Fourth Order: Descended

Category: Angst/Drama/Hurt Comfort/Romance

Pairing: Sparky

Summary: Elizabeth tries to deal with the repercussions of unascending while John struggles to find a balance between his new role as leader, the need to support her and his own feelings of guilt.

Warnings: Spoilers for the Legacy book series.

Disclaimer: Own nadda, nothing!

Authors Notes: This is set directly after Legacy: The Third Path

(book spoilers)

It picks up with Elizabeth back on Atlantis undergoing tests, John and Teyla returning from Earth after relocating Ford and includes some of the new characters. You don't need to read the book to follow the plot but there are a few small references thrown in :) Thanks for reading! xx

John exited the stargate feeling a sense of relief as his boots landed on the familiar tiled floor of the Atlantean gateroom. He heard Teyla step through a second later and the wormhole disengaging urged him forward to greet Lorne.

"Major-" he acknowledged the man, glancing up and around the large open space, "looks like the city's still standing."

"Floating, actually Sir." Evan corrected him shifting his attention to the Athosian leader. She seemed amused by the comment and he met her gaze with a warm nod, "it's good to have you both back, how was the Milky Way?"

John scrubbed a hand up through his hair too tired to embellish the trip. Seeing Ford off had been a relief but the paperwork he'd left behind had turned into a bureaucratic nightmare. Still, they'd managed to get two of their people home and in his opinion that was worth a headache from the IOA. "Stargate Command sends their regards but honestly... I think they were pretty glad to see the back of us. How's Doctor Weir settling in?"

Evan produced a folder and passed it to him with a relaxed smile. He'd anticipated the question and was relieved to be able to deliver good news for once. "Suffering a little cabin fever but she seems to be taking it all in her stride. So far the tests have come back clean, nothing to suggest she's a threat."

John nodded as he skimmed the information. He'd been following her progress on Earth but it wasn't the same as actually being here and guilt knotted in his stomach as he closed the file, handing it back over with a sharp sigh. "Is she still in the infirmary?"

"Yes Sir." He confirmed, eyes darting to Teyla when she subtly motioned towards the door. It took him a moment to understand but the air of tension surrounding Sheppard was enough to help him decipher the hint. "If you're heading that way I know she'd appreciate a breather."

Teyla bowed slightly, thanking him for the gentle nudge. Even though John hadn't openly admitted his concern she'd sensed it had been a heavy burden during their time on Earth and she encouraged him to act upon the suggestion. "You should go. I can inform the others of our arrival."

Technically the debrief was his responsibility but her raised eyebrow stopped him from arguing. The level of tact was appreciated and he turned back to the Major with a quick nod towards the control room, "think you can handle things for a little why longer?"

"Yes Sir." Lorne fought the sudden smirk tugging at his lips, "I'll write it up as overtime."

"Good, in that case if you'll both excuse me." He ducked to the side stealing a deep breath as he moved passed them. Normally he would have engaged the banter but his mind was too preoccupied and his feet pushed towards the exit in an attempt to conceal his nerves. He didn't know if it was excitement or fear but adrenaline fulled the journey, only wavering at the last turn when he spotted the marine on duty outside the infirmary.

John slowed his approach signaling with a sharp nod, "Lieutenant."

He didn't wait for a response, moving around the solider to find his gaze drawing to the sole occupant of the room. She was perched on one of the infirmary beds, her legs dangling aimlessly above the ground and he stalled feeling his pulse quicken as she glanced up. For a moment he didn't say anything, his mouth too dry to form the words but after what felt like an eternity a soft 'hey' managed to escape.

Elizabeth smiled warmly, relief flooding her body as she pushed an equally gentle 'hi' in response. It had only been two weeks but the quick reunion and rushed goodbye on Earth hadn't been nearly enough and her lips quirked at the slight awkwardness. It was strangely comforting and she slipped off the bed letting her feet lightly touch down on the floor.

The brief hesitation combined with the distance between them tightened his chest and instinct kicked his feet forward until he was standing in front of her. She looked almost the same, the differences from three years ago barely distinguishable, but the physical resemblance didn't ease his concern. He'd been burnt by that mistake before and even though he knew it was real this time, he had no way of knowing just how much she'd been effected by the trauma she'd been through.

"You okay?"

The words feeling inadequate as they hovered between them and when she parted her lips to answer his body reacted first, gripping her firmly and pulling her against his chest. His mind chided the action but he ignored the warning as he squeezed her tightly. He'd spent too long with easily preventable regrets and he inhaled slowly breathing in the unexpected comfort.

Elizabeth relaxed, surprised by a sudden wave of emotion that caught in her chest. Her memories were still muddy, coming and going without warning but her instincts were growing stronger and she felt a small stab of disappointment when he loosened his grip.

"Sorry." He offered the halfhearted apology, staying just inside of her reach as he let go. He wanted to follow up with a reason for the impulsiveness but the words failed and he ran a hand up through his hair instead.

"Don't be." She sensed his embarrassment and offered a smile, "it felt... nice."

He nodded, deliberately avoiding her gaze as he struggled with the moment. The whole situation felt surreal, like something he'd dreamed up a million times but the reality was vastly different from the ones he'd imagined. Guilt combined with fear had never breached his scenarios and he swallowed roughly tying to force down the lump in his throat. "I caught Jackson on my way out... he said the memory thing could take some time."

The causal comment didn't match the concern in his voice and she tried to discourage the frown threatening her response. She'd been lucky to have Daniel's support but his return to Earth had been difficult and she tried to draw from the Doctor's parting optimism. "Not exactly a walk in the park... but I'll get there."

The honesty made him feel dangerously out of his depth but he squared his shoulders against the wave of inadequacy. He wasn't going to run at the first hurdle no matter how far out of his comfort zone it was and he shoved his hands in his pockets glancing up at her again. "How would you feel about busting out of here for a while?"

Her lips curved slightly at the suggestion. She'd give almost anything to escape the perpetual boredom of the infirmary but the lines creasing his expression highlighted his exhaustion and she decided against taking him up on the offer. "I'm fine really, you don't have to-"

"Lieutenant," he called out over his shoulder ignoring her attempt to be polite. He knew what it was like to be stuck staring at four white walls and when the marine appeared in the doorway he didn't give her a chance to argue, "take a break Reynolds, I'll have Doctor Weir back in an hour."

The solider saluted and he held out his arm motioning for her to take the lead, "after you..."

She sensed it was non-negotiable and her lips formed a soft smile as she took point, swallowing the remnants of guilt and finding comfort in the drawn out cooridoor. It was instantly gratifying and she breathed out as they fell into a relaxed pace. "Thank you, I guess I was going a bit stir crazy in there."

He nodded and she suspected he understood the frustration, recalling at least half a dozen fuzzy accounts of times he'd been injured and confined to the infirmary. They were unsettling to linger on and she turned her thoughts back to recent events instead. "How was Ford? Did he manage to get settled in okay?"

"Better than expected." He confirmed wishing her transition had been as straight forward. The decision to return to Atlantis should have been voluntary, even if part of him was selfishly relived to have her back, and he scrubbed a hand up through his hair trying to mask his annoyance. "He said he'd see you when the IOA finally pull their heads out of their asses."

She chuckled at the comment comforted by the string of memories surrounding the former Lieutenant. They weren't there in full yet but she could recall his eager enthusiasm making her feel grateful at least one of them had been allowed to stay. "It's a shame I couldn't spend more time with him."

John swallowed roughly in agreement, bending around the familiar turn up towards the control room. The destination was a case of old habits dying hard and a wave of nostalgia tugged his chest as he addressed the hint of regret in her voice. "I'm sorry... I know it hasn't been easy but I'm going to fix this. I'll put a fire under them if I have to."

The conviction was serious making her slightly more at ease with the situation, though in fairness Atlantis hadn't been a bad ultimatum. "At least they let me stay here, there are worse places to be stranded."

An image of the alpha site popped into his head but he quickly slammed it down as he followed her up the stairs. It didn't bear thinking about. She was in Atlantis and until the IOA made their decision that's where she was going to stay. "True-" he offered lightly, "you could be stuck on a desert planet with just McKay."

A chuckle caught in her throat at the relaxed banter, finding it a welcome respite. Lately every conversation circled around what she was thinking, how she was coping and relief touched her lips as she reached the middle landing first. "I'm glad you're here," she closed her hand over the rail as he caught up, "it didn't feel the same without you."

"Isn't that supposed to be my line?" The quip fell from his mouth but lost all traces of humor as he stopped beside her. The city had carried on without her and they'd found a way to move on but it hadn't been the same. He hadn't been the same.

"Maybe..." she admitted, a shy smile replacing her hesitation, "but all the same I... we missed you."

He swallowed roughly at the slip wishing he knew how to return the sentiment. He wasn't good with words and the weight of them felt foreign as he tried to navigate around what he wanted to say. "We missed you too... a lot, I missed you a lot-" he forced his lips to curve hoping it was enough and felt a rush of relief when her expression softened in response.

The moment edged close to something that felt familiar, a slight awkwardness that never quite revealed itself and she inclined her head watching her footing as she pulled herself up to the next step and built on the momentum. He kept up, standing a little closer and she took comfort from the slight shift in his body language. "So... I hear Woolsey was in charge?"

He nodded finding his voice with a little more confidence as they climbed the remaining stairs. Even though he'd been initially wary of the IOA's decision he'd grown to respect the man and had been genuinely sorry when he'd been recalled back to Earth. "Turns out the guy wasn't so bad, who would've thought?"

A smile touched her lips as she recalled once defending Woolsey to him. It had been a long time ago and she was surprised the memory was so clear but it played in her head as they reached the control room and she raised an eyebrow in response. "Didn't I say that?"

"Sure... that you remember." He made an indignant sound and the look she shot him slammed every one of his senses. It felt too familiar like she'd never been gone and it took all his willpower not to falter, swallowing cautiously as they politely made their way through the staff on duty to the large double doors leading out to the balcony. It seemed like the only appropriate destination and he swiped his hand watching her eyes light up as the endless horizon came into view. It was a reaction he hadn't seen since they'd first discovered the city and he followed her outside surprised by the response. "You've haven't been out here yet?"

She shook her head stealing a deep breath as the waves crashed beneath them. It was beautiful, surpassing the image she had in her memory and she relaxed as the sound washed over her. "Not quite as tranquil with a security detail for company."

A hint of frustration laced the comment and he empathized feeling his own annoyance at the IOA's unnecessary demands. They were making decisions based on a piece of paper flying around an office somewhere and he'd be damned if he was going to let them continue running miles without getting so much as an inch back in return. "You know what, screw 'em-" he brandished the remark with a firm resolve, "Carson says your fine that's good enough for me."

She glanced up a little shocked by the candidness and although relieved, she knew deep down it wasn't that simple. It wasn't just her sanity at stake. Ruffling feathers could seriously impact his career and she wasn't prepared to let him take that risk just yet. "I appreciate the offer but honestly I can wait them out."

"You shouldn't have to." He stretched his arms locking them in place as he gazed out over the ocean. He knew what she was doing, playing the diplomat in order to protect him, but that wasn't her job anymore. Now it was his. "If it wasn't for you I wouldn't even be in charge and besides they're probably going to find a permanent replacement soon anyway. I may as well go out swinging."

His determination made her blush and she ducked her head realizing he wasn't going to back down. It may have been reckless and ill thought out but it was also touching and she glanced up with a soft smile, "you're right, it's your call... and having your trust means a lot."

He shook off the gratitude fighting a spark of anger. She shouldn't need to justify herself, not to him or anyone else. If anything the IOA should be issuing her an apology, though he doubted they'd see anything close to an official acknowledgment. "As far as I'm concerned they owe you not the other way around."

She stilled at the words, hesitating as they stirred a memory she couldn't quite place. It hadn't been her, not exactly, but flashes of her conscious almost destroying the city stabbed through mind and she reached up to her temple willing the onslaught to stop. It was like a floodgate had opened and she bit down hard on her lip trying to steady her racing pulse.

He felt her tense and angled towards her immediately concerned by her pinched expression. She looked like she was in pain and he reached out, flinching when she jerked away from the contact. "Hey... what's wrong?"

"I'm fine." Her voice wavered as she tried to make sense of the images. They were so distant like she was watching them through blurred glass and she breathed in sharply, scared but desperately needing the truth. "I nearly destroyed the city after I... that was me, wasn't it?"

He didn't need to ask, he knew exactly what she talking about and the realization it had been her consciousness inside F.R.A.N's body made him sick to the stomach. He hadn't wanted to believe it but there was no way to deny it now and his fingers twitched nervously as he swallowed a rush of guilt. This wasn't about his failures it was about giving her closure and putting her needs ahead of his own. "You didn't know that what was going to happen, it wasn't your fault."

She shook her head refusing to buy into the dismissal. Atlantis had been endangered because of her actions, the threat had been real because of her and she wondered if the IOA had been right to be so distrusting. If she'd been so easily lead, so able to manipulate-

"Elizabeth, listen to me-" his voice was firm as he edged closer trying to keep her from spiraling. He could read the panic in her eyes, the certainty that she was to blame and he tugged her wrist refusing to let her go there, "you sacrificed everything to protect Atlantis and I lost you twice because of it. You have just as much right to this city as anyone, probably more, and you don't need to feel guilty for that." The slight catch in his throat gave away too much but he didn't let go needing to make sure she understood everything he was saying, "none of this was your fault and you're going to get through it, I promise."

She almost believed him something her old self would have done without question but she wasn't that person anymore. Instead she was an echo bouncing from memory to memory, trying to find something that might not even exist anymore. It terrified her but his steady gaze and the light pressure against her pulse reminded her to breathe. Whatever she'd lost she knew he could see it buried beneath the doubt and his confidence gave her hope.

She wasn't the same person but maybe, given enough time, she could be.

-X-