Introduction

In order to understand why the study of fairies is such a neglected field, there is no example more illustrative than that of the medieval scholar Alonso de Molina.

Alonso de Molina was widely known for his far-reaching travels, on which he extensively documented the local fairy populations. In 1347 AD, a battered diary of his travels in Morocco, his last known written record, turned up in the private collection of the magician Marwan ibn Moussa al-Tunisi. The diary was written in High Agarthan, a notoriously difficult language, but Marwan al-Tunisi nonetheless began a translation. When he reached the final entry two years later, he translated it as, "By the evil works of spirits, I have been undone. Sand fills the crevasse; never again will I know peace." On the strength of this single account, it was widely agreed that Molina had gotten trapped in a valley when a vengeful ghost triggered a landslide, and had died there of dehydration.

It was not until centuries later that a skilled linguist, Nadezhda Constantinovna, attempted a new translation of the travel diary. She discovered that Marwan al-Tunisi's translation, while mostly accurate, had struggled with nuance and metaphor. The word that he had translated as 'spirits,' for example, was more widely used to mean 'fairies' in several dialects. Further, 'crevasse' was a widely-used double entendre in Agarthan. What had been formerly identified as a dying man's last note was now reinterpreted: The fairies that Molina was studying had stolen his undergarments, and he was complaining about getting sand into uncomfortable parts of his anatomy. It is now believed that he died of unrelated causes, nearly a decade later.

Such are the risks faced by anyone who chooses to study fairies. It is not a glamorous field. There are no secrets of the universe to be learned from it. No magician has ever found a path to immortality from it. The research subjects are mischievous and rude. Even when they cooperate, they can be difficult to observe for prolonged periods of time. When they don't cooperate, they're so annoying that several naturalists have had to abandon years-long fairy observation projects after getting into fistfights with their research subjects.

Yet, I maintain that fairy studies are an important and underappreciated field of magical research. Fairies form the underpinnings of many natural processes. Fairies are often used as servants or familiars by young magicians, who must know what to expect. If nothing else, fairies are a common annoyance when doing fieldwork, and any knowledge that might make it easier to chase them off is welcome.

To that end, in this paper I will be examining a sample group of fairies in their normal day-to-day affairs. I will demonstrate that their behavior often follows simple rules that make their actions easy to predict, and will offer further insight on the ways and means of fairies.

Methodology

"Master," said one of the lesser devils that I have bound into my service, when I first mentioned my intent to study fairies, "if you want to watch some fairies, there are plenty around the mansion."

This observation is foolish and incorrect, of course, but even such a wrongheaded idea qualifies as lofty thought coming from a lesser devil. I thanked her for her input and sent her to fetch me a fresh cup of coffee, so that I could have peace for the two hours that such a menial task would doubtlessly take her.

It is true that I have a large supply of fairies available for study within the walls of my residence. However, as any true naturalist knows, a creature's behavior is much changed outside of its native habitat. For this endeavor, only wild fairies would be suitable. Furthermore, as fairies are inclined to meddle with observers, I needed to watch them without making my presence known. For these reasons, I performed my observations remotely through a 5:2-keyed hermeneutic scrying pool made of refined mercury, enchanted in the tradition of Second Revival Onmyoudo. As creating such a device is trivial, I will not go into the steps to reproduce it here.

For research subjects, I chose a notoriously active group of fairies from nearby. This group is formed of three fairies. These fairies, their classifications, and their abilities are:
* Sunny Milk (Daemonium solarium) - a sunlight fairy with the ability to refract light, mainly to hide herself from view.

* Star Sapphire (Daemonium sidereum) - a starlight fairy with the ability to sense nearby living creatures.

* Luna Child (Daemonium lunare) - a moonlight fairy with the ability to silence nearby sounds.

These three fairies compose a stable group that has been together for several years. Due to their association with celestial bodies, they refer to themselves as the Fairies of Light. To distinguish this phrase from the light fairy (Daemoniumnitidum) variety, I will capitalize it.

Two more fairies soon became involved, and were recorded in my observations. These fairies were:

* Clownpiece (Daemoniuminfernale) - a Hell fairy with the ability to induce madness in humans. I have yet to determine why a Hell fairy would decide to live so far from her natural habitat.

* Cirno (Daemonium gelidum) - an ice fairy with simple ice manipulation abilities, of poor reputation and even worse judgment. For more information, please see my 2014 paper, Ice Fairies of Central Japan: Louder and Stupider.

The period of observation began on December 21, 2016. On December 28, the incidents that are documented in this report began, ending at 6:42 PM on December 29.

The late morning of December 28 was not an eventful time for the Fairies of Light. Over the preceding week, they had conducted seventeen snowball fights. They had taken advantage of Cirno's seasonal abilities to play several pranks. They had built an assortment of snowmen, snowladies, and snowchildren at various points across the countryside, along with a snowbear with walnuts for eyes. They had attempted to achieve escape velocity by sledding down a mountainside in stolen wash basins, after thoroughly misunderstanding a magazine article about the Apollo flights.

In a single week, they had done practically everything that three fairies could hope to achieve in one winter. The only problem was, it wasn't even January yet.

Sunny collapsed face-first onto the ground, sending a powder cloud of snow sparkling into the air. "This sucks," she whined. "There has to be something we can do today!"

"We could go visit the shrine," Star suggested. She had taken a seat against the base of the tree that served as their home, sipping on a cup of sake. She had managed to sneak the last bottle of their sake supply out of their hideout, and was eagerly downing it in an apparent attempt to finish it herself before the other two caught on."There might be something fun going on."

"We can't go to the shrine," Luna said. She was seated on a nearby rock, trying her best to focus on a book despite Sunny's complaints. "Reimu is still mad after last time."

Star pouted. "I thought the snowmaiden we made for her was cute."

"I mean the time before that. With the pitfall."

"Oh! Right. Humans can really hold a grudge, huh?" Star filled her cup again. A quarter of the sake had already disappeared down her throat.

"Oh!" Sunny bolted up to sitting, raising another cloud of snow. "We haven't visited Alice in a long time! Maybe she'd give us snacks."

"Didn't a bunch of dolls with swords chase us off the last time we went there?"

"Oh, yeah..." Sunny sighed and collapsed to the ground in defeat. For a few minutes, everything was quiet apart from the occasional soft sipping noise coming from Star's direction.

"Arrrgh! This sucks!" Sunny squealed again, twice as loudly as the first time. "We can't just spend all day laying around doing nothing!"

"We could read," Luna said.

Sunny shot her a glare indicating that that wasn't an option. If Luna noticed it over the edge of her book, she didn't give any sign of it.

It is no secret that fairies require constant stimulation, but I feel that contemporary studies have underestimated just how deeply this motivation runs.

For example, It has been observed that an average fairy spends 84% of her waking time on entertainment or leisure, and the other 16% of her time eating.

This figure is incorrect. As fairies are spirits, they don't need to eat to survive. Fairies will even abstain from eating if they can't find food that they like, or at least some liquor to go with their meal. Fairies eat primarily for enjoyment, so in fact, one could say that entertainment is their sole motivation.

This has broad implications that I will examine later.

Before the three could settle on a plan, an obnoxious shout pierced the winter air. "HEY! YOU FAIRIES!"

All three looked up from what they were doing, but no apparent speaker was visible. The clearing around their tree was empty, with only a few brave midwinter squirrels darting around the edges. I would be remiss if I didn't note that Sunny watched them suspiciously, as if considering the possibility that one of them had shouted.

"What was that?" Luna asked, glancing to Star.

"I didn't feel anybody approaching," Star said with a shrug.

"Maybe it was a ghost or something," Sunny said, with the first hints of excitement in her voice.

Luna's gaze settled on the bottle in Star's lap. "Hey, isn't that our last bottle of sa—"

Before she could finish the sentence, a red-blue streak flashed down from the heavens like a meteor, slamming into the ground barely a meter in front of her. A shockwave of snow blasted out, leaving her sputtering. At the point of impact was Clownpiece, with her arms outstretched from the landing and an annoyed look on her face. "You shouldn't ignore people, you know!"

"We weren't ignoring you," Luna said. "We didn't even know where you were."

"Yeah, Star didn't even feel you." Sunny leaned forward, peering at Clownpiece. "You didn't learn to turn invisible too, did you?" she asked suspiciously.

"Huh? No. I was on top of that tree up there." Clownpiece straightened up, proudly crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I ran all the way here across the treetops!"

"Across the treetops?" Star poured herself another cup of sake. The bottle's contents had already passed the halfway point, and she had a warm glow to her cheeks. "That's kind of a weird way to get around."

"What's the point of having all these trees everywhere if you're not going to use them? Besides, ever since it got cold, they're no fun to look at anymore."

"That's just what happens during winter," Luna said. "You get used to it."

"Maybe, but I still think it's boring."

"So, wait!" Sunny exclaimed, nearly cutting her off. She lunged forward, beaming up at Clownpiece from her kneeling position. "If you're here, that must mean you have something exciting going on, right?!"

"Huh? Not really. I just wanted to make you guys answer a question."

"Oh..."

"What's the question?" Star asked.

Clownpiece whirled on her. "What the heck do you eat when the weather's like this?!"

"... huh?"

"Food! I was eating berries and things before, but I can't find any!" The few squirrels that hadn't already vacated the clearing now fled in the face of Clownpiece's outburst. After a few shakes of her fists, she collapsed forward to lay in the snow next to Sunny. "All I can find are roots and stuff! Boring! They're too boring!"

"That's just how winter is. Complaining about it won't help," Luna said. "If you're really lucky, maybe you can find some mushrooms, but—"

"Blech. Nothing like that! I want something sweet!"

"There isn't any fruit or anything," Star said. "Unless you can find some candy, you're kind of out of luck."

Clownpiece huffed and slid her hands back behind her head, staring up into the sky. "What's candy?"

All three fairies stared at her in disbelief. She glanced between them, confused. "Well?"

"You've never had candy before?" Sunny asked.

"Nope. I think I heard some tortured souls scream about it once or twice, but I don't know what it is."

"What did you eat for fun in Hell, then?" Luna asked.

"Huh? Well, sometimes Lady Hecatia would bring back tasty things from other parts of Hell. Like frozen screams! And crystals grown out of gluttons' blood!"

Luna frowned distastefully. "What kind of weird treats are those?!"

"They're good! They taste almost as good as the berries and things up here." Clownpiece pushed herself up from the snow and pulled her legs under herself, sitting cross-legged to look between the other fairies. "What's so great about this candy stuff?"

"It's the best food there is!" Sunny exclaimed.

"It's sweeter than any fruit you've ever tasted!" Star said, clasping her hands together blissfully.

"It's pretty good," Luna agreed.

"Huh... Well, give me some of that, then."

Nobody budged. After a few seconds, Sunny said, "Well... you can only get it in the village. There's a candy store there, and we used to be able to sneak in and take some, but the owner got mad and made it really hard."

Clownpiece sighed. "So what, we have to find money to buy it?"

"Or...!" Star downed the very last of the sake, then triumphantly slammed the empty bottle into the snow. "If stealing normal stuff is fun, that means that stealing something that's really hard to get to is probably really fun, right?!"

Here we see more evidence for fairies' constant need for stimulation, but also, their lack of morals. Apart from certain magicians that I've had the misfortune to encounter, few humans would ever be so quick to embrace theft as the solution for such a simple problem.

However, while fairies show little concept of morality, they also don't actively try to act immoral, like some devils. Fairies frequently inflict theft, minor injuries, and humiliation on others in the pursuit of their entertainment. Rarely, however, are they inclined toward more serious crimes such as arson or murder.

If you are ever killed by a fairy, you may rest assured that it was an accident, and the fairy is just as surprised as you are.

Soon, the fairies had reconvened in their hideout, with a large sheet of paper spread on the table between them. "Okay, so..." Sunny leaned over it and drew a square in the middle. "This is what the candy shop looks like, right?"

"It's kind of a square," Luna agreed.

"It has a roof," Star said.

"No, this is what it looks like above! Like a map. It has a door, though." With her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth in concentration, Sunny labeled one side of the square 'DooR.'

The collected fairies nodded in agreement at this. Nobody bothered to point out the issues with her writing, but considering that none of them had formal education, I suppose it's a small miracle that she even managed such a basic word without assistance.

"Oh, there's that window we snuck in that one time!" Star said. Sunny wrote 'WiNDoW' near the shop's back corner, while Star frowned thoughtfully. "I don't think we can get in there anymore, though. He paid Marisa to put explosive magic stuff on it. Cirno tried to get in last autumn and she blew up."

"We'll figure out how to get past it once we finish the map!" Sunny said. She sketched a rectangle in the middle of the square, labeled it 'cANDy,' then circled it for good measure.

"Why can't you just come in the front door?" Clownpiece asked.

"He can see the door from his chair," Star said, and sighed. "The last time we tried sneaking in that way, he saw the door opening and caught us."

"Caught me, you mean," Luna grumbled. "I thought he was going to exterminate me..."

"There's a dog too," Star said. She grabbed the pencil from Sunny and added a circle labeled 'Dog' toward the front of the shop. "He likes humans, but he really hates fairies..."

"The candy cabinets are locked too," Luna said. Star drew a little padlock on the 'cANDy' icon.

"And even if we get past all that, we still can't let the shopkeeper see us..." Star said, and added a frowny face at the back of the store.

The fairies went quiet, looking over the diagram. Clownpiece glanced between the different items and summarized. "So, you have to sneak in through the door or make the window... not-explode-y, get rid of a dog, get rid of the human who owns the place, and unlock the cabinets to get candy?"

"Uh-huh."

Sunny drooped so hard that even her pigtails seemed to hang a little lower. "Yep."

The collected fairies went back to staring at the diagram in silence.

"Well..." Luna said, after most of a minute had passed, "I think I know how to get rid of the dog, but it will be really scary. And we'll need some other food."

Taking the pencil, she drew a fish outside of the window, with an arrow pointing to the dog.

"I think I know how we can get the window open too, but it's kind of mean..." Star said. She took the pencil next and drew a stick figure with Xs for eyes next to the window.

One by one, arrows and doodles were added to the paper. They worked late into the night, until a plan came together.

The fairies rose to begin their heist at dawn the next morning.

This may surprise those readers who are more familiar with other species of youkai. Unlike most youkai, fairies are not known for spending much time resting. They will sleep when they are tired, but as this cuts into their vital entertainment time, many of them will rise as soon as they are fully rested, or continue to play past nightfall to the detriment of their sleep schedule.

After a quick breakfast, the four fairies headed to a nearby lake and approached the house of an ice fairy, Cirno.

It is very rare for a fairy to build a dwelling, rather than choosing to inhabit a natural feature associated with their element, and Cirno's house demonstrated why. It was little more than a crudely-fashioned mound of snow with the inside scooped out. I say 'was' because it melted and collapsed by the end of the week, forcing her to make a new one. A sensible creature would take this as a hint to use sturdier building materials. Since Cirno isn't a sensible creature, she instead chooses to build new houses on a daily basis.

Cirno was outside when they arrived, standing on the edge of the lake's ice, glowering at the water and fluttering her wings as she exerted her powers. Bit by bit, the ice crept forward to extend farther over the lake.

The four fairies paused to watch this curiously. "What's she doing?" Clownpiece whispered to Sunny.

"I don't know," Sunny whispered back, then raised her voice. "Hey, Cirno! What are you doing?"

Cirno stopped her work and glanced back at them. Realizing that she had an audience, she puffed up her chest. "I'm freezing the lake!" She gestured back toward the already-frozen area behind her. "See how much I've already done?"

"That seems like a really big waste of time..." Clownpiece said.

Star asked, "Wouldn't it just be easier to wait until it gets colder and the lake freezes the normal way?"

Cirno gave her a pitying look. "Maybe for wimps like you! Anybody can get a frozen lake by waiting for it to get cold. It's only impressive if you've gotta work for it!"

"Well, now we've got other stuff for you to do!" Clownpiece stepped to the front of the group and crossed her arms, staring Cirno down. "We've got big plans for today and we need a fish, so you should catch one for us."

Cirno scowled back. "I don't see why I should help some dumb fairy who thinks she can boss me around."

"Dumb fairy...?!" Clownpiece looked shocked for a moment, then set her expression, grinning a very smug grin. "I can boss you around, because I can beat you up if you say no."

"Hah! Everybody knows I'm the strongest fairy around."

"I'm the strongest fairy in Hell, which means I'm a billion times stronger than some lousy earth fairy like you!"

Cirno clenched her fists at her sides and vibrated in anger. The ice around her crackled as a fresh layer of frost started spreading out from her. "What'd you say?!"

"I said that you're a lousy earth fairy." Clownpiece grinned viciously and leaned in closer. "Now catch us a fish."

I once employed a Tome of Aural Acquisition to tally every time that a fairy claimed to be the strongest fairy in the region. During the two-week observation period, this happened forty-six times, spoken by thirty-two different fairies.

Very little has been written on the organizational structure of groups of fairies. Fairies seem naturally inclined to follow the strongest fairy nearby... but since no fairy will admit to being weaker than another, this rarely accomplishes anything. Lacking a clear hierarchy, they instead get into long, obnoxious arguments. As fairies are practically incapable of talking without shouting, I assume they think that whoever shouts the loudest is the best at being a fairy. This hypothesis needs more research, but all currently available data supports it.

Before Clownpiece and Cirno could come to blows, Star stepped forward, clearing her throat to interrupt their argument. "You really are a very strong fairy," she told Cirno, her voice dripping with flattery. "Actually, we didn't come here to tell you what to do. We really want to make you an offer!"

"You do?" Cirno asked.

"We do?" Clownpiece asked.

"Uh-huh! Since we admire you so much, we made a plan to help you teach the humans to respect you!"

Cirno looked skeptical. "What is it?"

"Well... it's a really good idea. I don't know if I should just tell you."

"What kinda dumb fairy says she has an idea for me then won't tell me?!"

"It's an idea that could make all the humans afraid of you. It would be pretty silly of me to tell it to you without asking for anything, don't you think?"

Cirno huffed and crossed her arms. "Well, then what do you want?"

"Um, hmm..." Star tapped her lips with a finger and pretended to be deep in thought. "I think I could tell you if you gave us a fish. That would be enough payment, don't you guys think?"

Star looked to the other three fairies, and they nodded in confused agreement. Cirno grinned. "A fish is easy! Watch this!"

Cirno bent over the edge of the ice, her eyes flitting side to side as she stared into the water's depths. Ten seconds passed in silence. She thrust her hands forward. With a tortured squeal, the water's surface contorted and thrust into the air, forming a meter-tall spike of ice. Near the tip, frozen in the center, was a bubble of water. Inside of that was a single carp, bumping into the walls of its tiny prison in confusion.

"There!" Cirno braced a foot on the spike and tugged on the tip. It snapped off, leaving the carp bubble in her hands, and she offered it over. "That's a pretty good fish, right? Now you've gotta tell me your idea."

Star looked at the fish, pretending to give it heavy consideration, then gave a reluctant nod. "I guess a fish like that will work. In that case..." She leaned in and whispered to Cirno. Cirno's expression grew brighter and brighter throughout the exchange.

"Really?" Cirno asked, not even bothering to hide her grin.

"Really!"

"That's great! Those dumb humans won't even know what hit them!"

"That's right!"

"If I get in there, everybody will know I'm the strongest fairy there is!"

"Mmhm!"

"The strongest in Gensokyo!"

"Yep!"

Behind the pair, Clownpiece was glancing between her companions in disbelief. Sunny and Luna seemed mostly enraptured by the proceedings.

"So," Star suggested sweetly, "why don't you go try that right now?"

"That's a dumb idea," Cirno said. "First, I've gotta make a flag to plant so everybody knows it was me. Then I'll do it! Just you wait!"

Cirno didn't even bother to say goodbye before she turned and rushed back into her house, only slipping and falling on the ice two times in the process. Once she was gone, Star scooped up her imprisoned fish and headed back toward the group.

"So what did you tell her?" Luna asked.

"Yeah, I'm kind of curious," Clownpiece said.

"You'll find out pretty soon!" Star said. "Let's go find a good spot to watch the candy shop."

On first glance, a reader might believe that the preceding scene proves that fairies are intellectually hopeless. After all, if they can easily catch fish whenever they want, why would they insist on stealing candy rather than simply cooking the fish?

This would be a mistake. Fairies are inventive, unpredictable, and resourceful. They are good at solving problems despite their limited abilities, and at finding endless new ways to make annoyances of themselves. Make no mistake about it: Fairies are not very intelligent.

But fairies are clever.

Furthermore, the previous observations should also be considered. Entertainment is paramount to a fairy. If given a choice between eating a delicious meal for free or stealing a loaf of stale bread, I would expect a significant percentage of fairies to opt for the bread.

After making the journey into the village, the four fairies settled in on the rooftop across from the candy store, with their imprisoned fish sitting between them.

The candy store was not a difficult landmark to miss. Its architectural style matched the nearby buildings, but its proprietor, in an attempt to distinguish it, had posted a sign reading, 'CANDY,' above the doorway, written in garish pastels. Pictures of candy were scattered around it, for the significant portion of its clientele that couldn't read.

After a few minutes in silence, Clownpiece asked, "What are we waiting for?"

Star shushed her.

Not long afterward, Cirno descended from the sky and landed in an alley across the street, with a crude flag clenched in her hands. She snuck back to the rear corner of the candy shop, where a single window stood closed. After glancing side to side to make sure that nobody was watching her, she braced her feet on the ground, grabbed the window, and hefted it open.

The window had barely budged an inch before magical runes flared along its edges and a torrent of energy exploded out. Cirno gave a yelp of surprise, and was briefly visible only as a silhouette as the discharge hurled her across the alley. She slammed into the wall of the opposite building, rebounded most of the way back across the alley, and fell to the ground, lightly sizzling.

"There, now the traps are gone!" Star declared sunnily.

Luna was still staring at Cirno in shock. "What did you tell her?"

"I just told her that he got rid of the traps, so she could sneak in through the window again. So, she tried it and set off the traps for us. Pretty convenient, right?"

The other fairies exchanged glances. "Is it just me," Clownpiece whispered, "or is this girl kind of scary?"

"Look who's talking." Luna rose from the rooftop, brushing the knees of her dress. "Come on, we still have a lot to do."

Among most species of youkai, convincing another individual to touch magical anti-youkai wards would be considered the highest form of betrayal. This, of course, is an illustration of fairies' lack of morality, but it also reinforces another hypothesis I have long held: Fairies are without proper respect for death or peril.

A fairy whose form is destroyed, through anything except the most thorough extermination techniques, will always reappear, as long as the natural forces that birthed her remain. As such, while fairies will show fear of danger, they don't carry themselves with anywhere near the gravitas that a human might in similar circumstances. A fairy will risk her life for a bottle of sake if it sounds sufficiently entertaining, and fairies rarely let a comrade's injuries concern them for more than a few minutes. Within fairy society, the sort of trick that Star employed here could be considered little more than a rude prank.

Cirno survived anyway. After laying in the alley for forty seconds, she revived and flew off, swearing vengeance. By mid-afternoon, she seemed to have already forgotten about the incident and returned to freezing her lake.

Arcane theoreticians have suggested that a bored fairy's attention span may in fact be the shortest unit of time possible.