Mending Bones and Raising Stats

Unattentive

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the products of my own insanity. In other words, I don't own Naruto.

March

Hiruzen

"What In The Name Of Amon's Tentacle-Beard-"

Hiruzen hadn't had very much contact with the child that had opened the door to his office. In fact, the only somewhat reliable knowledge he possessed about the four year old girl came solely from the reports her (un-)official caretakers and 'babysitters' had filled as well as that one random chance encounter two months ago, back in mid January. From the papers, he knew that the little Kaguya had a good head on her shoulders, had very high potential as a Chakra sensor, could learn ridiculously fast, had access to the Shikotsumyaku and is in the possession of an untraceable storage seal.

She also was, very politely put, a giant pain in the butt, be it politically, character wise or for the fact that she has a serious case of kleptomania. And let's not talk about the fact that the little menace is able to emit Killing Intent that could be easily mistaken for a demon breaking out of its seal.

With her long, unruly and unkempt white hair - which most-likely never got near any kind of scissor at all - as well as the attitude she's showing, some tactless individuals might very easily write the frightened Kaguya off as the second coming of Uzumaki Kushina. The same tactless individuals would also add that the only missing traits for her to be the literal incarnation of the red-hot-Habanero would be red hair, a more violent temper, an interest in Fuinjutsu that almost bordered on the verge of manic insanity, her loudly proclaiming to become the first female Hokage one day... and her containing a sealed bijuu inside her gut.

Hiruzen himself gave the thought of her being the reincarnation of Kushina some serious thought. After all, who else would completely disregard the Hokage's presence to stare at a spot mere inches in front of her and shout out some random... creature's (?)... name after opening the office?

...

Which, in turn, reminded him about other oddities in her persona.

For whatever reason, she always wakes up at five in the morning. From what Tokubetsu Jonin Maito Gai, having been promoted barely half a year ago, had written in his reports (and Hiruzen had been able to translate) Rai would start to sleep at eight o'clock in the evening or later - never earlier - and be unresponsive to everything afterwards. According to the words of Chunin Ebisu, you could literally drop her body on the ground and she wouldn't be disturbed in the slightest. To quote his words: "Little Miso-chan would have probably slept through the entirety of the Kyuubi-attack if she had been present."

(The Hokage avoided to think about the possibility that the little girl had been dropped onto the ground purposefully.)

He also knew that the little Kaguya had once been awake for two months and not shown any signs of fatigue whatsoever.

And that she was able to talk flawlessly when she was merely two and a half years old.

And that she managed to walk when she was three months old.

And, again, there was the fact that she emitted Killing Intent when she was barely four days old.

To put it in the most flowery words possible, Sarutobi Hiruzen recognized a walking pile of Bullshit when he saw one... although, he had thought the same about a certain, silver haired, four year old academy graduate.

...

So, all in all, from the intelligence at his disposal and the very 'eccentric' behavior Hiruzen concluded that the girl was no spy. The girl didn't seem to have any kind of grasp at subtlety - kami, The Professor didn't knew if she was even aware what the word meant.

However, from the fact that she had stared at something invisible directly in front of her, he had a slight suspicion that she might be manipulated by a third party... that, or her second Kekkei Genkai (he was quite certain that the 'untraceable storage seal' is in actuality a bloodline limit) might have something to do with it... both theories would explain her behavior upon entering his office.

With these thoughts out of the way, Hiruzen was about to introduce himself to the youngling... only to find her not standing at the doorframe anymore. Instead, he found her lying curled up in a ball in the room's corner to his right, staring fearfully at the still existing crack in reality on the diagonally opposite corner.

Intriguing.

Since his office's door opens inward, any direct sight to the paper vomiting nuisance would be obscured, but, if one interpreted the girl's outburst as a response to that phenomenon - something she shouldn't have seen upon opening the door, it would seem like she had sensory abilities. However, since she didn't seem like she was panicking before entering the room - in fact, she had been quite annoyed, from what he had heard from the banter between her, Chunin Shiranui Genma and Chunin Tatami Iwashi - he doubted that 'an affinity for (Chakra) Sensory' was the correct answer...

'Though she is hypersensitive to Chakra...' Hiruzen couldn't help but think.

... The current behavior was definitely out of character though. That much he could tell with certainty.

Anyways...

"You are definitely an interesting child, Rai-chan."

Hiruzen had accented these words with a light chuckle, consciously fortifying his appearance as a grandfatherly Hokage... but everyone who looked at his eyes knew that they were in the presence of a God among Shinobi - someone who could end your life with the very pipe he uses to smoke with. Hiruzen hadn't earned his title for nothing after all and most people knew and respected that.

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU SHAMELESS PERVERT!"

... Then again, while Rai most certainly knew, she also wasn't 'most people' - Hiruzen could tell that much. From one blink to another, she had repositioned herself and pressed her back at the far right corner of his study - still as far away from the paper vomiting crack as physically possible - and held her bone spike in the best defensive pose a young, untrained, four year old child could possibly manage to come up with.

In other words, her 'defensive pose' was Horrible. Even a headless chicken could've done a better job.

And the Hokage would have openly laughed if she hadn't radiated Killing Intent which's intensity was on par with nightmarishly irritated Kunoichi who were in THAT part of the month. It was also on par with the mood of a certain deceased redhead before she utterly demolished her opposition with a frying pan.

(The aged Kage really considered the 'Rebirth' option.)

With that out of the way though, he had also picked up another interesting trait of the little girl.

When the little Kaguya started to emit KI, the aged Kage had automatically answered with a... noticeable burst of his own and fully expected her to flinch and thus shut up. Instead, she hadn't reacted. At all. No eye-twitch, no wincing, no clutching of her head, no cries of agony, not even a raised eyebrow... What would make a steeled war veteran soil their pants, wail in misery and commit Seppuku hadn't even been acknowledged or noticed by the four year old. In this regard, the young girl differed from Kushina: The former Jinchuriki would have noticed it.

(How the redhead would have reacted to it was an entirely different question.)

Hiruzen didn't knew what he should think about that. On one hand, the girl might potentially be immune to the effects of KI, thus making it impossible to intimidate her with it.

On the other hand, she wouldn't be able to sense lethal blows coming her way normally: Every blow with lethal intent, be it from a Genin, Jonin or Bijuu, had a certain amount of KI infused into it and could thus be sensed if one knew what to look for. This is the main reason why sneak attacks against paranoid Shinobi veterans are pretty much guaranteed to fail every time.

For her to be (potentially) unable to sense KI while emitting incredibly potent, albeit unfocused, one herself... The girl would have to unlock her full potential as a Chakra sensor to nullify her weakness, which, in turn, would make her vulnerable to 'being blinded': An over-usage of Jutsu from the opponent can easily contaminate the air with leftover Chakra and disrupt a sensitive sensor's sense of said energy.

'Well, her high regeneration factor might balance out her inability to sense KI' the Hokage thought absentmindedly. 'If her opponents fail to take her down with one blow, she'll probably just stall them out until her wounds are sufficiently healed.'

Before Hiruzen could digress any further, he decided to address the Kaguya in the room once again. After all, the whole reason of this 'meeting' was to get a good understanding about her character, her abilities and to decide if her value as a potential asset outweighed her... 'quirks' and the coming political nightmare. "I wouldn't call myself shameless-"

The still-alert girl narrowed her eyes as she interrupted him. "So you're admitting that you're a pervert."

'She didn't let me finish. Doesn't respect authority. Informal.' "Pray tell, what makes you think that I am a pervert?" Hiruzen decided to humor the little girl for a bit.

The young one's expression didn't change one bit. "The more powerful a male is, the more perverted they are. That's what... Kurenai had said once when she thought no one had listened and I'm inclined to agree with her."

'Twisted sense of logic confirmed. Tries to avoid potential punishment by electing a scapegoat. Can speak formal.' "So, how strong do you think I am then?"

The girl stopped to emit KI entirely as she pondered about that question. 'Easy to distract. Unable to do multiple things at a time?' "Well, let's see... your level is one-hundred and thirty-eight numbers higher than mine," 'What?' "which means you're getting old. It should've been three levels higher if you hadn't slacked off and, instead, stayed stagnant..."

The Hokage blinked. "What are you talking about?"

The little Kaguya continued as if the village's leader hadn't said anything. "On the other hand, you have trained the three Sannin, which means you must've been tough enough to survive one of Tsunade's punches... or at least one of her finger-flips..." She... began to just stare at him as her voice became more and more silent. "... wish I could see Stats... most likely a lot of investment in Wisdom... maybe some sort of debuff lowers the numbers though... old and all... probably high luck stat, him not getting mauled by females 'n all... lowered vitality through smoking... maybe good dexterity though... lots of information stored in the brain... kann aber mit einem D-Rang-Jutsu besiegt werden..."

'Moderate case of insanity confirmed. Speaks gibberish after a time. Over-analyses-' Hiruzen halted his analysis as soon as he sensed something... quite peculiar.

When one would think about The Professor, The God of Shinobi or The Hokage, quite a few citizens tend to joke that he knew and forgot more Jutsu than the entire Uchiha clan could possibly manage to copy. In a way, they were right - It is hard to keep all the documented (and undocumented) Techniques memorized, especially if you see them only once. On the other hand, what people tend to forget, he had an extensive knowledge about Jutsu Theory, (basic) medical expertise, he could use all elemental releases... and he knew a lot about clan specific techniques.

For example, he had a lot of knowledge about how the Yamanaka's techniques worked, which meant he could recognize when the flow of Chakra in a person's brain showed unnatural activity.

In the case of Rai, the more she seemed to lose herself in her... seemingly senseless ramble, the more Chakra seemed to be amassed in the Chakra Coils around and within her brain. After a while, it would probably resemble a lighthouse among street lanterns if one knew what to look for.

Then, from one moment to the other, the amassed Chakra... imploded into a specific part of the brain... and then the girl jerked up, stopping her senseless rambling dead in their tracks. "Huh? What happened?"

The Hokage refrained himself from answering right away and merely observed the... spot where the amassed energy had 'vanished' into.

It wasn't very big. No one who wasn't adept at Sensing would be able to notice it... and few who are able to do so might as well easily miss it... if they didn't suspect anything unusual.

Hiruzen did suspect something unusual. He was also more than competent at Sensing - his station as the God of Shinobi demanded it from him.

As such, the spot he was sensing stuck out to him like a full moon amongst the night's sky.

A spot that contained a lot of spiritual energy.

His earlier suspicion of her being controlled by something or someone came to the forefront of his mind again and cemented itself at the discovery of this anomaly... 'But what would they do with bread of all things?'

Another likely answer for that phenomenon would be that the girl subconsciously... shoved memories in that place, but experienced Shinobi don't tend to take chances... if they don't have to, that is.

All in all, The Sandaime Hokage decided to have an experienced Yamanaka walk through the four-year-old's mind later on. Preferably Yamanaka Inoichi, the current head of T&I. He wanted to know if the little Kaguya was a sleeper agent or, if not, what this... anomaly was all about and the mind reader was more than experienced enough to not leave any lasting damage - despite her being chakra hypersensitive.

'On the other hand, if the child insists on being a pain in the behind, I may send her there sooner rather than later.'

"Uh... aged-grandpa-type-sir? Didn't ya want ta talk ta me? I don't know about you, but that headache is... kinda killin' me..."

'The Anomaly may be connected to her headaches. Headaches are confirmed to be connected to her hypersensitivity. Will extensive sensory-training prevent the anomalies from happening?' The aged Kage now faced the girl again... who was now seated in front of him, on top of his desk. Quick glances to the left and right confirm that the young Kaguya had unceremoniously shoved the papers to the side to make herself more comfortable on the wooden furniture. 'Irregular mood-swings. Seemingly no knowledge about respectful behavior... or she wants to get a raise from me.' "Indeed, I wanted to talk with you about your... kleptomania. It is not often that you meet someone as young as you being adept enough to give mid-level chunin quite the hard time to track them down."

The girl... blinked. "Well... it is... weird to be in the presence of... someone who dumps a lot of information into your face?"

The Hokage continued. "It also came to my attention that you are in possession of an untraceable storage seal, one which lets you store seemingly infinite amounts of any kind of item, be it food, scrolls or clothing."

The girl... blinked again. "Well... so it has?"

'Genuine confusion...' The aged Kage would've taken a breath from his pipe if he had lit it. Instead, he sighed. "In addition to your achievements during your early childhood, your infrequent usage of advanced terminology and apparent knowledge of a clearly foreign language you, as a four year old, shouldn't have any kind of knowledge of, which is further emphasized by the simple fact that no other person recognizes it... You raised many heads' interest, intrigue and... expectations." Hiruzen proceeded to stare squarely at the child's eyes. "Do you know what that means for you?"

"I'm grounded?"

"... If your guardians decide so, then yes ." The aged Kage lightly shook his head. "But no, that wasn't what I wanted to say." He eyed the seemingly oblivious child critically, a move that made her shift uncomfortably on top of the desk. "Only so many things can be explained as 'genius' or 'the capabilities of a prodigy', but your vast knowledge and... quite potent Killing Intent don't really fit to any of these terms."

The girl crossed her arms and glared. "So you're sayin' I'm not quite right in the head. What's that have to do with everything else?"

The Hokage sighed again. "I wouldn't have put it that way, but yes, we believe that you 'are not quite right in the head', but not for the same reasons you may have."

"Well, tell me: Why do you think I'm not right in the head?" While she spoke, he noticed that, while the somewhat irritated girl looked in his direction, her eyes were actually fixated on something half an arm's length in front of her face.

So he stated as much. That and so much more "Your eyes are focused on something that isn't there," the girl snapped to attention, "you talked in a completely foreign language," her eyes very slightly widened at that, "your memories seem to infrequently reset themselves," that seemed to trigger a slightly bigger reaction, seeing that her eyebrows had risen in recognition, "you seem to suffer from some form of mental disorder, if your mood swings are anything to go by," she had the decency to look sheepish after hearing that, "you achieved developmental milestones toddlers your age shouldn't have even comprehended at the time, like walking at three months of age or learning how to read at mere one and a half years after your birth, becoming perfectly literate in the process "the practically adopted child tilted her head to the side, obviously not seeing the problem with that, "and you could emit some of the most potent Killing Intent in the entire village... at age four." The girl scratched her head while the Hokage continued. "These are some of the reasons why we, to quote your words, 'think that you are not quite right in the head'."

"Ah." Acceptance.

...

"So..." the little Kaguya shifted her posture for a bit, dropping a few more papers to the ground in the process, "what's the point of this... meeting now?"

Hiruzen hadn't missed how the little girl had emphasized that word. He had... higher hopes now that Maito Rai became somewhat aware of the importance of this evaluation. The aged man sighed. "To put it bluntly, I wanted to assess myself what kind of person you are. Information conveyed to me through written reports are often... lacking and thus it becomes very likely to get a wrong impression about a person's strengths, weaknesses, personality and... loyalties."

The girl nodded to herself. "Yea, I see why some representatives of the human race might misinterpret another one's behaviors and create more needless problems after that."

The Hokage paused for a few seconds... before he continued his speech. "In this particular case, your exploits and capabilities caused quite a few debates within the last few months." At the girl's confused gaze, the aged Sarutobi elaborated. "The council can't quite decide if you should be incorporated into the Shinobi forces immediately," Danzo in particular was absolutely not subtle about his plan to send the girl straight into the ROOT program (the fact alone that a ROOT operative had been dispatched in front of her hospital room a few months back was proof enough that the old war hawk had made a panic move - something entirely unheard of), "if you should enter the academy immediately," this proposal came from both the Uchiha AND the Hyuuga clans, something absolutely unheard of, "if you should just do 'what the hell you want'," this proposal came from Inuzuka Tsume, "or if you should be send to the T&I division for further questioning, seeing that you... have foreign origins." The last request came from the civilian portion of the council and had been practically unanimously ignored... at first.

Hiruzen was not surprised when he saw no normal reaction from the child. Instead of being either horrified, scared or clueless, she just tilted her head to the side and stared at the leader of the village as if he was the most... inefficient person in the world. "Why are you wasting valuable processing power to determine the future of a single, unruly four year old girl? I'm eighty-five percent certain that there are more pressing concerns, like the possibility for extra funding for whatever research facilities you have, rebuilding of the military forces or if the orphanages should get more funds. You should've just driven a battering ram into my head, cleave through my memories, decide from there what to do with me, do it and be done with it."

An uneven ball of unsigned documents rolled through the Kage's office like tumbleweed would through a vast desert during a moderate sandstorm in the early afternoon.

The aged Hokage stared at the child sitting on top of his desk. "You... do know that your... proposal would have most likely ensured you unimaginable physical and emotional pain, right? In the off-chance that you were a threat to the village, you might've as well never see the light of the day again."

The girl... scoffed. "So? There's a reason why I'm not the leader of the village."

Hiruzen allowed a small smile to appear on his face. "Apart from being far too young to take the hat?"

"... That, too."

The aged Kage nodded in acknowledgement. "Even though we can agree that suicidal, excessively self-sacrificing or overly masochistic tendencies are not the most ideal traits befitting a leader,"

?

Inside the Shinigami's Stomach, Minato sneezed.

Rai

"- we can also agree upon that we got off-track. Again."

Huh? There was a topic to begin with?

...

Ah, yes, He just wants to understand me. Well, good luck with that.

The old man's eyes are currently fixing themselves on something invisible for him. Well, I can't say I can fault him for that. It is weird if the other person you desperately try to involve in a longer conversation has her gaze and attention fixated on what seems to be seven different status windows at once.

[Status] [Inventory - Quest Items] [Social - Groups 'n Parties] [Options - BGM] [Tools - Map] [Tools - Depth Meter] [Tools - Item Radar] [Tools - Clock] [Skills - Chakra Control]

Alright, alright, it's nine windows. Weirdly enough, though I was able to turn the silly World's End countdown off, I haven't found a way to see (or adjust) the difficulty level anywhere... I'm not even sure it exist. I hope I can find a way to look at the difficulty level of the 'game' in order to at least be somewhat prepared. I don't want to laze around just to find out that I'm trapped in a Lunatic-Level-kinda safe file. That would be, like... It would be like as if a normal janitor faced Godzilla with a mop. Not quite the odds I want to face against. I want to fall into blissful slumber peacefully, thank you very much.

Sigh.

Moving on from my failure to find things out, I did find out something curious. The Skill [Chakra Control] has no Levels. It has Ranks. Ranks from E over A to S and... X. X as in a star. Seven Ranks. I wouldn't even have known about them if the other Ranks hadn't been grayed out like that:

E -D X.

Yes, somehow my Control-Rank is on the second lowest Rank. I have the slight suspicion I achieved that through mindless blasts of Killing Intent-

*Ding*
For guessing something obvious correctly, your abysmal Intelligence increases by 1.

... Is the game mocking me?

For asking questions you could answer yourself, your already disgustingly low Intelligence decreases by 1.

...

For successfully threatening your Kekkei Mora in the presence of the Hokage into submission, your prodigious Intelligence increases by 1 again. Your hair looks absolutely gorgeous, by the way.

Huh, apparently KI can influence the Gamer's Ability. Good to know. Anyways, I had managed to get the second lowest Rank in Chakra Control and, considering it somehow works like a western school's grading system, the minus says that I barely managed to get it to Rank D. Otherwise, I can only speculate what it means. It could mean that I am only able to learn D-Rank Jutsus and below... or that, if I want to learn higher ranked stuff, I can still learn them, but they then come with major penalties.

Who knows? Besides the game, that is.

It does say that the Chakra Costs of techniques is multiplied by 4 though. Being curious, I had naturally looked up on the first skill I had ever created to see if it was true.

[Project Killing Intent] [Lv.: MAX]
[Active] [CP/m: 4] [Radius: 5m]
Even the Game submits to the will of thee!

Enemies 10 Levels lower than you will be rooted in place for 6 seconds upon activating this skill.
50% chance to apply Fear-Status to opponents outright. Reduces enemies resistance towards the Fear-status effect by 75%. Enemies 10 levels below the user are guaranteed to gain the Existential Dread-status effect instead. Lasts as long as [PKI] is active or the targets are within range.
During Combat, Enemies will focus on you.
May affect weaker willed allies if the user pours too much Chakra into the skill.
[ - - - ]

And lo and behold: It is true. Four years of scaring kindergartners (yes, I'm fully aware they don't exist here in this form), the local populace, Ebisu and countless species of mosquitoes, of which the latter just simply died (friggin' things didn't give any EXP, those A-holes), came all together to one single, really powerful ability. The fact that it maxed at lv. 50 was also a really nice plus. But hey, I already mentioned that a while ago, didn't I?

What's the difference between Fear and Existential Dread? Well, apparently the first one 'just' causes the enemies to randomly freeze up, miss more punches, throws, slashes and shots, makes them randomly hunker down or run away from you. Existential Dread on the other hand...

Well, it's the big, overprotective brother of sister fear. In addition to the stuff mentioned above, the poor saps affected by it may panic so hard that they either start to harm their allies... or themselves. Heck, there's even a chance for them to commit suicide. I'm so gonna abuse that once the taxmen array themselves in front of my door to get at my hard borrowed money. If I ever have any money. No, once I have money.

I need friends. Talking to myself will just make me insane... well, more insane than I already am. But it'll definitely make me lonely... and that's just sad. And pathetic. So it's bad. Kinda. Somewhat. Everyone else will probably say it's bad.

"You are not making it easy for me to keep your attention, do you?"

Huh? Ah, yes, the pervert.

Why is socializing a thing again?

"Apparently." Really now, what else could I say here? It's not my fault that the antenna on that one building behind him is more interesting than him... okay, maybe I am at fault here. A little. As minuscule as it can get.

A sigh from the old man kept me from drifting off again. (How dare he?) One of his arms moved to a drawer of his desk and... is that a cookie jar? A chocolate cookie jar? Konoha has chocolate cookies? You can find chocolate cookies here? How did I miss that?

"I see I got your attention now," the evil-doer holding my rightful belongings said with his pure, evil grandfather-like voice of evilness. "If you cooperate, pay a modicum of attention and tell me about this... untraceable storage seal of yours-"

"Invite: Sarutobi Hiruzen."

There! The old man is shocked! Have to quickly grab the jar!

Poor cookies! Don't worry, you're at a better place now.

Later

It is only later that I found out that I was under the effects of a Genjutsu. One that was supposed to be mildly encouraging.

Apparently Chakra-Hypersensitivity increases the effects of Chakra-induced illusions tenfold.

The cookies were a lie!

(And, apparently, I'm insane. Nice to have confirmation of that.)

(Hey, if I keep that up, maybe I'll be a Jonin before I set foot out of Konoha. Insanity is a requirement for that position, isn't it?)

(Does that mean Kurenai has some kind of Kekkei Genkai that enables her to become a Jonin without being insane first?)

Anyways, once Genma came back from whatever he was doing, I bullied him into giving me a piggy-back-ride and, befitting my station as the only currently-to-me-known Reincarnate with cross-gender-conundrums (Indra, Asura and whoever Hamura's children are/were so do not count), told him in the most serious manner I as a four year old definitely-not-childish child could muster:

"Uncle, there's a barely alive fox puppy in the stowage- storaw- that thing I put all the stuff in. Can we go to the home of that one woman with the large eye-patch-wolf - ya know, the one that yells at dad every now and then - and feed it to the dog puppies?"

Seconds later, a very, very, very pale Genma body-flickered to an Inuzuka-veterinarian and demanded that I hand the kit over to a very confused old lady with red triangles on her cheeks.

Confusion quickly morphed into horror.

I like animals.

I like cookies even more.

*Ding*

] - Congratulations - [

Thanks to your hard efforts, countless sacrifices and abuse of the Party-System,
Your Level increased by 11

] - - - [

What? Eleven Levels? HOW?

...

Wait a bit... I had invited the aged Hokage... Yea, it even says so if I open the Party-Menu-thing. And whatever he's doing earns me EXP. Whatever he had done gave me ten-and-a-half or eleven-thousand EXP.

I'm Level 13 now.

I just got fifty-five Intelligence-points for free.

...

HELL YES! AFK-farming is real! I never have to do a thing again!

"Do you hear that?"

Huh? Genma's scanning the surroundings. I don't know what kind of information he'll get from looking at the veterinarian's white house walls, but hey, I'm the only one here who isn't a certificated assassin.

But... I kinda guess why uncle's doing what he's doing... possibly? Since, well... The earth is shakin', the sound wall is breakin', one can hear the fearful screams of middle-aged women as they herd their children into the bomb shelters masquerading as their houses-

] - Warning - [

A Youthful Presence rapidly approaches your position.
Impact in: 5m 37s

] - - - [

"YooOOOUUUUUTH!"

] - Warning - [

You gained a large amount of strength and experience in a very, very short time.
Your adoptive father noticed your
rapid growth and will most definitely start
your conditioning once he reaches your position.

Don't ask how he knows.
Don't ask how your Kekkei Mora knows.
Don't ask how I know.
Trust us on this, you don't want to know!

But you have our condolences.

This message had been sent by
The Remains of your Sanity

Goodbye

] - - - [

...

I asked for that, didn't I?

"Maito Miso Shiitake Rai," a very, very pale Genma began to choke out, "What. Have you. Done. This time?"

How do you answer that? "Uh... I became intellismarter in a way that doesn't make sense whatsoever and my adoptive father felt that as a Divergence in the Youth?"

...

...

"You said that word."

"I said that word."

"You are doomed."

"I know, uncle."

"I'll... stay here until your... pet recovers."

"You are such a nice uncle, uncle."

Goodbye, sanity.

Wait a minute- "Genma? there's still a bone sticking out of my hand. How do I get rid of it?"

Something heavy crashed on top of my head...

Canon-'Bonus'

(Sarutobi Hiruzen and the Demon of Bureaucracy)
or
(Increasing your odds)

Hiruzen

'By the Sage, that had taken a long time.'

Windows. Techniques. Status Points. Passive Abilities. Numbers. Numbers Everywhere!

Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Professor, the God of Shinobi, was too old for this. He was far too old for this!

] - Alert - [

An ancient Evil of unfathomable proportions will reach your position in:
120 Seconds

Prepare yourself, Third Kage of Konoha!

] - - - [

When Sarutobi Hiruzen had cast one of the most unnoticeable and definitely one of the weakest Genjutsus in his arsenal at the little Kaguya to make her more agreeable with sharing her knowledge of the 'Untraceable Storage Seal', he had been caught completely off guard when a little blue, two dimensional box materialized itself out of nowhere and asked him if he would like to 'Join the Dark Side's Party'. He had been caught even more off guard when even more boxes had shown up after he had, still not fully recovered from mild shock, actually confirmed by pressing on that highlighted "Yes". Said boxes had then put him through a literal crash course of the general capabilities the girl's Kekkei Mora, what he as a Guest-Player (whatever that meant) was authorized to do now since he had been accepted into her party... and how to invest so called Status Points in a so called Status Screen to Status Values. Not only that, whatever the girl had done to him also gave him preemptive knowledge of so called Enemies that would initiate combat within the very near future.

To say it was a mess would be like mentioning the water was wet.

On the other hand, it was also highly intriguing.

Apparently every person, every item and every enemy had a so called Level. The Level of his (moderately concealed) Guard ranged from forty-seven to eighty-four. The Level of his secretary was a solid seventy-five, which, unsurprisingly, hadn't surprised the God of Shinobi in the slightest, given that he had to thank her for delivering all the mountains of paperwork into his office. Only fools would believe her to be a 'mere civilian'.

(Then again, who would actually think about the mere possibility of a henge'd shadow clone of Nara Yoshino to be his secretary?)

Long story short, whatever All-Encompassing Bloodline Maito Rai possessed, it had made a darn good attempt at making him mad. Mad as in the definition of crazy.

Fortunately for the Hokage, he had seen far more mad and crazy things in his life than he was comfortable knowing of. In fact, this was merely a mild case of crazy compared to whatever in the world his Students had gotten themselves into back in the days...

'Ah, the good old days...'

After recovering from being rudely surprised, Hiruzen had... studied the 'Status Page' or whatever it was a bit more, tapped on the Values labeled STR, WIS and all the others, let the boxes explain what exactly they meant and... had started to think.

Apparently the Status Values were a numerical representation of his overall physical and mental limits. Considering his advanced age, his VITality and DEXterity were what he presumed to be quite good, with both of them being above two-hundred-and-fifty each. His AGIlity was relatively low, beneath one-hundred-and-fifty to be exact, and he blamed that solely on his... advanced age. His mental Values on the other hand seemed to be quite high though, with his WISdom just sixteen points short of five-hundred. His STRength Value came as quite a surprise, since it was also just a few points short of five hundred. Not only that, it appeared that Hiruzen was in possession of seven-hundred-and-ten unspent points which he could apparently invest as he pleased.

Though Hiruzen wasn't quite sure if the representation of his capabilities were actually correct, he had felt a smile creeping on his face the more and more he thought about his apparent accomplishments...

That is, until he saw his Luck-Value.

Or, to be more precise, he didn't... since there was just a simple vertical line where a number should have been.

The implication was quite an eye opener for the Third Hokage.

He had lost his teacher because he had no Luck.

He had to lead two wars because he had no Luck.

He had lost his successor because he had no Luck.

He had lost his wife because he had no Luck!

He had to deal with absurd amounts of paperwork because he had no Luck!

His life was going downhill because he had no Luck!

Logically, that was the first thing which Hiruzen decided to correct... By investing all seven-hundred-and-ten points into it!

(Fifty Wisdom-Points were lost after committing that action.)

But he digressed.

Fact was: Maito Rai had access to a very confusing, but (most likely) very powerful All Encompassing Bloodline in addition to the Shikotsumyaku. Said girl is also able to store seemingly infinite amounts of mass in an 'Inventory' and share what appears to be a 'weaker' version Kekkei Mora with whichever person she wants to. Add in the ability to monitor the 'Status' of other persons - be they allies or not - and the (limited) premonition the Bloodline provided, plus her potential as a Chakra Sensor... the little Kaguya could easily become a force to be reckoned with before she hit puberty.

And fortunately, thanks to careful planning on his part (not) Hiruzen wouldn't have to worry about wasting her potential. Chunin Ebisu was a Master in the basic Ninja Arts, Chunin Shiranui Genma could rival most Uchiha's with his aim and precision and Tokubetsu Jonin Maito Gai already became known as the best Taijutsu practitioner within the Land of Fire. Furthermore, the three of them had good connections to a budding Genjutsu Mistress by the name of Yuhi Kurenai, a budding Kenjutsu Specialist in Gekko Hayate and the last surviving member of Minato's students, Kakashi Hatake.

The girl will be a powerhouse. A crazier-than-usual powerhouse, but a powerhouse none the less.

But he digressed. Again.

] - Alert - [

An ancient Evil of unfathomable proportions will reach your position in:
5 seconds.

Prepare yourself, Third Kage of Konoha!

] - - - [

Whatever the girl's Kekkei Mora exactly was, it came with another, quite more important... ability.

4

For, you see, it allowed Hiruzen to travel through that one giant nuisance in the corner of his office... the one that had spilt so much more unnecessary piles of outdated documents onto his desk!

Yet on the other side, he found a sight that would haunt his dreams for many nights to come.

3

Buildings made of drawers. Towers made of broken desks. Pavement made of faulty documents. Pot plants made of file folders. Rivers filled with ink. Trees made of trash bins and shredded papers for leaves. Sticky Notes on broken pens substituting for flowers. And in the middle of all, a Coffee Machine buried beneath the remains of thousands of paper mugs.

2

He himself was in a plaza of sorts, a wide, circular area surrounded by high stacks of paper, even bigger buildings of file folders. The air smelled of dry, forgotten papers and even dryer ink.

1

The ground began to shake violently. Paper-stacks toppled over, ink-rivers spilled over, a gigantic vortex of documents formed itself... dust, documents and ink were caught within...

*plop*

And then, just as fast as it came, it stopped.

"Skree!"

A pill bug had manifested itself.

A big pill bug had manifested itself.

A big pill bug with a shell of paper, some overgrown mandibles and eyes of dried ink had manifested itself within a gigantic vortex.

A big pill bug made of paper glared at him, The Third Hokage, The Professor, The God of Shinobi.

Hiruzen stared down at the cat-sized bug with absolute disbelief clearly written on his face. That was the source of all his paperwork problems? That thing had created all these outdated papers?

Paper Isopod [Lv.: 25]

He doubted it. Hiruzen really, really doubted it.

"Skree!"

The Hokage blasted it with Killing Intent.

The bug spat ink back at his face.

Hiruzen stepped to the right and let the literal geyser of ink hit the wall behind him. He idly noted that the thing had a hard time controlling the... beam of ink and, for all that it was worth, wasn't able to follow his quicker movements... which was surprising, given that the Hokage's Agility was his weakness.

Well... given that he could circumvent that 'weakness' quite easily just by enhancing his legs with a bit of chakra or, if push came to shove, use either a Body Flicker or the Kawarimi (Body Replacement Technique) it wasn't that much of a weakness, especially since he was able to use both of them without handseals... though, the usage of at least one handseal significantly enhanced his control.

So all in all, that little bug couldn't hit him just by spitting ink at him.

*Boom*

On the other hand, creating Explosive Seals just by spitting at a surface did rise the threat level of the little bugger by quite a margin.

But before the thing had time to adjust its aim and start to spit ink at him again, Hiruzen found it prudent to introduce its apple-sized head to the tip of one of his kunai. The sound of ripping and hissing papers was music to his ears...

'Wait, hissing?'

Thanks to an ingrained instinct earned from his attendance during the First Great Shinobi War the Hokage already had jumped away from the definitely-dead creature before that thought had fully registered in his head. None too soon as markings on the paper-corpse started to show themselves and began to glow in a very foreboding orange tone...

The explosion radius was small, but loud, blinding and it left a perfectly spherical hole where once a paper abomination had been.

'An ink spitting Paper Pill-Bug who can draw working seals at long distances and it explodes upon death.'

"Skree!" "Skree!"

The old man slowly turned around. "And there are... more of them."

Indeed, there were two more of these little, disgusting creatures, all of them glaring at them with extreme prejudice. However, much to the Hokage's annoyance, the two of them had a big brother - quite literally, since the 'big brother' height seemed to be around one-and-a-half times as big as Hiruzen's.

Giant Paper Isopod [Lv.: 40]

A massive creature, indeed, but the increased mass suggested that while it was most definitely exponentially tougher to take down than it's little cousins and was most definitely stronger, it should have more problems in adjusting its aim.

"Skraaee!"

The Hokage lit his pipe and put it into his mouth while simultaneously jumping backwards over the impact zone of a stream of high-pressurized ink the big bug started to spit out. The small paper insects on the other hand curled into balls and rolled out, not following Hiruzen but, instead, heading to the... ink scribbles the ink had left behind.

Still mid-jump, Hiruzen noted that the ink scribbles glowed a menacing purple.

Gravity shifted.

The Professor raised an eyebrow as he, instead of landing twenty feet away, found himself back on his starting position, right as the little, orange glowing suicide-bugs arrived.

An one-handed Snake-Seal and a Great Breakthrough later, two glowing paper-corpses collided with their big, living cousin and flooded it in a bright, fiery explosion. Hiruzen was pleased when the overgrown pest shrieked towards the grey, paper-y heavens, but he also noted that the big bug was considerably more resilient than the little ones.

A one-handed Tiger Seal, a Great Fireball and an explosion that left a five foot long, smooth, circular crater behind took care of this little problem while spitting a bullet of water at the seal he stood on top of let him roam unoccupied once again. Hiruzen put his pipe back into his mouth. This was far too easy for his liking. Investing over seven hundred points in Luck couldn't have made that much of a difference, could it?

The telltale rumbling caused by what seemed to be an enormously massive beast seem to confirm his suspicion. A pity. While it wouldn't have been reasonable, he none the less would've had preferred to have been done with this... inconvenience and (finally) go to bed, but there was only so much to do when you were apparently trapped in a lookalike of your worst nightmare. The shifting of large stacks of paper, the splattering of ink rivers and, again, the telltale rumbling caused by what seemed to be an enormously massive beast all originated from something behind his back.

The old Kage let out a puff of smoke. So long as the next pill bug wasn't the size of the Kyuubi, which he highly doubted, Hiruzen would be fine. All he would need to do was to spit some fire at his opposition - for paper was highly inflammable last he checked - and he could back... and ensure that his crystal ball wasn't... malfunctioning.

A definitely not perverted grin spread across his face as he turned around-

The pipe fell to the ground.

His grin followed shortly after.

Hiruzen looked up.

And up.

And up.

And up.

His neck threatened to bust when he couldn't move his head further backwards to glance even further upwards.

Before him was a wall. A white wall. A wide wall, fifty meters, if he saw right. Made of paper. It had two sets of spikes on it. Spikes that wiggled. On top of this wall was another wall with the same shape and form. And on top of the second wall, there was a third one. So was a forth one on the third. And so on and so forth...

Except, the papery wall was, at closer inspection, papery carapace, the spikes were legs, the top wall was a papery head with a pair of mandibles and two gigantic, insect-like scythes as 'arms'...

The Demon of Bureaucracy
The Titan of Ink and Paper
Papyros
[Lv.: 70]

"SKROAAA!"

And that papery, stupidly gigantic Earthworm-Centipede-Hybrid was about to vomit ink at him.

(He senses a pattern there.)

It came to the Hokage's attention that the gigantic, mutated centipede had, contrary to the smaller inhabitants of this realm, multiple dozen pairs of good, inky eyes and was quite the sharpshooter to boot. Not only that, but the ink blasts were fast. Fast enough that Hiruzen had to actively channel chakra into his legs to properly dodge the bursts of ink coming out of the Titan's maw.

Bursts of ink that carved Sage-forsaken knee-deep runes into the papery ground below.

The aged Sarutobi had to admit, the ability to create efficient and functional seals by simply spitting at the ground was an impressive feat he had never heard of. To his knowledge, not even the Usumaki had thought about such a way of dishing out pain and suffering. Minato would have had a field day if he had ever come to such a ridiculous idea. Hell, for all he knew, Kushina would have adopted this abomination into the Uzumaki clan and use its creativity to create Ramen from thin air.

When Hiruzen was about to jump to his right in order to escape another blast of ink aimed directly at his head, he was quite displeased to find out that, after two seals had lit up, a wall of ink and paper had grown out of the ground and blocked his escape path.

Correction: A wall made of ink and triggered explosive tags blocked his escape path.

Furthermore, gravity itself began to shift and the God of Shinobi found himself propelled towards the wall.

The aged Sarutobi formed a Snake Seal. "Futon: Great Breakthrough!"

The wall didn't bulged an inch, but that wasn't what Hiruzen was going for: The knockback of a Great Breakthrough proved not only to be strong enough to counteract the 'gravitation seal' (or whichever kind of seal was used to mimic the effects of gravity), it actually 'catapulted' him out of the 'scribbled areas'.

The explosion left a big, perfectly circular hole within the ground.

Speaking of the 'scribbled areas': The Giant Bug seemed to completely ignore Hiruzen in favor of carving an assortment of seals into the ground in a hundred meter long radius around it... 'Or were it three-hundred-and-thirty feet? By the Sage, why wouldn't The Land of Stone switch over to the metric system?' Be as it may, the overgrown Centipede had already covered a quarter of a circle.

Well, if that overgrown insect thought he could leave The God of Shinobi out of its sight and get away with it, well, so be it. Only a fool would've stand still and let his enemy prepare without taking advantage of it.

Ram, Horse, Snake, Dragon, Rat, Ox, Tiger
Katon: Fire Dragon Flame Bullet

Three blazing streams formed imitations of fiery dragons and flew straight into the torso of the enemy, vanishing on impact and leaving a gaping, burning wound in the monstrosity. Said monster stopped vomiting ink in favor of thrashed around wildly and fixing it's gaze back on the Hokage.

Said aged man took a curious glance at a small green bar that had materialized itself on top of the Centipede's head and was quite surprised that he was able to, for a lack of a better word, 'read' information out of it.

Papyros [70]
HP: 97.9% / Burn

Hiruzen's eyes twitched at that. He understood that the green bar represented the creature's health, but that his technique, one that is able to turn a trained ninja into ashes within seconds, merely 'scratched' that thing... Even though it was made of paper and thus more vulnerable to fire...

"SKRII!"

The aged Sarutobi winced slightly at the high pitched and loud tone of the insect's cry and prepared himself to cast a Shunshin if it was needed to evade another stream of ink. However, none of this vile substance descended from the heavens as, instead, the creature opted to vomit crude... spheres of paper and ink. Spheres that hit the ground before reforming into...

"Skree!"

... a papery pill bug?

"Skree!" "Skree!" "Skree!" "Skree!" "Skree!" "Skree!" "Skree!"

Ah, eight papery pill bugs. Eight weak, papery pill bugs that started to spit ink everywhere and cover the grounds in seals to deny him save grounds to safely evade to.

"Skree!" "Skree!" "Skree!" "Skree!" "Skree!" "Skree!" "Skree!" "Skree!"

And the big centipede was continuously spitting more of them out, all in batches of eight.

Hiruzen was about to flood the entire area with a sea of flames when a... better idea came to the forefront of his mind. He just had to reposition himself correctly.

And so he leaped in front of a group of eight bugs.

"Futon: Great Breakthrough!"

The strength of the gales obliterated the bug's defenses and catapulted their now glowing corpses right at the massive form of the centipede, covering part of its carapace in a cloud of fiery explosions!

96.7% - 96.2% / Burn

It... barely did a thing. Furthermore, from what the Hokage could see, the smoldering burn-mark on the creature's body had hurt the creature more than the barrage with its own subordinates. On the other hand, there were still fifty-six more of the tiny buggers clicking and spitting around. And considering that they continue to sabotage his means of escape-

"SKRAAII!"

Something... massive sailed right over his head.

It hit the ground a couple dozen meters behind him and exploded in a mushroom cloud of ink and papers, leaving nothing but a fifteen feet wide pool of ink behind.

And out of it, one of the giant versions of these papery pill bugs emerged.

...

'To hell with this.'

Hiruzen had seen enough. Whenever possible, he preferred to observe his opponents first and probe at them with a few jutsu and/or a quick exchange in Taijutsu to further analyze their capabilities and their preferred way of fighting.

The overgrown Centipede could survive a B-ranked Jutsu with ease, even though the creature was quite weak to the technique's element. It was very intelligent, for it managed to use its obvious signature attack in such a way to carve Seals into the very ground he stood upon and it was wise enough to conjure backup instead of fighting its significantly smaller opponent head-on.

On the other hand, the insect had a hard time connecting with its nimble and resourceful target and occupied far too much of its time with preparations: The Hokage could either set the entire battlefield aflame or cover it with a layer of water to render the seals either useless or trigger them beforehand. Not only that, but the creatures it summoned to its aid exploded upon death could be launched back at their creator with a 'mere' gust of wind.

Katon: Ash Pile Burning

With that being said, it was time to end this drawn out fight and to put the signature technique of his wayward son to good use. Burning through almost all of the tobacco within his pipe, he inhaled deeply, mixed the inhaled smoke with a lot chakra and exhaled, covering the entirety of the battlefield and the mind-bogglingly giant creature in a cloud of highly ignitable gunpowder and, by the Sage, Body-Flickered away!

(Hiruzen never saw the explosion as the dust connected with the still burning part of Papyros' body.)

(The deafening Bang and the resulting shockwave did manage to almost topple him though.)

The previously Fuinjutsu-rigged ground had been incinerated. Seemingly endless hordes of pill bugs previously vomited out of the 'boss' had combusted. The ink rivers ceased their existence. The general temperature of the air within this realm had risen by at least six dozen degrees. Piles of government approved documents were annihilated.

And everything was on fire.

A good mile away from the blazing carnage, Hiruzen watched as the literal spire of flames slowly, but surely consumed the personification of all Kage, a smirk befitting a twelve year old pyromaniac proudly displayed on his face. Sixty-one years old and he still got it.

Sure, his reserves were down to one fourth of his maximum capacity, but this was still worth it, in his humble opinion.

Then the ground exploded.

The creature definitely had seen better days. Most of its papery exoskeleton had giant, glowing cracks in it, its eyes were nothing more than sockets of blazing coals made of (and fueled by) pure hatred, a good eighty percent of the centipede-earthworm-hybrid's legs were charred away...

And it was mad.

And it charged it's scythes, mandibles and entire body mass directly against the God of Shinobi.

And the thing was also somehow using a technique that could rival the speed of the Body Flicker Technique.

Papyros [70]
Hp: 94.2% - 6.4% / Burn / Berserk

Oh, had he mentioned that the insect was on fire?

On the plus side, overloading his son's signature technique definitely paid off. Hiruzen would have preferred to have ignited it with a Great Fire Dragon to increase the latter's strength tenfold, but he hadn't accounted for the burning patch of ignited papers. He was lucky to not have been caught within the explosion himself.

...

The worm-like creature, for it had, besides the mandibles and scythes, not enough appendages remaining to make it identifiable as a centipede, charged over and over again, all forms of self preservation thrown aside, caught in an everlasting whirlpool of vengeance and rage. In theory, all Hiruzen would have to do to end this beast was to wait and evade it's attacks, for the ignited beast would turn to ashes within the coming ten minutes.

"Katon: Fire Dragon Flame Bullet"

"SkRIIIii..."

Or he could pour five times as much chakra into the Fire Dragon Flame Bullet and end it now.

] - VICTORY! - [

His vision filled with bright, white light...

Hokage Office

*Thud*

"Ugh..."

With a start, Sarutobi Hiruzen awoke, eyes darting around in search of any possible opposing force.

He found himself within the confines of his office, stacks after stacks after stacks after stacks of to-be-signed papers aligned in front of his desk. His four ANBU-Guards were still in their hiding places, but seemed to be at the verge of a mental breakdown. And the hole in the world...

...

It was gone.

Well, not entirely, but one had to know what one was looking for. Instead of a gaping rift, it was now more akin to a tiny tear on paper, almost not noticeable. Hiruzen would've thought he had fallen asleep while working, weren't it for his severely depleted reserves... and a white and black Storage Scroll entirely made of paper on top of his desk. The words 'Sarutobi Hiruzen's Loot-Scroll' were proudly displayed on its side.

Now that was unusual.

Not giving it a second thought, the Third Hokage grabbed the scroll and prepared to burn it in his palms. Instead, as soon as chakra came in contact with the scroll, it vanished, leaving a pile of... items behind. Thirty-six bottles of high quality ink, two normal Jutsu-Scrolls, a replica of the centipede's head, a large mountain of Ryu-bills...

And a kitten-sized, living pill-bug made of paper.

Said insect made a clicking sound akin to a yawn, glanced around... and fixed its gaze on the absurd amounts of stacks of documents.

Within the blink of an eye, it had jumped on top of a paper tower.

Then it started eating.

Rapidly.

From time to time, the... thing would shove documents, mission requests and/or reports onto his desk, somehow pile them up into a perfect stack.

It had barely taken two minutes, but the absurd amount of documents stacked in front of his desk had been reduced to one single, manageable pile. To top it off, the heavenly creature ... pooped out several summaries of complains, sorted by severance, importance... and 'Naruto'.

The bug looked (rightfully) smug.

The ANBU-guards, still hidden, stared at it with disbelieve.

Hiruzen himself blinked. Twice. Thrice.

Then he grabbed the bug and started to pet it as if it was nothing more than a paperwork decimating kitten.

And he smiled.

Author's Notes

Heya.

*get's shot*

Ouch... So, I mentioned that I would try my best to not keep you waiting for "another two months" or so in the last chapter? Well... as everyone can see, that didn't work so well. Sorry to keep you waiting for eight or nine months! T_T

I had... massive problems with this chapter and I doubt I did a good job with it, especially the 'Fight-Scene' in the second part. In fact, this entire chapter lacks a lot in quality. I'm sorry. :(

Anyways, let me try to preemptively answer a question that will most certainly be asked at some point or another:

How the heck did ONE TECHNIQUE do such absurd amounts of Damage when the Fire Dragon Flame Bullet did so little?
Answer:
Papyros is a Giant Centipede-earthworm-hybrid. His body consists of hundred 'segments' that can either be targeted individually or, if you use AOE-attacks, as a group. Fifty Segments were visible and thus could be targeted.
The 'Ash Pile Burning' or 'Burning Ash Pile' - or whatever you wanna call it - covered said fifty segments before it got ignited.
Fire is very effective against Paper. (Triple Damage)
I'll post the Stats of both Hiruzen and Papyros - as well as two of their techniques each - at the end of this AN.

And yes, Hiruzen solo-ed a Raid Boss.

Anyways, that will be the end... of this AN, that is. So far, the current results of the "new" Poll demand that Rai becomes a Jonin Sensei, followed by her playing "real-Life"-Minecraft to ensure the Survival of Canon and Overpowering the entire Rookie-Nine (or Rookie 27, should I actually go through with the plan to get the entire class to graduate Lot's of OCs that'll never get mentioned afterwards again in that scenario.).
In order for her to become a Sensei, she would have (to be forced) to skip school, something I'm inclined to do simply to get the non-existent plot going. I think we all want the little four year old to finally, finally do something other than act like a total brat, namely her attending Gai's Youthful Fitness Acceleration Regime (GYFAR, or Gefahr, the German word for danger, risk, peril, hazard, jeopardy and/or threat... man, I just pulled that out of my behind, but darn, that's more than fitting).

Well, then, see ya next time. :O

And thank you for reading my ramble.

Stats

Maito "Kaguya" Rai

Lv.: 13

HP: 1525 (114.38/min)
CP: 437,5 / 437,5 (3.51/min)
STR: 23 / VIT: 55
DEX: 15 / AGI: 9
INT: 98 / WIS: 37
Luck: 1

Sarutobi Hiruzen

Lv.: 142

HP: 7150 (4.92/min)
CP: 13230 / 3307,5 (30.26/min)
STR: 482 / VIT: 262
DEX: 256 / AGI: 138
INT: 372 / WIS: 434
Luck: 710

Featured Techniques

[Ash Pile Burning] [Lv.: 10 (MAX)]
[Initial CP-Cost: 50] [CP/s: 5]
Creates a cloud of Gunpowder that deals 13020 Points of damage to every poor soul within it once ignited. If Ignited with a Jutsu, THAT Jutsu's power is multiplied by 5.
Damage=INT * JutsuLV * 3.5

[Fire dragon Flame Bullet] [LV.: 10 (MAX)]
[Initial CP-Cost: 100] [CP/s: 10]
[Attacks/s: 8x3]
Creates three flaming Dragons. The Heads deal more damage than the bodies.
Damage (Head): 1860x3
Damage (Head)=((INT * JutsuLV/10) * 5) * 3
Damage (Body): 465x21
Damage (Body)=((INT * JutsuLV/10) * 1.25) * 21

[Chakra Compression] [Rank:B]
Chakra-Capacity is multiplied by 4

Papyros

Lv.: 70

HP: 2175000 (1513.80/min)
CP: 14775 (117.93/min)
STR: 1160 / VIT: 86998
DEX: 470 / AGI: 25
INT: 1560 / WIS: 1220
Luck: 0

Featured Techniques

[Ink Geyser] [Lv.: 7]
[CP/s: 10]
[Attacks/s: 10]
A continuous stream of Ink assaults the enemy, dealing up to 2980 Damage per second. Requires both physical and mental strength. Allows one to create working seals at range.
Damage=((STR + INT) /2 * (1+JutsuLv/10)) /8

[Ink Cannon] [Lv.: 7]
[CP-Cost: 500]
Papyros Only. Five seconds Cast Time. Ignores armor. Creates a large sphere of pressurized ink that explodes upon contact. Cannot create Seals. May summon a Giant Paper Isopod. Deals 6902 points of Damage.
Damage=((STR + INT) /2 * (1+JutsuLv/10)) * 4

[Cleaving Lunge] [Lv.: 7]
[CP-Cost: 150]
One Second Cast Time. A long-range lunge that deals 4118 points of Damage to everything and everyone in your way. Requires the user to either have mandibles, claws or to be equipped with blades weapons.
Damage=STR*(2.5+Jutsu-Lv/10*1,5)

Status Effects

[Burn]
Reduces Health Regeneration by 75% and reduces the effectiveness of Healing Techniques received by 25%.
If the target consists of burnable materials, like wood or paper, Health regeneration is disabled and they'll also lose 1% of their health every minute.

[Fear]
Reduces accuracy and increases the chances to make 'panic-moves' such as hunkering down, fleeing out of cover or freezing up.

[Existential Dread]
Makes the affected target think the Apokalypse has come. The Affected may panic in such a way that they attack their comrades or themselves. Small chance that the Affected One commits suicide.

Man, I played far too much Wind Waker and Borderlands 2. :/