Be My Light When Days Are Gray

Author: Loraliell

Disclaimer: Neither Gundam Wing nor Harry Potter belong to me nor do any of the Characters you may recognize, the only thing that is mine is anything you don't recognize from canon.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort Family

Warnings: Cursing, Mayor Character Death

Summary: Once upon a time there were two brothers, sounds familiar? But just like life there is no guarantee that it will also end with a happy-ever-after. This is a Comapanion fic to my story We Were Brothers Once. It's written from Harrys POV

AN: I know, I know I should update Like Fireworks, like yesterday, but I am barely able to get my muse working again before I get stuck, again. Also my aunt recently died after four months in ICU and a long hard fight for her life that she sadly lost in the end so I'm really down at the moment.

Be My Light When Days Are Gray

Harry was just shy of his thirteenth birthday when his uncle got the brilliant idea for a way to get Harry 'out of under their feet for the summer'. So when Uncle Vernon had to leave for the L2 colony on a business trip, he took Harry in a 'generous and kind gesture' with him to show him the 'ropes of the business world'. Which in other words meant that he put Harrys scrawny arse into the first place he found on L2 that seemed tolerant of orphans and street-rats with the dire warning to stay there or be left behind when Vernon came back to get him.

So Harry stayed at Father Maxwells Church. The priest was kind, so was Sister Helen, they showed true compassion to the orphans and street-rats that found their way to them, but Harry didn't need it, he grew up without a compassionate adult in his life and the few times he tried to entrust himself in an adults care it backfired badly on him, you only had to look at the mess that were his first two years at Hogwarts if you needed an example. So he grinned at the adults and children, talking about anything and nothing and kept everyone at a distance, it wouldn't do to grow attached to anyone here, not when he had to leave in a few weeks again and would likely never see the people here again.

At least that was what he planned to do. But life had a way to screw with him he guessed. The boy was downright tiny, violet-eyes wary and distrustful, mouth a pale thin line and long brown hair an absolute mess and Harry just couldn't let the little brat be like that, not when he could see so much of himself in the boy. So he sighed resignedly and sat down in front of the brat, far enough to not crowd him but near enough so the brat couldn't just ignore him. Harry smiled brightly and babbled at the boy, because if violet-eyes was anything like him at the age he wouldn't just accept anyone trying to help him at this point.

It took a few days and Harry felt like maybe he should try to spell out what he was trying to do to the boy when suddenly in the middle of a yawn the boy started, blinking at him in startled surprise and Harry tipped his head so his hair shadowed his eyes and smiled a real smile for the first time since leaving Hogwarts. "Now you understand." He murmured pleased that his lesson was finally understood.

It was nearly eight weeks before his uncle returned for him and Harry had started to get a bit nervous about the fact that it took Vernon so long to return for him but when he heard the familiar voice barking his name he obediently stood, sparing Duo, as he had learned the brats name was, a last look, regret heavy in his heart. He smiled, small and knowing because he knew Duo would survive in this world and murmured a last. "Take care little brother." Before he left with his uncle to return for his third year of Hogwarts.

His years in Hogwarts got only worse the longer he went culminating into a Second Wizarding War and the Battle of Hogwarts where so many good people left their life. Harry was still a bit shell-shocked to be honest and in deep mourning for Tonks and Remus, who shouldn't even have been there that day, who should have stayed with little Teddy, who was now an orphan and lost even his Grandmother, who died of a broken heart shortly after the battle. So Harry swore while standing at the graves of his godsons family, while holding said baby tightly swaddled in his arms, that no matter what, he would do anything to protect little Teddy.

The situation between the Colonies and Earth got tenser and tenser and the chances for war rose with every passing moment. Harry followed the situation with a barely restrained frown while Teddy sat giggling on the floor drawing pictures for his 'Unca' Harry. Harry felt a smile twitch at the corners of his mouth at the sweet picture his godson made and in his heart he knew, should it come to war he would fight for Earth, even if he was sympathetic to the Colonies plight.

He enlisted the day the war between Earth and the Colonies was declared. Hermione was so many shades of not impressed when she found out about it that Harry still winced at the thought of the lecture she gave him, but he was firm about his decision. He would not be a helpless civilian when war came to their doorsteps and even if she didn't like his decision, Hermione still helped with looking after Teddy while Harry was gone, first to Basic Training and later when he worked his shifts or was deployed. Harry felt himself absolutely proven right with his decision to become a part of Oz when the Gundam Pilots entered the picture with their highly developed suits and their massive amount of collateral damage. Hermione just huffed and looked at him judgmentally.

Harry admitted if only to himself that he might have miscalculated slightly with his decision but was too proud to admit it out loud, lest Hermione got wind of it and re-started their argument again. He ran his hand through his hair as he re-read the confirmation beneath a slightly blurry picture of a young man still in his teens with long chestnut-colored hair and violet-eyes, wearing what looked very much like a priest-outfit with a slightly battered silver cross around his neck. Even if it had been nearly ten years since he last saw the brat it was without a doubt Duo in the photo and even if no name had been confirmed he still knew now at least the identity of one oft the five Gundam pilots and never in his life had Harry wished more for ignorance. He closed his eyes resignedly, life just loved to fuck with him.

It didn't take much more than a flick of his wrist to reduce the photo and the confirmation on the 02 sighting to ash that danced playfully in wind when he threw it out of his window. What Oz didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

He knew getting in contact with Duo was a spectacularly bad idea but he couldn't help himself, it had been too long since he last talked to the brat and the selfish part of him wanted to enjoy whatever time he could get with his little brother before he found out just who and what Harry was. So when he saw that long chestnut-colored braid in the streets he took a chance and made eye-contact with the teen.

Duo followed him.

Of course he did.

The brat had grown since he last saw him, but there was still a bit of baby-fat clinging to the curves of his face, softening the striking features. Duo in return was also studying him so Harry opened the conversation with a murmured. "It's been a while." The answering grin was nearly an exact copy to his own and Duo pulled down his cap a bit lower to shadow his expressive eyes, a good protective measure to stop others from reading too much in his eyes. "Nearly nine years. Father Maxwell thought you were a goner." There was a pause and then Harry snorted softly while he lightly rested his head on his fist. Harry turned his head slightly, using his glasses to reflect the light and hide his eyes from Duo. "But you knew I never would let myself fall."

This time it was the brats turn to snort. "You are a survivor." Was what Duo finally answered and Harry bowed his head slightly. "We both are." Because it was true and it was one of the reasons why Harry had taken the wild-haired brat-ling under his wings when he first met him. Duo was a survivor and he was down on the rocks and didn't know how to get of them again, so Harry had shown him and inwardly Harry grinned with delight and pride as he saw first handed how much the brat had taken his lessons and made them his own.

The answering grin he got was broad and bright and something very much like pleasure at the confirmation that they really were alike slipped past the carefully controlled mask for a second, like the beat of gossamer wing, there and gone again but it still left a warm glow in Harry's chest, and the dread he had carefully tucked away before he got into contact with Duo continued to grow. They didn't talk much after-wards and Harry used every second to soak up his little brothers presence, the easy companionship between them while a tiny part of his mind continued to call him 'Greedy, greedy, always so greedy.'

They met each other a few times, sometimes talking, sometimes just enjoying the easy atmosphere between them and Harry dreaded the day when Duo found out who and what he was and he hoped it would be far into the future. But he knew the moment he saw Duo again that he had hoped in vain, the carefully shuttered expression in his eyes and the slightly fixed smile – too broad, too bright and somehow brittle like delicate glass, ready to break at a touch with a soft tinkle – and Harrys heart broke a little bit because he had never wanted to put that expression on his friends, his brothers face, but he had chosen his path and he would not waver, not even for Duo because there was a little boy with bright smiles and a trusting heart depending on him. There were men and women who trusted his command, his leadership to ensure they would go home safely every day and he couldn't, wouldn't break that trust, even if it meant that he broke his own heart and maybe Duos. And again there was a whisper of. 'Greedy, greedy, see what you have done with your greed?' , that echoed in his mind. Harry closed his eyes for a moment to hide the grief in them before he followed Duo into the teahouse he was waiting in. The younger boy was silent, expression still shuttered but a tiny flick of hurt had shown itself in violet-eyes for a bare second before shadows hid them. Harry was the first to break the uncomfortable silence between them. "You found out then?" Duos silent accusations of Why and How Could You? weighed heavily on Harry and the atmosphere felt strained and Harry couldn't fight his reaction and let his eyes go cool to distance himself a bit from the situation.

"Why?" Duos question was like a shot and from the slight widening of his eyes he hadn't meant to ask it but he had and Harry had sworn himself he would answer Duo as truthfully as he could so he sighed and leaned his head on a white gloved hand. "This is my home, the people I love are here and for them I would gladly fight a thousand wars, die a thousand dead's, just to ensure that they are alive and healthy. Have I ever told you? I have a Godson now, he is my world and to protect him I would rip apart this world." And like always when he talked about his godson a golden warmth filled his chest and he didn't miss the flicker of slight yearning in Duos expression, so Harry resolved himself that no matter what he would ensure that Duo met Teddy at least once and that Teddy would know about his other uncle well beforehand and if there was a slight scheme, a Just in Case idea formed, well no-one else had to know that.

Duo swallowed and really Harry should have taken the time to give the brat another lesson in concealing his feelings, Duo was good but could still use a bit of work to hide from the truly observant people out there. But that was just another regret in a long row of it. "Would you have done it if you had known that you would have to go against me?" The brat just had to be so goddamned earnest and against his will Harry could literally feel the way the expression in his eyes softened in answer to it. "Had I known? No I don't think I would have. You were mine after all, or do you really think that I would have wasted my time on you if I hadn't thought that you were worth it?" Who was Harry trying to kid again? Because really Duo was still his and of course he would protect the little brat for as long as possible no matter how Duo took the whole thing. Duo closed his eyes, probably to hide his relief and a small part of Harry really wanted to bang his head against the table, because really? Duo could at least try to hide how he felt, it shouldn't be that hard to do.

"Then please, if my friendship ever meant anything to you, please, take your family and run." The resigned cant to his shoulders the moment he uttered his plea told Harry all he needed to know. Duo was already aware that nothing would come of it and a part of him mused that the brat knew him better than he thought if he could such a good grip on his reactions to certain topics. The rest of him was filled with resignation and mourning for what could have been if he hadn't been so rash in his decisions. "Don't be ridiculous. We both know that I never would, maybe in the very beginning I would have considered, but now? Those men and women who serve with me, they are mine too, my comrades, my Brothers- and Sisters- in Arms and I'm many things, some of them I freely admit that I'm not proud of them, but I'm no deserter, nor a traitor." Harry made his voice cool and sharp, with enough bite to make Duo wince. 'Good' the part of him that was offended at the thought of being asked to throw away his honor just to save his skin murmured. But Harry still let a bit of understanding and forgiveness bled into his eyes, even if Duo wouldn't understand until it was too late, he would remember after-wards.

Harry was the first to get up and he turned just so to lead Duos eyes to his red and white uniform, staying still for a breath to let his little brother take in the sight of him in enemy colors and as he moved to leave their table he stopped for a moment at Duos shoulder, gloved hand briefly squeezing the younger teens shoulder. "A last request. Should we ever meet on the battlefield. Don't hesitate, because brother or not, I will not falter to protect my home, my family for them I will gladly walk to my death, no matter what. Even if that means that I have to fight against you and neither should you." He didn't hesitate to leave after-wards without looking back, head held high, he had given Duo enough to think about for now.

Hermione took one look at him before throwing up her hands in resignation and asking with as much exasperation in her voice as possible just what he had gotten himself into now? And wasn't volunteering to fight in a war that had nothing to do with him enough trouble for the next ten years? Harry grinned sheepishly and tried to avoid the topic of the Mobile suit he had been chosen to pilot by the Higher Ups. Hermione bought it, hook, line and sinker and she was not impressed with the news.

He saw Duo from time to time away from the battlefield where he tried his best to stay as far away as possible from 02. He knew it wouldn't last but he tried. But Harry was surprised how much he missed their casual talks and Duos easy presence, the reminder of easier days.

They clashed twice on the battlefield and it took all of Harry's not inconsiderable talent to make it look absolutely real and still stay in between Duo and that fucking canon that would take 02 out the moment it got a clear line of sight and pull of a believable stale-mate. In short it was a nightmare.

The next time he went to check on Duo he took Teddy with him, his little wolf was all fired up to finally meet his mysterious 'Unca' Duo and was all but bouncing at Harry's hand and for once he didn't even try to hide the softness of his expression and the love he felt for his little ray of sunshine. When he finally met Duo's gaze he let the softness linger, call it sentimentality but Duo deserved to see a bit of the love he felt for his younger brother. Harry bend down to the all-but vibrating child at his hand and murmured softly into his ear. "You see the teen with the long brown hair and violet-eyes Teddy-bear? That's your Uncle Duo, why don't you go and say hi to him hmm, give him a big hug from me will you sweetheart?" The smile he received is blinding and when he let go of Teddy's hand he is off like a shot right towards Duo, who looked like a deer in the headlights for a moment, and really at this point Harry decided to just give up on Duo and concealing his emotions, apparently stuff like that just doesn't stick with the brat. But the smile the younger teen concealed in Teddys golden-brown hair is entirely worth the risk taking Teddy out here was.

Apparently his Higher-Ups finally got a clue towards his avoidance on the battlefield. He didn't mind the disciplinary measures too much, they were exhausting but it was manageable but when they decided that questioning his guardianship of Teddy was the way to go, well, they were damn lucky that Harry didn't fancy a stint to Askaban otherwise not even their mothers would be able to recognize them but all Harry could do was bite his teeth together and work on his idle Just-in-Case idea he had a few months ago. He was on one of his check ups for Duo when he saw the small silver medallion in a shop window, he had something similar, it had been his mothers and in it was the only photo that existed of Duo and himself as children. He bought the medallion, it would make a nice Christmas gift and photos could be copied.

He managed to avoid Duo on the battlefield for another month or two before his commanding officers finally lost their patience with him and gave him an ultimatum, either he complied or he would loose guardianship of Teddy and for a moment Harry hated like he had never hated anything before in his life. He went out to find Duo the next day after finalizing the last details of his no longer Just-in-Case plan. "Little Brother." Harry murmured, voice low and barely able to conceal how tired he really was, he stayed in the shadows let them conceal him, feeling raw in a way he hadn't felt for a long time.

Duo frowned, worry ghosting over his features like a brief shadow. "What happened?" Harry smiled a wry smile, something wounded and tired tugged at his lips for once not bothering to conceal his emotions. "What didn't?" Duos ever present smile sharpened. "Don't play games with me that you taught me yourself." True amusement flashed through Harry and he let Duo see it, why bother with hiding now? Then he answered, voice still low. "I no longer have a choice if I wish to keep safe what's most precious to me."

Duo swallowed visible. "How can I help?" He meant it, Harry could see the honest desire to help in Duos shadowed eyes and the warm glow in his chest that was all Duo and had a place right next to Teddy intensified for a moment. Harry gave a tired smile. "Our little game of cat and mouse will have to end little brother." He hesitated for a moment, debating if he really should ask Duo before he murmured. "I request a favor. No matter how this ends get my little wolf out of this, he doesn't deserve to be hurt for the stupidity of others."

Harry knew the moment Duo accepted, even when he closed his eyes as if in defeat and swallowed harshly. The hoarse whisper was just the last confirmation. "Of course you don't have to ask, he will be safe no matter what. I promise." Duo's eyes were still closed when Harry squeezed his shoulder for a last time, using the moment to slip a precious piece of paper into his little brothers pocket. He hesitated for a moment before straightening his spine and bend down to press a kiss to Duos forehead, this was his good-bye, so he lingered for just a moment before he left with fast, sure steps, not looking back or he would break down take Duo and Teddy and hide for the rest of the war, which was something he would never be able to forgive himself for, so he left, head held high and kept his steps sure and firm.

The last time they met on the battlefield Harry didn't bother trying to hide his desperation, let them see what they had driven him too, let the soldiers wonder what had happened that made their cool and calculating Lieutenant so frantic and desperate, he had left enough material behind to start whispers and mistrust against the Higher-Ups, it was maybe too little, too late but everything helped and soldiers who didn't believe in what they were fighting for never fought as well as soldiers who had a true reason to fight. Harry took more damage than planned and for once he very nearly cursed Duo for being as good a pilot as he was. He lagged for a moment when he shouldn't have and that was all it took for that thrice damned weapon to fire. "Elimination shot fired. ETA 10 seconds. Good work Lieutenant." Harry knew that 10 seconds wasn't enough time to get them both out of the line of fire, but it was enough time to intercept it. He swallowed but didn't hesitate, a single tear falling down his face, was this how Tonks and Remus felt like when they went to the Battle of Hogwarts knowing there was a possibility they wouldn't return? Was this how his mother felt like when she threw herself between the Killing Curse and himself? "I'm so sorry Teddy-bear." The impact was jarring and a klaxon of wailing sound and red lights, system warnings shining up. He had a moment of hope before he felt the implosion start somewhere beneath him, there was an impression of agony and heat and fire and before everything faded at last, a last thought, 'I'm so sorry, Teddy, Duo, forgive me for leaving you behind and thank you for loving me', then nothing.

The End