Primate Studies

Disclaimer: I in no way own the series The Loud House or any of the characters therein.

Lincoln finished his report with a relieved sigh. He'd thought a simple paper on chimps would be a breeze, but Lori and Leni had hogged the TV, squealing about some hot new actor and he'd missed the special on chimps he'd been planning on watching, so he'd had to go to the public library and watch several more boring, if educational, programs on chimps, some of it not only dull, but depressing as well.

There was an entire section devoted to chimps who had been ignored by their mothers or the tribe which had segued into the emotional needs of chimps and how physical affection was necessary for the health and well being of all primates, including man himself, and how they'd withdraw from the group and get sick if they didn't get enough physical affection, like hugs.

He stretched and grabbed his walkie talkie. "Link to Clyde, Link to Clyde, I've finished my homework."

"Roger, Link," Clyde replied. "I finished mine an hour ago, what took you so long?"

"I had to go to the library, the TV was taken up by Lori and Leni going gaga over some actor," Lincoln explained.

"Please tell me it was Will Smith!" Clyde begged.

Lincoln shook his head. "Clyde... I have a better chance of growing up to be the next Will Smith than you do and my chances are really poor."

"I'll have you know Lori said I looked like a young Will Smith just last week," Clyde said smugly.

"No she didn't," Lincoln disagreed. "She dropped the remote and bent over to pick it up and you turned into a robot... like usual, and she said you reminded her of a young Jayden Smith."

"Ouch," Clyde replied. "That's the kiss of death."

"As much as I dislike giving you false hope, I'm pretty sure she was referring to when he played the Karate Kid, which she described as adorably dorky."

"That works, thanks," Clyde said cheerfully. "Not as good as Will Smith, but I'll take what I can get. But seriously, you think you've got a better shot at being Will Smith than I do?"

"Don't take it so hard, Lynn's got us both beat by a mile," Lincoln said.

"Are we having the same conversation here?" Clyde asked.

"Look at the last couple of movies he's done and picture all three of us in the main role," Lincoln replied. "Who do you think could pull it off the best."

There was silence for a moment before Clyde responded, "You know what, you've got a point there. Lynn would have made an awesome Deadshot."

"Exactly," Lincoln agreed. "We're more buddy cop material."

"Luan could do a mean Harley Quinn," Clyde suggested.

This time Lincoln was silent for a moment before replying, "Never, ever mention that to her, please."

"Yeah, I think I just scared myself," Clyde admitted. "The dads say they want my help with a collage they are doing. I gotta go. We'll play later."

"Cool, see ya later," Lincoln replied, setting down his walkie talkie. He tried to figure out something to do.

The door to his room opened and Lynn leaned in. "Hey, Link, ready for some kick boxing?"

"What?" he asked, hoping he'd misheard.

"You said you'd help me practice last week, as long as I got you all the pads," Lynn said enthusiastically.

"I thought they cost too much," Lincoln said nervously, as he remembered agreeing after finding out that fact.

"The coach let me borrow them so I could practice at home," Lynn said, almost vibrating in place.

"I... I," Lincoln saw how happy Lynn looked and couldn't find it in his heart to say no. "Just need to use the bathroom first, I'll meet you out back," he promised.

"Thanks bro, I knew I could count on you!" Lynn leapt forward and swept him up in a tight hug, before rushing off to get ready.

"Hugs help calm and strengthen the immune system," he recalled aloud as he noticed he wasn't nearly as worried as he had been a moment before. "I guess it works. Too bad it doesn't strengthen the body as well."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Isn't that a little much?" Lynn asked, amused as she watched Lincoln attempt to use a second set of pads to cover the bits of him not covered by the first set of pads.

"I said 'all' the pads and I meant 'all' the pads," Lincoln said firmly.

"Yeah, but I'm only going to be hitting the parts with pads on," she reminded him. "Don't you trust me?"

He quickly focused his gaze on the bridge of her nose trying to avoid her eyes. For a tough girl, she had a puppy dog eyes look that was deadly.

'Quick think up a lie!' he thought to himself, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

'You shouldn't lie to Lynn,' his conscience told him.

'You are part of the body she'll be kicking,' he reminded it.

'Think quickly!' it ordered him.

"This is practice," Lincoln reminded his sister, while racking his brain for something more to say.

"Yeah, and?" she asked curiously, wondering where he was going with this.

"Practice means sometimes you have to do the wrong thing on purpose so you'll recognize it and know not to do it in a match," he said, mentally sighing in relief.

Lynn perked up. "That's genius bro!" she did some stretches and practiced some lightning fast kicks and punches to loosen up.

Lincoln finished tightening the pads and watched, glad he used the bathroom before coming out here.

An hour and a half later...

"That's enough for today, I'm beat!" Lynn said, gasping for breath, sweat dripping off her.

"I know the feeling," Lincoln said, trying to catch his breath.

"Yeah, you really held up your end," she said with a bright smile. "You are incredible at dodging. Well, once you found your rhythm. At the gym, all they do is stand there and that isn't nearly as helpful."

"Just doing what comes natural," he said with a shrug.

Lynn gave him a hug. "Thanks again, just toss the pads in my room when you get them off, now if you'll excuse me, I gotta shower. I reek!"

Lincoln nodded and started removing the pads. "I call next on the shower!" he called out as she left. While happy to avoid Lynn sweating on him he noticed it really didn't feel like a hug through all the pads, which made him frown.

"Chimps play fight as well," he said, thinking of all the things man had in common with their closest genetic relative, even though not much had been mentioned in what he'd watched. He smiled as a cool breeze dried the sweat on his body. He examined himself. "Those are some great pads, I'm only lightly bruised. If I was a peach, I'd still be edible."

A week later

Lincoln frowned. Since he'd done that report on chimps, he'd begun to pay more attention to how everyone interacted with each other, often finding amusement in classifying things like Lori helping Lola with her makeup as 'grooming behavior' and Lynn's loud cheers while watching a game as 'displays of dominance', but he'd also noted things like how Lisa and Lucy rarely got hugs and that Lynn and Lana could use some help with grooming.

The grooming wasn't really a big issue, but the lack of physical affection was. He vividly recalled the baby chimps who had sickened and died when ignored and the adults who had drifted off, becoming grumpy loners, when they had been denied regular physical affection.

He briefly worried about what he could do to fix things before smacking himself in the forehead. "I can hug them. I don't even need a reason."

"Hey Lincoln," Lucy said, causing him to jump as he thought he'd been alone.

"Y-yeah?" he replied as his heartbeat slowed back down.

"Would you like to hear one of my poems?" she asked in her usual monotone, though through long practice he could hear the twinge of hope in her voice.

"Lay it on me, sis," he replied cheerfully, bracing himself for the darkest most desolate poem Lucy's eight-year-old self could create.

"Unlit moon, candle extinguished, smoke slowly rises to caress the ceiling," Lucy read intently as if she could imprint the imagery in his mind by force of will.

"The soot would rise to the ceiling," Lincoln said as he pictured the scene, "but you couldn't see it in the dark."

Lucy smiled the tiny little smile she got when she was happy, but didn't want to show it.

"You could probably smell the scent of burned wax and wick though," Lincoln said thoughtfully. He couldn't tell if her eyes lit up, hidden behind the curtain of black hair, but she stood a little straighter, which meant roughly the same thing.

"I've completely neglected smell in my poetry," Lucy said. "I'm going to have to start working that into future poems."

Lincoln stepped forward and gave her a big hug. "Good poem, Luce."

Lucy stiffened in surprise before responding with a soft hug he could barely feel. "Thanks," she said, actually sounding happy for once.

He released her and Lucy said, "I'll read you my new work when I manage to add scent in correctly."

"Take your time, you can't force these things," Lincoln said, recalling Lucy talking about poetry with Luan once and saying that.

Lucy's smile was accompanied by pink cheeks as she hurried upstairs.

Lincoln beamed, happy that the solution was so simple and decided to go hug Lisa, who would be working in her room at this time of day. He paused when he reached the door to her and Lily's room however, recalling that startling the young genius when she was at work often lead to an explosion.

"Come in, Lincoln," Lisa called out before he could make up his mind.

Lincoln opened the door and saw Lisa hard at work mixing chemicals with names longer than most Disney song titles.

"You've come to hug me, since your foray into simian behavioral studies makes you concerned that I'm not getting enough physical affection and that it may affect my development," she announced as she put down the beakers and turned to look at him, pausing to adjust her glasses.

"How'd you know that?!" the white-haired boy blurted out in shock.

"Elementary deductive reasoning," Lisa replied. "However, let me assure you, unlike the common simian, I'm not in need of regular physical contact."

Lincoln shrugged. "Well being a common simian, I am." He picked up his four-year-old sister and squeezed her to him until he felt her respond. "Besides, I can't neglect one data point just because it may be an outlier."

"You make a compelling argument," Lisa said as he set her back down. She wasn't smiling but she looked more relaxed. "How long do you intend to continue this experiment?"

"Half a century, maybe three quarters," Lincoln said. "Depends on the data I get, after all psychology is a fuzzy science."

"Well... keep me posted," Lisa said, turning back to her work completely unaware of the shy smile she was now wearing.

"Will do, sis," he promised, before stepping out into the hall and closing the door.

Luan surprised him with a hug that popped his back. "You are so my favorite brother!" she exclaimed as she finally released him. "And don't ask Y-chromosome!"

"OK, I can buy Lisa figuring out what I was doing, because she's just that brilliant, but, no offense, how did you figure it out?" he asked.

"I have the entire house wired, remember?" Luan said. "Even if you don't have a photographic memory you should get it, get it?" she joked.

"Of course," he said, smacking himself in the head, "and that's how you avoid all attempts to prank you back when we try!"

Luan grinned. "Know your enemy and know yourself and you need not fear the outcome of a thousand battles!"

"That's a quote, isn't it?" Lincoln asked. "Sounds like something a general would say."

Luan grinned even wider, her braces sparkling. "Death is easy, comedy is hard."

Lincoln blinked and tilted his head. "I gotta go... look some stuff up."

Luan laughed as he retreated down the hall.

Typing by: Abyssal Angel

AN: It's just fluff for fluff's sake!