Who Really Needs a Bodyguard

Peter's new friend Harry is a little over protective of his friends and hires Peter a bodyguard to keep him safe. Far from needing a bodyguard and busy saving the city, Peter faces many shenanigans to escape his diligent new guard and ex-bully, Flash Thompson.

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Co-written by both authors on this penname over the course of a very long time. I honestly don't even remember when we started this. Right after they announced Dane DeHaan as Harry Osborne, I think?

Jess Edit: December 3rd, 2012 - Dane DeHaan announced as Harry Osborn for The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Holy cow.

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Chapter 1

"This really isn't necessary."

"I don't think you understand just how dangerous being my friend can be."

Peter watched his new friend punch in numbers on a virtual keyboard, disbelief on his face. He'd met Harry Osborn shortly after the arrest of Dr. Connors when Peter had been interviewed about the formula they'd been working on. Of course Peter did his best to convince them the serum was an obvious failure, but his brains and sincerity had won the attentions of the CEO's son.

It was one party invitation and one lunch date later when Harry Osborn declared them friends and demanded Peter get a bodyguard.

"Harry, I really can't have some conspicuous guy following me around all day every day. I have college classes. I have a job," Peter insisted.

"Of course. I know that." Harry pressed a few more keys and Peter realized he wasn't just hitting numbers. He was texting or emailing or…something like that. "He'll be in plain clothes. He'll be your age. He'll take classes at your college and give you space for work. It'll only be during waking hours, not when you're at home... unless there's an active threat. I already have the perfect person in mind. Tough. Intimidating. Familiar."

"Familiar?" Peter asked. His gut was rumbling with renewing queasiness. If he had a fulltime bodyguard, how was he supposed to be Spider-Man? Bodyguards were all business and restrictions and humorless and-

"Well yeah, you know the guy," Harry said. He brought up an image on the screen. "Eugene Thompson."

It was a photo of said guy looking particularly foreboding as he threatened a younger student in high school. Beside it was his professional, charming yearbook photo.

"Flash," Peter exhaled. At least all the news wasn't bad. It was at least someone he didn't hate.

"Right." Harry nodded. "Flash Thompson. He's in the job market and fits my parameters. I need someone no one will suspect in everyday interactions but who's strong enough to protect you. Your familiarity with Flash makes him an ideal choice. You became almost friends by the end of high school. This will be an extension of that."

"You know... I really don't need a bodyguard. I can handle myself," Peter tried again, knowing it was in vain.

"Peter." Harry walked over to him and placed his hands on Peter's shoulders. "You're my friend... and my friends tend to become targets for not so nice people. I'm just trying to keep you around. I like you."

"Well..." How was he supposed to argue with an earnest face like that? "Fine. I guess... I just..."

"Great!" Harry beamed at him and stepped away. "I'll let Flash know and he can start protecting you tomorrow. Sound good?"

"Y-... Yeah..." And hopefully his very not-good feeling wasn't totally obvious.

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Flash Thompson. Peter had humiliated him in high school after years of bullying because his own new super human powers had gone to his head and he was tired of taking Flash's shit. Although he felt both proud and ashamed of his actions on the basketball court, he felt nothing but shame after Uncle Ben got hold of him. And then Flash had shown he wasn't just a bully when, despite that humiliation, he'd tried to comfort Peter after Uncle Ben's death. A few passing greetings in the hall later and they were graduating as unlikely acquaintances.

And now Flash Thompson was standing in front of Peter's house, picking him up for school and planning to never leave him alone for the foreseeable future. The consolation in all of this was that Flash looked just as confused and shocked to see Peter as Peter had felt when Harry had suggested the bodyguard in the first place.

Flash was standing on the Parker front porch, checking the number as though there was some possible malfunction in his ability to navigate.

"Parker?" he asked when he couldn't come up with any other explanations for why Peter was inside the house where his charge lived.

"Good to see your eyes still work," Peter said, a bit more Spider-Man than he intended. "I hear those are useful in a bodyguard. And before you totally freak out – I told Harry I didn't need one."

"I'm supposed to guard you?" Flash rubbed a hand over his mostly shaved head. "I mean, I will. We're cool. But if anyone we know sees us, they're going to be really, really confused."

"Aw come on, Flash. Don't tell me people think you're not a cool, nice guy. You'll break my mental image of you." Peter hefted his backpack higher on his shoulders and closed the front door behind him.

Flash didn't seem to know how to respond to that comment. He sort of grunted and just followed Peter as he walked down the street toward the city bus stop. Only when they were standing alone by the covered bench did he find any words again.

"So you and Harry Osborn, huh? Guess you've got a lot of friends in high places," he said, scanning the street like a dutiful guard.

Peter shrugged and tried not to laugh at how into this role Flash seemed to be. "We don't really know each other. I mean, he seems to know more about me than I'll ever know about him and we just met." He paused and turned to face Flash as the bus came into view. "You know, you don't have to do this. I can tell Harry you never left me alone, but you can go do whatever you want. I really don't need a bodyguard."

"No way, Parker. I got this job fair and square so I'm going to do it, whether you like it or not. You can just pretend I'm not here if it makes that much difference to you." He wasn't going to budge. Peter could tell, and he just sighed in response.

Flash boarded the bus first, eyed everyone on board, and found Peter a spot near the back. It would be their only bus trip since Harry would declare busses too unsafe and demand that Peter take the subway or Harry would send a car... and Peter would prefer the subway. He was beginning to think Harry would be a good-natured but very overbearing friend.

As if Peter didn't have enough trouble with the whole secret identity thing...

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"So he's just following you everywhere?" Gwen asked, lowering her menu.

Peter groaned. "Yeeesss. He sits outside my classes. He walks me home at night and picks me up in the morning and even hovered around me at work. I mean, I told him I had a date tonight and he said that was 'fine' and to just pretend he wasn't here."

Gwen glanced over Peter's shoulder where she could see Flash sitting at a table by himself, talking to the wait staff but also keeping tabs on Peter. She shrugged.

"Well at least he's not totally obvious about it. He looks really natural over there," she said and nodded.

"Pff."

"I'm serious. He'd make a great undercover cop. Maybe I'll suggest him to the new police captain." She squinted and Peter glanced over his shoulder to make sure Flash hadn't gotten fuzzy or something.

"Why are you looking like that?" he asked when he turned back.

"Does he know?" she asked.

"Know what?" Peter picked up his glass of water and took a sip.

Gwen held her menu up to half hide her mouth. "About Spider-man," she whispered.

Peter's heart quickened and he put his cup down carefully so he wouldn't accidentally break it. With a shake of his head, he said what he couldn't with his mouth – partially because there was still water in it and partially because talking out loud gave the possibility of being overheard. He swallowed heavily.

"Are you gonna tell him? 'Cause I don't know how you're going to keep him from finding out if he's with you all the time," she pointed out as if Peter hadn't already realized the issue.

He groaned again. "I know. I know. I'm working on it. So far I've just been only going out at night, when he isn't with me, but I can't keep doing that. I'm not nocturnal. I have a job. I have school."

Gwen nodded and made a thoughtful noise. "Yep. Keep this up and people will start calling you Batman instead of Spider-man. Or maybe Night Crawler."

"Isn't there already a superhero named Night Crawler?" Peter asked and tossed his straw wrapper at her.

She tossed it back. "You two can fight over it."

"Pretty sure he'd win. He's had the name for awhile." Peter glanced over his shoulder again and this time Flash was looking back. Peter quickly looked away and sighed.

"You know, maybe you could tell him. He might take it well," Gwen said and returned her eyes to the menu.

A laugh. "You're funny. Did you know you were funny? 'Cause you're funny. Really."

Gwen threw her own wrapper at him now. "Well you never know," she said.

Their waiter arrived a minute later and took their orders, which didn't take long since Gwen came here regularly and Peter really only liked one thing on the menu that wasn't dessert. Part of Peter worried how Flash would afford to eat anything, but then he remembered that Harry not only paid for Flash's time spent following Peter around but also paid for any expenses because of it.

"You know there is a bright side," Peter said after their food was delivered.

"Oh yeah?" Gwen grinned. "What is it?"

"Harry said Flash doesn't follow me on Wednesday mornings 'cause he's getting special self-defense training from Oscorp. And you know what tomorrow is?" Peter smirked.

"Wednesday?" she said more than asked.

"Oh yeah. So I can finally go out in the daylight again. It's gonna be great." And he meant it. He was looking forward to swinging through the buildings while the sun was shining. Flash had only been his bodyguard for a week, but it was already too stressful for Peter, and he missed the sun and warm air rushing by him.

Gwen congratulated him, but somehow she didn't seem nearly as pleased as Peter, and he couldn't decide what could possibly be a downside to this idea. But instead of ruining the date by asking her about something that might upset her, Peter kept his confusion to himself and simply complimented the food.

Behind him, Flash had the same thing as Peter, which coincidentally had not been planned. They both just didn't want to test anything else on the fancy menu. Flash relaxed in his chair as he ate, his chair letting out the softest of squeaks as he sat heavier in it, but Peter could feel each time he glanced over and was unable to remove the tension from his shoulders no matter how much he tried or how long the dinner went on.

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tbc