Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson or Harry Potter.

Reading The Ever Twisting Wind: The Lightning Thief

Chapter Eleven: A Trip Under the City of Angels

"Well that was fun, I think I'll continue," Frank said with a small smile sent Percy's way.

"Laugh it up, Fuzzball." Percy muttered.

It was Annabeth's idea.

"So accusing!" Piper smirked.

"Well it was," Percy said, getting a thump on the arm from his girlfriend for his measure. "Ow, Wise Girl, you wound me."

"Do I have to kiss it to make it better?"

"Yes, please."

"If you kiss again, I'm going to tease you mercilessly," Thalia said before their lips could connect.

"Yeah, so-?"

"Percy, later." Annabeth cut in, sitting up straight and glowering at her smirking friend.

"Wha-Annabeth!" Percy protested.

"Later." Annabeth promised.

Percy brooded.

So not his favorite chapter.

She loaded them into the back of a Vegas taxi, Andi stealing shotgun once more, as if they had enough money for it, and told the driver, "Los Angeles, please."

The cabbie chewed his cigar and sized them up. "That's three hundred miles. For that, you gotta pay up front."

"You accept casino debit cards?" Annabeth asked.

He shrugged, holding out his hand expectantly. "Some of 'em. Same as credit cards. I gotta swipe 'em through first."

Annabeth handed him her green LotusCash card.

He looked at it skeptically.

"Swipe it," Annabeth invited.

He did.

His meter machine started rattling. The lights flashed. Finally an infinity symbol came up next to the dollar sign.

The cigar fell out of the driver's mouth. He looked back at them, his eyes wide. "Where to in Los Angeles... uh, Your Highness?"

"The Santa Monica Pier." Annabeth sat up a little straighter. They could all tell she liked the "Your Highness" thing.

"Got that from her mother."

"Poseidon, must you really?" Hera asked tiredly.

"Well, if the sandal fits." Poseidon smirked at his glaring rival.

"Get us there fast, and you can keep the change."

Maybe she shouldn't have told him that. The cab's speedometer never dipped below ninety-five the whole way through the Mojave Desert.

On the road, they had plenty of time to talk. Percy told Annabeth and Grover about his latest dream, Andi did the same but refused to talk about the first and third part of hers, despite that it was clear that the details got sketchier the more they tried to remember them. The Lotus Casino seemed to have short-circuited their memory. The two couldn't recall what the invisible servant's voice had sounded like, only that it was familiar somehow. The servant had called the monster in the pit something other than "my lord" ... some special name or title...

"The Silent One?" Annabeth suggested. "The Rich One? Both of those are nicknames for Hades."

"Maybe..." Percy said, though neither sounded quite right to him.

"It wasn't those." Andi said, pensively gazing out the window from her seat.

"What thrilling drama between them all." Hades drawled.

"Isn't it though!?" Aphrodite asked with a beaming smile.

Hades clapped his hand over his eyes.

Did he miss the memo of sarcasm being out of style again?

"That throne room sounds like Hades'," Grover said. "That's the way it's usually described."

Percy shook his head. "Something's wrong. The throne room wasn't the main part of the dream. And that voice from the pit...I don't know. It just didn't feel like a god's voice."

Annabeth's eyes widened.

"What?" He asked.

"Oh...nothing. I was just—No, it has to be Hades."

"Bethy." Andi said, turning from her seat, "Someone else could have—"

"Hm, unlike you, your daughter seems to be rather open minded."

"Shut up, Hades."

"No! It-it has to be Hades. You said the servant failed right? So the bolt is still out there. He must think we have it. It would explain the Furies coming after us." The child of the war goddess desperately insisted, her face as pale as a sheet..

"But if I'd already retrieved the bolt," Percy pointed out, "why would I be traveling to the Underworld?"

"To threaten him?" Grover suggested. "To bribe or blackmail him into getting your mom back."

Andi just stared at the goat, small tears coming from the corner of her eyes, "Oh Grov, I knew you could be evil if you tried." She praised like a mother would her child, "I knew I'd corrupt you one day."

"...I'd hire her." Hades said after a long moment of silence.

"Absolutely not!" Zeus snapped.

"What? I'd treat her fair." Hades smirked. "I am known for it, unlike someone's irrational paranoia."

"I am not paranoid!" Zeus snarled.

"No, just short tempered."

"Enough! Both of you!" Rhea snapped with a frown aimed at the two.

"I'm not evil!" Grover replied indignantly.

"But the thing in the pit said it was waiting for two items," Percy said with a knitted brow, ignoring the heated look Grover was sending Andi. "If the master bolt is one, what's the other?"

Putting aside his spat with Andi, Grover turned to Percy and shook his head, clearly mystified.

Andi sighed as she stared ahead of the taxi, she knew the answer was right in front of her, but just couldn't figure it out.

"You have an idea about what might be in that pit, don't you?" The son of the sea asked the child of wisdom. "I mean, if it isn't Hades?"

"Percy...let's not talk about it. Because if it isn't Hades...No. It has to be Hades."

"And you wonder why I dislike demigods?" Hades grumbled.

"Hades..."

"Yes, yes, mother, I know."

"I'm not his biggest fan either, Bethy, but we have to give him the benefit of the doubt." The more Andi looked at this quest, the more her doubts about Hades being behind the theft of the bolt grew.

"What other options do we have, Andi?"

That was true, they were headed for the underworld. Even if it was someone else, they had no other clues, and by the time they managed to rule out Hades and found some, if they could, it would be too late to stop this war.

More important for the sky child though was that she was going to slug Chiron for this later, trainer of heroes or not!

"I don't know, Bethy," Andi frowned, rubbing her arm in a sign of her unease, "Something's just not right."

The rest of the questers knew Andi was right but were too afraid of what that would mean to accept it, she could tell as much from how they fidgeted in their seats.

Andi wanted to pray she was wrong too, but with her luck? It was probably pointless.

The quartet brooded on their worries for most of the trip as wasteland rolled by. It was not until they passed a sign that said CALIFORNIA STATE LINE, 12 MILES that the silence was broken.

"The answer is in the Underworld," Annabeth assured them. "You two saw spirits of the dead, right? There's only one place that could have them. We're doing the right thing."

"I'm with Hades on this one. Despicable, the whole lot of you." Dionysus snorted.

"Be quiet, Dionysus." Zeus ordered.

"Yes, yes, forbid me for having an opinion." The Wine God rolled his eyes.

"And being a hypocrite," Poseidon said.

"Humph, you all started it, I merely learned it."

She followed that up by suggesting clever strategies for getting into the Land of the Dead in a bid to boost their morale, but the team wasn't really into it.

At sunset, the taxi dropped them at the beach in Santa Monica. It smelt horrible, especially so for the Brit if her comments were any indication. Personally, Percy thought she was just overreacting. Again. There were carnival rides lining the Pier, palm trees lining the sidewalks, homeless guys sleeping in the sand dunes, and surfer dudes waiting for the perfect wave.

Grover, Annabeth, Andi, and Percy walked down to the edge of the surf.

"What now?" Annabeth asked.

The Pacific was turning gold in the setting sun. Percy was reminded of Montauk as he stared at the ocean opposite of the one he was so used to. How could there be a god who could control all that? What did his science teachers use to say — two-thirds of the earth's surface was covered in water?

"There's a lot of logistics involved." Poseidon chimed.

"I'm sure." Hades drawled in disbelief.

How could he be the son of someone that powerful?

"Well, first Poseidon and Sally Jackson listened to smooth jazz."

"Apollo!"

"Right, right, my mistake." Apollo grinned. "They went on a few dates and then listened to smooth jazz."

"You are not funny." Poseidon glowered at his nephew.

"Bah, c'mon, uncle P, you know you love me."

With a deep calming breath for his nerves, Percy stepped into the surf.

"Percy?" Annabeth said. "What are you doing?"

"He'll be fine, Bethy. Remember St. Louis?" Andi chimed in.

He ignored the two girls and just kept walking, up to his waist, then his chest.

The blonde called after him, apparently ignoring Andi. "You know how polluted that water is? There're all kinds of toxic—"

At the same time, Percy heard Andi scoff.

Percy was already under before Annabeth could finish. He was thankful for it. He was sure Andi was about to tear Annabeth a new one for ignoring her, she hated being ignored.

"Definitely Zeus'." Rhea nodded.

Zeus glowered at his siblings and children's amused smirks.

"One word, and damn the oath I made years ago."

"We wouldn't dare mock you, Zeus," Hera said with a straight face.

"Hera."

"Yes, beloved?"

"Stop mocking me."

"I don't think he was listening." Andi pointed out with a smug grin to the child of wisdom, getting a glare from her friend. But Andi just shrugged it off.

Ignore me will you? See how you like it! The sky child thought to herself vindictively.

The trio of remaining questers were waiting patiently for Percy for about five minutes when suddenly a flash of fire appeared out of nowhere. It was accompanied by a melodious voice that trilled happily.

"Fawkes?!" The young child of Zeus cried out in surprise from the ground where the she'd fallen in the shock of the phoenix abruptly appearing in front of her.

Unperturbed by this, the brilliant red, orange, and yellow phoenix roosted on her chest.

"Stupid flaming chicken..." Hades sneered at the bird. "Tears that heal...Bull."

"Hey." Poseidon sent his brother a look.

"It's bull. It healed poison!"

"Yeah, but, that's a different version..."

"Details." Hades scoffed.

The phoenix trilled once more, indicating with its head the letter tied to his leg.

Grover was in awe at seeing the marvelous magical animal. Annabeth however was more wary and instead drew her dagger.

"Andi, is that a phoenix? Is it a threat?" Annabeth asked warily, ready to act to defend her friends if the need arose.

Grover looked shocked that Annabeth could even think that.

Annabeth frowned.

"Wise Girl? What's wrong?" Percy asked, confused at Annabeth's sudden frown.

"...I just noticed that said 'could' and not 'would'..." Annabeth muttered sourly.

"...I don't get it."

"It implies she couldn't have considered it a threat, Percy." Poseidon answered for his son, smiling in amusement despite the glare from his rival.

"Relax, Bethy. Fawkes here is a friend," Andi reassured as she took the letter. Relieved of his burden, Fawkes jumped to the sandy beach, "And yes, he's a phoenix, my headmaster's to be precise. So?"

"Andi, that's a phoenix. The Phoenix is a monster. Of course I'm wary of a creature likely descended from it." Annabeth calmly explained.

"Seriously?" Andi asked sounding shocked as she stood back up.

Annabeth just nodded.

"Well, Fawkes is a friend, so relax." Andi assured. "I mean, you could sense that just from his song, right?"

"Plenty of monsters have powers to charm, Andi." Annabeth countered with a frown.

"You know what? Just trust me ok?" Andi said finally, her frustration at Annabeth's paranoia boiling over.

"Got it from Zeus."

"Oh, like you're not paranoid!?" Zeus shot back, glaring daggers at Hades.

"I'm paranoid, just not as paranoid." Hades smirked.

Zeus looked about ready to have the equivalent of an Olympian's aneurism.

"Sure," Annabeth agreed noncommittally, her body still tense and her knife still in hand.

Clearly sensing the brewing argument, Grover who had previously been preoccupied with eagerly talking to the bird in a series of goat bleats and trilling bird speaks, finally intervened. "Annabeth, relax. I've talked to Fawkes. He's a friend, just like Andi says."

The daughter of Athena relaxed immediately, even sheathing her dagger.

So you trust him, but not me. Andi thought unhappily to herself. She shook her head to dispel these thoughts though, because she knew how unfair they were. Of course, Annabeth trusted Grover more, she'd known him a lot longer than she knew Andi.

"Wow, Annie. Just wow." Thalia shook her head.

"It's a monster!" Annabeth groaned.

"It's just like Tyson all over again." Percy sighed.

"That's not funny, Percy." Annabeth frowned.

With Grover's confirmation of his intentions, Annabeth moved to examine the famed bird closer, though Andi noted she kept her hand on her dagger's hilt

Andi just shook her head at her friend's paranoia, before she opened the letter addressed to her from Dumbledore. Let's see: worried about her disappearance, telling her to grab Fawkes by the tail feathers so she can return home for her own safety. Apparently there was a mass murdering wizard on the loose who worked for Voldemort, and was most probably after her. Once more: worried about her and yadda, yadda, yadda other generic worries.

The aerokinetic shrugged, sorry Headmaster, she had better things to do right now. She shuffled through her bag and pulled out a pen she stole from the hotel and turned the letter around.

"Andi, is that a Lotus pen?" Annabeth asked from where she was continuing to eye the fire bird warily.

"Yep."

"…What else did you take?" Annabeth asked, gaining a knowing look in her stormy eyes.

Andi tapped the pen against her chin in thought, "Well, the bath towels, the robes, the soaps, the scents, the fuzzy slippers, the pens, pads, hand lotions, shampoos—"

"A sister after my own heart." Hermes smiled happily.

"No." Zeus scowled at him.

"Basically, everything but the bathroom sink." Grover laughed as he paused in his chatting with the phoenix.

"I swear, if Zeus didn't claim you, I'd figure you a child of Hermes." Grover concluded as he shook his head in amusement.

"I'd claim her anyway."

"Hermes!"

"As a sister from another mister's madam." Hermes added with a roll of his eyes. "Geez, so quick to jump to conclusions..."

"Why thank you~!" Andi retorted with a nod and began to write her return letter.

BUSY, GOT STUFF TO DO. SEE YOU IN SCHOOL! FROM ANDI POTTER, COUNSELOR OF CABIN ONE.

"...Oh, great. Now Dumble-doofus knows." Aphrodite huffed.

"I like that." Apollo grinned. "Dumble-doofus."

She turned back to Fawkes and pet the bird on the head, "You know I can't come back right now, right?" she asked the bird, who trilled to Grover.

"He says: Of course, you can't. Honestly, the Headmaster is a fool to try to manage you like he does. As if a demigod would need him to tell her what to do." Grover said in a bored tone to presumably match Fawkes'.

"Thank you, you brilliant bird." Andi grinned and held out the letter for Fawkes. The firebird promptly snatched the reply from her with its beak and flashed away in a burst of fire.

"Andi, what did the phoneix mean about your Headmaster trying to "manage" you?" Annabeth asked concerned.

"Trying to determine her destiny, make sure she's the chosen one when she's really not." Apollo counted off his fingers. "Let's see, oh yes, putting her in a home that obviously doesn't want her as an excuse to teach her humility...What else am I missing?"

"A lot." Zeus grit out.

"Count yourself lucky, Brother." Hades mumbled. "Poseidon's ran away at first notice and yours, well...she's happier than mine at times."

"It's just a book and you know it, Hades!" Zeus scowled.

"Yes. Bear that in mind when listening," Hades said with a raised brow.

"Professor Dumbledore just likes making sure I'm okay is all." Andi dismissed easily. "Don't worry about it."

Annabeth and Grover exchanged concerned looks with each other for a moment, but were distracted from their worries about Andi when Percy suddenly came out of the water.

"Naked." Aphrodite tittered.

"Oh my!" Leo said with a perfect impression. He got odd looks and shrugged. "What? I might hate the show, but I dig the cast. Shatner is awesome."

Percy came out of the water to find Annabeth and Grover shooting an unconcerned Andi worried looks. He tried asking them what happened, but they pressed him to go first, so he told the group what had happened, and showed them the four pearls.

Annabeth grimaced. "No gift comes without a price."

"They were free." Percy told her, making Andi shake her head at him for not understanding.

"No." Annabeth told him sternly. "'There is no such thing as a free lunch.' That's an ancient Greek saying that translated pretty well into American. There will be a price. You wait."

"Yes...Your soul..." Leo intoned. He winced when Hazel reached over to punch his arm at the same time Nico did. "Ow! Not cool!"

"Deal with it." The children of Hades/Pluto grunted back.

On that happy thought, they started to head for the destination of their quest.

"So I've told you what happened to me, what did you guys do while waiting?" he asked carefully, mindful of the tense scene he found when he got back from his trip into the deep blue. They told him, getting the water boy to stare at them.

"…I missed seeing a phoenix?" Percy asked, his eyes wide.

"Yep." Grover nodded.

"Damn it." He muttered, why did he miss out on all the cool stuff!?

"Perseus Jackson!" Hestia frowned.

"Other me!" Percy groaned.

Walking over to Grover, Percy asked in a whisper, "And why were you guys looking worriedly over at Andi?"

"Because they're paranoid, that's why." Andi answered. Apparently his whisper hadn't been quiet enough.

"And you're being too naive, Andi." Annabeth rebutted.

"Whatever." Andi scoffed, "You guys go tell Percy your little conspiracy theory then and see what he thinks."

They quickly explained how the phoenix had insinuated, Annabeth's word for it, that Andi's school Headmaster was manipulating her and frankly when Grover further explained that the bird was said Headmaster's own familiar, well, Percy was pretty worried himself. But he knew saying that would just upset Andi and the quest couldn't afford that right now. So instead, he settled for saying that, "It sounds like he just wants to make sure she's ok."

"Yes, because Percy is an expert on conspiracy theories," Thalia said with a snort.

"For once, we agree." Nico smirked.

"Worst. Cousins. Ever." Percy scowled.

Andi beamed at him for taking her side and turned around to practically skip down the road to the bus stop they were heading towards.

Annabeth and Grover however frowned at him, but he just gestured that he was keeping an eye on her. Percy was worried they didn't get what he meant, but was pleased that they both nodded and repeated the gesture. Andi might not see how her precious Headmaster might be manipulating her, but as her friends they would do their best to look for her to make sure he didn't hurt her.

"All she needs to do is ask and I can...persuade him." Hermes smirked and played with a dagger he manifested out of the air.

"No."

"Aw, c'mon, the shrimp was actually acting fun!" Ares complained while Hermes shrugged and willed the knife he made away.

With the last of their money, they took the bus into West Hollywood. Percy showed the driver the Underworld address slip he'd taken from Aunty Em's Garden Gnome Emporium, but the guy had never heard of DOA Recording Studios.

"You remind me of somebody I saw on TV," he told the child of the sea. "You a child actor or something?"

In a second, Andi used her freaky Mist powers and told him they were kids' from a cereal commercial. He bought it and even asked them for their autographs for his own kids. They signed with made up names and got off at the next stop.

They wandered for miles on foot, looking for DOA. Nobody seemed to know where it was. It didn't appear in the phone book either.

Twice, they had to duck into alleys to avoid cop cars.

"In the criminal justice system, there are special cases concerning demigods, monsters and Gods themselves. These are their stories." Apollo grinned and clapped his hands twice.

"Apollo, we will never make a Law & Order: Olympus." Zeus groaned into his hand. "Stop hinting at it."

"Ruin all of my fun..." Apollo pouted.

Percy saw his step-dad on the Tele, crying crocodile tears about how he was some terrorist-in-training and how he wanted his car back, they also showed a grainy picture of them and Ares outside that Diner in Denver. Grover had to pull him away before the child of Poseidon tried to punch the T.V. through the window in anger.

"Still think I should've done it..." Percy grumbled sourly.

It got dark, and hungry-looking characters started coming out on the streets to play. Now, don't get her wrong, she had seen the seedier side of London before, Knockturn Alley too, but the States, well, it seemed different to the British girl, even more deprived, in a way.

They walked past gangbangers, bums, and street hawkers, who looked at them like they were trying to figure if the group was worth the trouble of mugging.

As the questers hurried pass the entrance of an alley, a voice from the darkness said, "Hey, you."

And like a daft moron, Percy stopped.

"Wh...I'm not a moron!" Percy scowled.

"Dude, you are if you're stopping whenever someone says 'hey, you.'" Leo snorted. He crossed his arms. "Did you always do that whenever the Electric Company came on?"

"...The wha-?"

"...Percy, I'm ashamed..." Leo shook his head. "That show was brilliant."

Before they knew it, the group was surrounded. A gang of kids had surrounded them. Six of them in all — white kids with expensive clothes and mean faces. Andi was reminded rather strongly of Malfoy and his lot, or Dudley and his little 'gang'. Basically, rich brats who thought they were tough.

Instinctively, Percy uncapped Riptide.

When the sword appeared out of nowhere, the kids backed off, but their leader was either really stupid or really brave, because he kept coming at Percy with a switchblade.

Andi was about to knock them out with her magic but before she could, Percy made the mistake of swinging.

The kid yelped. But he was mortal, so unluckily for the questers the blade passed harmlessly right through his chest. He looked down at the sight. "What the—"

"Oh my gosh, it's a magic trick! Do it again!" Piper cheered.

"...Piper..." Hazel frowned.

"Oh, sorry, Hazel. I'm just kidding."

"I know, but still..."

"Run!" Percy screamed at his friends and took off.

Annabeth and Grover pushed two kids out of the way and raced down the street after Percy, not knowing where they were going and turned sharply at a corner.

Andi just stunned the group of punks with her magic before unhurriedly following after her friends, muttering all way about Percy's stupidity.

Up ahead, she saw Annabeth shout, "there!" and run into the only store on the block that looked open. The sign above the door said something like CRSTUY'S WATRE BDE ALPACE.

"Oh joy." Percy, Poseidon, and Annabeth drawled.

Thalia smirked. "Well, guess we get to see them stretch their wings."

"That not only isn't funny, it doesn't make sense." Annabeth told her friend.

"Yeah, it was a bit of a stretch, wasn't it?" Thalia grinned, glad her friend walked into that setup.

"...Touché." Annabeth grumbled.

"I think we lost them," Andi heard Grover say in between pants as she sauntered into the store.

"Lost who?" A voice behind her friends boomed.

They all jumped, even Andi who had actually noticed the man walking up to them. Hell, she actually hovered in the air for two extra seconds. The man's voice was just that surprisingly deep, like a gong.

Standing behind her friends was a guy who looked like a raptor in a leisure suit. He was at least seven feet tall, with absolutely no hair. He had gray, leathery skin, thick-lidded eyes, and a cold, reptilian smile. He moved towards them slowly, like some predator.

His suit might've come from the Lotus Casino. It belonged back in the seventies, big-time. The shirt was silk paisley, unbuttoned halfway down his hairless chest. The lapels on his velvet jacket were as wide as landing strips. The silver chains around his neck — you couldn't even count them.

"I'm Crusty," he said, with a tartar-yellow smile.

Andi nearly gagged at how hideous he was.

"Indeed. Not a handsome one of Poseidon's, that's for sure." Aphrodite nodded.

"Sorry to barge in," Percy told him. "We were just, um, browsing."

"You mean hiding from those no-good kids," he grumbled. "They hang around every night. I get a lot of people in here, thanks to them.

"Wouldn't be surprised if he hired them," Poseidon said dryly.

Say, you want to look at a water bed?"

Percy was about to say no, but the guy grabbed his shoulder and pulled him towards the showroom before he could get a word out.

There was every kind of water bed you could imagine: different kinds of wood, different patterns of sheets; queen-size, king-size, emperor-of-the-universe-size.

Andi assumed her dad had that last one to fit his ego.

"...Stop. Staring. At. Me." Zeus grit out through clenched teeth to the other Olympians.

"This is my most popular model." Crusty spread his hands proudly over a bed covered with black satin sheets, with built-in Lava Lamps on the headboard. The mattress vibrated, so it looked like oil-flavored Jell-O.

"Million-hand massage," Crusty told them. "Go on, try it out. Shoot, take a nap. I don't care. No business today, anyway." He waved them on confidently.

"Um," Percy began, "I don't think—"

"Million-hand massage!" Grover cried, and dove in. "Oh, you guys! This is cool."

"Hmm," Crusty said, stroking his leathery chin. "Almost, almost."

"Almost what?" Andi asked, her trouble meter tittering to the red.

He looked at Annabeth. "Do me a favor and try this one over here, honey. Might fit."

"You are a bit short."

"Percy, shut up."

"Try to make one joke..."

Annabeth said, "But what—"

He patted her reassuringly on the shoulder and led her over to the Safari Deluxe model with teakwood lions carved into the frame and a leopard-patterned comforter. When Annabeth didn't want to lie down, Crusty pushed her.

"Hey!" she protested.

Crusty snapped his fingers. "Ergo!"

Ropes sprang from the sides of the bed, lashing around Annabeth, holding her to the mattress.

Grover tried to get up, but ropes sprang from his black-satin bed, too, and lashed him down.

"N-not c-c-cool!" He yelled, his voice vibrating from the million-hand massage. "N-not c-cool a-at all!"

"Why am I always right?!" Andi complained, seriously!

"It is difficult." Zeus sighed while Thalia nodded in agreement.

Percy, Nico, and their respective sire all rolled their eyes.

Talk about ego.

The monster, what else could he be, looked at Annabeth, then turned towards the black haired children and grinned. "Almost, darn it."

They made to move, but the guy's hands snapped to the back of their necks before they barely moved an inch. "Whoa, kids. Don't worry. We'll find you two one in a sec."

"Let our friends go." Percy told him as Andi struggled against the hold on her neck.

"What Baywatch said. And isn't the customer always right?"

"Of course I'll let them go." The man told them, "But I've got to make them fit, first."

"Dude, your brothers are weird." Leo told Percy.

"Tyson's okay."

"He's a cyclops that can grow into a giant and has a Harpie girlfriend. Not saying he's not a bad guy, but still. Weird." Leo shrugged.

"What do you mean?" the boy asked, sounding like he knew he wasn't going to like the answer.

"All the beds are exactly six feet, see? Your friends are too short, this one especially." He looked at Andi, "Got to make them fit."

Andi hissed at the reminder of her height, eyes narrowing dangerously.

Annabeth and Grover kept struggling.

"Can't stand imperfect measurements," Crusty muttered. "Ergo!"

A new set of ropes leaped out from the top and bottom of the beds, wrapping around Grover and Annabeth's ankles, then around their armpits. The ropes started tightening, pulling their friends from both ends.

"Don't worry," Crusty told them, "These are stretching jobs. Maybe three extra inches on their spines. They might even live. Now why don't we find a bed you like, huh?"

"As much as I would love to be taller," Leo said with a snort. "I think I'll pass on his offer."

"Percy!" Grover yelled.

"Your real name's not Crusty, is it?" Percy asked cautiously.

"Legally, it's Procrustes," the salesman admitted.

"The Stretcher," Percy said. Andi recalled the story from her lessons back at camp: the giant who'd tried to kill Theseus with excess hospitality on his way to Athens.

"Yeah," the salesman said. "But who can pronounce Procrustes? Bad for business. Now 'Crusty', anybody can say that."

"Not a good name, though." Apollo grunted. "Not trustworthy."

"Oh, c'mon, I know plenty of guys named Crusty!" Hermes waved him off.

"My point exactly."

"Bro, hurtful."

"Truth hurts."

"You know what," Andi blinked, "I'm sick of this." She said in a perfectly honest tone.

"I'm sure you are kid, no worries, we'll have you at least five six. Least I can do."

"No, I mean, running into a monster, every damn time on this stupid quest…I am just sick of it." Andi told the salesman blandly, "Vinculum facti inimicum capient. Sagitta Magica, Aer capturae." (Make shackles capture my enemy. Magic Arrows, Capturing Wind.)

"Hey!" Crusty shouted as he was wound up in ropes of wind, getting him to release the black haired demigods.

"Percy, be a good boy and get Bethy and Grover free, mommy needs to have a friendly chat with our esteemed salesman here." Andi said in a mock sweet tone that made Percy shudder.

"She got that from Mother." Zeus muttered.

"R-Right." The boy said, looking like he was honestly feeling sorry for Crusty right now. He ran over and pulled out Riptide, cutting the rest of the group free.

Andi pulled out her sword and held the tip of it at the monster's lower region, as he screamed like a little girl at the action. "Now, Crusty, you seem like a very smart guy," she smiled sweetly, prodding his crotch slightly and smiled when he yelped. "So! Let's do the smart thing here. I want to know where the DOA Studio is, I'm sure a monster would know where it is. Now tell me, or my sword may go an inch further."

"…How bout we cut a deal?"

Light gleamed from the edge of the Xiphos.

Ares snickered. "Nice try, dipshit."

"A very poor choice of words." Hephaestus snorted while he tinkered with an object of some sort.

"Bad wording." Crusty gulped, sweat coming from his forehead as he was no doubt trying to think, "Come on, we can hash out some details, kid! I can give you a few more inches!"

Andi dug the tip of her sword a little deeper, a wind blade formed along its edges, lengthening it just a tad to begin cutting fabric, getting Crusty to squeal in fear, "I. Am. Not. Short."

"Hey hey, I know my measurements and you're only four eight! No, wait, stop! How about a deluxe package set?!"

Andi stabbed him. Deeply.

"AHHH!"

"Crusty?" Andi said with a sigh, "I thought you were smart?"

The monster just screamed more.

"Andi." Percy spoke with a gulp at the, uh, interrogation, "Look." He said as he held up a bright orange flier for DOA Recording Studios, offering commissions for heroes' souls. 'We are always looking for new talent!' the flier read with DOA's address right underneath with a map.

"It's not a lie. Those 'deals with the devil'? Yeah, I had Charon broker those." Hades chuckled. "Oh the surprise on some of those actors faces."

"Who precisely?" Apollo asked.

"Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, Matthew Broderick-"

"Okay, that's enough..." Apollo rubbed his temples. It explained so much.

"Oh!" Andi chirped with a smile and looked at the wailing monster, "Well, Crusty, seems your services are no longer required." She smiled, sadistically, "Also. I'm fun size." The demigoddess told him as she swung her sword.

Clean up on the showroom floor!

Annabeth and Grover were shaking their sore limbs and were thankful they weren't stretched to death.

Andi put her sword away and walked up to the desk, to see what else was under it that could be of help as Percy double checked on the others. In the corner of her eye, Andi saw something gleaming of brass.

The girl picked up a huge double sided axe, "Huh," she mused with a tiny smile.

"She's my sister, all right." Ares grinned.

"So, we set for the Underworld?" Percy asked, "It's only a block from here." He told them and turned to Andi, who was playing with her new toy, "Andi, lose the axe, we have questing to do!"

"Hell no, I'm hanging this thing on my wall." She grinned wildly, swinging her new toy around.

"Andi, you'll take someone's eye out!"

"Someone's eye? She'll lop off someone's head." Frank snorted.

"Ohh, I hope it'll be Jackson's!" Ares grinned.

"Unlikely," Poseidon said with a glare aimed at the god of war.

"Let me dream!"

"Oh relax Grover, it's not like I'll—" she chopped a bed in half, "Oops."

"See!"

"…Still keeping it."

"Smart kid." Ares nodded.

"No. No she is not." Dionysus snorted.

They stood in the shadows of Valencia Boulevard, looking up at gold letters etched in black marble: DOA RECORDING STUDIOS.

Underneath, stenciled on the glass doors: NO SOLICITORS. NO LOITERING. NO LIVING.

It was almost midnight, but the lobby was brightly lit and full of people. Behind the security desk sat a tough-looking guard with sunglasses and an earpiece.

Percy turned to the group. "Okay. You remember the plan."

"You mean my plan." Andi told him with crossed arms.

"Our plan." Annabeth corrected the shorter girl.

"Yes yes." The black haired girl waved off, "Still thought of it first." She muttered quietly.

"Did not." Annabeth frowned childishly.

"The plan," Grover gulped. "Yeah. I love the plan."

"I don't think he loves the plan." Leo stage whispered.

"What happens if the plan doesn't work?" Annabeth asked, worry leaking into her tone.

"Don't think negatively." Percy suggested.

"Right," she snarked. "We're entering the Land of the Dead, and I shouldn't think negatively, thanks for the advice."

Percy fished out some small objects from of his pocket, the four milky spheres the Nereid had given him in Santa Monica, he assumed they were pearls. They didn't seem like much of a backup in case something went wrong.

Annabeth put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Percy. You're right, we'll make it. It'll be fine."

She gave Grover a nudge.

"Oh, right!" he chimed in. "We've got this far. We'll find the master bolt and save your mom. No problem."

Andi placed a hand on her hip and gave him a playful wink, "We've got this Baywatch, just keep that Motor Mouth in check, ya hear?" She joked.

He looked at all three of them, and felt really grateful. Only a few minutes before, two of them nearly got stretched to death on deluxe water beds, and now they were trying to be brave for his sake, trying to make him feel better.

Percy slipped the pearls back into his pocket. "Let's whup some Underworld butt."

Andi stopped the group right there.

"That's your inspiring speech?" The daughter of Zeus asked him.

"What? It's short, sweet and to the point!" Percy explained when the others looked at him oddly.

"I liked it." Jason admitted.

"Thank you."

"...Tyson's battle cry is Peanut Butter, Percy Jackson likes to 'whup butt', so I must ask, Poseidon..." Hades trailed off with a growing smirk. "What is your battle cry?"

"The Sea Cannot Be Contained." Poseidon puffed out his chest in pride.

"There you have it. It's your fault."

"…Yes?"

Andi groaned, palming her face, "Okay, let me show how to give one." she said with a clap of her hands, "Huddle up lady, gent, and goat." And they did so, heads crammed together, "Now, we are about to enter the underworld yes? And do you know what? We are going to make it out because we have something that no one else has."

"Idiocy?" Grover asked questioningly with a gulp.

"Suicidal tendencies?" Annabeth asked with a raised blonde brow.

"Heart?" Percy asked with a clichéd suggestion.

"No, no, and no…we have Percy's tiny milky balls." She joked with a big smile as the group, minus Percy, laughed and the tension around them eased up greatly.

"I like this girl." Ares grinned.

"Yeah. She really grows on you." Hermes nodded while Apollo tried to control his snickers.

"That was low…and I so just set myself up for another joke there."

Andi placed her fist to the side of his chin and softly nudged it, smiling. "You did and you caught it too. Progress." She praised him mockingly as he pushed her halfheartedly.

Such a little jerk his cousin could be at times.

He was glad that she had his back.

"...My logic isn't that bad." Percy frowned when the other demigods looked at him quizzically.

"Sure it isn't." Nico nodded before he shook his head. "Strangest. Cousin. Ever."

They walked inside the DOA lobby.

Muzak played softly from hidden speakers. The carpet and walls were steel gray. Pencil cactuses grew in the corners like skeleton hands. The furniture was black leather, and every seat was taken. There were people sitting on couches, people standing up, people staring out the windows or waiting for the elevator. Nobody moved, or talked, or did much of anything. The other questers all looked uncomfortable but Andi just felt like she was back in school again with all these ghosts around.

The security guard's desk was a raised podium, so they had to look up at him.

He was tall and elegant, with chocolate-colored skin and bleached-blond hair shaved military style. He wore tortoiseshell shades and a silk Italian suit that matched his hair. A black rose was pinned to his lapel under a silver name tag.

Percy read the name tag, then looked at him in bewilderment, "Your name is Chiron?"

"...That...That didn't happen here, did it?" Rhea asked her son quietly.

Poseidon's silence was the only answer she received.

"What did I say about that Motor Mouth?" Andi hissed at him, her eyes giving him a disbelieving look.

The man leaned across the desk. They couldn't see anything in his glasses except their own reflections, but his smile was sweet and cold, like a python's; right before it ate you.

"What a precious young lad." He had a strange accent — British, maybe, not as polished as Andi's, but also as if he had learned English as a second language. "Tell me, mate, do I look like a centaur?"

"N-No."

"Sir," he added smoothly.

"Sir," Percy added.

He pinched the name tag and ran his finger under the letters. "Can you read this, mate? It says C-H-A-R-O-N. Say it with me: CARE-ON."

"Charon."

"Amazing! Now: Mr. Charon."

"Mr. Charon," Percy said with more certainty.

"I feel like I contaminated the word 'mister'." Percy grimaced.

"Yeah, that happens." Hades shrugged his nephew's complaint off.

"Well done." He sat back. "I hate being confused with that old horse-man. And now, how may I help you little dead ones?"

His question caught Percy off-guard as he turned to Andi to spring the plan.

"We want to go the Underworld," she said, a nice smile on her face.

Charon's mouth twitched. "Well, that's refreshing."

"It is?" Annabeth asked.

"Straightforward and honest. No screaming. No 'There must be a mistake, Mr. Charon.'" He looked them over. "How did you die, then?"

"We drank the Kool-Aid." Andi told him with a shrug.

"Priceless." Leo smirked. He frowned. "Well, not for the people it happened to for real, but...Man, dark jokes are confusing."

"Nah, just laugh at it. Humor is supposed to be a mask of pain." Nico shrugged him off.

Charon groaned, "Oh, don't tell me I've got another horde of you people! I only got rid of the last of you a decade ago since you lot couldn't shut up!" He grimaced but sighed out and stared at them with boredom, "I don't suppose you have coins for passage. Normally, with adults, you see, I could charge your American Express, or add the ferry price to your last cable bill. But with children...alas, you never die prepared. Suppose you'll have to take a seat for a few centuries."

"Oh, but we have coins." Percy set three golden drachmas on the counter, part of the stash they'd found in Crusty's office desk.

"Well, now..." Charon mused, licking his lips hungrily, almost like he wanted to eat the coins. "Real drachmas. Real golden drachmas. I haven't seen these in..."

His fingers hovered greedily over the coins.

They were so close.

"It was then that Percy Jackson knew...he fucked up." Ares smirked.

"It wasn't my fault!" Percy scowled.

"It was Andi's plan. And she's used to seeing gold." Annabeth consoled him.

Then Charon looked at Percy. That cold stare behind his glasses seemed to bore a hole through his chest. "Here now," the well-dressed man said. "You couldn't read my name correctly. Are you dyslexic, lad?"

"No," Percy said. "I'm dead."

"Super dead." Andi said with gritted teeth, already knowing they were caught. Stupid Percy.

Charon leaned forward and took a sniff. "You're not dead. I should've known. You're a godling."

"We have to get to the Underworld," the son of the sea insisted.

Charon made a growling sound deep in his throat.

Immediately, all the people in the waiting room got up and started pacing, getting agitated, lighting cigarettes, running hands through their hair, or checking their wristwatches.

"Leave while you can," Charon told them. "I'll just take these and forget I saw you."

He started to go for the coins, but Percy quickly snatched them back.

"No service, no tip." Percy said, clearly trying to sound brave if the slight waver in his voice was any clue.

"Ouch. Right in his wallet." Hades smirked. "The perfect way to punish him. ...Well, that or destroying his suit right in front of him."

Charon growled again — a guttural, blood-chilling sound. The spirits of the dead started pounding on the elevator doors.

"It's a shame, too," Percy sighed.

"We had more to offer." He said and held up the entire bag from Crusty's stash. He took out a fistful of drachmas and let the coins spill through his fingers.

"Salt on the wound...My, Poseidon, your son would be good in my business."

"That's not funny, Hades."

"Who's joking?" Hades smirked.

Percy, for someone who's usually dim, this is genius. Andi thought to herself as she saw the son of Poseidon bribe the Ferrier of the Dead.

Charon's growl changed into something more like a lion's purr. "Do you think I can be bought, godling? Eh, though… just out of curiosity, how much have you got there?"

"A lot," Percy said, a smirk coming to his face. "I bet Hades doesn't pay you well enough for such hard work."

"...I'm going to eviscerate your son, Poseidon." Hades deadpanned.

"Ooh! Can I help!?" Ares asked eagerly.

"Absolutely not." Zeus growled. He sent a glare Hades' way. "He was just joking...weren't you, brother?"

"...Maybe."

"Hades." Rhea frowned.

Hades frowned back at her. "Mother-!"

"It's obviously a ploy to get Charon to help them. Don't take it too seriously."

"...That still implies I should take it a bit seriously."

"Hades, I'm your mother. A Titaness. Why should you listen to anything I have to say? It's not like I spend time with some of the minor gods..."

"...Hera-?" Zeus whispered to his wife, who patted his hand.

"Relax, Zeus." Hera smiled. "Mother is done ruling. Aren't you mother?"

"Oh yes." Rhea nodded. "I'm a grandmother now. I have to let my children take the reigns."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it. How would you like to babysit these spirits all day? Always 'Please don't let me be dead' or 'Please let me across for free.' I haven't had a pay raise in three thousand years. Do you imagine suits like this come cheap?"

"You deserve better," the boy agreed. "A little appreciation. Respect. Good pay."

With each word, he stacked another gold coin on the counter.

Percy, I can't believe you're pulling this off! Andi thought, amazed.

"I can't believe it either." Thalia admitted.

"I still can't believe it worked." Annabeth smiled sheepishly at her betrayed boyfriend. "Sorry, Seaweed Brain."

"I can't believe it's not butter," Apollo said as he held a carton of the goods in his hand.

"Your idiocy knows no bounds, does it?" Artemis asked dryly.

"You lack a sense of humor sis. See? Herm likes it."

"I love that joke." Hermes breathed out while he wiped away his eyes.

Charon glanced down at his silk Italian jacket, as if imagining himself in something even better. "I must say, lad, you're making some sense now. Just a little."

Percy stacked another few coins. "I could mention a pay raise while I'm talking to Hades."

He sighed. "The boat's almost full, anyway. I might as well add you four and be off."

He stood, scooping up the money, and said, "Come along."

He did it! He actually did it. Andi couldn't help but think. She wasn't alone in thinking that Percy had just pulled off the impossible, that much was clear from the looks of amazement that both Annabeth and Grover were also shooting him.

"...Ow." Percy frowned. "Grover, too?"

That hurt much more than he thought it would the second time around.

They pushed through the crowd of waiting spirits, who started grabbing at their clothes like the wind, their voices whispering unintelligibly. Charon shoved them out of the way, grumbling, "Freeloaders."

He escorted the group into the elevator, which was already crowded with souls of the dead, each one holding a green boarding pass. Charon grabbed two spirits who were trying to get on with them and pushed them back into the lobby.

"Right. Now, no one get any ideas while I'm gone," he announced to the waiting room. "And if anyone moves the dial off my easy-listening station again, I'll make sure you're here for another thousand years. Understand?"

He shut the doors and then put a key card into a slot in the elevator panel that caused them to start descending.

"What happens to the spirits waiting in the lobby?" Annabeth asked curiously.

"Nothing," Charon said.

"For how long?"

"Forever, or until I'm feeling generous."

"Oh," she said. "That's...fair."

"It's better than letting them remain as my other sister's playthings." Nico grumbled.

"Not to mention the labeling they have to go through." Hades grumbled. "Subsections and subdivisions galore."

Charon raised an eyebrow. "Whoever said death was fair, young miss? Wait until it's your turn. You'll die soon enough, where you're going."

"We'll get out alive," Andi told him in a crisp tone, eyes narrowed at the man.

"Ha."

"Potter?!" A male voice squeaked in surprise and Andi turned, doing a double take.

"The bleeding hell are you doing—! Oh, right. You died…HA!" She mocked the spirit, "Sucks to be you, Quirrel." She jeered at the bald man in wizard robes.

Indeed, her first Defense Against The Dark Arts professor was in the elevator.

"You know him?" Annabeth asked her friend.

"Kinda tried to kill me, got to him first." She turned to the spirit, feeling smug, "How'd being burnt alive feel you twisted bastard?"

"Gruesome, yet fitting." Thalia smirked.

The pale ghost's face turned a dark grey, as if angry, "Why you little brat!"

Andi kicked him for calling her little. Sadly, her leg went through him.

The child of Zeus turned to Charon. "Could you kick or slap him maybe for me?" she asked him nicely.

"Why would I do that?"

Andi held out a golden drachma.

"That's why." Nico chuckled.

The rider of the Styx gave the lousy wizard a good kick to the 'nads.

Who knew ghosts felt pain down there?

Andi gave the god the coin.

"Pleasure doin' business with you, lass."

"Any time."

"Now that...That is classic." Leo laughed, his arms around his sides.

Hermes and Apollo were applauding.

Artemis was smirking at the just desserts.

Zeus rubbed his head. His other's daughter was making him look bad.

"Thanatos has been yammering me to get this guy down here along with some other English idiot." Charon said. "Been spamming my email for months!"

"For who?" Andi asked. She looked at the downed Quirrel and then back at the Ferrier. "Voldemort?"

"No, no, some other guy, Tony something. River, I think. I could honestly care less." The Ferrier waved off.

"Tom Riddle?"

"Tony River...Note to self, do something with that." Apollo mumbled.

"Why would you do anything with that?" Artemis asked.

"I wouldn't personally, I'd have the muses do something with it." Apollo shrugged. "Like, River of Lies or something dramatic like that."

"Your laziness astounds me, Apollo."

"Feelings are hurt, sis."

Charon snapped his fingers. "That's it!"

Andi hummed in thought about that as a sudden dizzy spell come on when they stopped going down, but instead started moving forward. The air turned misty. The spirits around them started changing shape. Their modern clothes flickered, turning into gray hooded robes. The floor of the elevator began swaying.

It was then they noticed that Charon's creamy Italian suit had suddenly been replaced by a long black robe. His tortoiseshell glasses were gone. Where his eyes should've been were empty sockets - like Ares's eyes, except Charon's were totally dark, full of night and death and despair. The flesh of his face was becoming transparent, letting you see straight through to his skull.

The floor kept swaying.

"Gut turning..." Piper muttered with a groan. She was not a fan of boats. ...Aside from the Argo, but that was more of a ship than a boat.

"I think I'm getting seasick." Grover moaned.

Percy couldn't help but feel queasy himself as his senses got thrown for a loop as the elevator suddenly stopped being an elevator anymore, and they instead found themselves standing on a wooden barge. Charon was poling them across a dark, oily river, swirling with bones, dead fish, and other, stranger things - plastic dolls, crushed carnations, soggy diplomas with gilt edges.

"The River Styx," Annabeth murmured. "It's so..."

"Polluted," Charon stated, nodding his assent. "For thousands of years, you humans have been throwing in everything as you come across — hopes, dreams, wishes that never came true. Irresponsible waste management, if you ask me."

"So...The Styx is where dreams, hopes and wishes go to die?" Leo asked.

"No." Nico shook his head. "It's where they go once they're dead."

"...Whoa."

Mist curled off the filthy water. Above them, almost lost in the gloom, was a ceiling of stalactites. Ahead, the far shore glimmered with greenish light, the color of poison.

Panic filled the demigods, what in the world were they doing here? These people…were dead!

The three children grasped each other's hands. Under normal circumstances, this would've embarrassed all of them, but right now all they wanted was reassurance that somebody else was alive on this boat. They could wait till later to get all embarrassed.

"They can get embarrassed. I won't mind." Ares grinned.

"Of course you wouldn't," Percy said dryly.

Percy wanted to pray, but he didn't think it would go through. Only one god mattered here and he was about to come face to face with him.

"Why does everyone always act like that's such a horrible thing?" Hades asked sourly and drummed his fingers on the arm of his throne.

"Because death, brother." Poseidon explained simply.

"...It's not the worst thing that could happen..." Hades muttered.

The shoreline of the Underworld came into view. Craggy rocks and black volcanic sand stretched inland about a hundred yards to the base of a high stone wall, which marched off in either direction as far as the group could see. A sound came from somewhere nearby in the green gloom, echoing off the stones — the howl of a large animal.

"Old Three-Face is hungry," Charon said. His smile turned skeletal in the greenish light. "Bad luck for you, godlings."

"Not if this goes the same way as the last one," Jason said with a small chuckle.

The bottom of their boat slid onto the black sand. The dead began to disembark. A woman holding a little girl's hand. An old man and an old woman hobbling along arm in arm. A boy no older than they were, shuffling silently along in his gray robe. Even Andi's school teacher started to glide along.

Charon said, "I'd wish you luck, mate, but there isn't any down here. Mind you, don't forget to mention my pay raise."

He counted their golden coins into his pouch, then took up his pole. He warbled something that sounded like a Barry Manilow song as he ferried the empty barge back across the river.

The questers followed the spirits up a well-worn path.

"Normally not the best idea," Nico said. "Spirits get lost, too."

"...How?" Percy asked.

Nico shrugged. "Residue of the leftover Free Will, I'd guess."

"Or just poor senses of direction," Hades said dryly.

Now, one would think that the entrance to the land of the dead would be the stereotypical Pearly Gates, or some big black portcullis, or something. But the entrance to the Underworld as Percy described it to the group as it came into view, "Looks like a cross between airport security and the Jersey Turnpike."

Andi didn't know what the Jersey Turnpike looked like, but she got the bit about airport security at least and she couldn't agree more.

There were three separate entrances under one huge black archway that said YOU ARE NOW ENTERING EREBUS. Each entrance had a pass-through metal detector with security cameras mounted on top. Beyond this were tollbooths manned by black-robed ghouls like Charon.

The howling of the hungry animal was really loud now, but they couldn't see where it was coming from. The three-headed dog, Cerberus, who was supposed to guard Hades' door, was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly, the gates blared in alarm and the questers panicked, as if they had been caught. But looking closer at the gate, they could see Quirrel getting dragged away by the shades in black robes as the dead man screamed.

"Also something you don't see everyday." Nico hummed in amusement.

"Speak for yourself." Hades drawled.

"Ah, comeuppance, how grand." Andi smiled at seeing justice at its finest.

She pointedly ignored the looks her friends were giving her. So what if she was happy to see Quirrel get his just deserts? It was only right.

"...Definitely Zeus' daughter." Poseidon chuckled. "Happy to see those who wronged her get punished."

"Oh shut up." Zeus scoffed.

The dead queued up in the three lines, two marked ATTENDANT ON DUTY, and one marked EZ DEATH. The EZ DEATH line was moving right along. The other two were crawling.

"What do you figure?" Percy asked Annabeth.

"The fast line must go straight to the Asphodel Fields," she said. "No contest. They don't want to risk judgment from the court, because it might go against them."

"There's a court for dead people?" Andi asked with a blink.

"In the criminal justice system of the underworld-"

"No, Apollo." Hades shut down the introduction with a flat stare.

"Aw, c'mon, that would make for great television!" Apollo complained.

"Yeah. Three judges. They switch around who sits on the bench. King Minos, Thomas Jefferson, Shakespeare — people like that. Sometimes they look at a life and decide that person needs a special reward — the Fields of Elysium. Sometimes they decide on punishment. But most people, well, they just lived. Nothing special, good or bad. So they go to the Asphodel Fields."

"And do what?" Percy asked curiously.

"Imagine standing in a wheat field in Kansas. Forever." Grover said, shuddering.

"I don't see how that's bad." Demeter scowled.

"Of course you don't...Grain-zilla."

"You!" Demeter fumed with a flushed face while Hades smirked.

"Harsh," the two kids of the big three said as one.

"Not as harsh as that," Grover muttered. "Look."

A couple of black-robed ghouls had pulled aside one spirit and were frisking him at the security desk. The face of the dead man looked vaguely familiar to the Americans.

"He's that preacher who made the news, remember? The one who embezzled millions." Grover asked.

"Oh, yeah." Percy agreed after a few minutes of thought.

The sea child said, "What're they doing to him?"

"Cactus up the bum?" Andi asked with a smirk. That sounded like an interesting torture.

"That's reserved for Hitler on Thursdays." Hades said with a straight face. "As the council requested one eternal day for humiliation..."

"...I didn't pass off on that." Zeus frowned.

"I wasn't talking about the Olympian council." Hades muttered.

"Dark, but yeah, some special punishment from Hades," Grover assumed. "The really bad people get his personal attention as soon as they arrive. The Fur—the Kindly Ones will set up an eternal torture for him."

The thought of the Furies made Percy shudder. Andi could understand why, he was in their home field now, and based on what he'd said about the one that had masqueraded as his maths teacher, she at least would be licking her lips with anticipation to get her hands on him.

"But if he's a preacher," Percy said with a knitted brow in thought, "and he believes in a different hell..."

Grover shrugged. "Who says he's seeing this place the way we're seeing it? Humans see what they want to see. You're very stubborn—Uh, persistent, that way."

"No, stubborn works." Percy nodded.

They got closer to the gates. The howling was so loud now it shook the ground at their feet, but they still couldn't figure out where it was coming from.

Then, about fifty feet in front of them, the green mist shimmered, revealing that standing just where the path split into three lanes was an enormous shadowy monster.

They hadn't seen it before because it was half transparent, like the dead. Until it moved, it blended with whatever was behind it. Only its eyes and teeth looked solid. And it was staring straight at them.

Percy jaw hung open. All he could say was, "He's a Rottweiler."

"A good Rottweiler." Annabeth huffed firmly.

"...So, what kind of dog are you getting, Percy?" Leo asked.

"I already have a dog."

"I meant for when you move in with Annabeth."

"...Uhh..." Percy hesitated at the gleam in Annabeth's eye.

Andi just gave a hard blink at seeing the original Cerberus. He was a lot bigger than Fluffy, and was probably not as nice as how Hagrid had raved his kid was too. Her hand slowly moved towards her bag.

The dead walked right up to him - with no fear at all. The ATTENDANT ON DUTY lines parted on either side of him. The EZ DEATH spirits walked right between his front paws and under his belly, which they could do without even crouching.

"I'm starting to see him better," Percy muttered. "Why is that?"

"I think ..." Annabeth moistened her lips. "I'm afraid it's because we're getting closer to being dead."

The dog's middle head craned toward them. It sniffed the air and growled.

"It can smell the living," Percy said with a gulp.

"But that's okay," Grover said, trembling next to him. "Because we have a plan."

"Right," Annabeth said. They'd never heard her voice sound quite so small. "A plan."

"Abort mission! Abort mission!" Leo waved his arms frantically.

"World War Three, Leo."

"...Right. Well then." Leo grimaced. "We're all doomed."

They moved toward the monster.

The middle head snarled at them, then barked so loud that Andi felt she was almost shook out of her sneakers as her hand roamed in her magical messenger bag.

"Can you understand it?" Percy asked Grover.

"Oh yeah," he said. "I can understand it."

"What's it saying?"

"I don't think humans have a four-letter word that translates, exactly."

"He's obviously not trying hard enough." Ares snorted.

"So, Andi, you mentioned you had a plan, right?" Percy asked with a gulp.

He got no answer.

It was then a flute started to play, specifically, the Darth Vader theme. The group turned to Andi who was playing a metal flute that had the words PROPERTY OF CABIN SEVEN etched onto the side.

The three growling heads stopped and turned to Andi as well, the heads swaying to the theme as he sat on his rump with a mini quake, squashing some spirits of the dead in the process. His tail wagging happily to the theme.

"It's Hades' ring tone on my cell." Poseidon nodded.

"...Surprisingly flattering." Hades smirked lightly. "I almost feel bad for making Under Da Sea your ringtone."

"...Jerk."

Andi continued to play as she turned to the others, her eyes pointing to the security gates twice.

"Andi, just put it to sleep and we can go." Annabeth told her friend.

"Can't." Andi said quickly as she got back to playing with a quick breath.

"Why not?" Percy asked his cousin.

"Need to." Toot, "constantly." Toot, "play." Toot, "for him." Toot, "to sleep." She answered in quick breaths as she rapidly played as Cerberus' heads started to yawn and he laid down on his belly to listen more comfortably.

"We can't just leave you here." Percy argued sternly as the giant dog monster rested his heads on the ground, three sets of eyes drooping.

The flute tune played sharper and went back to its original pitch, yet somehow, Percy seemed to understand that he had just been insulted.

Smart boy, that little sea spawn. Andi thought to herself scathingly as she glared at her friends to get going.

"Words we'll never hear again." Thalia smirked.

"Orpheus did the same thing." Grover stated, "But well, better." He shrugged.

"Not him!" Toot. "I did this." Toot. "To one." Toot. "At my school." Toooot!

"In your school!?" The son of the sea hissed incredulously.

"That's gotta be one heck of a story-Oh wait." Leo smirked.

"Shut up, Leo." Percy grumbled.

"Not" Toot. "The time." Toot. "Go!" Andi told them as she continued to play. She could maybe play for another twenty minutes before her throat went dry, she had always had an impressive set of lungs on her. Probably because her father was the windbag god, she silently giggled at the joke.

Annabeth nibbled her lip in thought before a smile crossed over her face.

"Wait!" Annabeth whispered as she started rifling through her own pack. She moved up to Andi and whispered into the daughter of Zeus' ear quickly. Andi mulled Annabeth's suggestion over as she played and gave a positive nod.

The daughter of Athena produced a red rubber ball the size of a grapefruit. It was labeled WATERLAND, DENVER, CO. Andi stopped her playing, and immediately Cerberus blinked at the missing tune. With a shake of his heads, he growled as he stood up.

Expecting this, the blonde demigoddess raised the ball and marched straight up to the monster dog.

She shouted, "See the ball? You want the ball, Cerberus? Sit!"

"Either the bravest or the most foolish of your children, Athena." Hades shook his head.

Athena scowled at him while Annabeth frowned.

Cerberus looked as stunned as the two boys were. Andi on the other hand, had the flute at the ready in case this didn't work.

All three of Cerberus' heads cocked sideways. Six nostrils dilated.

"Sit!" Annabeth called again.

The boys, Percy in particular, looked like they thought Annabeth was about to get herself killed.

But that didn't happen, instead Cerberus licked his three sets of lips, shifted on his haunches, and sat, immediately crushing a dozen more spirits who'd been passing underneath him in the EZ DEATH line. The spirits made muffled hisses as they dissipated, like the air let out of tires.

Annabeth said, "Good boy!"

"He really is a good dog," Annabeth said softly.

"Annabeth, we have Mrs. O'Leary."

"Yeah, but...We could have a Fluffy."

"No, Annabeth."

"Percy."

"I said no." Percy crossed his arms. "No three-headed rottweilers."

"Wow, go Percy. You put that foot down." Nico smirked.

"...Aren't you supposed to be on my side?" Percy asked.

"Yeah, but..." Nico grinned. "This is way more entertaining."

"Jerk cousin."

"Love you too, Percy."

She threw Cerberus the ball.

He caught it in his middle mouth. It was barely big enough for him to chew, and the other heads started snapping at the middle, trying to get the new toy.

"Drop it.'" Annabeth ordered.

Cerberus' heads stopped fighting and looked at her. The ball was wedged between two of his teeth like a tiny piece of gum. He made a loud, scary whimper, then dropped the ball, now slimy and bitten nearly in half, at Annabeth's feet.

"...Man, Annie, you wanna stop by the camp and help us with some pups?" Thalia asked.

"It's just some basic obedience training, Thalia," Annabeth said.

"Good boy." She and turned to Andi with a nod. The witch pointed her hand at the red slobbery ball and hit it with magic. A second later, it started to bounce up and down on its own, making happy squeaky noises.

Annabeth turned toward boys. "Go now. EZ DEATH line — it's faster."

Percy said, "But—"

"Now.'" She ordered, in the same tone she was using on the dog.

Grover and Percy inched forward warily as Andi was still in a ready position with her flute.

Cerberus started to growl.

"Stay!" Annabeth ordered the monster. "If you want the ball, stay!"

"...You sure you don't want-?"

"Thalia, I'm not going to join the Hunt."

"Wha-a-at? Who said anything about that?"

"You're terrible at recruiting," Annabeth said with a small smirk.

"...Shut up." Thalia muttered with a frown.

Artemis sighed. Zoë was the same way...

Cerberus whimpered, but he stayed where he was.

"What about you two?" the male demigod asked Annabeth as the two passed the girls.

"We'll be fine, we've got a plan." Andi winked at them as Annabeth grinned too.

"We know what we're doing Seaweed Brain. The girls always do." She told him.

"So true." Piper smirked as she snuggled into Jason's side.

"Maybe." Hazel hesitantly agreed.

Annabeth and Thalia just grinned at each other while the boys rolled their eyes.

Grover and Percy walked between the monster's legs, nervously looking up, probably hoping that Annabeth wouldn't get Cerberus to sit on them.

Annabeth said, "Good dog! Now Andi."

"Roger dodger Bethy."

The self-moving ball started to bounce away from the two girls and the giant dog gave chase. The monster's left mouth immediately snatched it up, only to be attacked by the middle head, while the right head moaned in protest.

While the monster was distracted, the girls walked briskly towards the boys at the metal detector.

"How did you do that?" Percy asked the blonde, amazed.

"Obedience school," Annabeth said breathlessly, and Andi was surprised to see there were tears in her eyes. "When I was little, at my dad's house, we had a Doberman..."

"What happened to him?" Percy asked.

Annabeth shifted uncomfortably and looked away. "Demigod luck."

"Demigod...oh. Oh!" Percy tightened his arm over her shoulders and gave her a gentle kiss atop her head while she relaxed into his side.

Behind them, Poseidon smiled proudly at his son.

Aphrodite concealed a squeal best she could – she would not be silenced again!

Athena glowered, but let it be.

For now.

"Never mind that," Grover said, tugging at Percy's shirt. "Come on!"

They were about to bolt through the EZ DEATH line when Cerberus moaned pitifully from all three mouths. Annabeth stopped.

She turned to face the dog, which had done a one-eighty to look at them.

Cerberus panted expectantly, the tiny red ball in pieces in a puddle of drool at its feet, making pitiful conjured squeaky noises.

"Good boy," Annabeth said, but her voice sounded melancholy and uncertain.

"A very good dog." Hazel nodded. "I'd invite you over to play with him, Annabeth, but my dad's kind of strict about guests."

"...When did you get a sense of humor?" Leo asked.

"Yes, I'd like to hear this story as well," Hades said dryly as he glowered at his Roman daughter.

The monster's heads turned sideways, as if worried about her.

"I'll bring you another ball soon," the blonde promised faintly. "Would you like that?"

The monster whimpered. The black haired children didn't need to speak dog to know Cerberus was still waiting for the ball.

"Good dog. I'll come visit you soon. I-I promise." Annabeth turned to the group. "Let's go."

"Aww...And she never went back." Nico shook his head. "Empty promises-Ow!"

"Not cool, hombre." Leo huffed and shook out his hand before he grinned at Percy, who nodded in thanks.

Grover and Percy pushed through the metal detector, which immediately screamed and set off flashing red lights. "Unauthorized possessions! Magic detected!"

Cerberus started to bark.

The kids burst through the EZ DEATH gate, which started even more alarms blaring, and raced into the Underworld.

A few minutes later, they were hiding, out of breath, in the rotten trunk of an immense black tree as security ghouls scuttled past, yelling for backup from the Furies.

As they hid, Andi awkwardly patted Annabeth's back. Confused why she was feeling so vexed over running off on the guard dog of the underworld as the child of Athena cried a little. Thankfully the boys were tactful enough to pretend not to notice.

"...If, and this is a big if, if we have enough room-" Percy didn't get to finish his sentence before he was given a tight hug.

"I've already got the perfect location, design, materials, and everything else in mind." Annabeth grinned at him. She pecked him on the cheek and he gained a dopey smile. "Thanks Seaweed Brain."

"Yeah-huh." Percy nodded dumbly.

REREVIEWSKIS!