I do not own bleach.

Chapter 1: Fuck You Soul King!

"This is fucking EMBARRASSING!

No No Na Na Na….. I ain't doing this!

And YOU….. YOU Pale Ass Fuck….. Stop Laughing or I am going to CUT OFF YOUR BALLS AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT!"

However this didn't deter the albino hollow/zanpakto spirit one bit. Instead those words made the hollow roll on the floor- and-twist-and-turn laughing as if his life depended on it.

It didn't help Ichigo's temper that the Older Zanpakto had lost all his iconic stoic appearance and was also laughing openly at its wielder. Containing himself barley, from falling and the floor and roll around laughing like the other spirit that resided in his wielders soul.

"FUCKING DICKS! The Both Of You!", Ichigo growled aloud.

"Such Language doesn't suite someone of Ya Stature, My Liege!", the hollow barely contained himself to say those two lines. But as soon as he said them and he started rolling around convulsing in laughter at his own joke as if he was about to explode.

"You Think This Is Funny…?! YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!", Ichigo said in a Pissed off tone, just about to gut the hollow and the old man simultaneously.

"Well…..",Older Zanpakto spirit was about to put his two cents in but was interrupted by its wielder.

"Don't Say It Old Man. Or I Will Take those glasses and SHOVE THEM SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT THEY WILL HAVE TO PERFROM AN OPEN HEART SURGERY TO REMOVE IT!"

At this the old man did collapse in Laughter and started rolling around on the ground like his hollow counterpart, all previous dignity lost.

"THAT'S IT! YOUR FUCKING DEAD! AND AFTER I HAVE KILLED YOU, I WILL HUNT DOWN JUSHIRO AND I WILL SKEWER HIM SO MANY TIMES THAT HE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING GARDEN SPRINKLER!", Ichigo said as he lunged towards his zanpakto spirits to make good on his threat with both swords in his hand.

However the Zanpakto spirits didn't move. Didn't try to dodge the attack. Didn't even take out their swords to parry the attack. Because they simply couldn't. They still too busy laughing. And the laughter still had control of their limbs and body.

How could it not.

Once upon a time, the most feared shinigami. The most powerful shinagimi in all 4 realms, stood in front of them

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Wielding two swords, A large Khyber knife and a smaller Trench knife,

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At the physical age of an infant,

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In a diaper,

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Spewing curses at them in a baby voice. A BABY VOICE!

The scene was just so absurdly hilarious that the zanpakto's just couldn't control themselves.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!", Ichigo tried to roar while kicking the laughing hollow, but it just fucking came out even cuter. This of Couse in no way helped in abstaining the laughter, only aggravating it.

"Juuusssssshhhhhhhhhhhhiiiirrrrrroooooooooooooo!", the infant Ichigo screamed in anger at the sky, promising cold retribution to the holder of the called out name.

Somewhere on division13 grounds, Jushrio sneezed and felt a shiver pass down his spine.

After the War with the quincies ended, Ichigo went back to his normal human life. But the soul society had to deal with a lot of changes. First of all, the Soul King was dead. So immediately after the war, The Monk hit a bit of luck and before all the realms could collapse on themselves due to lack of a linch pin, and he revived Jushiro Ukitake, the Previous Captain of Division 13 of the Gotei 13 and crowned him the soul king. Because he still had the essence of the previous soul king in him.

Shunsui had become the new Captain Commander of the gotei 13 and under his guidance it grew into an even mightier organization than it was under Yamamoto's authority.

However what none of the people in soul society, earth or heuco mundo knew was that, they were living on borrowed time. This information was only privileged to the residents of the Royal Realm.

In the coming years after the quincy war, Ichigo fell in love, married and had kids and even grandkids with Orihime Inoue.

He went to Johns Hopkins Med School, in USA. Orihime went with him, to learn culinary arts in Usa as well as be with him.

Orihime fessed up on their 20th anniversary that she only did that because she was afraid that some white chick would steal Ichigo. Ichigo said, he already knew that and that just made the sex even hotter.

They both came back to Karakura eventually and Ichigo took over the mantle of running the family clinic while orihime opened her own bakery and then eventually a chain of restaurants called "Straberry's…!"

At the age of 30, ichigo and orihime had their first child, Kazui. However he didn't have any spiritual pressure what-so-ever and the parents were secretly very thankful for that, because now their child could have a normal sprit free childhood.

Eventually Isshin retired and went to soul society to take over the captaincy of the 7th division at the request of Captain Commander.

It was very hard on Kazui, because to him his grandfather had not retired but passed away. But as every child does, Kazui coped with it because of the love and support of his parents.

Ichigo still kept in touch with all his friends from the soul society even when he was living his normal life. He even helped then in another major war and to solve a couple more crisis quickly.

Eventually, his sadness re-entered his life, when the love of his life, Orihime passed away in her sleep at the age of 77. They both were shocked to see the sprit form of Orihime standing above her body with a cut off chain dangling from her chest.

Their friends, family, children, grandchildren and whole of soul society's upper echelon came to the funeral to give their condolences to both Ichigo and Orihime. The shinigami friends of the couple also promised to locate orihime and take care of her once she passes through.

After the official funeral, they cried in each other's arms the whole day, made love in spirit form, cried some more and said their good byes. They realized they were lucky to have found each other and spent 60 years of their lives with each other, when most people don't even get 6 months. They were happy about that.

With a brave face giving courage to Ichigo, Orihime lifted Ichigo's hand which held his sword and gently pushed its hilt against her forehead. "Thank You for a wonderful life Kurosaki-kun. You were the best…t-the best thing that ever happened to me. Now don't be sad too much when I am gone, okay? Because you know when you are sad, you make me c-cry…", Orihime said sniffling and crying openly seeing her husband cry as well.

As light began to engulf Orihime even more, Ichigo came closer to her face, tucked a strand of her hair behind her right ear and gave one last passionate kiss to his now departing wife. They touched foreheard to forehead, supporting each other while Ichigo had his right hand in the back of her hair. "You take care of yourself, my stupid-beautiful-airhead." He gave her a short kiss just as her form started becoming transparent. "You are the be-best thing to ever happen to me too. I love you Orihime Kurosaki. I always will.", just as he said that Orihime disappeared with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

Ichigo found out a year later that Rukia tracked orhime down when she appeared in north 1st district. Although he was sad to find out that she had no memory of her life with him and looked no older than 15 years old, the same age when she discovered her spirit powers.

Life without orihime was hard for Ichigo but like everything he dealt with it and moved forward.

At age 112, death finally knocked on the door of the old shinagimi. But unlike his younger days, when he thought he would die fighting, it was a more peaceful version he had not expected.

On his death bed, he was surrounded by his 3 grandchildren and their families – filled with spouses, great grandchildren, their spouses and great great grandchildren. His own son having passed on 5 years earlier. By all means it was a happy death.

Again to invite him into the afterlife stood all his shinigami friends in the same hospital room. Unseen by any member of his family due to lack of reiatsu. This included his father, shunsui,rukia, renji, ikkaku, yumichika, kira, kenpachi, shinji, kisuke, yuroichi, tessai, jinta, ururu, uryu (now a shinigami after death), chad (now a shinigami after death), tatsuki (now a shinigami after death) & even Orihime (now a shinigami after death) having regained her memories of life with Ichigo thanks to a crazy experiment by Kisuke.

His only guess for others like byakuya not being there was that somebody had to be in soul society to protect it.

The ventilator stopped, Ichigo closed his eyes and emerged from his body in his usual shinigami garb with a cut up soul chain sticking out of his chest.

He was given pats on the back and hugs inviting him officially into his afterlife by his soul reaper friends. Kenpachi just grinned at having a chance at a rematch after 30 years. Rukia, tatsuki and orihime just cried even knowing there was no need too. After giving rukia and tatsuki hugs to calm them down he moved closer to Orihime.

They kissed in the greeting that lost lost lovers would. Ichigo grinned, she smiled.

"Orihime its been sooo long…. Do me…..", Ichigo said and as soon as he said it he realized it was a slip of tongue. But not before every women in the room went red as a tomato and every man started laughing.

"I Mean DO IT! God Dammit, I Mean Konso you perverts.", Ichigo said in a flustered voice. But the women kept getting redder and the men kept laughing more loudly.

Realizing a lost battle when he saw one, he grabbed orihime by the ass and pulled her in close and laid another deep kiss on her. "Screw it, Sometimes my mouth says things that my dick is thinking. But only when you are around hime." He laid another kiss on her. Sounds of cheering and woo's could be heard from the shinigami in the room.

Before doing the Konso, both Ichigo and Orihime took a look at THEIR grieving Family. The family that they started and it now kept on growing. They looked at each other, happiness in their eyes. Happiness that their family will keep on going without them.

They were ready. He was ready. For their next adventure.

Orihime took out her zanpakto and performed a konso on Ichigo after giving him a peck on the cheek while slyly whispering in his ear to be safe.

"You guys better find me quick or I will kick your ass renji."

Renji fake protested, why would he only kick his ass. To which, ichigo's only reply was "Cause I feel like you deserve it."

Renji was about to protest but seeing nods in affirmation from the surrounding shinigami made his courage faulter.

Giving a fake sigh, he said to himself, 'I liked to see you try strawberry.'

The light engulfed ichigo and he disappeared form the human world.

Ichigo expected a lot of things, but waking up in the royal realm was not one of them.

He nearly pissed himself, when the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was The Monks smiling face, an inch away from his own.

"What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?", Ichigo replied in fake anger but happy to see an old friend after almost a century.

"So you gonna tell me what am I doing here. And why am I not in soul society and where are we going", Ichigo inquired following the monk.

"It's good to see you too old friend. And we are going to meet the Soul King. He was to talk to you about something." He answered Ichigo's query.

Ichigo just shrugged at it, because even he knew he was a kind-of-a-big-deal in the spirit realm and it would be understandable that the current ruler who was previously a good acquaintance of his would want to meet and greet him.

Although he did think it was kind of unnecessary and odd, he didn't particularly mind. Then a question popped into his head. "Hey, please tell me he isn't going to ask me to be a part of the royal guard or something. I like you guys and all; and if you ever need help I would be here in a giffy but I would like to stay in seireitei. My wife and all my friends are down there."

"Don't worry Ichigo, I am certain, that is not what he has in mind", replied the monk. That just raised more questions for Ichigo than it gave answers too.

Ichigo decided to hold his tongue till he met Jushiro.

Finally they reached the spirit king's chambers and the monk knocked on the huge doors.

"Enter", a sick sounding coughing voice said from inside.

As they went inside, Jushiro came into Ichigo's view.

He looked even sicker than he did when he used to have his tuberculosis attacks.

The doctor in him, jumped into action at the sight of a patient.

He quickly tried to ascertain what was wrong with the Soul King.

He diagnosed, some form of cancer or autoimmune disorder which was attacking his organs from the inside. He also concluded from his brief examination there is massive internal hammeraging. And a very weak pulse. His condition was beyond repair. Beyond Treatment. Beyond Saving. Not even orihime could help here. The massive amount of reiatsu it will take to stabilize him will kill her even before she is half done.

"Well you look like crap." Ichigo offered the grimm news playfully.

His reflexes were sharp enough to avoid the smack aimed at the back of his head by the monk for his previous comment to the soul king.

Ducking under the smack, Ichigo just turned around and scowled at the Monk. "I was about to give him the diagnosis. I was easing into it."

"No need Ichigo-san. I know I am dying. That's why you are here.", Jushiro paused to let it sink in.

Ichigo scrowled, folded his arms and ordered the Soul King to, "Explain."

"Ichigo-san, as you know when the previous soul king died Ichibē-san revived me and crowned me as the new soul king as I still had some of the essence of the previous soul king inside of me.

He did it because, without a soul king all the realms would implode and life as we know it would end.

However, to be a soul king you need a lot of reaitsu because reiatsu is what is required to maintain the balance of souls.

When the quincies attacked, they killed hollows by the hundreds of millions and left reshi bombs to kill hundreds of millions more.

As you know, sometimes hollows are just one corrupted soul. But as you go up on their hierarchy like for example Gillian, its thousands of hollow souls combined into one entity. For adjucas level hollows its hundreds of thousands. And it only keeps getting higher from there.

Now when the quincy attacked, they did a mass extermination of all types of hollows in hecuo mundo. And when a quincy kills a hollow it is completely destroyed and the soul never enters the rebirth cycle. During their purge they erased billions of souls from existence.

These billions of souls not entering the rebirth cycle is what has cause imbalance of a catastrophic scale.

Now as it is mine, that is soul kings responsibility to maintain the balance of souls, these missing billions of souls are draining on my power and my life force. And I never had that much power to being with.

So that is the reason, I am dying. And there is nothing that you can do to save me."

Soul King paused due to a coughing fit and waited for a few second to let the information sink in.

Ichigo was still patiently listening like a hawk with stoic expression on his face. Jushiro realized that the child he once knew had matured quite a bit into an understanding adult. 'Maybe having to deal with his own children had taught him so much patience', Jushiro pondered for a second before continuing.

"You must still be wondering, why are you here. Well Ichigo-san, I won't take much of your time because I don't have much of mine to spare anyways.

I need you to go back in time and fix it. Deal with Aizen, Zanpakto rebellion and all the other problems we face before the quincy war that lead to the weakening of soul society when the quincy arrived."

He let it sink in for a second. But ichigo's unchanging posture and unchanging emotion was unnerving. Still he continued, taking the silence as an opportunity to make his case.

"Look, Ichigo-san I know what you are thinking. You have friends and family here you do not want to leave behind. But I am sorry. If there was any other way…

I can also understand if you refuse to do this. But know this, this has to be done by you and no one else. No one else can do it. And if you refuse, you can spend next couple of days with your friends and family, because after that I am going to die and then the worlds will end, all of them.

It is your choice Ichigo-san. It is in your hands to save them all or let them die."

Jushiro was ashamed that he used the emotional blackmail card, but he was running out of options.

"How long have you know about this? I mean, this problem being unfixable?", Ichigo finally broke his silence.

"Since the time, I was crowned the new king.", Jushiro replied with all his honesty.

"Then why ask me now. Why wait till now?", Ichigo enquired.

"The afterlife had demanded a lot from you even before you were 20. You took part in multiple wars and fought with us, in wars that no one had the right to involve you in. Still you put your life on the line, time and time again, without asking for anything. I thought if we were going to demand something else from you, you should at least be able to live your human life to the fullest first.

Please forgive me ichigo-san", The Soul King tried to bow to apologise but was stopped mid-way by Ichigo.

"You have nothing to apologise for, Jushiro-san. I think I owe you a thanks, in fact. Because of you I was able to live a relatively-normal human life that I never thought I would have. I have no regrets with my life. I was happy when I died. I am happy now. And if going back in time is what it takes to save all worlds then I will do it.

But I just have one question. Why me?", Ichigo asked.

"Because only a member of royal family with reiatsu reserves the size of soul king or larger could make the journey." Jushiro said with a smile, seeing Ichigo's subsequent reaction.

"W-…Wh-…. What?", Ichigo asked dumbstruck.

"Yes you are technically a part of the royal family on your mother's side. The Quincy King was Soul King's son and your mother was one of his direct decedents. Which make you a grandson of the old soul king and part of his family.", Jushiro even in his state was very amused to see, Ichigo Kurosaki Shiba, the strongest soul reaper to ever live, in a goldfish mode."

"Shall we get started then?", Jushiro asked?

"Wait, jushiro san do you think we can postpone till the end of the day? I can't leave just like that. I need to say my good byes. My friends deserve it. And I think you should talk to shunsui. He deserves to know what is happening to his friend."

"How do you know, they don't know about this already?"

"Educated Guess!", Ichigo scoffed.

Jushiro didn't know, how much longer could he delay it but he could also not refuse Ichigo's last request. So he granted it. Ichibe took Ichigo down to seireitei and he sent a summons for his old friend shunsui so even they could catch up and say their good byes while Ichigo said his.

After a tough couple of hours in which both Ichigo and Jushiro had to explain to their friends that the world was ending and what they had to do to save it, they said their good byes. Ichigo made love to Orihime one last time before they said their goodbyes. They both knew what had to be done and they had no regrets. They both had full lives with each other and they were grateful for that. There was nothing they could ask for more.

Shunsui had left before Ichigo could come back to the Royal realms. He wanted to be with his troops when the end came. Kind-of-like captain wanting to go down with his ship and crew.

When Ichigo and ichibe returned to the Royal Realm, there wasn't much time left. So jushiro just started explaining.

He held up a medallion with the emblem of crown on it with a dragon surrounding it.

"Ichigo-san, there isn't much time left. This is the medallion which will help you travel in time. But I am sorry to say you will no longer have your present body. You will probably have a body of one of your ancestors. I think!", Jushiro felt small under the angry gaze of Ichigo.

"You could have told me that before. And what do mean 'I THINK'". Ichigo practically growled at the soul king.

"Well it means that I will be transferring your consciousness back in time. It will replace the consciousness of your closest relative when you land back in time. I think.

I know. I know. I should know Ichigo-san. But I haven't done this before. Nobody has. And the instruction manual isn't quite clear what will happen. All I can say for sure is you will no longer have your current body in the past." Jushiro tried and failed to make a convincing explanation to Ichigo.

"Great. Fucking Great.

Wait.

If I won't have my body - What about my zanpakto spirits?

Please tell me at least I will have them." Ichigo practically begged in his inquiry.

Jushiro gave the same I-Don't-Know- face. At this point, Ichigo had half a mind to stab Jushiro in the face with zangetsu and dam the consequences. But his analytical mind won over his instinctual.

Then Ichigo saw jushiro fix the medallion in the hilt of his sword.

"Let me guess. You are going to have to stab me or kill me to send me back?", Ichigo said holding the binge of his nose in exasperation, hoping for a negative answer. This kind of thing happened way too often with him. And he didn't like it.

Jushiro just gave a sheepish smile that said it all. This time Ichigo did punch the Soul King in the face breaking his nose.

"I guess I deserved it." Jushiro said, fixing his dislocated broken nose into place the best he could. All the while non-verbally indicating to ichibe to stay out of it, when it looked like he would interfere.

Jushiro stated coughing blood and the world around them started shaking. It was time.

"Ready", jushiro asked ready to do the deed and sacrifice last remnants of his power and life to send Ichigo on his way.

"Ready.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Please tell me I am not going to be stuck in a woman's body." Ichigo pleaded.

Jushiro thought about it for a second and then gave the same I-Don't-Know- smile. And then before Ichigo could retort stabbed Ichigo with the now glowing sword.

"Aww…. Fuck you…. If I wake up in a woman's body then I am going to hunt you down and cut off your dick with your own zanpakto. Consequences be dammed."

Soul King shuddered at the imagery of it, as his free hand unconsciously going to cover his crotch. He saw the fleeting smirk on Ichigo's face as the light enveloped him.

And then Ichigo was gone. As if hadn't ever been there in the first place.

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(Want More? Keep Going!)

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When Ichigo eyes opened. It was nothingness. He couldn't feel anything. He couldn't feel his own body.

For months he just slept. When awake having very very limited movement of his limbs. He felt like he was underwater but still be able to breathe very easily. He still couldn't open his eyes though. And he felt tired all the time. So he just slept most of the time.

One day he woke up to walls closing in. He could no longer fit. So he tried to break out with all the energy he had.

Then he felt something trying to push him out of the darkness that was his home for what felt like years.

For the first time, in he didn't know how long, he could see the light.

He tried to move towards it. He tried to move towards the escape. But something else was pushing him out as well. He was glad.

Then after 9 hours of struggling to get out. He felt the breeze at the top of his head. The rest of him still trapped in the darkness.

Then he felt something grip his forehead, then his neck, pulling him, pulling him out.

Something yanked him out of the world of darkness and threw in a world of light. The light was so bright that he couldn't see anything.

Then he felt something. Something that he thought was the worst thing he had experienced in his over 100 years of life. He had been thought countless battles and had been cut, stabbed, slashed multiple times. But this….This was the worst thing he had experienced his in life.

(SMACK)

He felt a throbbing pain in his buttocks. And then he did the most embracing thing that he hadn't done in decades.

HE CRIED.

'You mother fucking piece of shit. I will kill. You hear me I will kill you.', Ichigo screamed in his mind not able to use his vocal cords for some reason, as he was being dangled by his legs upside down by the seemingly giant people.

'Wait….giant people? Aww….. for the love of god…. Please don't tell me I am a…..'

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"Congratulations Kiaen-sama, Miyako-sama; it's a baby boy!"

A/N: Hahaha. I got the idea for this story after reading "One Fell Swoop" by cywscoss. It's a good story and I found the concept really tell me if you like it or is my effort in vain.

Please review if you like the story, it will give me encouragement to get the next chapter out sooner. The more the reviews the faster the next chapter will come.

Till The Next Time!