One Hundred and Thirty Four

Joe is finally no longer grounded. The other three shinigami were angry with him after he saved Danzo just to see what would happen. Oops. Joe now sees why it was a bad idea to stop Dave from making Danzo die at his execution, and allow Black Zetsu to save Danzo by sending in a white zetsu clone to replace Danzo at the execution. Joe does have one consolation: because he saved Danzo, Danzo now lives with all the other souls that Joe owns - including the dead Order of Joe. Death is not stopping them from being horny.

Joe grins as he tells his Order where Danzo hid from them. As his dead followers run after Danzo so they can convince him to get frisky with them, Joe remembers the five children who survived the massacre of his Order around seven and a half months ago. He wonders how they are doing.

He got in a lot of trouble for sneaking out to visit them while the other three shinigami were still reeling from the shock of Naruto blackmailing them like that. But, Joe is no longer grounded. He decides to go and visit his kids. Well, his Order's kids. Joe thinks of them as his.

Joe locks on to Tachibana's chakra and transports himself to the land of the living. He materializes in the human world floating above a respectable house. All five of Joe's Kids are playing in the garden. Tachibana is playing fetch with a dog. Sekitei is sitting in the grass with a doll in her arms, talking to the doll like it is a baby. The twins, now separated, are rolling a ball back and forth between them. Ajisai is chasing the ball, crawling about giggling in the grass. Nearby, Madara Uchiha is weeding a small vegetable garden.

They made Madara Uchiha look after Joe's kids? Or did Madara volunteer? No, most likely this was Iruka's idea.

Madara straightens up and brushes the dirt off his knees. He turns and looks directly up at Joe. "I know you are there," he says. "You may as well show yourself."

Joe floats down and reveals himself to everyone. "How did you know I was there?" He asks. "Most mortals don't notice until I've already killed them."

"Perhaps it is because I have died and come back," suggests Madara. "What do you want?"

"I'm just here to check on my kids," says Joe, scooping up Ajisai. "Look at you, all chubby and crawly. You've gotten so pudgy." He tosses her up into the air and catches her again. Ajisai giggles and grabs the beads hanging off Joe's headscarf. "Oi, let those go."

"Goo," says Ajisai and stuffs the beads into her mouth to slobber all over them.

"Oooh, you have no legs!" says Yatsude, peeking under Joe's tattered robes.

"It's just dark under here!" says Sazanka, walking under Joe's robes like they are a tent.

Joe feels the strangest sensation, like someone is crawling under his skin. He shudders violently. "I love you kids to bits, but get out of my robes or I swear I will reunite you with your parents."

The twins get out from under Joe's robes as fast as if they had been greased with butter.

"What do you know about our parents?" asks Sekitei, holding her dolly close.

"Everything," says Joe, flying over to inspect the child. "Your foot is all fixed up. I suppose Tsunade did that?"

"Uh-huh," nods Sekitei. "Who were our fathers, then?"

"Your father was your mother's older brother, the twins father was Tachibana's older brother, Ajisai's father was her grandmother's sister's son," Joe tells them. He can never remember which of his followers' names belong to them, and telling it this way will mean more to Madara. "Tachibana's father is the Leader."

"Good grief," says Madara. "Now I am even more glad we decided to call them siblings for convenience."

"A sensible decision," says Joe, trying unsuccessfully to remove his beads from Ajisai's mouth.

"I know you," says Tachibana solemnly. "You were at the camp after Ajisai was born. I sensed you there. Who are you? Why do you call us your children?"

"I am Joe," says Joe, grinning at the little blind mortal.

Tachibana takes a step backwards, a frightened expression on his face. "What do you want with us? Go away, your Order is dead."

"I know," says Joe, solemnly. "And I'm the one that killed it."

"Explain yourself," says Madara, crossing his arms and frowning. "Last time I checked, Minato, Kushina, Hizashi and Mei killed the Order of Joe."

Joe frowns. How dare this mortal order him around. "Watch your tone, Uchiha. I can drag you back to the afterlife by snapping my fingers."

"I am aware of that."

Dammit, Madara is still unfazed by everything. "Alright, I will explain. After Steve, Dave, Jashin and I appeared at the battle of the Temple of Jashin to declare Naruto a Grand Master of Fuuinjutsu, I took the opportunity to sneak off and visit my followers."

Alright! Joe grins to himself. His brothers are so caught up in feeling crappy over what Naruto blackmailed them with, that they don't seem to care that he is out. He's supposed to be grounded until further notice because he goofed hard. While the other shinigami are distracted, Joe is going to see the kids who were born since he last visited. He hasn't been in about six or seven years - his brothers didn't even let him out to gloat over the twins one of his followers had about six years ago. He'd already goofed by then.

Joe arrives at his followers' base and looks around for the five children he knows to be there.

One of the women is holding a newborn baby with a catlip. "Oh," she is saying. "She can't eat. What shall we do?"

"Leave her," says the child's mother. "We can get healthy, un-deformed babies in the temple of Joe."

"She is right," says the female Leader of the Order. The Second Leader, Joe is sure they call her. "Now that we have access to the temple we no longer need to bother with these deformed children. No child conceived in the Temple will have a defect of any kind. Tachibana is old enough to be initiated. Let us take him into the temple for his initiation, and begin making healthy children."

"No!" says Tachibana, overhearing them. "I don't want to be initiated."

"Nonsense," says The Leader. "You must be initiated. It is high time you were. Don't you want to honour Joe?"

Joe frowns. This is not something that will honour him at all.

Tachibana backs away. "I don't care! I won't be initiated!" he turns and tries to run away, stumbling as he goes.

"After him!" says the Leader. "Bring him back here. I will talk some sense into him."

The woman holding the baby hands her back to her mother, stands and limps after Tachibana. The baby's mother sighs and looks down at her baby. "It's a pity you will starve to death, Ajisai. But there's nothing we can do about that." She gets up and walks lopsidedly to the edge of the camp. She walks a short way into the forest and shoves the baby under a bush. "Now stay there, nice and quiet." The woman turns and heads back to camp, leaving Ajisai to lie crying under the bush.

"No, no, don't leave her!" Joe frets. "That goes against everything you should stand for!"

A movement catches his eye. A little girl crawls across the grass towards Ajisai. She scoops the baby up and holds her close. "Don't worry, I'll hold you until…" the little girl starts crying too. It must be Sekitei, Joe realizes.

One of the men of the Order approaches with the twins. Joe frowns when he sees that the boys are joined on one side. That problem could easily be fixed by a good surgeon. "Now, you boys stay here and watch the baby," the man tells them. He sees Sekitei cuddling Ajisai. "Not you. Except for your foot, you are fine. Put that baby down and come back to the camp."

"Are you abandoning the twins too?" asks Sekitei, tears rolling down her cheeks. "What did they do?"

"Nothing," says the man. "We don't need them now that the Temple is accessible. Come back to camp and forget these three."

"I won't," says Sekitei, stubbornly.

"Then stay here and starve for all I care," says the man. "I'm sure you'll change your mind at dinner time." He turns and heads back to camp.

If Joe had blood it would be boiling. He flies over in the direction Tachibana went to see if he has been caught yet. He has not. The poor boy is stumbling through some bushes, looking for a place to hide. Joe erects a shield around the boy to prevent the Order from finding him and considers what to do. The only people who know about the Order of Joe are currently tied up in a battle for the world. Any help from them will need to wait at least 24 hours.

Joe makes his decision and decrees then and there, "Within 48 hours, all the Order of Joe, minus Tachibana, Seikitei, Yatsude, Sazanka and Ajisai shall be killed. Those who kill the full members of the Order shall rescue the children and take them away to some place safe."

That done, Joe leaves the world of the living to go and smoke with Dave and Steve - and pretend he was there the whole time.

"You saved us?" says Tachibana. "Why?"

"Because you are mine," says Joe, patting Tachibana's hair. "You five are all that's left of my followers now. Don't do what the old order did. When you are grown up, reform the Order of Joe, and make it into whatever you want it to be. I don't mind - so long as it's nothing like the old Order."

"But I don't know what we should make it," says Tachibana.

"That doesn't matter," says Joe. "You have years to figure that out. And it's okay to change your minds until you find something that's really right, okay?"

"Okay!" says Sazanka, hugging what he can reach of Joe's robes.

Yatsude hugs Joe from the other side and Sekitei gets up and joins in the hug. Joe is touched. He ruffles all their hair and gives Ajisai back to Madara. Ajisai takes Joe's headscarf with her. Joe sighs. "She might as well keep it. I'll get it back some day anyway."

"Lovely," says Madara sarcastically. "Now you had better go before you start getting itchy to take someone with you."

"Don't tempt me!" laughs Joe. Silly mortal. If he wanted to take someone, he would've by now. "You know, you are taking excellent care of my kids. I shall reward you with many children of your own."

"Please don't," says Madara. "I have my hands full with these five as it is."

Joe considers Madara's plea. "Hmm, well maybe just one. You did make a promise to Tobirama, after all. I'll think about it and get back to you once you've found a girlfriend." Joe unsummons himself before Madara can protest and grins. He has a look around his realm for his followers. Ah good, they caught Danzo.

"Having fun?" he asks them.

"Oh yes," says one. "Convincing him to join in the fun is almost as fun as what we'll do once he does agree!"

"I've just been to the world of the living," Joe tells them. "Tachibana, Sekitei, Yatsude, Sazanka and Ajisai are all thriving under the care of Madara Uchiha. The Leaf medics fixed their birth defects - except Tachibana, they got him a guide dog."

"Madara Uchiha is looking after children?" demands Danzo, a curious expression of fear, disgust and fascination on his face. "Why?"

"The Leaf made a year long truce with him - which he seems to have forgotten about!" Joe laughs. "As you were - I need to go gloat to my brothers."