Ignoring the painfully shrill shrieks of his parents having a disagreement, Sirius stared blankly at the ceiling with half-lidded eyes.

Sirius had taken to retreating back into his head, completely bored out of his mind with the monotony of the Christmas holidays. It was almost relaxing - ignoring everything in the world around him. Just a few more days, or weeks, or however long was left, and he would be back on the train and everything would be good again.

He hated to admit it, but it would have been much more easier to have Regulus in this hellhole of a room with him again. Back then, they'd ignored the outside forces that were trying their hardest to tear them apart. Sirius and Regulus had even managed to have some cordial conversations, free of house politics, blood politics, any politics...

"It wouldn't hurt you to just be a little nicer to him," Regulus had said once after another one of Sirius and Kreacher's glowering contests.

"He's repulsive," Sirius said. "He only likes you because you don't see that."

That was how the majority of their conversations had gone. Sirius bending over backwards trying not to mention how much fun it was to spend time with James and Peter, and in return, Regulus thoughtfully refraining from bringing up the hoard of family members who stayed up every night in the common room plotting Sirius's murder.

Regulus had even gotten Kreacher to give Sirius more food, and Sirius had forgotten himself for a moment, thinking that maybe when they went back to Hogwarts things would be a little different, but of course things stayed the same. Getting more food, and sometimes even nice meals once in awhile, had been a welcome change from the dry brad and the lukewarm soups that had become the staple comfort food of his home dwelling days.

It was probably the only time that Sirius had hesitated before walking onto the Hogwarts Express, loathe to let go of the fragile connection between himself and his little brother. The moment they'd arrived at Hogwarts, it was as though the entire summer had never happened.

Nowadays Regulus was free to roam the hallways of Grimmauld Place, inviting friends over and becoming a guest without any sort of restrictions. After all, he was the good one.

His stomach groaned. Kreacher was late. Or maybe he wasn't coming at all.

After a brief appearance in the obligatory holiday snobfest his parents called a Christmas party, Sirius had been locked up in his room with nothing but his schoolbooks to entertain him. Five year's worth of this ritualistic tradition had taught Sirius that it was pointless to try charming the door open. It was sealed with house-elf magic, and screaming at it was only going to make the dirty creature more smug.

Sometimes he cursed that the room had a window, it would have been easier to suffocate to death without one, then he'd be spared from the boredom slowly eating away at his mind.

He had even completed all of his vacation homework. It had taken him less than a week, even though he had written and revised his essays with more care than he had ever placed in a well-planned prank.

He hated the holidays.

The only good thing about this winter had been Remus. His frustrations had seeped through the letters somehow, and the observant boy had caught up on it, becoming a pseudo-psychologist friend as they wrote back and forth.

Sirius had been happy to see Remus start opening up to him over time, It had been a slow process, but Remus's replies became less time consuming and correspondence between them became more frequent as they approached the holidays.

It was funny how Remus became more trusting as Sirius became more honest. He knew that some of the things he wrote in the letters had the potential to cause more trouble if they got out later on, but he'd always been a rash, in-the-moment sort of person so he couldn't be too bothered about it.

Remus, the fucking holidays are coming. I'm probably going to go batshit crazy if I stay cooped up with my family.

I didn't know you don't get along with your family. Are you okay? Did she say something to you again? Stay at Hogwarts! Or, better yet, come to my place for a few weeks. We'll have some fun.

I know you're kidding but I'd love to. Except I can't. There's a family thing and all of my relatives will be there. We're going out of the country for it so I can't come and see you. You'll still write to me, right? I hate spending time with my blasted family.

Of course I will. You know I care about you Lily.

He felt a twinge of guilt whenever Remus wrote Lily in his letters, whenever he wrote something private, or some reference to some conversation that they'd had in the summer. Those little things grabbed at his conscience and made him wonder if he was mad for doing this, but the doubts became chased away every time the owl broke through his clouded haze and made him feel like himself again.

Like now, Sirius noted, sitting up straight for the first time in three days to greet the majestic owl back into the room. It was another letter from Remus. He tore open the letter and gulped in the words like a man dying of thirst.

Lily,

I have something I need to confess. I've been keeping something from you for a while. I hope you will forgive me for taking so long to mention something so big, but when you read this, you'll hopefully understand.

A few weeks ago, Dumbledore came around and offered me a position as the temporary Hogwarts librarian. After mulling on it for a few days, I accepted. You know that my family isn't doing well and I can't pass up a job that pays well and gives me three meals a day.

I didn't mention this because it seemed like you had a lot on your plate for the last couple of days, what with your mother telling you that for every word you said you'd get locked in your room for it, having your wand taken away, and I'm not going to even get into everything you told me about the "family gathering". I just didn't want complicate your Christmas any more than it already is.

I understand if you're uncomfortable with my being at Hogwarts. You probably never banked on me seeing you and being in close proximity to your school environment. I completely understand. We'll deal with this the way you want to.

I thought about telling you immediately. You were the first (and only person) I wanted to tell before showing up at school unannounced, but I didn't want to say anything before Dumbledore arranged for some last minute preparations.

If I'm going to be honest with you, I'm a little nervous about coming to Hogwarts. I'd always wanted to go to a wizarding school, and I'm a little worried about fitting in with my peers. I've never spent much time with people my age. You were the first person to continue talking to me. I guess my pushing people away should take some of the blame for that.

Yours,

Remus.

The letter slipped from his fingers as Sirius went into shock.

Remus was coming to Hogwarts. He felt a wave of confused panic overwhelming him.

Scrabbling for his school bag, Sirius dug out the hidden two-way mirror and called, "James Potter!"

A messy head of hair came into the frame. "What's going on, mate?" James asked, grinning. "Nice to see you again. What's happened now at Loony de Casa? Is it your dear old mummy again?"

"Never mind about my batty mother," Sirius said frantically. "I've got real problems."

James whistled. "More serious than your mum?"

"Worse. Remus is coming to Hogwarts." At James's blank look, Sirius explained, "Lily's mystery boyfriend from summer break."

James scowled. "I thought they broke up."

"I know that, and you know that, and Evans thinks that, but Remus doesn't, remember?"

"No, but it's starting to sound like one of your alcohol induced ideas."

"After a few weeks of Remus taking forever to reply to one of Evans's letters, she wrote to him saying that she wasn't feeling it anymore, and that he will always be a good friend, remember?" Sirius asked desperately. "I offered to send it."

"And you didn't," James concluded.

"And I didn't," Sirius admitted. "Because I thought I'd have a bit of fun and keep talking to the bloke as if I was Evans."

"Oh, I think I remember now," James said peevishly. "I distinctly remember that I said that it was a terrible idea."

"Yes, well, I ignored you," Sirius snapped. "Could you focus on the important issue here? He's coming to Hogwarts thinking that his redheaded girlfriend still likes him and it's just me!"

James shrugged. "I don't see what the big deal is here," he said apologetically. "You wanted to play a prank on this guy, and now you have. What's the matter? He'll be embarrassed, Evans will yell at you for thirty minutes and everything is back to normal."

Sirius blinked.

"Yeah," he said, his voice coming out a little dazed. "Yeah, good point. Sorry mate, dunno what got into me."

"Anyway," James continued, "he gave us that idea about the itchy underwear the last time you wrote to him about a prank, so he can't be that hurt by it. He'll probably laugh it off."

If I'm going to be honest with you, I'm a little nervous about coming to Hogwarts. I'd always wanted to go to a wizarding school, and I'm a little worried about fitting in with my peers.

James disappeared, and Sirius was left staring into his own reflection, unwilling to admit that maybe hurting Remus wasn't his idea of a funny prank anymore. They'd become closer than he'd expected, Remus telling him more glimpses into his life as he played therapist to Sirius's violent mood swings.

Why aren't you here at Hogwarts? Sirius had asked glumly one night when as he watched Hagrid drag in the bushy grand Christmas trees into the Great Hall for decoration.

I've always wanted to go, Remus had written back, words written in handwriting a little shakier than usual. I'd never had the chance to. I was ill a lot as a child, and it was better for everyone if I stayed home.

I'm sorry, Sirius said honestly. Are you better now?

He'd never gotten the answer to that one, but Remus had told him a lot about his ugly family skeletons whenever Sirius was depressed about his own. In fact, Remus had told him more than he'd ever actually told Lily, and Sirius wondered why that was.

My granddad disowned our family, so I can kind of understand. Of course, I was a little kid then, so I don't really remember it all that much.

I think if you want to make the Slytherins uncomfortable without getting detention, the best bet would be to aim for underwear. They won't go to a teacher, and no one would really want to investigate any deeper into things if it was a… sensitive area.

And Sirius had returned the favor too. A friend far away from his real life was a safe haven for him. A friend actually interested in his rants and his moods and his family life, how on earth had he gotten that?

I think I have an alcohol problem, Remus. I know it's bad for me but I don't think I can deal with anything sober right now.

There's been another attack. It's werewolves this time. I guess scum keeps together. AND THEY THINK Voldemort cares about blood purity? He only cares about himself.

Do you think that a boy who's really really nice to house elves could ever become a Death Eater?

It was seven days until the end of vacation, and Sirius didn't know if he was dreading or anticipating the day he could return to Hogwarts. Shit was going to hit the ceiling, and this time, Sirius wanted to prolong it.

Taking out a quill and a fresh sheet of parchment, Sirius carefully wrote another damning lie.

Remus, you rascal, I can't believe you didn't say so earlier! I can't believe that you're going to be at Hogwarts - it's going to be great. Just like you always wanted, yeah?

I am going to be really busy, of course. It is OWL year and the workload is getting atrocious. If I'm a little distant or strange, just assume that the Transfiguration essay drove me a little around the loop, okay?

Things are really getting kind of anti-muggles around here. Do you mind if we pretend to just be friends until everything settles down again? I know you saw Snape in the summer, but they're all just as nasty as he is and then some.

Cheers!

Lily

Sirius sighed. It was so transparently a lie, possibly the worst he had ever written, but for now, it would just have to do.