'Surviving the Orcs'

Foreword

What if an Azog's admirer dropped into the Middle Earth, but ended up not exactly where she expected or would have wanted given her preferences? Would she ever meet the object of her affection and more importantly how will that go? (We all know Azog's temper!) Would the gold-loving chaps be able to sway her? Or... Oh boy... Dare I say Legolas? *sarcastic fangirl squeal* Mhm most probably not.

Anyhow, let's just skip how she arrived there... With many 'transportation methods' ideas exhausted, let's simply get straight to the point and just say it was sudden and unexpected.

Humor is highly probable and so are the rants and sneaky remarks of Alia's inner 'reason'. (*Whispers* As are the heavy language, blood and all the smuttiness you can expect from me!)

Chapter One 'But we found this'

"Mein Land' by Rammstein

Alia trudged behind the group glaring at her mud coated boots. The rains had just seized and all the muck was beginning to form the plaster casing making the footwear heavier than ever. The woman lifted her head adjusting the linen cloth hood that was attached to her cloak. This garment was borrowed. What she had left from her world were her skinny jeans, a pullover and the aforementioned boots. As galvanic as her arrival was the human still shook her head at times letting the thoughts rattle... Bizarre... Impossible... Yet it transpired. She still looked about searching for a rolling camera and Peter in a thoughtful stance...

Her gaze fell again but this time onto her loose knit sweater. She hoped her companions indeed didn't have too sharp of a sight. The t-shirt underneath had very clear bright red letters that read 'Azog the Defiler', accompanied of course by the snarling mug of their enemy. How ironic that she happened to wear it when this happened, even more so ironic was the fact that when she staggered out the woods she was 'greeted' by the brothers themselves. Yeah Fili and Kili. A fangirl's dream? Not for Alia. Even though she wasn't delusional about the way things would probably go if she would ever to come across the object of her affecton... And oh boy was she on the right track! If things went just as they did in the film she was sure to stare that Orc in the face (or more likely the belly button) be that the last thing she does or not.

The gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach made itself known once again. You know those pulls and tugs that feel like your heart is about to detach and plop into your abdomen? Guess you can call it anticipation?

Speaking of the aforementioned Dwarves, at least now she had some sort of a company... Spending the night alone in these woods wasn't the pass time to ever imagine. The human suppressed a shudder.

Well this is until Laketown remember? The inner voice interjected.

Oh right... The next 'suitable' human settlement... Better go back to Bree...

The first film excluded a lot of travelled miles, before the bearded men even decided to camp out at the rocky ledge. Ever since she attached herself to their group they were on the road for days...

"How are yer feeling mistress?" The male with grey hair and braids any grandma would envy inquired with a polite smile.

Alia reciprocated the courteous gesture indicating her wellbeing.

She was fine. Thank goodness she didn't have to drag her legs behind everyone! Thank you spare pony! Her fingers slipped through the rusty orange mane. She wasn't a weakling but the damp bedding, tobacco, beards and small talk weren't her thing...

I know you'd rather leather, Warg fur and teeth...

Alia hushed the voice and swallowed feverishly. She shoved those thoughts as far as she could into the farthest corner of her mind. The heart commenced its descend into the stomach.

Chill girl, too early for all this. First the trolls...

Right. When was this supposed to happen?

The conversation went on about mining, tools and food. Well that last one... Her ears perked up. About time!

Oh yes the 'Steep Mountainous Ledge' campsite welcomes you! Alia lept off to tie her pony to a large bush.

She stumbled and had to scramble to hang onto the aforementioned foliage as her legs couldn't close properly after hours on the back of the animal.

Why did they decide to let her tag along again? And more importantly, she glared at the sky, whatever powers at work, - the heck she is doing in Middle Earth?!

Oh yes the brother duo probably save odd humans on the regular... Imagine how many Fanfics were written about that!? The inner self snorted sarcasm palpable in its voice.

"Are you alright?" Mr Baggins approached hastily.

Oh here, one person that feels almost as awkward in this situation as she does.

Alia made eyes. "I'm ok... Just you know..."

"Oh yes, yes I'm not quite accustomed to this myself." Bilbo tugged at the inner seams of his trousers his cheeks rosy with blush.

After the stew with a slew of unrecognizable ingredients everyone settled.

Awkwardly resting on the massive boulder Alia attempted to kick the caked on mud off her boots. Beaming Kili approached presenting her with a neatly folded fur throw. It smelled very musky and pungent... A yuk? She had no idea if those even existed in Middle Earth...

"Will keep ye warm." Fili nodded from his sitting position.

"Much appreciated." She flashed back a smile.

Most of the Dwarves looked as they did in the movies... Some small details weren't corresponding however... Like Fili's hair were shorter... Bofur's braids more intricate...Thorin's beard longer and a bit more grey...

Alia yawned sleepily. These thoughts were more automatic then anything of interest.

Kili lowered back next to his brother and both began snickering under their breath. Yeah truly like teenagers...

Anytime now! The voice nudged.

Oh right! A force of habit Alia's gaze darted to her left wrist as if knowing time would help her tell when exactly this was going to happen. Cautiously she rose heading towards Bilbo. The inhuman shriek rose from below iterating the rocky landscape. Even knowing that was supposed to happen didn't aid her in any way, the human nearly jumped out her skin the same way Bilbo did. The pair clutched each other's outerwear.

"What...what was that?!" The poor Hobbit stammered pallor as a sheet.

"Orcs." Alia answered before the brothers did and all the gazes darted to the woman.

"Throat slashers. They come at night no warning no screams just lots of bl..." Kili uttered ominously.

"Stop scaring Mr Baggins." The human admonished sternly.

"You think a night raid by Orcs is a joke?" Thorin straightened to his full height, which still was only to about her blade bone. "You know nothing of this world..."

Not again! The inner voice faceplamed herself as the prince strode towards the precipice his features austere and proud. Balin began relating the story and usually Alia looked forward to it as they flipped back to Azanulbizar and the shirtless badass Orc King... But now, bunch of awe struck bearded men.

Oh fun...

"...Azog what happened to him?" Bilbo remarked thoughtfully.

"That filth slunk back to his hole, died of his wounds long ago!" Thorin glowered the murky landscape.

Did he just spit? The reason eye-rolled. Should we even?

Gandalf knows that old sneak, so ... Eh won't bother.

But man I'd love to see the grumpy's reaction!

Alia sat Bilbo onto his sack and returned to her corner. She liked to sleep when nothing was behind her but the rocks.

Think it's about time Yazneg watching us? Should we shout hello?

Haha, you wish. The human drifted into sleep still expecting to simply wake in her bed. Yet that wouldn't be fair would it?

x x x

More alternating rains and scorching sun and aching thighs the next morning. Oh and apparently it was a 'barrage the human with questions' o'clock.

"Are you married?" Kili beamed curiously.

What kind of questions are these? What's it immoral for a woman to have no husband at this age..? The inner voice crossed her arms and Alia sighed. They didn't have coffee and it won't be until noon she'll truly be awake without the miracle brew.

"Why do you want to know?" She narrowed her eyes.

"Uhmm... The maiden... Traveling alone... is..." The young Dwarf was confused by the opposition.

Oh right... The damsel stereotype...

"Not alone now am I?" The human smiled with a hint of mischief. "As for a husband, who needs one."

Seriously though girl make friends, remember the golden inheritance. The inner self poked. Could be useful wherever you'll end up!

Kili grinned awkwardly. And Balin darted him an admonishing gaze.

"You try next time." He elbowed his older brother in the ribs.

Oh hey the farmhouse! Should we tell them this time? Or should we be evil! MUAHAHAHA!

Alia silenced the inner crazy.

Gandalf commenced the persuading speech. Thorin dismissed him.

Oh great just like in the film...

"Who's with Gandalf?" The human raised her hand. Everybody gawked. It's like their inner mechanism simply couldn't go against whatever their prince thought was right.

"Come on, bad idea to sleep here... Obviously something happened..!" The woman went on.

"But perhaps long ago..." Ori offered a mediation.

"Should have sent her back to Bree." Thorin grumbled under his breath.

Gandalf spared her a glance, it unsettled her.

What does he know, this old bastard...

While her stare was attempting to ask him if she should tell them... Whether he knew that she knew or not!

Alright here it goes!

"There are tro..." The wizard darted her another stare but too late. "Trolls!" Her voice gained the ominous tone.

"How do you know of this?" Dwalin jumped to his leader's aid.

"Uh heard..?" Sarcasm was now present.

"Ehhm... Rivendell?" Bilbo interjected hopefully, attempting to second Gandalf in the choice of their direction.

The possible future king spun silently while all the gazes were glued to his back.

Well I'm not staying. The inner self crossed her arms with a pout.

"We camp over that hill." The heir seethed reluctantly, nodding into the near distance.

x x x

Just realized there missy. The reason woke Alia poking at the back of her brain. You might have just messed it up for Yazneg. No cave, no chase... But you saved those two scout Wargs.

The human leapt to her feet.

Dwarves will not be fooled to enter Rivendell. Yazneg won't come to report to Azog... What else did she mess up? So no moon runes but then still the goblin cave..? She can surely prevent that but what else that will change..? Then the big G will live as well...

The human let her thoughts get way ahead of her.

"Lads! There's a cavern!" Gloin thundered suddenly from aback of the brush.

"I see something shiny!" Ori chimed in.

"Be careful!" Gandalf rushed in holding up his robes. "The trolls..!"

Well now you done it sweets! I'm guessing Frodo and Aragorn will be sending you a thank you letter... That is if your ass is still alive.

The next few things happened in quite a hurry. Radagast pulled in, everyone spilled out the cave at the same time as a howl resounded the plains, adding in the brown wizard attempting to relate his 'lines'.

"Ok everyone, run! Radagast you distract the Orcs." Alia blurted before anyone else had a chance to display their own reaction.

Be this the last thing we do we will save those Wargs. The voice rested its fists at its waist in determination.

Rad sped away without questioning her authority while Gandalf and Oakenshield were giving her the stink eye.

Alia gazed up the hill. "Yes Ori, ponies have..."

"...bolted..." The young Dwarf finished perplexed.

"Come on now! Let us go people! Does the imminent danger ring the bell?" She gestured her head forth impatiently.

"And oh yes Bilbo those are wolves. Except much, much bigger ones." She finished hastily grabbing the burglar's hand. With the corner of her eye she noticed the first scout Warg peeking over the crest of the hill... The human bit her lip tugging at the Hobbit's limb.

"Quite authoritative isn't she?!" Fili smirked jogging aback. Kili smiled uncertainly. Thorin glared.

"Yes..." He squeezed through the teeth. "Quite informed as well."

Gandalf huffed making an indistinct sound in his throat.

"I'll keep an eye on her."

An insane chase through the plains later the human panted doubled in two as Kili took his last stand.

Wait where the heck was that hole thing Gandalf dove into? The area looked completely different from what the film had portrayed.

The riders where closing in, Yazneg scowled and rumbled.

Would you look at that mug! The inner voice cringed. While he had smoother skin then his 'movie' double Yazneg was far from a looker and evidently never heard the word 'toothbrush' before.

But the wolves... Seeing them so close. Those canines, the eyes alive with hatred... Would instill enough terror for one's legs to be out of service...

"Right here you fools!" The Istari bellowed from the near distance.

Alia spun to head over. Unfortunate, clumsy, Murphy's law..? Who knows... Her boot had caught over the rock and she plopped into the grass. It wasn't tall enough to conceal her. The human sat up frantically scooting away on all fours. Who else but the leader's Warg had detected her stalking forth towards her prone frame. The animal bent forth increasing its pace as if ready to pounce.

Her chest heaved, neck covered in chilling sweat, the lips parted but what she had to offer...

Oh yeah just your meaty body parts!

Arghh couldn't you just shut the fuck up and come up with the way to save us...

And why couldn't you survive two more minutes until the Elves get here?!

The mind became utterly blank...

Her arms concealed her face...

"Nar! Dûrnaur... Nar!" The woman yelped out curling herself into a ball.

She shivered violently expecting the agony of the teeth piercing through her midsection to commence at any minute. Yet nothing had transpired. Alia lifted her head aversely to be faced with a colossal maw. The large golden eyes stared at her in perplexity. The Warg snorted and backed away.

He actually understood you?!

Filled with adrenaline she met the ruby-red stare of the pack commander. At that moment the brutal, debilitating pain spread the back of her scull as the world unhurriedly faded into blackness.

x x x

Why do victims always awake in most uncomfortable situations? Her body was jouncing draped over the back of the wolf. Is there a point to fight? What's the survival rate of 'falling of the back of the Warg at 60kph?' Hmm... Thank you Lord her jeans were still on, the rest of the clothes unharmed either. She'll show this bird nose... And whichever one thumped her scull! Alia attempted to steel her expression. Her head hurt like hell. Being upturned did not make the situation more comfortable either.

Fuck me, WEATHERTOP! The voice shrilled and collapsed into a boneless pile as it fainted.

What if it's not Azog up there..? Or what if his version here looks different..? Like those illustrations... The human suppressed a shudder recalling the greenish, shriveled goblin looking thingy...

Yazneg shuffled in cautiously darting his gaze about.

"The Dwarves, master... We lost them..." He lowered his head petulantly.

As Azog began his ominous descent the commander cringed. "But we found this." He yanked Alia off by the scruff shoving her forth towards their leader, as if to shield his sorry ass from the consequence of his failure, or as some sort of an offering. The human tottered, her world swimming in the dizzying array of midnight blue and torch orange. There were three Azogs!

Oh boy!

About to chastise Yazneg Azog paused surveying the odd creature.

"She spoke our tongue Dorguz!" The bird-nose bend his body even lower this time.

Azog snorted.

"Accompanied the scum she did."

"I don't want excuses."The King scoffed.

Alia was on all fours dangerously close to the Defiler's boots. Jesus, he is... huge! Even more so imposing than she expected and... Not green at all but absolutely and totally pale...

She watched the light disappear into the rifts of his scars...

The inner reason out of service and squealing like a tween fangirl at this monent it was up to her to figure this out. Attempting to suppress the butterflies and calm the heart that bobbed in and out of her stomach she chewed on her lip. There were literally five second to come up with an idea how to save herself...

Azog released Yazneg's contorted mug striding around her bent body.

Oh shit...

"The Dwarf scum will show themselves once again..." The Defiler thundered in Black speech. His glare stopped at the female's frame at his feet. Momentarily the upper corner of his lip twitched. The Pale Orc distasted the human flesh. The omnivore meet doesn't taste the same. It is always laced in the stench of their fear... Besides who knows what other disgusting shit those pathetic creatures ingest...

His foot thumped her body to roll over like a helpless little bug. Alia clutched her ribs in petulant indignation. The massive Orc scowled.

"Master!" She gathered her miserable courage making her voice as poignant and as loud as possible. There was no time to waste. The woman leapt to her feet but overcome by dizziness had nearly keeled over into the leader. She was forced to kneel once again.

"No point in following the Dw... Erm... Scums!" Her gaze was glued to the ground in an attempt to show the obedience.

They will tumble into the Goblin cave and kill the Big G... The Great Goblin. You will catch up and almost kill the Oaken... Runt. But then Gandalf ... Uhhh... Sharuku will send the butterfly to call the Eagles and they will kill the Wargs and save the ... Scums!" Alia ran out of breath and couldn't continue. The words flew out of her mouth at breakneck speeds.

Oho! Point number one of Surviving the Orcs: Make yourself useful (Preferably to their leader.)

Azog halted his irate speech. It appeared as if he was attempting to decipher her heavily accented rant. The Russian accent came out much heavier as the pace of her speech increased.

"I have more to tell, master." Alia focused her blurry gaze onto his iron-shod footwear.

The king stood still.

"Ride." Azog's sonorous growl forced her to twitch and fall into a shiver.

What happens now..? Will we get to at least look at him before his snaps our head of? The voice cringed.

Not helping...

Yazneg bowed, his head nearly thumped the ground. Shuffling forth cautiously he pawed at her sweater.

What the fuck?!

The female thrashed slapping the Orc's hand away. Suddenly she sprang to her feet.

"You have nerve!" She snapped. "Do you have any idea I just basically and singlehandedly saved your sorry behind!? Huh?"

Oh hello adrenaline nice to see you!

The woman clenched her fists until her knuckles paled. "Want a piece of this?! I think not! I stay with master!" She crossed her arms, wholeheartedly hoping Azog would agree. Yazneg darted his gaze about in flabbergasted panic. Unforeseen to all Azog exploded in a insidious cackle. The whole troop of riders echoed it as the entire abandoned structure resounded the sinister, howling laughter.

"Narzug is in charge." Azog spun away thus dismissing the riders.

Whew, is the worst behind us? The reason poked its head out.

Alia ignored the ruby-colored glare. She had bigger problems now, or to be more precise one giant 'problem'. It stood facing away from her, just as in the film the torch lights caressed his bone white skin morphing it into the liquid fire.

My Gods it's beautiful! The inner reason wasn't reasonable anymore once again, beginning to salivate.

All he did was stand there staring into the distance. Unmoving, silent, truly alike an otherworldly statue. The only indication of life the ribcage rising and falling barely.

The human hugged her knees tightly. The merciless nightly winds swooped in claiming the plains. She could not constrain her muscles jolting in powerful shivers. It was freezing with a big F. Alia scoot just a bit closer to the torches. That innocent, barely audible movement pricked his ears, the Warg lifted her regal head sparing the female a stare. Exhausted, in pain and almost resigned to her inevitable fate she met the deep golden orbs. The woman wondered if the matriarch was sizing her up deciding which part is the tastiest. The fear balled in her throat constricting her breathing, Alia gulped and ... Smiled. Alike the last resort - a nervous gesture... The Warg blinked and lowered her massive head.

Defiler's stone hewn body came to life next nearly throwing the human into the cardiac arrest yet the male acted as if she wasn't even present. He lowered beside his mount resting his back against hers.

Wow, this sounds like she's purring..!

Cold and hunger thrust the inner reason back into its more or less normal state.

Yet the butterflies still fluttered.

HE IS REAL!

Out of anything to do Alia watched the commander partially concealing her face in scattered tresses.

Yes love lets drool at least once before he concludes our fate.

Thought you were supposed to be the reasonable one!

He was beyond frightening when he roared and stood his full imposing height and yes no less terrifying even in the seated position yet now he looked almost peaceful. The leaded lids slid down over the ice-blue.

Huh, you aren't one bit of a threat if he can sleep in your presence!

The Moon light reflected his hide in the silvery-blue shimmer emphasizing his muscles. And those scars... Mother of God! The deepest rifts crisscrossed by the blackened arteries.

How bloody thick is his hide then?

Probably can scratch all you want and it won't even tickle! *wink, wink*

Would you shut the hell up?

The relief of the muscles wrapping his limbs... The sheer size...

Get your eyes of that loin-cloth you perv!

That's not what I meant! Who is the perv here? Nice to see you back though, out of the fangirling coma.

Have no idea what'cha talking about. The voice pouted.

Alia pulled out her cell. A miracle 33% of the battery... No service, haha no kidding... Turning off the volume she quickly snapped a photo.

His eyes shut, the Orc simply rested. He can decide what to do with her anytime. The information the creature presented was intriguing...

And then that array of scents began wafting to his nose. It slinked deliberately as if teasing. Azog's eyes darted towards the human. She huddled into the corner by the dilapidated steps. The lungs inflated in a deep inhale, a flicker of bemusement visible if only for a moment before his lids lowered once again. A twitch teased a corner of his lips curling it up.

It's so cold! Alia attempted to burrow further into the stones hugging herself as tight as she was able. So freaking cold..! Exhaustion was taking hold despite the algidity as she attempted to suppress the teeth chatter.

Yeah you'll wake an icicle, sprinkled with frost. The lolly for the Warg lol.

...I-I-I d-d-don't ev-v-ven...

A sudden spot of warmth scorched her back. At least her dreams are cooperating, sending a pleasant illusion. The heat spread her limbs quickly, ushering the feeling back to her toes. Alia rolled over and her face smoothed into softness. It was fluffy!

Oh my word!

Relief flooded unexpectedly, her fingers tickled the fur sleepily, she slung her arm around the front paw.

"Narnu... Narnûlubat Naurnink..." Barely awake her lips parted with a waft. The Warg lowered her head.

x x x

His eyes opened at once sensing his body overcome with an unpleasant shiver, Azog sat up and gazed about. The view his eyes landed on evoked an irate snort. What does she think this feeble, little creature her pup? The matriarch's colossal frame was wrapped around the sleeping human. The rumble was heard in the male's throat. He was outnumbered...

The next powerful gust of the chilling wind tearing the fortress, the human's body burrowed further into the fur instinctively this time she was faced with something stiffer than the Warg's belly. Smooth yet tough.

Oh God...

How can...

No...

It can't... The half asleep brain wasn't handling it.

Apparently the master would not share his pet's warmth.

But did he have to... Right behind me..?

Shut up and stop pretending you don't like it.

Uhh... This must be a dream... Anyways... Go back to sleep you inner psycho.

Oh yes the best dream you've ever had! *Yawn* And tell those flies to stop the damn fluttering!

The effects of last night began to take their toll once again as she melted into his motionless form.

Slowly, the woman began to feel the merciless chill of the night prickle her skin, yet it was as hot as flames. Encased in slumber, confused she shifted...

Oh my word..!

A light movement behind her and all that was audible was a deep, feverish inhale. The heart sank into the stomach as the brain attempted to clamber out the exhaustion induced bog. The jeans slid down further and her entire body began to quiver.

Dream... In and out of sleep, with her eyes closed. It's a dream...

The sudden stiffness against her rump evoked an instinctive arch. He did not need an invitation but that could have been one. She felt the tip come to her entrance, he put just a little bit of pressure holding it there. The human began trembling unstoppably, what things simply this contact of skins did to her body... The digits on his remaining hand came to dig into her hip, his pelvis jerked forth, the manhood fit in easier aided by the moist flesh. Her breath hitched as it slipped inward filling her fully... His was the ardent exhale sending goosebumps to take over her back, the male grunted lowly pushing the cock deeper between the tight walls, his fingers clutched harder into her skin... Alina couldn't stop shaking, when he finally halted the skin of his groin barely touched hers, her quivering fingers brushed against her stomach muscle, she swore she felt him against her belly button... She bucked again, instinctively, fervidly, bringing him even deeper... Her gesture elicited a low, throaty rumble. A hitching, needy moan parted her lips, the breath left her, the eyes rolled back into her head, he was all the way, so deep inside her, the inner muscles stretched and tensed to accommodate his girth... The head prodded the nerve bundle within without even trying...

He hasn't moved simply staying still as if enjoying her warmth...

How would it feel if he started moving..?

Weary, bewildered, too far gone and attached to the Orc Alina had settled wrapped in his massive frame. She couldn't help it, her muscles kept contracting around the stiffness inside her... He felt good...

Comfortable...

An uneasy repose took hold.

Dream...