Support

"Why am I going to this again? I mean, you have Alec."

Lisa looked at me and rolled her eyes. "Because I'd like a little backup and he's more of a liability."

"True." Alec chimed in, unhelpfully I thought.

"But they'll all recognize me. I don't want to out your civilian identity too." It'd been three months since Tag had sent Dragon and Defiant after me at the school. And yes, the PRT was slowly losing its PR game and yes, things had settled into an equilibrium. I was mostly free to walk around the neighborhoods we had the strongest presence in, the one's the Protectorate and Wards didn't patrol any more. But there were places I couldn't go without attracting the same kind of attention that walking out in costume used to bring.

"Even big bad Skitter is allowed to have friends. Now stop making excuses Taylor, we're going."

She was right, I'd already made all these objections. It would be fine. I'd stood face to face with an Endbringer, I'd faced down the S9 and the PRT. This was just a group of… peers?

It was maybe a fifteen minute walk from Lisa's headquarters. The area we were heading to had been a part of our territory from almost as soon as we'd claimed any. I was around here enough that mostly folks didn't stop and stare when I was out jogging. Maybe they didn't notice me even after my face was on TV week after week. Or maybe they were just being polite. Or didn't want to antagonize the "Warlord of Brockton Bay." Ah well. Lisa slowed as we approached a coffee shop and I looked at her questioningly.

She grinned back at me. "Yeah, this is it. There's a room in the back they let big groups use." She led us back through a winding maze of tables to a door in the rear of the shop that was currently open. She stepped through, waving for us to follow.

I was surprised that it was actually just more cafe space, with little tables with chairs around them. The room was maybe half full, everyone looked to be about my age. It was like it had been at Arcadia—you could tell at a glance who had stayed through all of the shit Brockton Bay had been through and who had evacuated. It wasn't just rattier clothes or bulges where knives or other weapons were being carried. Those were there, but it was more the alertness. Those who'd stayed were, as a group, paying attention to everyone around them. They were aware that we'd entered, had reflexively assessed how dangerous we were. I saw one girl's eyes widen as they fell on me, but she didn't say anything. The evacuees on the other hand seemed oblivious, going on chatting without even raising their eyes.

Lisa picked out a table on the side and slipped in, sitting sideways with her back to the wall. I noted she'd picked a spot where she could see both the room and the doorway. I could see her smile broaden and knew she must be taking in everyone in the room with her power. It was kind of a weird tell. At first I thought she'd been doing it as a part of the persona that went with her costume, but it had become clear that it just happened naturally.

Alec and I slipped in across from her, our backs to the door. This might have put anyone else on edge, but my swarm was always there. I knew where everyone in the coffee shop was. I felt comforted as I slipped into my swarm sense and I let my embarrassed self consciousness melt into the multitude of insects. I spread them out further, subtly, making sure I'd know whenever anyone even came on to the same block as the coffee shop, slipping insects on to everyone on the sidewalks, my sidewalks…

"Hey creepy girl, no disappearing off into yourself…" Lisa said with a smile softening her words.

"Ah, sorry. " I looked back up and saw that someone had stood up. A petite girl with close cropped white blonde hair and a pink streak down one side. She looked to be, eh it was hard to say, she could be anywhere between sixteen and twenty six.

"If someone could get the door, I think we're ready to start." She said, her voice almost perky. I noticed three more folks slip in and take a seat behind us and then the door was closed. She'd been speaking while I was distracted. "…nearly six months since our last get together and I see a lot of new faces. So for the new folks, we're really more of a social meetup than a support group, but if you need a sympathetic ear, lots of us are happy to be that. Why don't we start by going around and introducing ourselves? I'm Bee…"

And the introductions went around the room. There were seventeen people here. It felt like a lot but I guess it really wasn't. Some folks were introducing themselves and why they were here, others were just saying their names. That at least was a relief. I didn't really want to announce myself as the token… I was surprised to recognize a voice behind us.

"Uhm, I'm Amy…"

I looked questioningly at Lisa and she nodded every so slightly. What was Panacea doing here? I mean, ok, I guess it did make sense, but no one had seen her since her sister had been melted by Crawler. As far as anyone had known, she was dead. I was glad she wasn't. That she hadn't been more willing to accept our help was one of my more recent regrets. And then the introductions had reached our table.

Lisa jumped in, with a characteristically confident grin. "I'm Lisa, this is my first time here, hoping to get to know some other ace folk."

Alec waved and just said, "Alec." He managed to somehow sound bored while still speaking loud enough to be heard across the room.

And it was my turn. I found myself echoing Amy. "Uhm, I'm Taylor…" There was what felt like an audible silence before introductions moved on and I flushed as I saw a girl further in lean in to whisper to a friend. Guess I just confirmed who they thought I was. The introductions finished and folks seemed to break back into little clusters of conversation.

Feeling lost I looked helplessly to Lisa, but she was already turned and in conversation with the table further in from us. I sighed to myself and looked around again, people watching wasn't my favorite thing, but it was better than nothing. As I turned, a table kitty corner to ours and a bit behind came into view and yes, that was Amy Dallon. She looked as uncomfortable as I felt, sitting across from an obvious couple, a serious looking girl of asian descent and cute petite girl with darker skin who looked vaguely middle eastern to me. The two glanced at each other as I turned around.

"Um, hi," I said to Amy.

She surprised me when squeaked and then replied, "H-hi. Uh, nice to meet you Taylor was it?"

I tilted my head at her, we both had public identities, so I wasn't sure what she was playing at here. "I'm… I'm glad you're ok. We didn't know what had happened to you."

She looked confused, "Thank you? Um, do I know you?"

The asian looking girl leaned over to her and whispered something to her, I could just make out "…ats Skitter … outed …onths ago."

Amy was looking at me, her eyes getting wider and wider.

I laughed nervously. "Uhm, so yeah, you kinda do. You really didn't know about me and…?" I waved my hand around.

She shook her head. "No—I mean, um, this is the last place I expected to see you and, uh, not that you can't be—and um, I guess I knew about what happened with you but I didn't see all that. I wasn't in the best frame of mind then…"

I quirked a little smile, "So yeah, you and me, most wanted girls in the bay I guess. How've you been?"

She looked uncomfortable. "Um, better I guess. Sabah and Lily here kind of adopted me." She nodded toward our table, "they're your friends, huh?"

I nodded. "Yeah, Lisa asked me to come along."

She laughed a little and shook her head.

"What?"

"It's silly, but ever since the bank you were kind of a monster to me. But…"

I frowned and nodded. I'd known that, of course. She'd made it abundantly clear every other time we talked too. I knew that a lot of people saw me that way too but it made me feel a little queasy to hear it. I didn't always regret being scary, sometimes I had to be the monster to scare the other monsters away, but it wasn't who I was.

She glanced at the middle eastern girl who nodded encouragingly. "I've been trying to—well—it's just weird to see you so ordinary. Or to have something in common with you."

"I don't—I'm not sure I even know how to be normal any more," I admitted. "How did you do it? Going everywhere and having everyone know who you were?"

She shook her head sadly. "That was never really me. Yeah, my identity was public but outside my robes no one ever noticed me. My sister on the other hand, she relished it."

I felt a lump in my throat. "I'm—I'm so sorry that we couldn't be there sooner. Couldn't get you there in time…"

"No, I—probably all that would have happened was that we all would have been caught by their bombs too. That—that wasn't your fault."

I nodded my acceptance. A lull in the conversation turned into an awkward silence and I went back to watching the other folks here. Lisa had moved over to the table next to us, seemingly effortlessly chatting. I wondered why she'd really needed me to come along. Alec was off in the corner… ah, sitting on a guy's lap making eyes at a girl sitting next to him. Well, that was a side I hadn't seen of him before but somehow it didn't seem out of character.

"You… you think of yourself as a good person, right?" Amy's question interrupted my musing.

"Yeah, I guess. Everything I've done, I did for good reasons, you know? Even if things didn't always work out how I'd've wanted."

"I don't. Think of myself that way." Her voice was quiet, almost empty.

I turned to look at her friends but they'd moved at some point. "So you made some mistakes, you have some regrets. Hell, I have enough regret to…" I shook my head. "You can't dwell on it. You just have to make the best decisions you can going forward. Try to do good."

She sighed. "I was trying to good, see where it got me? Now I don't even…"

I didn't know what to say to that. She sounded lost but I could hardly claim to have a map. I wanted to say something, change the topic but I was at a loss. "Oh shit…"

"What?"

"I just realized that this is the first non-cape related thing I've done since… since… just after Levianthan? And that may as well have been. That day at Arcadia was supposed to have been normal, but yeah. Fuck." I looked around again. "So how is this all even supposed to work? Just… mingle?"

Amy shook her head. "Don't ask me, it wasn't my idea. They dragged me here."

We chatted more, well mostly I talked. She was, if anything, more fucked up than I was. But she didn't already know everything about me, which was kind of a refreshing change. I could talk with Lisa, sure, but she always wanted to fix things for me. So I told Amy about my disastrous relationship with Brian… well, Grue to her. And I told her stories about the things Regent and Imp got up to, which I guess was ultimately about how we all were coping. And I told her about the kids at my HQ, about trying to find their families and about getting them back into school. I was surprised at how interested she seemed in all of it. Somehow, before I knew it, things were winding down and we were saying our goodbyes.

"Thanks for listening, I guess I got a little carried away there."

She shook her head. "No it was fine. It was… nice… talking to you. Hey um, if you want to chat again, let me give you my number…"