The car ride to the apartment was quiet aside from the heavy rains pounding the roof and windows. Kuroko absently watching it fall while Akashi took care of some papers his father expected him to have done.

By the time they arrived, the rain hadn't let up. Akashi pulled out a large black umbrella and the two huddled under it. It couldn't save them though with all the wind and puddles forming on the uneven sidewalk. They arrived wet from the knees down.

Once inside, they took off their soaked shoes and set aside the umbrella. Kuroko led the way into the little living room and nodded to the couch.

"I'm going to change before I gather my things. The couch is comfortable," he spoke quietly, trying not to aggravate the pounding in his head. He hadn't been able to take anything for it that morning.

Akashi nodded and took a seat on the couch and Kuroo grabbed a towel from the kitchen for drying to give to Akashi. Then he hurried off to the bedroom. He grabbed some clothes and things then went to the bathroom to change.

After locking the door, Kuroko removed his clothes and starred in the mirror. The words of his teammates from the night before echoed in his head as he traced over the ribs that stuck out a little too far and the stomach that barely existed. He saw it.. but he didn't.

Eating disorder.. He knew. He'd known. Despite what he said to them, he wasn't oblivious to the fact he had one. He just couldn't accept it. He certainly couldn't admit it. Not yet.

He pinched some loose skin and sighed. To him, it was fat that had to be lost. There was too much to just be skin. There was too much. He wasn't worthy. He wasn't a phantom yet.

A fresh wave of dizziness washed over him and he gripped the counter, willing it to disappear. His head felt so heavy. A shower would help. And he needed to weigh himself. He didn't want to think about the damage the toast and cookie had done to his plan, but he had to. He had to know. And this was probably the only chance he would get this weekend.

He unlocked the door and poked his head out, clinging to the knob to steady him. "Akashi-kun? I need a shower. I won't be long."

He heard some movement from the other room before Akashi appeared at the end of the hall, eyeing him carefully and trying to read him. But Kuroko wasn't an easy one to read. His face, despite the dizziness, was blank as the stare stretched on.

"That's fine. I'll wait." The words finally cut the silence.

Kuroko nodded, though he quickly regretted the movement. He started to shut the door, but Akashi's voice stopped him.

"Don't lock the door again, Tetsuya."

Kuroko sighed. "Hai.."

He didn't bother asking how Akashi had known it was locked much less why he wasn't allowed. He could at least guess the answer to the latter question. He shut the door and resisted the urge to turn the lock again.

Safe inside the bathroom, he turned the shower knob to something between hot and cold. It would feel freezing to him, but perhaps it would clear his head just a little bit. He wasn't going to convince anyone he was fine or strong if he fainted again.

Now that the noise of the shower drowned out his movements, he went over to the scale. He closed his eyes and stepped on. The coffee in his stomach seemed to do somersaults as he waited to find out how much damage he'd done and he prayed for the number to be the same as yesterday morning. Of course, it wasn't likely. Maybe it wasn't even possible since he had coffee recently. But he prayed for it all the same.

After a few moments, the scale let out a little beep and he glanced down and the glowing numbers. His heart sank into his stomach. His prayers weren't answered. It was .4kg (.8lbs) higher if he remembered correctly. It wasn't a huge amount but it was too much.

Kuroko knelt down and hugged his knees to his chest watching the number shift from his movement before settling on the grotesque and dreaded conclusion. Maybe it was just water weight, but maybe it wasn't.

With a long sigh, he turned his head and stared at the toilet. He could try purging but would it do any good? Could he do it quietly enough that Akashi wouldn't hear him? Was it worth it if he couldn't? Was it worth the pain in his throat? The dizziness? That look Akashi would surely give him when he found out?

A part of him said yes. But, a part of him said no. The coffee wouldn't turn to fat and the rest had been there too long for purging to do any good. There was no point. He should just leave it be.

He got off the scale and dragged his feet into the shower, letting the cold water clear his mind till the shivering and chattering of his teeth was too much to bear. Then he turned the water warmer and grabbed the soap.

As he washed his body, he took close note of every inch. Was it smaller? Was it bigger? He didn't have an answer but it all looked bigger to him. Point 4 kilograms bigger. He couldn't get that number out of his head. It was everywhere he looked. It was all over; stuck inside his mind. He couldn't just shower and forget it without trying to do anything about it. He had to at least try something. Anything. Doing nothing about it wasn't okay. Giving up wasn't okay. He wasn't a quiter.

His body practically moved on it's own without waiting for his mind to give it directions as he crouched on the tiles. The shower sounded so loud in his ears. It'd cover up the sound. At least, he hoped it would. Getting to his knees and squeezing his eyes shut, he pushed the fingers into his mouth.

At first, there was nothing. Maybe it was too late. A few tries later though and something came up. He couldn't tell if he was throwing up coffee or just stomach acid but it didn't really matter. As long as something came up. Anything.

But before he could go any further, a knock on the door nearly made him jump out of his skin. He jerked his head up and stared at the door.

"Tetsuya? Are you alright in there?"

Akashi's voice made Kuroko's blood run cold. Had he been caught again? He raised his head and stared at the door to see if it opened.

"I'm fine." He called back, his voice trembling and a bit hoarse. He wondered if it was noticeable.

"Are you sure?" Akashi's voice sounded like he didn't believe Kuroko and was daring him to lie again, but with a door in between them still, it didn't feel as threatening as it probably should have.

"Yes."

Kuroko waited for a response but there wasn't any. He dropped his head and let out a sigh of relief. At least Akashi hadn't barged in.

He stared at the tile that had already been cleaned of the trace amounts of vomit and felt his heart drop a little more. His chance was gone and Akashi probably heard.

His stomach was cramping and his throat was sore, an unfortunate price to pay. The taste in his mouth was unfortunate too. He cupped his hands and gathered some water to rinse out his mouth, then he pressed his hand against the cold tile and slowly raised himself from the ground.

The room spun for a few moments and his knees threatened to give way beneath him. He'd gotten rid of so little yet he felt empty inside. He liked the feeling even if it was uncomfortable. The emptiness felt like success. It felt like he was a little closer to his goal. It brought relief. And, by now, it was familiar.

He clutched his stomach and waited till he felt he could convince his limbs to move and his dizziness not to send him crashing to the floor. Then he stepped out of the shower and quickly dried himself before he stepped on the scale again.

A few moments later, the scale beeped again. Only a 1k difference. His efforts barely resulted in anything. It wasn't enough, but at least he'd tried. At least he knew.

The relief from earlier quickly waned and he curled his fingers into his palm forming a tight fist. He'd done all he could, but all he could do was never enough. Not quitting wasn't enough.

Kuroko stepped off the scale and swayed, the dizziness and lightness of his head quickly taking over again. He brought a hand to his head and stumbled till he collided with the wall, the cool tiles making his hair stand on end. At least the coolness cut through the fog in his head a little and brought him back to the moment. He needed to get dressed.

He reached for his clothes and pulled them on slowly. He rubbed his arms with his hands trying to create a little warmth without much luck. If only he could just curl up on the floor and wait to feel better. That wasn't an option though. He opened the door and dragged his feet towards the living room to find Akashi.

After checking on the strange sound coming from the bathroom that he could only assume had been Kuroko up to no good, Akashi decided to take a quick look around the apartment. He'd seen it once before after bringing Kuroko home, and it looked much the same now. Only the kitchen was barer and homework was strewn across the kitchen table like it'd been forgotten about in a hurry. There were a few unwashed mugs scattered about too. Everything else looked barely touched though. Unlived in aside from the kitchen and one bedroom.

Kuroko's parents must still be gone. Akashi wondered when they planned to return or if there was a way to contact them and tell them what was going on. Would they return then? If his own father got such a call, he'd probably return just to yell and tell Akashi he was a disgrace. Or maybe he'd be so disappointed he wouldn't return at all; lock Akashi up in a mental home instead.

Akashi chuckled imagining his father's face if he ever got such a call. Akashi was certain his father would see it as a weak person's move. Pathetic. Disgraceful. Akashi didn't agree with that. He couldn't after seeing Kuroko. Being sick didn't make someone weak.

He glanced over some of the papers on the table then moved on to the the entrance, he paused in front of a picture frame hanging on the wall he hadn't noticed before. It was easy to recognize a younger Kuroko right away with his barely there smile that still felt so warm. But the other three he'd never seen before. He could guess the woman with the same hair, eyes, and smile was his mother. The man was probably the father then and the older woman was perhaps a grandmother. They looked happy. Content. Warm. Where were they now?

Akashi stared at the picture for several long moments before finally frowning. He hadn't had a picture like that since his mother passed. Any family pictures now looked like something from the old days when people didn't smile in photos. They felt so cold without his mother. Looking at the picture and thinking of his own, it seemed odd Kuroko was the one with the sick mind. What went so wrong?

The creaking of the bathroom door opening pulled him from his thoughts and drew his attention to his wet haired friend stumbling down the hallway. Kuroko looked worse than he had earlier and Akashi had no doubt he'd caught him puking earlier. He'd really hoped he'd been wrong about that, but he chose not to bring it up. If he pushed too hard, he feared he'd push him away. Plus, he really didn't know what to say.

He met Kuroko half way and steadied him with a gentle hand on the shoulder then turned him towards the bedroom. "Let's get your things. The rain has quieted. If we hurry, we might beat the next downpour."

Kuroko hummed in response.

Akashi led the way into the little bedroom and guided Kuroko towards the bed to sit. It was clear he needed it, but Akashi didn't point it out, even though he wanted to. It wouldn't do any good to get angry right now. What was done was done. Instead, he focused on the task at hand of getting what was needed.

"Where is a bag we can use?" he asked, glancing around the room.

"I can get it." Kuroko started to stand. He swayed a little and Akashi pushed him back down with a glare before he could take so much as a step.

"You can sit. I will pack the bag."

Kuroko sighed but didn't try to fight it any further. He pointed to the door. "Top shelf of the closet."

Akashi nodded and opened the door to a closet so small it looked more fit for a mop and broom than a wardrobe and boxes. That said, it had an impressive number of items carefully stored and filling up the space. What some people managed to fit in small spaces was truly an impressive skill.

On the top shelf, just barely in his reach, was a black and white duffle. Hanging off the strap was one of the keychains maji burger had given out for completing punch cards.

He smiled at the sight. Aomine finished five punch cards that month with his burger purchases and Kuroko finished three. They both ended up with more than one stomach ache, though Aomine was the only one scolded. It seemed ridiculous at the time. Now it just seemed hard to believe.

He pulled the bag from the shelf and turned to the clothing to pick out some appropriate pieces. He figured the warmer the better by how much Kuroko was shivering.

Glancing to the bed, Akashi noticed Kuroko had laid down and curled up with his eyes closed. "Tetsuya."

"Hmm?" Kuroko only hummed.

"Don't fall asleep."

"I won't.."

Akashi didn't find the sleepiness in his teammates' voice very convincing but it was enough to make him chuckle before continuing on. "Do you need anything besides clothes?"

"Toothbrush.. vitamins.." he paused to think, though it almost looked and sounded as if he'd fallen asleep. "I can't think of anything else.."

"The vitamins on the shelf in the kitchen?"

"Mmm"

"I'll be right back. I mean it about not falling asleep, Tetsuya." He finished in a stern tone then headed to the kitchen.

He found the vitamins in the same place he'd noticed them before. Not about to put random medication in a bag though, he checked each to make sure they looked like vitamins. At least Kuroko was taking something to help his body.

With the vitamins obtained, he checked through the window blinds and sighed. The wind was heavy again. It'd be better to wait till it slowed. Hopefully the others weren't destroying his house by now. For now he'd try to help Kuroko.

The fridge was empty of anything truly useful like food or juice, but there were some bottled green teas at the back. Out of the options, it's what he would pick after throwing up so he grabbed that and brought it back to the bedroom.

"Tetsuya." Akashi placed a hand on Kuroko's shoulder. "Sit up," he ordered.

Kuroko opened an eye and glanced up but didn't move.

"Tetsuya," Akashi repeated with more warning in his tone. He wasn't angry but he did want to be obeyed right now. And it worked.

Kuroko opened both eyes and pushed himself up to a seated position though he looked ready to fall back over. Akashi sat down next to him and opened the bottle.

"The winds are too harsh to leave at the moment. Here. Drink." He pressed the bottle into Kuroko's hands.

Kuroko glanced down at it, checking the label. Akashi wondered if he was about to be refused. Tea didn't seem problematic and it was in Kuroko's fridge but it took a while for Kuroko to put the bottle to his lips and sip from it.

"Thank you," Kuroko whispered.

Before Akashi could reply, Kuroko's head was on his shoulder and his eyes were closed again. Akashi sighed and his eyes softened. Kuroko looked almost peaceful if one ignored the evidence of exhaustion.

Akashi pulled the bottle from Kuroko's hands for safekeeping, letting their hands touch for a moment longer than necessary. He capped it and then kept still so Kuroko could relax on his shoulder for a few minutes. However, he didn't want Kuroko to fall asleep right now and broke the silence when it seemed Kuroko was breathing too calmly.

"Where are your parents?" All Akashi knew was they weren't here. He thought maybe now he could get some answers and find out if calling them home was possible.

"Not here," he deadpanned.

Akashi frowned and his eye twitched. That was not at all the answer he was looking for. "Clearly. But where are they?"

"Hmm.. New York I think. They left for work when I started middle school." Kuroko shrugged like he barely even thought of them, though Akashi doubted that was the case. "My mom comes back next year."

Akashi furrowed his brow. That was a long time but it wasn't entirely uncommon. Work assignments could last for years and, even if given vacation days, there wasn't always enough money or time to cover the flights home. He'd heard his father's workers complain about that plenty of times. Only, usually, one parent stayed behind.

"They both left you here alone?"

Kuroko shrugged again and shifted. He reached for the drink in Akashi's hand, taking it long enough for a few sips before handing it back. "I was here with my grandmother. But I can take care of myself."

Again, Akashi made a face. He glanced down at the messy damp hair on his shoulder and the shivering body it was attached to. It wasn't the image of someone who could take care of themselves.

He pulled a blanket from the edge of the bed and wrapped Kuroko in it and paused before asking "where is she?"

"Who?"

Akashi let out a disgruntled sigh. "Your grandmother. You said you were here with her."

"Oh." Kuroko replied but didn't offer any further information on the matter.

"Tetsuya."

"She lives in a nursing home now. She knit this." He lifted one of the hands under the blanket to refer to it as what she'd made. It was nicely done but it hardly had anything to do with the conversation. Akashi didn't mind though.

"It's nice."

"I can only make hats and blankets. She makes a lot of things."

"I've heard it's relaxing."

"Mmm," Kuroko hummed and reached for the bottle again. Akashi handed it over. At least Kuroko was rehydrating for the moment.

They spent a little while longer talking about knitting and one of the books on Kuroko's bookshelf. The rain and wind blowing against the outer walls quieted part way into their conversation about the ending of the book but Akashi waited till Kuroko was done defending his point. He didn't get that many chances for casual conversation without neglecting work and honestly, it was just nice to hear him talk for a little bit.

But the storm wouldn't hold forever and they still needed to get back to the house. There were other guests after all.

"We should get going. The storm has calmed." Akashi sat Kuroko upright and stood, grabbing the duffle and shoving it onto his shoulder. He reached out and helped pull Kuroko up. For a moment, they stood holding hands till Kuroko stopped swaying.

"Are you alright to walk now?"

"Mhm. I'll be fine," Kuroko mumbled.

"Alright. Hold on to me if you think you might fall."

"Hai."

They made their way out of the building and into the car, heading back towards the Akashi estate.

Authors note:

So.. it's been about three years since I've updated any of my long fics but I've decided to try to continue this fic. That said, this may be the last chapter I post on fanfic net. I'm just not thrilled with the formatting and all the spam messages. You can still find my stories on wattpad and AO3 though.