A Certain Loser Breaks and Enters Stage Right
All_Downhill_From_Here

Somewhere within what was known to be the last bastion of scientific resistance against Academy City, Baggage City, was an arena where the Natural Selector tournament was going to be held. It was to be a contest to try to bring out those with skills and abilities outside of not just conventional logic and common sense but as well as the system of espers that Academy City prided itself on.

It was inside a common area of sorts where the contestants would gather to register for the event that he appeared.

There was nothing special about him. He was all around an average looking 17 year old Japanese boy. Even his clothing, a nondescript white shirt with black pants and shoes, were utterly unremarkable. But even so, all the seats around him were empty. The others keeping their distance from this average Joe by at least 15 seats and 2 rows and even those just outside that range tried to inch away as much as they could.

Anxiety. Disgust. Annoyance. Despair. Anger. Depression. Every emotion that the contestants felt toward him was the most negative that humans could possibly feel.

It's not as though he was doing or had done anything to earn this treatment. All he had done was enter the room and take a seat with a small smile on his face. He was used to such treatment after all.

The boy sits and swings his legs like a kid on a field trip. He takes a glance at the flier he had taken on his way here. It gave all the details one would need concerning the rules but he cared for none of that nonsense. What had caught his eye was the fact that people with all kinds of skills and abilities would be tested here. His hopes weren't high but he was never the type to deny that anything was possible.

Even after all that time he had spent on that detour with his cute, darling, insufferable childhood friend, his goals remain unchanged with regards to a certain vice-president. Why would it? Her goal hasn't changed after all. Though, if anything, his means of attaining his goal have changed.

"Number 10032. Number 10032, please step up to counter 4."

He jumped at this as he realized that was his number. The others around him cringe at his coming and breathed a collective sigh of relief at his passing.

As he walks up to the counter, the receptionist there realized that he was going to deal with quite the challenge.

"Good Evening sir. Baggage City welcomes your decision to display your abilities here."

[Ehehehe, stop it Vlad! You'll embarrass me!]

"How did you-"

He stops himself short as it would only make sense to come from someone entering the tournament. He is however completely ignorant of the fact that by a stack of papers to his left, was his ID badge. But Kumagawa wasn't one to sweat the small stuff.

That was a lie. He'd tear out a man's eyes for insulting his personal fetish of the day. Or for a quarter. Or because he felt like it. That was the type of guy he was. Or so he acted at any rate. His cool act was a rather fragile state of being.

"Mr. Misogi?"

[Wawawa! H-how did you know my name?! Are you psychic? Are you a witch? Better not turn me into a frog, witch!]

"Um, you put your ID out on the table before we even began speaking Mr. Misogi. Ah. Sorry about that. You Japanese prefer to be called by your last names rather than your first names right?"

[Gasp! You'd really stop calling me by my given name now! And after we've been through so much together, you and I...]

As Kumagawa begins to sob profusely, Vlad feels immensely drained by the entire conversation. Enough so that his level of care regarding his work plummets.

Though this wasn't just Kumagawa's fault. He wasn't the only weirdo and he most certainly would not be the last. It was primarily the fact that he was the 299th that Vlad was handling that day.

"Well Mr. Kumagawa, we just need you to fill out these papers and hand them into the machine there in the back. Feel free to call one of our other receptionists if you have any questions regarding the paperwork."

[Kay!], he says in an almost singing kind of tone while he walks back to his seat.

It's just as well for him that the man lose interest. He prefers to be able to stupefy his audience as much as possible so when the paper asked for a description of his powers and past, he simply just made up off the top of his head.

Besides, rather than either of the main skills he uses, he wants to put another one of his to the test. One that he hadn't really given much thought to until recently.

After he had finished and handed all his papers over to the machine, he decided on walking the streets for a bit. He had a feeling that he wouldn't be able to enjoy the sights as much once the fun started tomorrow. What few, heavily clothed, people wander about look at Kumagawa like one would a man that suddenly eats glass right in front of them. He just keeps pretending that the cold doesn't bother him. Like everything else, he fails in his acting and runs into the nearest building for warmth.

As soon as he had regained enough of his senses to be aware of his surroundings, his eyes and smiling mouth widen in shock.

He had clearly made a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

All around him was the pink aura of women's fashion and cafe's with a similar sort of consumer base to advertise to. Cute girls flitted about from store to store without a care for even a sycophant like him.

His smile was threatening to split his face in half as he took in everything. At least it was until he spotted something unusual by the map with the usual 'You are here' type of information on it.

A girl of around middle school age with black hair buns on both the sides of her head. Her pink sweater, miniskirt, and torn stockings seemed to exude a sort of dangerous innocence from her. Around her neck were several handheld devices of multiple purposes and uses.

She stared at the map like she was staring at some complex algorithm, muttering to herself all the while. Every now and again she'd pick up one of the devices on her and mutter some more. Normally, this would be a person to be avoided. You simply do not provoke the cute but possibly insane, even with kind intentions.

However Kumagawa was not in any way, shape, or form a kind or sane man.

[Hello there! What's a qt 3.14 like you doing here?], he asks as he ruffles her hair.

"Mm? I'm not sure of how to react to this. A stranger is ruffling my hair and called me the mathematical value of pie. What would be the Kihara way to respond, Amata-ojisan?", she asks a device, strange glyphs flashing across the screen and into her eyes.

[Ojisan?]

Her face contorts into a crude sneer that would be better suited on a middle aged, Cantonese, drug runner. A small gun presses up into Kumagawa's side as she pulls him down to her face by the collar.

"Why don't you fuck off before I pull out your colon so I can choke you with it, you fuckstain," she growls at him with an added, "How was that Amata-ojisan?", in a much less threatening tone.

She hadn't raised her voice but the timbre of it made the other girls passing by shiver. Despite how the situation seemed, the bystanders pitied Kumagawa for the cruelty being directed at him. Their sympathy lasted for all of 5 seconds before he flipped her skirt up, revealing a white pair of panties as he squats down for a better look.

[Yep! When it comes to girls like you, white suits your purity the best!]

The girl's face just had the sneer slapped off by this unorthodox response. If her face got any redder, you'd swear steam would start poring out her ears. She drops the pistol to the ground as she presses the screens to her face.

"A-amata-ojisan! Wh-what do I do? What could possibly be the Kihara response to something like this? He had a gun up to him and he just flips my skirt like some elementary schooler! Do I start filling him with holes? Do I fill him with concrete? Or am I supposed to take this experience cooly, like one of the more mature Kiharas and ruin him mentally instead of physically? No. Not enough. I need to access more Kiharas for this!"

It wouldn't exactly be possible to pull off that aura of cool maturity now that she has showed so much of her embarrassment like that but before Kumagawa could reply as such, he suffered extensive and immediate damage to his head.

It is just his luck that one of the contestants, Saflee Opendays, was passing by while she had time off to window shop. Also just as his fate ordains, she could deliver a kick to a man's skull powerful enough to pop an eyeball out the socket and cave the bone into the brain. Normally she'd hold that kind of power in reserve but Kumagawa's natural ability to make enemies out of strangers without even doing anything had brought out enough of that strength to send him flying with a streak of blood splattering a trail across the floor.

"Ah, geeze," Saflee groans, "I hadn't meant to kick that hard. He's probably a contestant too so I guess that it would've happened anyway. Damn it. Hope he's still alive after that."

She makes an attempt to move to his unmoving form when she feels an irrational, intense sense of dread from behind her, where the little girl was. She whips her body around, getting ready to meet whatever threat she had earned the attention of and see the source smiling at her.

[It's alright! I don't know how they would treat two contestants fighting each other outside of the arena but I won't tell on you! It's not like anything happened, right?], said the ever-grinning, boy.

His voice had no inflection or even a hint of pain. There was no blood trailing from his skull nor was there an eye dangling from his face. Indeed, it almost seemed as though she had merely imagined kicking him like that.

She doesn't dare look away from him but she does glance at the floor where there should've been blood. But there was none. As though it never splattered the floor. But even if he had some method for cleaning up the blood so quickly, there shouldn't be dirt or stains there. Not to say that the cleaning staff here neglect their jobs but it's only common sense that if you clean just one thing off the floor, there'll be a mark of clean space in the surrounding, untouched floor.

A parlour trick of this level existing could at least be explained away by Natural Selector. All kinds of unimaginable things would be brought out to the public's attention here. The British Halloween combined with the events during WW3 had made it so that people could accept that sort of inexplicable phenomenon. Hence, the tournament. The impossible became plausible.

But then what could be setting off so many danger alarms for the onlookers? What is the feeling that Armageddon was lurking in every shadow come from? Why is that boy still smiling?

"...I don't know what the hell you are or how you did that but if you don't step back from that girl, I'll just keep smashing that face until the gray matter comes out," Saflee threatens.

Normally, she wouldn't be capable of such hostility for someone she had just met for such smallreasons. Normally, the crowd wouldn't unanimously stand behind someone with such a thirst for another's blood in their eyes.

Such was Kumagawa's nature to bring the absolute worst out of people.

Normally, he would allow them to turn his weak body into some fresh, red paste to paint the mall in some freakish avant-garde manner and follow that with having all his enemies be impaled on his screws with impunity.

But that was no longer the kind of power that he wanted brought out of him.

He raises both his arms and looks at the crowd with the glare of a lion bearing it's fangs at prey.

[Well, well, well then. It seems that I am blessed to have this much attention from a gathering of cute girls. It's such a shame that-]

His predatory mask melts into one of genuine shock at something behind his foes.

[WH-WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!]

What could possibly make such a monster react like that? Despite the danger from presenting that kind of person their back, their curiosity forced their attention to what was behind them.

A small rotunda with a palm tree in the middle. Of course, palm trees are simply not a thing in Eastern Europe. It's not just a matter of their aura of summer and tropical climes but in the fact that this was a city in the middle of a frozen wasteland. But perhaps that's why it was placed there. To give the customers a warm feeling in this cold, cold place and make them open up their hearts and wallets to the shop owners around here.

To sum it up, there was nothing.

They turn back around to see the boy's fleeing back with the small girl draped over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. They make to go after but are stopped dead in their tracks by a sudden awareness of their undergarments. Or rather a lack thereof.

It was then Kumagawa Misogi was determined to be an enemy of womankind.

It was dark when he started running off so he had no clue as to a passage of time but he was sure it had been awhile since they had begun chasing him. He had managed to lose them for now. He sits atop some crate in a warehouse where they stored some of the technology that the Anti-Academy Science Guardians had been creating previous to their rebellion. He had opened up one of the crates just to take a peek and found some special watches that were powered as well as timed by atoms. They had the accuracy of the atomic clocks that many other watches had their timing set by as well as a myriad of features. It could project whatever it is you're watching in high definition onto any surface, a hologram interface that could help guide you and play games with, and even had some ports built into it for you to connect to any device you wish.

But Kumagawa doesn't really care for these things. He just wanted to know the time. After 15 minutes of fumbling with the thing, all he had gotten was that it was 70 liters to 45 nautical miles on a February with the even hand on the 2. So he just tossed the thing that costs the equivalent of a car against a wall and has a screw impale it in place.

He sighs and turns to his young hostage.

[Hm? Why're you still here Enshuu-chan?]

She almost blurts out her confusion on his knowing her name before she remembered that her panties had her name printed on the lining. He would only tease her more if she mentioned that little fact so she remained quiet on that matter and moved onto bigger questions.

"Why did you let that woman hit you? With whatever method you used to get behind me after that kick, you could have avoided that in it's entirety. You probably could use that method to make counter-attacks too right?"

[Is that ojisan of yours asking about that?]

Enshuu frowns and answers, "Yes. Amata-ojisan figured that out for me."

Kumagawa laughs a little and stares at the ground, [Well, he's right. I could have just screwed them all to the walls but that's not how I want to do things. For now at least.]

"Why?", she asks, tilting her head.

[Because I don't want her to find out that I'm here just yet. Plus, I'd rather work on my other abilities than the ones she knows about]

"Who are you talking about?"

[Hmm. Well, I'd rather not talk about that any more than necessary. Such a thing makes this really inconvenient. Sorry Enshuu-chan!]

She shakes her head, "I don't really need to know. It won't matter by tomorrow anyway."

[Oh? Why's that?]

"Because the Kihara's are going to be invading this- hm? Ah! You're right Amata-ojisan, this isn't Kihara-like at all!"

[You keep talking a lot about those Kihawhatevers but I'm not quite understanding. That's your uncle or something on the other end of that call isn't it?]

"Um well," she begins uncertainly before one of the devices begins to flash in her eyes, "Hm. Hmhm. Right. Understood Amata-ojisan."

Kumagawa tilts his own head at this peculiar event but Enshuu eventually exits her trance to resume the conversation.

"Amata-ojisan has reevaluated what the most Kihara-like thing I can do here. Since you're something of an anomaly in what we had initially expected out of Baggage City, I'll explain everything for you."

[Woah! Does that mean Enshuu-chan will wear glasses and some oversized lab coat with nothing underneath and give me special lessons?!]

"Wha! No! It just means that I'm going to explain what we Kihara's plan to do after the first round tomorrow!"

[Tch.]

"Don't get so disappointed at that! I-," she exclaims before the device interrupts her once more, "Right. I understand. I don't know why Amata-ojisan is so particular about you. Maybe there's some pervert part of his thought patterns that I was unaware of."

[Enshuu-chan? The Kihara thing?]

"Well we're scientists from Academy City that specialize in the darkness. Though I've been known to be the least Kihara-like, unfortunately. Which is why I have this system for emulating the various

Kiharas that exist and had existed. Anyway, we've been sent here to neutralize the threat of their being another system for unexplainable powers fueled by science in the world. After the first round tomorrow, we'll start destroying this city."

[Darkness? Like the force? Or are you guys just that chunni?]

"Hm, I never really was able to understand that either. The others love to rant and laugh about that darkness thing but maybe I'm not Kihara enough to get what makes it so great. It kinda makes me feel lonely but at least the Kiharas that I have here can help me to laugh with them!"

[What's with the obsession? I could understand if we were talking about the age old boobs versus booty argument but why do you keep going on about that?]

"Because I need to be a Kihara!"

[But why?]

"Because. Um. Because their my family."

[Explain further.]

She begins to fidget uncomfortably, "Well. When I was younger, I got kidnapped by some guy that didn't like Kiharas. They did something to him I'm sure, but I don't remember what. He had taken me from them though and locked me up in this room. I was told he did it so I could be removed from science and thus, not be able to become a Kihara. But that's just silly. There's science everywhere if you look for it. I was actually pretty grateful to that guy for what he did. I was able to learn stuff all on my own without any books or teachers to give me the knowledge. It felt like I was discovering all these great things on my own. Eventually I decided to show off what I learned but well, I don't think he liked it very much. But at least with that, I was free to return to my family again. I wasn't able to go through the same stuff the other Kiharas did so I had to get these," she gestures to the devices hanging from her neck, "So I could have the thought patterns of all 5000 Kiharas to compensate for that."

[Oh, I see. I see. But isn't it fine to be yourself?]

"What do you mean?"

[Weeell, like you said, you had practically invented the means to discover all that stuff on your own without anyone to help you. Do you really need to be like those other science lovers when you clearly meet the requirements already?]

"But I'm not as cruel or ruthless."

[Maybe not. But I think that's fine. Say, do you know how other people get their powers where I come from?]

Enshuu frowns questioningly but says no more.

[Where I'm from our powers are given to us based on our personalities. Abnormals are people that are like the protagonists of stories that go off to kill the Demon King and stuff. They get smarts, skill, and crazy powers on top of all that. Never really liked those sorts of elitists.]

Kumagawa stands up from his crate and faces Enshuu.

[Then you have guys like me. Minuses. We're the faceless mooks the Demon Kings use that everyone gangs up on and beats down into ground without doing anything to provoke anyone. We only really get the powers. Though even with those sorts of strange abilities, we can't ever win against those protagonists. It's just the way things are. And since I'm the weakest guy to ever live, I have the strongest Minus.]

"Okay," she says doubtfully, "But what does that have to do with me?"

[Those Kihara guys sound a lot like Minuses to me and if your life was exactly as described, I'd say you're a special sort of Minus even among those guys. You may not be able to act as a Kihara or whatever on your own but if that cruelty wasn't in you at all, then you wouldn't act on it. Even with some convoluted technomababber that beams their thoughts into your head.]

"But what do I care about being a Minus? I don't want that."

[Well I don't even know if people here can gain that sort of power. The last three places I went to, people there couldn't have it. But it's not so much about that as it is the mentality of it.]

Enshuu raises an eyebrow at him and mumbles into her phone, "Amata-ojisan, are you really sure about this? This guy doesn't seem to be all that smart but he's not that bad a guy. So-"

Her mumbling stops as the display answers her with graphs and symbols flashing into her eyes again.

[Hm. It doesn't really matter either way, so you don't need to worry about me. I like being an idiot! Though I suppose I can't really be much else huh?], Kumagawa muses as he walks away.

"Where are you going?"

[Oh? I'm going to sleep now so I can be awake in time for my turn in the tourney.]

"You're still going to that? I just told you that we're going to wipe this place from the map."

He stops walking as he gets to the door and turns slightly to face her.

[The way I see it, there are too many Abnormals here for a bunch of Minuses like you to win. So therefore, I need to rest up so I can protect you after my round is up.]

Enshuu's eyes narrow as she asks, "Why would you do that? I'm going to be targeting you too, you know."

[I'm the sort of guy that doesn't discriminate between good and evil since no matter what, good and evil tend to be against me anyway. It doesn't really matter that you're going to try to kill me either. I've already decided to be your ally once I determined that you're the same as me. Well, not completely the same. I'd probably have to turn this whole universe to nothing for my own peace of mind if that was the case!], he replies cheerfully.

But this still does nothing to clear the confusion and unease that she felt about him saying this.

"You mean that you won't care when I kill all those other people? They won't be meeting kind ends at all. The Kiharas won't allow that."

[Then I probably don't need to show any restraint either! But again, it doesn't matter. Whether you decide to trust me or not, you're my friend now. So don't worry about any of those nasty elites if they wind up being too strong. I'll mess them up real good for you!]

And with that, he was gone. Less than a simple exit stage right and more of a sudden retcon of his character from that scene. He must have used the same trick from before, Enshuu thought. But she remained unconcerned despite the other Kiharas lighting up the devices below her head with a fury of curiosity.

"I know he was strange Noukan-ojichan and he would be a great way to analyze the systems that exist outside Academy City's but I'm too tired to deal with someone who can counter Kihara thought patterns like that right now. I'm going to go to sleep too."

Enshuu yawns exaggeratedly and wanders back to the hideout she had been staying at.

Kumagawa has done the same.

This meeting between the unqualified Kihara and the veteran of defeat was an unprecedented one. If he hadn't shown up there and spoke with her, things might've gone very differently but the actions of those involved had made way for an ending that cannot be taken back.

Very soon, Kumagawa Misogi would begin to irreversibly alter this magical world with his Minus.