His earliest memory of a hospital was so long ago that he wasn't sure of how old he was. Young enough to still be fighting bullies off of Yukio, but old enough that he was already learning to cook. The experience wasn't scarring or a topic of his nightmares, but it was the start of a long and tiring road that led him to this very moment. He closed his eyes, heartbeat slowing, and exhaled softly.

He had finally reached the end of that road. He wasn't particularly sad about it, but. He can't help but think about what comes next. Who will feed Kuro? Yukio, probably, but will he know how to deal with the cat demon's picky and random appetite? Who would remind Yukio to eat or sleep when he was overworking himself?

It was too late to think of solutions to these problems. In the end, Rin didn't have many who would mourn him for longer than a moment. His classmates were frightened of his status as the son of Satan, and most of the time he couldn't figure out whether Yukio loved him or hated him. Kuro would probably miss him the most - but he hadn't been with Rin for nearly as long as he had been with the old man, so he'd probably get over his death quickly.

Rin didn't want to die. He had dragged through every day with dread hanging over him like a cloud, and now he has finally reached the storm. It wasn't as bad as he thought. Yes, it plunged him into a sea of self-pity and sadness, but after a while, everything started to get a bit dull. The pain in his chest, his bitterness - that didn't matter anymore. He struggled to fill his lungs, gasping desperately for air, and his eyes began to glaze over as his vision blurred and darkened. He's gone through this a thousand times, but now - now it is different. There's a kind of finality in this, and it's not like Rin had imagined he would have left this world in any other way. He's not even an adult - not able to drink or vote, but the beginning of his end would have come in this same chapter anyway. He's been condemned for who he is since he was born, and it's with an air of resignation that Rin concludes that this would have come sooner or later anyway. Perhaps it's for the best that he was born sick - at least he was ready. At least he wasn't thrust into the idea that he was going to die young. In another world, maybe he is executed by the Vatican, or killed by Satan in the midst of a battlefield; he almost feels glad that he is able to die without an audience.

He had written a note for Yukio and left it in his drawer of glasses. It's symbolic, in a way; his little brother will finally be able to see Rin clearly. He wondered if he'll cry.

He sighed, feeling drowsy. The silence rang loudly in his ears.

Despite the metallic taste of blood, everything is oddly peaceful.

The first time Rin had to go to a hospital, he had gotten into another fight at school with his brother's bullies. He had tackled one of them to the ground, but another had snuck up behind him with a big rock. He remembered Yukio's face covered in tears and snot as he was taken away in an ambulance.

There was only a large bump on his head and a few cuts to show for the altercation, but the doctors insisted on examining it thoroughly in order to make sure he didn't have a concussion. He didn't know what a concussion was, but he complained nonetheless.

"What did I tell you about fighting?" Shirou scolded him, trying to hide his amusement from Rin's pout.

"It's not my fault," Rin whined. "They were picking on Yukio again."

"Then you should've told your teacher, you stubborn brat," Shirou said affectionately.

"But-" Rin started.

"No buts!" Shirou said firmly. "And no more fights! I'm serious this time!" he added at Rin's snort of disbelief.

"As serious as you were last time?" Rin said cheekily.

Shirou laughed. "I'm seriously serious! You don't want to become a delinquent, do you?"

When Rin didn't respond immediately, Shirou groaned. "Lord help me."

A knock on the hospital door interrupted their conversation. "Excuse me?" A sophisticated-looking woman with brown hair pulled into a bun stood at the door. "Are you the guardian of Rin Okumura?"

"That's me," Shirou said quickly, noticing the grim expression she wore. "Is everything fine with Rin?"

The woman hesitated, glancing at the small boy kicking his feet back and forth. "May I speak to you in the hallway for a moment?"

Dread coursed through Shirou's veins. "Of course," he said. He looked back at Rin. "Stay put. And don't touch anything!" Rin's mischevious expression soured.

Shirou closed the door behind him, turning the doctor worriedly. She flipped a paper on her clipboard and began speaking. "Rin has no signs of a concussion, but due to the information we received about him getting cuts repeatedly from fights, we decided to do a basic rundown with blood tests, just to make sure he didn't get an infection from an open cut. We didn't find an infection, but," she paused, looking deeply sympathetic. "we did find signs of a terminal disease."

Shirou's heart almost stopped. "What?" he whispered. "Rin...is sick?"

The doctor placed a comforting hand on his shoulder as she explained the details. The next few minutes were a blur to Shirou - the woman told him that Rin still had at least ten to fifteen years if he didn't exert himself and agreed to all of the treatments. If he was lucky, he might even live to his reach thirty, she had said.

If he was lucky.

When Shirou reentered the hospital room, Rin was messing with a jar of cotton swabs. Guiltily, he hid his hand behind his back in an attempt to hide the jar. The guilty expression faded away when the child noticed his father trembling lightly.

"Daddy?" Rin asked hesitantly. "What's wrong?"

Shirou's head buried in his hands. Rin stared, stunned, at his shaking father. "Daddy?" he repeated timidly.

"I'm so sorry, Rin," Shirou choked, finally looking up at his son. Rin flinched at the sight of his father with tears in his eyes. "The doctors found something bad in your body."

Rin's eyes widened. "Bad? Like a monster?"

A startled laugh escaped Shirou. "Yes, exactly like a monster. Except the doctors don't know what kind of monster it is, so they can't beat it."

Rin's mouth formed into a circle of understanding. "So what're they gonna do?"

"They're gonna give you some medicine that might weaken the monster a little bit," Shirou struggled to get the words out of his throat as his little boy nodded seriously without really comprehending the situation. "But they're really counting on your body to fight back as much as it can."

"Oh," Rin said, a little excitedly. "Okay! Is my body the superhero?"

"Yes, that's right," Shirou smiled, Rin's optimism and childish laughter always managing to cheer him up.

Rin wondered over the fact that he was technically a superhero for another few moments. "How am I supposed to beat the monster?" he asked.

Shirou's smile faltered. "First off, you can't get into fights anymore. I mean it, Rin. If you try to fight something other than the monster, it will try to hurt you even more. Okay?" Rin nodded seriously. "And from now on, you're going to have to take medicine every day. It's going to suck, but it'll help." Shirou paused, blinking away tears.

"Okay," Rin said, nodding. He glanced around, fingers curling into Shirou's jacket. "Where's Yukio?"

"He's at home, probably already ready to fuss over your health the second you get home," Shirou teased, coaxing a bright smile out of Rin. "You know how he gets when he's worried."

Rin's smile dropped for a moment, and a small frown edged onto his face. "Can we not tell Yukio about the monster?" Rin asked. Shirou felt his heart break as his son explained, "'Cause then Yukio will be worried all the time, and I don't want him to worry."

Shirou thought about Yukio's determination to become an exorcist and the way he was already learning to shoot a gun. He looked at Rin, feisty, sincere, over-protective Rin, and he thought about ten to fifteen years and bright blue flames.

"No," Shirou said with a heavy heart. "We don't have to tell Yukio."

God help his children.

as u can probably tell...this is going to be extremely different from redirecting fate. this is probs gonna get graphic and super angsty. good luck to all of u