me'

She hadn't realised how much she hoped those lyrics were true at first. She had been too lost in the beauty of his smile as he had looked at her.

She remembered being the first to make the move. How she had leaned in first emboldened but the number of drinks she had had that night. He hadn't been far behind her and he had bowed his head to meet hers and their foreheads had met shortly before their lips.

His kiss had been sweet and gentle, his lips soft against hers as his hands moved round to link at her back holding her close. Her own hands had moved up his chest grabbing his leather jacket as she help him just as firmly as he held her.

All too soon the kiss had ended, but neither of them had pulled away. Their foreheads had fallen together again and Eddie had felt his heart beat under her hand. It had jumped around and it had caused her to open her eyes to look at him wondering what he was feeling.

Him gently telling her to get inside had hurt at first but by the time she had arrived back at her apartment she had felt relieved that they hadn't gone any further. After all it would have totally screwed up their partnership and even though she wondered often what would have happened if they had gone further that night, Eddie was glad they hadn't. It mean they would have missed out on all the wonderful moments in their partnership that had happened since then. She had loved the two years as his partner that had followed that kiss.

It had only strengthened their friendship and had given ample more opportunities for the feelings she held for him to grow. But that night she had really felt something inside of her; a warmth had emerged and since that night it had appeared regularly. But only when she was with Jamie.

And in the moment walking up to her apartment; that was when she realised that she might have feelings for her best friend and partner.

She had tried to hide these feelings that she had for him as she had watched him with other girls. There hadn't been many but it hadn't meant that she didn't feel that green eyed monster every time she had told him about a hot girl or had flirted and dated.

First there had been Maya, the bike messenger… that had been the first time she had felt it. watching that girl give him her number had been hard but she had forced a smile onto her face, knowing that nothing could happen between the two of them and had encouraged her to call her… though she hadn't been able to hide the smirk when she realised Maya might not catch Jamie's heart after all.

Then there had been Dr Jen. She had been shocked when Jamie had said that he had already been on a date with her. She hadn't been able to hide her jealousy. Asking for a partner for the day had been a spur of the moment decision and of course Jamie had seen through her charade. It had infuriated her when he had accused her of jealousy even if it was true, she hated how well he could see right through her.

It had taken a lot of guts for her to admit that she had been jealous when she had come to her in the bar. He had taken it in his stride allowing her to decide where they went from there. And the next morning when she wanted was to have things go back to normal he had accepted that and things had gone back to normal for them from then.

Then she had found out about his ex-fiancée. She certainly had been shocked to hear that he had once been engaged and when she had heard that this Sydney person had dumped Jamie because he had become a cop. As he had said that she had sat there wondering 'who in their right mind would break up with a guy like him.' When she had challenged him about still having feelings for his ex she had been concerned he might say he was still in love with her. That her heart might be crushed for carrying an unrequited love. He had been defensive yes, indignant even when she had accused him of waiting for his soul mate… now it made her wonder; was she his soulmate as he was hers? Were they destined to be that one person for each other?

Then there had been Tara… Eddie had never felt jealously like that before. Seeing that girl coming out of Jamie's bedroom waring very little clothing had her gut twisting in envy. Though the completely awkward look on Jamie's face had been pretty comical. If she wasn't so upset at the sight of another girl in his apartment she might have laughed at his face. She had to admit; he could be totally adorable.

And so she had rebelled against herself and tried to get rid of the feelings she had for him by dating others. But they couldn't hold up to him. No one could. He may not have been her type at first but Eddie was beginning to feel like her type was changing and Jamie displayed every characteristic she liked in a guy. True for years he had driven her crazy with his annoying nickname of 'shortie' because god dammit she wasn't that short and his constant teasing about her love of food did annoy her sometimes.

But as she had said the other night. He was the best person she had ever met. And the best friend she had ever had. After her father had betrayed her trust she had found it difficult to open up to anyone. She had put up defensive walls around herself determined not to be hurt like that again. Jamie had never pushed her to let him in. But he had been there for her and he had helped her bring down the wall brick by brick and she had found herself trusting him easily. She trusted him more than anyone else. Because she knew he would never done anything to hurt her. She trusted him in a way that she had never trusted before.

She trusted him to never lead her into harm's way to never lead her into harm's way and to do what was right and teach her how to be the best cop she could be. He was a marvellous mentor and she was glad he had been the one to teach her on the streets. He had taught her that there was more to being a cop than just enforcing the law. He taught her how to build trust, to help those even when it went above what was required in the line of duty. He had certainly made her a better person over the years.

He trusted her too. It might have taken a while but he trusted her judgement now and he trusted her to have his back. They worked well as a team. She knew what to do with just the tiniest amount of information. Like the time they had taken down that guy with the machete. All he had to do was say "Eddie ASP" and she had known what to do. She had a feeling that if Jamie hadn't been there then that guy might not be alive. He was protective of everyone no matter if he knew them or not.

She loved his loyalty and his protective streak. True it had driven her nuts at first when it had made it look like she couldn't defend herself. Such as that time when he had gone after the guy who had knocked her down. She had been shocked by the ferocity of his attack. He had been so mad and it had looked like Renzulli and the other officer had had difficulty pulling him off the perp. She had gotten angry that he had reacted the way he had but she knew he was just protective.

She knew his last partner had died in his arms after being shot in the neck and it had shaken him to the core. She knew that he was afraid of losing another partner. So she often gave him slack knowing the reasoning for his over protective nature.

Of course there were times when she didn't mind him being protective. Such as the time when Russel Price had snatched her off the streets and had her tied her up in the back of the car. She had been terrified as she had lain there struggling to get free from her bonds fearing that she was going to die. She had fought desperately not ready to give up on life before two cars had smashed into the one she was being held in.

Lying there dazed and stunned she had barely been able to hold back the tears of relief and delight when Jamie had appeared in front of her scrambling into the car reaching out to cut her bonds. She had been desperate to get out of the car but her legs had given out on her but Jamie had been there to catch her. Looking up into his calm soothing eyes she had felt all the fear and panic disappear as she allowed herself to breathe again.

Jamie had been the one person she had been praying to see in the back of that car and then suddenly, miraculously he had been there. Her knight in shining armour.

Her undercover mission was another time. Part of her had been frustrated that he didn't want her to do the mission. After all she had just wanted to prove herself… just like he had when he had done his undercover mission. He didn't talk about it much but she knew that he had been beaten up because of it and had a hit out on his life… he had had close calls and he hadn't wanted her to get hurt. But maybe there was more to it… after all he had admitted that he had feelings for her. Had he had feelings for her back then? Was that why he hadn't wanted her to go undercover?

Being in that apartment with that creep feeling her up had been terrifying and Eddie had struggled not to panic as she flashed back to her incident with Jake Singer. Once again all she had wanted to see was Jamie's face and knowing that he was already no doubt on his way with Danny and Baez to take these creeps down had been what had kept her going.

Seeing that woman attempting to pull a gun on him had brought rage like she had never felt before rearing up inside of her; she couldn't bare the idea of seeing Jamie get hurt and she had flown for her seeing the relief and surprise flair up in Jamie's eyes at the sight of her. Bringing down those perps with Jamie had felt like such a natural thing to do when they did it every day together and she had calmed as she had assisted him to cuff the kidnappers. As usual when she worked beside him, she had felt safe knowing he was watching her back.

When she had had that incident with their training officer she had felt ashamed of what had happened especially when Jamie had probed it out of her. When she had heard about him getting into it with Sargent Langley in the car she had been horrified at the thought of him getting into fights because of her. She had wondered why he had felt the need to do that when she had already told him that she could handle it. But deep down it had felt nice to have someone fight for her. It felt nice to have someone care about you so much that they were willing to stand up to their superior officer to defend her.

And earlier at the wedding even though they had agreed to only to the wedding as partners and friends it had felt nice when he had stepped in when Derek had been a little over eager to dance with her. When Jamie had swept her away into the safety of his arms she had felt jitters of excitement inside of her. Until of course the punches had started flying. Getting arrested had been nice but despite all the frustration she had felt towards Jamie and confusion over what to do about their situation… it was nice to know that he cared. It was nice to have someone fight for her.

And although his protective instinct was one of her favourite instincts, she also loved how calm, patient and caring he could be. Even when they had barely known each other after her assault incident with Jake Singer he had been fiercely protective of her, encouraging her to come forward. Even when she had been furious at him for going through her phone when she had told him to drop it, she had appreciated how he had stopped her from going after Singer. And hearing him tell her 'you won't be alone' had made her stop and truly realise that he was going to be there for her and she didn't have to fight her battles on her own any more. She had a friend who would support her no matter what. After she had arrested Singer he had taken her out for ribs at Anton's and she had hung out with her all evening to make sure that she was ok. But he had never allowed her to feel like less of a person. She was his partner and nothing less.

After her first kill he had held her all night whilst she had cried. She loved that she felt comfortable enough to let down her walls around him. His gentle yet firm embrace hadn't wavered all night and she had fallen asleep curled up against his chest. When she had awoken he had still been there holding her comfortingly as he had promised.

She remembered how much she loved the security of his arms. She loved his loyalty. Not only for her but also for his family.

She didn't have any brothers or sister so it was great to see his relationship with Danny and Erin. He clearly loved his brother and sister even if he did complain about them regularly. He talked about his niece and nephews regularly with affection in his voice. She didn't doubt that one day he would make a great dad. He had rushed over to Nicki's college as soon as she had called him and Eddie had willingly gone with him enjoying watching him play protective uncle. He was so kind and caring and it had felt nice to help him out with one of his problems after he had done so much to help her.

And watching him find out that Nicki had a boyfriend had been hysterical. The look on his face had made her want to laugh but she had refrained wanting to be supportive of him. Watching him trying to justify his protective actions had been totally adorable.

She knew that Joe had been a big part of his life and that he missed his big brother every day. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose your big brother and best friend. But Jamie was her best friend and the thought of losing him filled her with fear. She honestly couldn't imagine her life without him.

She loved the way he made her feel. He made her feel so loved and so safe. When she had questioned him about soulmates she had wanted to know if he believed in the possibility of soulmates because she had been on her way to believing that was what they were.

Every song she heard reminded of Jamie. Every poem or romantic story she heard made her think of him. Every time she saw a couple madly in love on the street she imagined being in the position with Jamie. She knew it was unprofessional, but she couldn't help it. She had major feelings for Jamie Reagan, and there was no denying it.

Telling him that had been difficult but she had to tell him. It was eating her up. Telling him had made things so much easier for her; like a huge weight off her chest. And hearing him admit that he had feelings for her too had sent excited shivers down her spine.

She agreed with him when he said that they shouldn't get together because they both loved their partnership. But they were in a difficult position; give up the amazing partnership that they already had for the crazy risk of a future together. Yet the idea of that risk for the opportunity of a life together sounded wonderful. Like something worth the risk. Being with Jamie was just the right amount of crazy to make it feel right.

After their conversation she hadn't been planning on kissing him. But part of her had wanted nothing more than to feel his lips against hers again and knowing that the gentleman in Jamie wouldn't go for it she had decided to take matters into her own hands.

As soon as she had pressed her lips to his she had felt his hands gently linking in the small of her back pulling her closer. Her hands grabbing at his hoodie had only encouraged him to deepen the kiss and her hand had found its way up into his hair holding his lips to hers not wanting the kiss to end. Once again as their lips had parted their foreheads had fallen together and she had felt an ache in her chest at the thought of ending this moment. Opening her eyes she had looked into his gentle blue eyes and a wave of emotions had rushed through her as she had realised how incredibly risky this was. But once she had started she didn't want to stop.

Just like she didn't want to stop right now. She never wanted this moment to end. She loved the feeling of Jamie's arms around her, swaying gently in time to the music that played gently overhead.

'And I think to myself

What a wonderful world'

With Jamie it certainly was. A wonderful world indeed.

She wanted him so bad, but she was terrified of the change that would come with putting a label to their relationship.

But right here in the safety of his arms Eddie found herself thinking not only of how happy and content she felt, but also of how she had come to realise over the years that home could sometimes not be a place. But a person.

After all; home is where your heart is.

Once again she thought of that song they had bickered over those lyrics echoed in her mind again.

'It's inevitable like you and me'

Smiling she found her head dipping further down onto Jamie's shoulder as his head rested against hers and she had the sudden realisation that maybe those lyrics were true.

Maybe they were as the lyrics suggested… Inevitable.