Confrontation – Chapter 5

Author's Note: Sorry it has taken me a while to get caught up I honestly was vacillating between directions and given my current state of dread and hatred for Jason during this time period and well there are parts that remain tainted let me put it that way I'm going forward. I will preface this may not make many people happy, but I figured it was high time to give Sam McCall some just desserts.

Sam saw the fury permeating from Lucky and she feared that if she reached for him a mere touch would scorch her and she had brought this all on herself. She trailed her eyes from their once connected hands still feeling the reminisce of his touch to his sad and angry eyes. She couldn't speak as she poised herself for the onslaught she knew was coming from her betrayal.

Lucky was pacing behind the couch glancing at the ground and then to her eyes every few seconds trying to not rip the door off the hinges or let his anger go too far, he had worked really hard in rehab to deal with his addiction, but the reality remained that this perfect storm of emotions could very well send him over the edge. Lucky tried to shallow his breathing and moved himself from potential lover to detective, his tone was so matter of fact. "You know you could easily be brought up on charges of aiding a kidnapping? I'm having a really hard time here Sam keeping an even head about this revelation and it's not as though I haven't lashed out and done things that I too regret, but I can't get past that you put a child Sam in danger. You had no idea how unhinged Maureen was or maybe you did and that somehow excused her from her choices – you Sam you knew how crazy it made all of us when Jake was missing. What the hell Sam? To think that I was even considering … you know what it doesn't matter at this point."

Sam tried to move in front of Lucky sensing that he was going to bolt for the door and then she would truly be alone in a misery of her own fault. "Lucky, please let me explain or at least give you a little more context and if after you hear what I have to say you never want to see or hear from me again I will respect that."

Lucky huffed with Sam's declaration, I mean after all he had seemingly put up with worse with Elizabeth knowing each day he could never truly fill the great Jason Morgan's place in the hearts of these women in Port Charles. Lucky thought well Sam has at least the decency to finally come clean plus it helped to think that she was willing to stay and fight for him to stay unlike Morgan and it was nice feeling that want from a woman again. Lucky had fallen so incredibly deep into this sinking abyss of self-doubt and destruction after he was shot trying to rescue Elizabeth from Manny and Jason Morgan was again the knight is shining armor. Lucky felt like he lived in this guy's shadow and he didn't have the faintest clue what the big deal was considering the man had the pick of the crop. Lucky tried for so long to ignore Liz's obvious infatuation with the man and after that shootout it became abundantly clear who owned Liz's heart and he was sick of taking whatever scraps she had left for him.

Lucky knew that he had aided in the ripple of terror that both couples went through when he began his affair with Maxie while being strung-out he allowed his doubt and suspicion to get the better of himself and thought that Liz and Patrick were having an affair when in fact the woman still had her eyes set on Jason Morgan. Lucky shook his head and finally answered "fine, 10 minutes and I'm out of here." Lucky made his way to the corner of the couch and noticed something shining on the floor hitting the light just right and he knelt down to examine it "glass? Sam did you break a glass recently?"

Sam's eyes bulged out of her head cursing herself for not picking up the carnage that remained of Jason's threat. She had two choices here she could lie and try to cover for Jason or she could continue to tell Lucky the whole truth and see what comes and it was a true hardship to her to make this kind of a decision because either scenario didn't have good odds. She debated back and forth and finally decided now was her time to take back her life and try to salvage what was left of her self-respect and clear her conscience. "Lucky…" she took a deep breath trying to find the courage to leave herself wide open and vulnerable to this man and to hell with the fallout on her there really wasn't anymore despair she could imagine to come of the current situation.

Sam walked over to Lucky and took the shard of glass from him and brought it to her eye and examined it like a piece of evidence "this is a visual representation of my life currently, I'm not even sure when it started or when it will end. I do know this I owe you the truth because if you don't have your word you don't have anything and as someone who has given and received plenty of mouth service in her life I'm sure you know talk is cheap considering your upbringing as well."

Sam turned to face Lucky holding the piece of glass as though it was her anchor and all that was left to keep her from floating away. As she looked deep into his eyes she saw that glimmer of recognition and knew what she needed to do for him and herself to start to heal. "Lucky, I'm so sorry I wish that I could change things for us and this path our lives have taken, but all I can do is own my shit and it didn't end with Maureen so with that I would like to ask you to sit if that is okay." She watched him slowly take a seat as though her words and their impact were deeply resonating with him, something inside him told him to listen.

"I told you I would listen Sam, I can't fault you for speaking your truth just as I ask you not to fault me for my reaction."

Sam nodded "fair enough so I guess for me to give you a better idea of my state of mind…not that it justifies anything I need to take the timeline back a bit." Sam walked forward towards the fireplace looking down at more pieces of glass that piled around the base and took a deep cleansing breathe this might be the hardest part of the truth was saying the words. She braced herself and turned to face him she knew she had to face this head on. "Lucky my decline started when I lost my daughter. I can't tell you, well actually I can the grief faces when you think you will never see your child again. When Jason told me that we lost Lila a part of me broke and I don't think it has ever fully healed or come back from that devastation. Then when I was shot by Manny and Jason blamed himself and pushed me away I felt a loneliness and abandonment that I never felt before."

She wiggled the piece of glass around in her hand almost trying to pierce her skin to feel again because at this point she was numb. "I was raised by a con artist and the talk of this town and knowing your father I'm sure you can understand that didn't entail a white picketed fence and dinner on the table with a dog and cat." Sam met Lucky's eyes and she could see that he was really listening and in fact she felt heard for the first time in a long time.

Lucky smirked a little and for a brief moment she thought she saw the corners of his lips turn up and smile. "Yeah Sam I might know a thing or two about life on the lamb or whatever that urban saying is."

Sam exhaled the breath she thought she might never take another waiting for a moment of the tension to fade even so slightly. "Good, well not good I mean it's kind of ironic the two of us haven't swindled one another before well not you being a man in blue and all, but something tells me that those kinds of skills don't just fade away. Anyways, I'm rambling…it's kind of what I do when I'm nervous and I've got to say I'm much more at ease with running a con versus opening a vein to someone. Needless to say, my childhood didn't pave the way for a great example to how to care and be cared for so when I met Jason and he took me in I have to say I hated the guy at first, but he grew on me and so did my trust with him. If you would have asked me 3 years ago if I would ever doubt Jason Morgan I would have bet my life on him always telling the truth…well the house one on that one."

Sam walked around in front of where Lucky was sitting and made her way to the bar, she needed a moment to regroup and she was really thirsty after feeling sick earlier. She poured herself some water and silently offered him some at which he agreed and shook his head to confirm. She handed him the water and for a moment their fingers grazed one another and they both looked down at their hands and slowly made their eyes meet. As soon as Sam felt the shift she stood straight up and sat in the opposite corner of the couch.

"After I lost Lila I didn't think that would hurt as much and then when Hope was taken back I felt like the universe was punishing me and that I might never have the possibility of being a mother. As you know I lashed out and slept with Ric and Jason apparently found us and left to drown himself in his sorrows. I did the one thing that I never thought I would do and I've made plenty of mistakes in my life, but that night I fed into every single negative opinion anyone ever said or thought about me and self-destructed. Then I found out…" she paused trying to summon the strength to get through this and tell him the truth he deserved that and he certainly wasn't going to get it from the floor whore.

Sam looked to ceiling as if asking and praying for help to find the right words that would do the least amount of damage to this already fragile man. "Lucky, this is not my place to tell you this and HATE that I'm the one that's going to do it so please promise me you will let me finish before you immediately react to what I'm about to say?"

Lucky looked at Sam almost in a curious way tilting his head and trying to figure out what she could possibly have to tell him that would warrant this kind of question. "Sam, I told you 10 minutes, but it's obvious what you have to say is important so I will hear you out."

Sam inhaled and exhaled quickly in gratitude "thank you, Lucky I found out on the same night I slept with Ric, Elizabeth paid Jason a visit." She closed her eyes and tried to swallow the bile down from the feeling of disgust and betrayal "Apparently in the middle of a blackout Elizabeth decided to climb 15 flights of stairs to find Jason because he was the first person she thought of…go figure. Well in this bleeding heartfelt moment she told him that she found you with Maxie and she didn't know where to go and who to turn to so…"

Lucky put up his hand to stop her "that's enough Sam, I think I know where this is going and I've been lying to myself for far too long and trying to ignore what was staring me in the face. They slept together, didn't they?"

Sam hung her head knowing all too well the sting of hurt he must be feeling. "Yes, I'm sorry I can't even fathom the devastation you must be going through well I can and did and I'm getting to that part. Lucky there is more and I need to know if this is too much for you or if you want me to continue?"

"Sam, I want to know the truth as hard as might seem to hear it I would rather know then be left with the questions or more lies." He gently reached out to her and touched her knee urging her on.

"Alright, well they slept together and did use protection or that was what Jason told be when he decided to unburden himself to me and I guess there was some sort of defect with the condoms he had and well there's no easy way to say this, but Jake is his Lucky. Before you jump to conclusions and question just how long people have been playing God with your life and the future of your family I can only speak for myself and what Jason claims."

Lucky nodded again and Sam looked into his eyes "I overheard Jason and Elizabeth in the hospital on the day Jake was born, they didn't see me and part of me wishes I had rushed in there right then and there and confronted them. I didn't though I went to the MetroCourt and decided to get painstakingly drunk to try to numb the pain and I guess Jason at some point found me and ushered me home like a petulant child. I had so much rage and hurt brewing at that point because of the best part was that I had recently found out that bullet Manny shot me with ruined any and all possibility of me having a child of my own. Dr. Lee told me that judging by my scans the scar tissue was so severe even if I were to become pregnant miraculously I would never see my child, it would be my life or theirs. So, to recap I just learned that the love of my life, the man I vowed to share my child and future with was having a child with another woman and had lied about it and an added insult was I was barren."

Tears cascaded down her cheeks with quiet sobs echoed the room. Lucky went to put his arms around her almost out of instinct and then he sunk back remembering what she had told him earlier. Sam wiped the tears away on her knees and knew this was only the first big hurdle.

Sam chuckled a bit recalling all the ways she plotted to try and get Jason and Elizabeth to reveal the truth. "What I did was unforgivable ultimately, I turned inward and found that broken little girl again and I set a course on trashing everything I thought I held close and shut down. It was crazy, I mean bat sit totally unhinged I should have probably checked myself into Shadybrook insane and it felt like the louder I screamed in silence the more of me died each day. I bought outfits for the baby, I tried to set-up 'chance' meetings in the park with Elizabeth and the kids where Jason would see his son praying he would crack or she would and finally stop lying. It never came though nothing I did was working and after I watched Maureen kidnap Jake I felt Jason slipping more and more away and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I watched as she would show up at our place needing to 'talk' to Jason in private and I was cast off like a roommate."

Her lip trembled and she fought back the gut wrenching pain "He actually proposed to her during the MetroCourt hostage crisis, he didn't give one thought to me or our relationship. She apparently chose that time to tell him the truth that the baby was his and he jumped right into fix it mode and there was no turning back. Funny enough she turned him down or so he said, but I'm sure that was yet another lame attempt to pull him in not that she really had to try very hard. She had the golden ticket with his baby, something I could or would be able to ever give him. In a way, I can't really blame either of them for trying to give their child a stable family, but then she turned him down and convinced Jason to keep it a secret from us."

She sighed and knew the next part could ultimately cost her a friendship "Lucky I hired some actors from my show to pretend to threaten Elizabeth and the kids in the park." She cringed waiting for something anything and squeezed her eyes shut. "Go ahead I know what you're going to say it's unimaginable the lengths I went to for revenge and even now I feel sick for what I did and that I actually went through with it. My plan was to scare Liz enough to see that Jason's life could be a danger to her and her boys at any time and I would swoop in and save the day. God, I was delusional and sick and no number of apologies will ever be able to make up for what I did to your boys."

Lucky's fist clenched and his jaw tightened he was on the verge of a full-blown rage and if he didn't leave he was going to do what he swore he would never do to a woman. His words were filled with darkness and grit "Sam, I need to go."

"Lucky, please let me finish I know you owe me nothing, but I owe you the whole truth." Lucky swung his head from side to side in disbelief, if this wasn't going to test his sobriety and program he didn't know what else could touch him. His mind filled with scurrying thoughts and broken dreams. He couldn't believe that the night had started with the promise of seeing what could come of this connection with Samantha McCall had now turned into his worst nightmare come to life. His marriage was over, he lost his future of a family and now was left with the remnants of what could have been.

Lucky leaned forward letting his head hang in his hands trying to find footing because it felt as though the ground had literally disappeared and he didn't know how to make it out of this. "Sam, I don't know what I'm feeling or if I even am capable. I'm overloaded and honestly what I really want to do right now more than anything is not feel and leave."

"Lucky I know this is way too much, but I couldn't keep it from you and I know you want to get wasted to tune out, but I can't let you do that. You have something Lucky, you have family and friends that will help you get through this reach for them not drugs. Don't let them destroy you, from what I've heard you survived my grandmother's brainwashing and lived to tell about it. That is not a simple task and I'm not about to let you fall apart over this, I did and I have nothing and I couldn't bare it if you took the same path." Sam felt on instinct to touch him on his cheek gripping his jaw praying he would rise above this.

Something washed over Lucky as he felt her hand reach his face it was like a frozen moment that neither of them wanted to part from. They both realized that they were completely exposed emotionally and for the first time in a while neither of them were scared. Lucky's hand held onto hers gently rubbing his cheek they were both ready to relinquish this pain and walk towards a life of their own.