A/N: Hey guys! Thanks so much for the reads, favs, follows and reviews. Here's the second chapter. Special thanks to my beta waatp! You're awesome!
Beca knew lounging in bed was going to get her nowhere fast. She was bored of thinking, pondering, wondering, calculating and questioning everything she had done.
'It happened.' She thought to herself. 'I can't undo what's done now.'
She found herself missing Jesse more than ever. In the past few years, she'd found herself finally opening up to someone, sharing her thoughts instead of bottling everything up. Jesse was patient and kind, always by her side and willing to drop everything if Beca needed him to. It took her a while to get used to the adoration from him but when she began to accept him into her heart, it became very comfortable, very quickly.
Usually, she'd have turned to Jesse when her head was this muddled but knowing what she had just put him through, she knew she simply couldn't do that. It wasn't his job anymore and that had been her fault. Jesse had been good enough to reassure her that he wasn't completely broken over their break up, although the small telltale twitch by his left eye confirmed Beca's initial thoughts that he was lying. She regretted the decision to end their relationship half the time, and the other half was spent reassuring herself that she'd been cruel to be kind in the long run.
'Does kissing Chloe count as cheating? I can't be Jesse's wife when my last few weeks thoughts have been about Chloe. It felt too right to be wrong. Damn that girl! Why did she have to do that to me? But then, I could have pushed her away. I didn't. Is it my fault?' She thought as she got out of bed, half-heartedly pulling the blankets back over her bed in an attempt to make it. She shrugged her shoulders at the crumbled mess and decided a shower would be a good idea instead.
Returning to her room twenty minutes later, squeaky clean and wrapped in a stupidly large towel, Beca couldn't decide if she was shocked or not to find Amy sitting on her bed, rummaging around in her friends underwear drawer.
"Can I help you Amy?"
"Nope." Amy said, not even stopping what she was doing. "I'm good."
"Mind telling me what you think you are doing?"
"Wondering if these itty bitty thongs are actually worth the effort of wearing them." Amy said, holding up a pair of Beca's panties.
Beca huffed and used the corner of the towel she was wearing to get some water out of her ear before she carried on. "And the real reason you are here?"
"Came to check up on ya. Haven't seen you for a coupla weeks." Amy said, looking at her friend for the first time. "Jeepers Becs, you got even skinnier."
Beca rolled her eyes to no one in particular.
"We're going to lunch by the way." Amy continued, after getting no reaction to her rooting through Beca's panties.
"Um, I don't want... I'm not hungry and I've got-"
"-Yeah, I'm not listening so get dressed and I'll be waiting outside. You've got twenty minutes to get ready or I'll call Aubrey."
"Jesus Amy!" Beca exclaimed, half smiling. "Anything but the Posenator."
"Well then."
"OK." Beca sighed, knowing she was not going to win the argument. Amy had played the trump card and she didn't want to involve Aubrey in any of her current thoughts. "Twenty minutes."
"... you kissed the redhead?" Amy asked, setting down her cream cheese bagel.
"You've got a little..." Beca started, looking over at the mess Amy was making. She indicated that there was a blob of cream cheese on Amy's chin but Amy clearly wasn't bothered.
"Don't change the subject." Amy said.
"I didn't kiss her first." Beca explained.
"But you didn't stop her?"
"No." Beca sighed heavily, poking at the double chocolate muffin that sat untouched on her plate. The two girls had come to a small cafe to talk. It hadn't taken long for Beca to open up to Amy and once the floodgates had opened, she found herself telling her friend everything.
"I have a question." Amy said, taking a large bite out of her bagel. "Mphy hmpf womph heffe weveph askoph feef?"
"Um, what?" Beca said, looking somewhere between bemused and startled.
Amy swallowed hard. "I said, did you and Jesse break up first?"
"No. After." Beca said quietly. "Amy, what am I going to do?"
"What do you want to do?"
"I don't know."
"Oh but Beca... you do."
Beca sat back on her chair and dropped her head to her chest. She'd always love Jesse, she knew she would; he'd opened her heart to the possibility of love but at the same time, while she loved him, she wasn't in love with him. He was comfortable, safe and reliable. Chloe was fresh, alive, perky, slightly odd but different.
"I've never thought about girls in that way before." Beca said, after a couple of minutes. "I don't want to."
"Why?"
"I've always struggled to find my place in society as it is. I just wanted to be normal and fit in. I don't want to give people a reason-"
"-Who cares what people think?"
"Huh?"
"You are going on about you wanting to be normal and fit in but so what if you are straight, gay or bi? Who actually cares? You wouldn't judge anyone so why are you expecting others to judge you? Isn't that a bit unfair? Your friends won't give a crap and if they do, they aren't your real friends. Stop over analyzing everything and just enjoy the new experience. If you want to see where things go with Chloe, then try it out. If it doesn't work out, but you have a bit of fun and experience a new side of yourself and no one gets hurt, then what does it really matter. Both of you are adults, you ain't cheating on Jesse so I say go for it."
"Amy, I'm impressed."
"Why?"
"You managed to say something quite sensible and not spray me with bits of bagel while you did it."
"You are quite welcome. But I want the gory details. All the smoochies and if Chloe's carpet matches the drapes."
"Annnd..." Beca said, drum rolling on the table for effect. "... we're back to being Amy again."
The girls talked for another hour before Beca headed home, feeling much better than she had done in weeks. She still felt guilty over losing her relationship with Jesse and wanted to talk to him but also wanted to wait until she had things sorted with Chloe. Amy had explained that Chloe was interested in Beca but, aside from the kiss, she wasn't going to act on her feelings. She was waiting to find out what Beca needed her to do.
The more Beca thought it, thinking with her heart rather than her head, she wanted Chloe. Or at least the opportunity to try something with someone she never thought possible until now. The feeling excited her. The thought made her tingle. She wondered what being with Chloe would be like, spending time together, being more than just friends. Whether it was just lust, or the start of something new, she did need to try, even to justify her curiosity.
Beca appreciated Chloe giving her the time to think, rather than harassing her. She'd had to work out things for herself and was still quite surprised that it was Amy who had made her see the light. It wasn't anyone else's business to work through it for them.
Now she just had to see if Chloe was still interested, and if it was a real feeling that they both had. She hoped Chloe would give them both a chance.
Chloe was writing out a birthday card to her Grandma when she received a message from Beca. Chloe smiled as she read the short message from her friend. Always blunt and to the point.
Beca - 'You there?'
Chloe - 'I'm here B. Been thinking about you. XOXO'
Beca - 'Yeah. Me too.'
Chloe - 'Have you? I thought, after Copenhagen and then the silence... XOXO'
Beca - 'Working things out.'
Chloe - 'And how's that going? XOXO'
Beca - 'I think we need to talk.
Chloe - 'Oh. That doesn't sound like a fun chat. XOXO'
Beca - 'I dunno.'
Chloe - 'Dear Beca. So much talent, so little words. XOXO'
Beca - 'Yeah well.'
Chloe - 'You mentioned needing to talk. I'm listening. XOXO'
Beca - 'Come by my place tomorrow around 4.'
Chloe - 'Oh shoot, I can't. I'm visiting my Grandma for her birthday. XOXO'
Beca - 'OK, don't worry.
Chloe - 'I'm free now. You want me to call? XOXO'
Beca - 'OK.'
Chloe finished signing her name on the card with a flourish and more kisses than necessary before she called Beca. She tucked the phone under her chin and she slotted the card into the envelope as she waited for Beca to pick up. The phone rang for a few moments before Beca finally picked it up.
"Hey!" Chloe said as soon as she knew the call had connected.
"Why'd you do it?" Beca asked.
"Oh hey Chloe, how are you? I'm fine Beca, thanks for asking. How are you?"
"Oh yeah, sorry. I'm just-"
"-It's fine Becs. I'm just teasing."
"You seem to be good at that."
"I guess so."
"So, why'd you do it?" Beca asked again.
"Do what Beca?" Chloe asked sweetly, knowing full well what Beca was talking about.
"In Copenhagen. Why did you kiss me?"
"Beca, my dear, sweet friend. I guess you haven't noticed me quietly waiting for you to notice me for years, have you?"
"Notice you? Chloe, I've had bruised ribs from your hugs, you've stepped on my feet more times than I care to remember and you've walked into me on more than one occasion. I notice you all the time."
"No Beca, you don't."
"What do you mean then?"
"I've known you four years, right? And I think I've cared about you for pretty much the same time. I've never hidden my feelings for you, I've just not made them public knowledge. I know you struggle with what shows, what hides, what goes with what, who knows more than they say and who is overthinking things." Chloe said, quietly gathering up her purse and picking up her keys.
"Yeah, but why did you kiss me?"
"What I did in Copenhagen was wrong. But only because of Jesse."
"Yeah, but how did you know I wasn't going to push you away?"
"I didn't." Chloe said honestly as she pushed her feet into a pair of sandals. She looked in the mirror briefly before walking towards the front door of her apartment. "I took a chance."
"Oh."
"Yes, oh. I took a chance that you wouldn't push me away because I have liked you for a very long time. And if you had given me the biggest shove you could manage with those tiny arms, then I would have had my answer. I might have ruined a beautiful friendship but I took the risk that I was reading the signs right."
Chloe resisted singing 'I Saw The Sign' for the sake of both of their sanities, having heard it played and sung a hundred times while Aubrey was in charge of the Bellas. She left her apartment, locking the front door behind her and began walking with purpose along the small path to the left of her home.
"What sign?" Beca asked innocently.
"Oh hunny, this is one of the reasons I love you so much."
"Um, wait. You love me now?"
"As my friend, yes, I do. Very much." Chloe said, giggling a little. Coming from a loving family, she had no problem telling a friend that she loved them.
"Do you go around kissing all of your friends?"
"No!" Chloe laughed out loudly. The laugh seemed to cut through some of the tension. "Could you imagine Amy's reaction?"
"It would save me from getting all her weirdness."
"I've missed you Beca."
"Well, I'm quite a small target." Beca mused and instantly Chloe knew that everything was going to be OK. Even if nothing happened between them both, she knew their friendship would be strong for life. "Anyway, back to the sign I apparently shoved in your face."
"It's just the little things you do. And don't pretend you do them for everyone because I know you don't."
"What? What did I do?"
"You let me be me." Chloe said. "I can be myself around you. You feel like family, as that is what I'm like with the people I'm most comfortable with."
"Well duh, who else you gonna be. We can only handle one Amy. So you have to be Chloe."
"This is true!" Chloe laughed again. "Listen... again, I'm not going to apologize for kissing you."
"OK."
"I'm glad I did it."
"Me too." Beca said quietly, almost so that Chloe didn't quite catch what she said. Chloe came upon the building she was heading towards and waited by the front door. As luck would have it, she spied someone coming down the stairs and hoped they'd be distracted and let her in so she didn't have to buzz her way up.
"Well, what are we going to do about it then?" Chloe asked, nodding her thanks to the guy as he held the door open for her.
Beca sighed. Loudly. "I don't know. I kinda wish you were here right now because I'm all confused and muddled and my head's all over the place and I've got all these feelings going on and it's just too much to think about and I wasn't thinking about you in that way and then you kissed me and it's all I can think about and I haven't been out of bed in like three weeks and everyone thinks I'm sick and then Jesse and me, well, we aren't together because I don't trust my feelings towards him and what I mean by that is I don't know if I love him because all I can think about is that kiss." Beca almost choked as she got all of her words out in one long sentence.
"And breathe!" Chloe giggled.
"I know. I know. I just wish you were here so that I'd know how I felt. I'll kill you if you laugh but I just want you to hold me so I can feel something with my heart, and not my head." Beca said, feeling emotion churn up in her belly. She was distracted by a loud knocking on the door.
"Beca, I-"
"-Wait a sec Chloe. There's someone at my door. Let me get rid of them OK? God, I wish you were to make this all better."
"I'll wait." Chloe said, smiling as she said it.
"OK. Hang on." Beca said, tripping over her feet as she headed towards the front door. She pulled on it, half expecting Amy to be standing there, probably returning a few pairs of Beca's panties that she'd stolen earlier and instead, took a half step back when she saw her visitor. Beca closed her eyes for the briefest of seconds as she committed the dazzling smile in front of her to memory. She was not expecting Chloe to be standing at her front door, but wanted her there so very much. She didn't know what to say. But Chloe did.
"Hi."
A/N: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think. The rating will change to M for adult content. Much love xx