Authors Notes: Fuck, I really hope this turned out okay. I've been super duper busy and mental health has been playing up. So I do hope this went well, I've rechecked it several times. If anything major comes up, please let me know. I appreciate it, like always! ;w;
Aaaa, so yeah. Shit is slowly but surely going tits up again, gradually Karma will realise what his emotions are telling him.
Whereas Nagisa feels too fragile to stop what will be happening. ;w; He's not weak at all, but emotionally he's not stable and Asano will continue to take advantage of him.
I hope you enjoyed that I put Asano's perspective in here, so you can finally understand what the darkness tells him to do and imagines.
As always, thank you oh so much for your support. I really appreciate your patience! I love you all!
Asano had managed to gently calm him to the ramen bar, however, he knew it wasn't all his reasoning. Nagisa protested against getting a dry set of clothes, he seemed terrified about going home. As dangerous as it was, everything fell into place. The darkness was now more eager to warp Asano's mind, like the rain that soaked them, his imagination made him vision more and more images. He wanted to invite him to his: keep him safe and warm so he could fall asleep, cook and feed him, make him realise he was more loved by him and then break him piece by piece. But he also knew if he wasn't on his best behaviour, then there'd be no trust. So Asano remained reassuring to coat the desire he felt.
His face grimaced at feeling the rain drip from his fur coated hood onto his face. He kept his gaze on the floor desperate not to get his face wet. The weather clouded the air with a mist, the scent filled his nostrils and raindrops echoed in the alleys that they passed through. In the distance, they could hear multiple people scurry from how their wet feet paced underneath the crying sky. It fell harshly, bouncing and coating the ground with large specs of water. The clouds had darkened the sky making it seem like it was night time. Luckily, Asano's coat took away the bruteness of the weather. Leaving his jeans stuck to his thighs, it was no wonder why he raced them as quick as possible.
"Just around this corner, darling" Came his delightful tone, he was caring, but his voice strained from trying to be too kind. Asano felt the hand on his own, clenching tighter. It shook with coldness.
Nagisa who willingly still held his hand made him believe he'd accepted the fate he had in store. If only Asano could feel bad for having a willing subject, he probably would…. But he didn't. It made everything a lot easier...
Whereas Karma didn't stand for long, he actually caught up and followed the two. He tried his hardest to act cool for the last second with Okuda, unfortunately, it wasn't cool to anyone. How could he fool anyone with the gut wrenching foul attitude he had for himself. It was guilt that pushed him along in his steps, his body kept a distance from the two.
This entire thing Nagisa had to go through, was all his damn fault...
Since the incident, the erratic thoughts escalated... Over and over they pooled and told him how much he'd failed Nagisa, how much pain he was going to be in, how much of an idiot he was for letting him go. The guilt became a sword he force-fed himself. His pain boiled over in his stomach and now it pounded throughout his heart, the raging beats made it difficult breath.
Karma had to stop himself to clench onto the wall, it tore his heart bit by bit. He couldn't stand anymore, it had shaken his feet, knees tried to give in. The racing of his heart was like a drum and it continued to blank out the sounds of rain, one of his fists grasped on his shirt. Punching it to try and stop the madness that tried to consume him. His throat felt like it was swelled from the amounts of deep breathing that left his system.
The redhead wasn't dressed for the weather either, his clothes became damper by each second. His death glare became worse, as the salty rain continued to pour into his golden hues. He tried to clench them shut, his other fist bashed into the brick wall from frustration. Crunching his fingers from doing so, it was a vicious act at himself. Like his emotions over and over, his skin started to tear making more of a mess. The force feeding of the sword was him being selfish, succumbing to his emotions.
Nothing is fucking working, everything fucking crumbles. And it's going to happen again and again. All I wanted to do was protect both us... Protect him from me, protect him for Asano... Why isn't it fucking working...
The repetitive thoughts hammered on and on, his mind raced for an answer: Why he made it this way, why he was unsure and terrified, why he thought he was helping. But nothing helped. Golden hues tore a look down, at this point he wasn't sure if it was rain or tears that continued to fall in front of him. His vision felt shaken, unable to tell what he was doing. The impact forced his body to shake uncontrollably.
What could he do? They're gone now... His gut instinct told him not to go, not to retaliate. Karma felt defeated, his feet felt like they were stuck in ice to the ground.
The weather made fifteen minutes seem much longer. Asano's feet felt heavy from the drenching rain, his breath escaped his lips from deep breaths. Considering Nagisa didn't speak, it made matters worse in his head. Ongoing he imagined the blue-eyed beauty smiling, a 'thank you' left his lips as he enjoyed the day they'd spent together. It was like they were still dating. A smile rested on Asano's face, his lips pulled his cheeks higher making him look alive. This would be worth it, the darkness told him. Lavender hues finally glanced up and noticed that they were here. A sign read 'fresh ramen here' on the front of the door.
"Here we are, finally!" The strawberry blonde mused, his head peered behind him. Nagisa looked adorable, even without expressions. There was still pink that darted across his cheeks from being rushed, breath noticeable from pants and his glance focused on his surroundings. Crystal blue hues looked desperate to be dependent. But Asano knew that wasn't the case... If he didn't have a hold of his hand, Nagisa would probably be lost. The urge to reach out and brush the water away from his face was strong. However, he knew he couldn't, sighing Asano continued to pull him into the restaurant.
The owner looked surprised at hearing the bell. But pleased when he realised it was Asano. He knew the kid from his father and quickly he had to find them towels and a change of clothes. Asano looked at the man with a smile, acknowledging the polite nod to leave. He took the small soaked boy further inside. They took a stance beside the fire and Asano turned Nagisa around to take his coat off. It was heavy from soaking in the water, meaning it must have been dripping all over Nagisa's shirt. He frowned, realising he was right. His shirt was nearly see through from how much water splattered over it. The disheartened Asano still had more concern for him than himself.
"Are you cold? You'll feel better soon, I promise" Asano whispered. It was all a part of his plan if Nagisa continued to chug along with it: not going home, this ramen bar, help from the owner, the kindness, he'd give it all to him until he believed him again. He watched his blue locks splatter droplets onto the floor, water pooled mostly from Nagisa. The owner came back out in the nick of time, kindly he had several towels and a change of clothes. It was expected. Asano's family had brought money into this restaurant. His father usually had business meetings here which also pulled the public along. Everyone wanted to dine where famous people did.
"Let me help you first, you look a lot worse than I do. Besides you catching a cold wouldn't help" Again he gently spoke, Asano took all the stuff from the owner placing it on the table, and he'd speak to him afterwards. The owner disappeared again to give the two privacy, it was going to continue to rain for the rest of the day anyway. So he knew he wouldn't have many customers.
Even without a response, the strawberry blonde used the towel to ruffle those dripping locks dry. The towel became soaked with how drenched he must have felt, like a drowned rat becoming rescued, thought the deluded Asano. Deluded was correct, images clouded the doubt he would normally have. He thought of Nagisa blushing at him with a smile. But the opposite happened, Nagisa remained deadpanned. His head moved with the ruffles, sure he was thankful but he was drained. He couldn't and wouldn't utter a thing, he was ashamed of being weak. Especially in front of Asano. Breakdowns usually had an after effect like this, where he'd become fragile. His mind lashed out at him, belittling every wrong thing he did. If at home, it'd result in him self-harming.
Asano's hands danced through what used to be soft to now greasy and bouncy curls. The hairband had loosed itself from the action and so when his hair was dry, he tied his hair back up. Asano smiled gently at Nagisa opposite him, despite how his glance continued to stray to the floor. He thought it would be for the best to give him privacy for the change of clothes, it would also give him some time to recover. So without a doubt, he walked away to speak to the manager and change himself.
It left Nagisa in the silenced room, but it wasn't silenced at all. There was music that played quietly in the background, a mixture of oriental and chill. Nagisa couldn't hear it though, his bodily functions were the only things he heard: how his teeth bashed against each other from the change of temperature, heart beat pounded like a drum from the tension, his body that constantly shuddered and bursts of raging pain in his legs. Eyes remained torn to the floor and when Asano left, the stomps of feet vibrated his mind, the sound alerted him to look up to where he went. Crystal blue orbs darted around and noticed the dry clothes on the side. Nagisa sighed, his top taken off and thrown to the floor. Realistically what else did he have to lose?
He grabbed the other dry towel and rubbed it over his chest. It was uncomfortable, the towel unlike his own was worn. Scratchy, sure enough, it was a nice gesture, but it didn't make him feel any better. His face scowled from the attack against his battle wounds, the bruises became red from not having his cream. His mind cursed at never being organised, but the pain brought him back to his senses and Nagisa gained awareness again. It wasn't awareness that he wanted as the room became unbearably tense. Like how the entire day seemed to be going.
The bluenette tried to make it as quick as possible. It hurt. His facial expressions were constantly cringing as he pulled the new dry top over him. It pretty much drowned him, to the top of his knees. It was then he realised the bottoms would be even worse. A reminder of how scrawny he was, a frown fell on his lips.
Nagisa looked down at how drenched his jeans were. He peeled them off as they stuck to his inner thighs, it made him painfully aware of the stings from the seeping through the water. His towel went quickly over his bottom half when he managed to pull them off. Nagisa still contained the paranoia that gripped his mind that someone would see the harm and think of him as disgusting. The jeans were thrown to the floor as well and he mopped his legs up. Careful to avoid how sore and raised the cuts were. Probably should invest in bandages in the future to avoid this, Nagisa thought. His face wrinkled and teeth clenched from the pain, a hiss escaped in the process. But once again, he was quick so another pair was back on.
Before Asano returned, Nagisa scooted himself into the corner of the booth. His butt cushioned on the velvet and dry seats. Without wet clothes on, he could feel the blazing fire beside him. It caught his eye in how it continued to burn and ash the wood, the flame danced with different colours of reds and oranges.
Nagisa's ears perked from hearing a louder voice in the background, though.
"Nagisa, are you done yet?" Asano spoke, he was outside the back entrance door, but he didn't peer around. Fear that he'd walk in on him or he'd startle him.
"Yes, I-I'm done" The other tried to call, but Asano didn't need him to shout. He returned back to the room, also dressed in new clothes with the owner. The owner smiled, he wanted to try his hardest to be welcoming. It was a family run business, so he treated the customers the same. The two followed suit and as Nagisa realised before the owner was nice. He took the towels and his clothes back to the tumble dryer.
This actually gave the not so zoned out blue-eyed boy, a chance to admire the place they sat in. Crystal blue orbs glanced around at how nicely it was decorated. Light lanterns decorated the ceiling, frames hung on the walls displaying Japanese art which he could appreciate, the serving desk was at the back opposite the front door with fryers and cooking equipment behind the owner, a dining bar in front of him, incense and smoke lightly coated the room to give it an atmosphere, it smelt newly lit from how strong the vanilla dusted the air. A mixture of chairs and floor seating around the tables. It seemed Asano had grabbed them the best place to sit, they were in a window booth, with the fireplace beside them. Oriental screening separated the booths decorated with black leaves, everything was coordinated perfectly with different blacks and browns. The wallpaper had blossom trees over it and the floor was covered in laminated bamboo wood. It was small, but welcoming at least. He could tell a lot of care went into this restaurant.
It was then Nagisa realised he must have seemed rude or obnoxious to not say anything to the owner, and as much as he felt switched off, it was common decency.
"Thank y-you" He shouted, in hope the owner would hear. Thankfully, he did and his head popped around the back entrance, with a smile. It made his heart flutter in response and he ended up smiling in return.
Since the bluenette had become aware of his surroundings, he noticed Asano beside him who peered at the menu. Easily lavender hues had noticed the change, it was like the damaged boy had gained sight again. So he watched Nagisa give a sheepishly curious look like he was hungry.
"Whatever you want, it's on me" Asano spoke with a smile on his face, once again images invaded his mind when he watched Nagisa's mouth open to disobey, he imagined shutting them up with a forceful kiss. If he didn't like what he heard, he would make the boy say what he wanted to hear. Inserting the dominance into any situation.
Whatever Nagisa spoke it fell on deaf ears, Asano was more concerned about his imagination. If it wasn't for the knock of Nagisa's feet onto the chair beside him in how he fidgeted from nerves, he would have been trapped by his imagination.
"Don't be like that, it's fine" Asano tried to shush him, he was going to win any protest.
After their small debate about Asano paying, the two did order food, nothing like food to make you feel better. As Nagisa did feel better afterwards, his mind taunted him in hoping this day would last forever. Even though at times he stuttered, at times he flinched when Asano got too close, at least he didn't have to deal with the conflict at home.
Nagisa even ended up having green tea ice-cream, which had Asano crack up, questioning why he'd eat it in this weather. They both ended up having a joke over it, laughing about how sweet his sweet tooth was. It brought up memories they had together: one time Nagisa spent all his pocket money at the sweet shop and then he ended up eating it all on the same day, another time was spent on a beach and Nagisa had a large peanut butter sundae to himself, another time was spent at Asano's house and how they used to eat sweets and watch movies together. So many memories replayed in both their hearts and they continued to speak about it like it was yesterday.
Unfortunately, the strawberry blonde took it too far by saying "You don't need anymore, like I said before you're sweet enough how it is" It nearly caught Nagisa off guard, his defences were brought up and he fumbled an excuse to get out of a compliment. Despite the memories being sweet, he didn't want to believe Asano still loved him. That was too much.
They ended up staying there for another two hours, waiting within the warmth. Seemed there was no luck in changing the weather… Nagisa thought, crystal blue hues were now gazing out the window, he watched the sky belt out the rain, heavy specs that seemed to get larger by each second. The sound of pouring rain filled his ears, it was one of his relaxing sounds. So soon enough, Nagisa felt himself drift into his imagination.
A gentle push went into his side, it nearly startled the bluenette from drifting out of reality. It forced him to acknowledge the strawberry blonde again. It wasn't like Nagisa could read him even if he tried, but still, his glance tore into lavender hues. Asano's hand was rested underneath his chin, a furrow had taken his eyes brows with it. But the lavender he continued to be sucked into, spoke nothing.
"I have an idea, let's grab a taxi, it's up to where you get dropped off. But feel free to stay over, my parents are away on holiday, so no one's home"