2/9/2020

author's note

this is not the end

Hello, my dear readers, old and new:

First of all, I am sorry to disappoint you with the fact that this is not a new chapter, but a message.

I've been reading every single one of your comments regarding this story over and over again, and I will never be able to express the sheer depth of my gratitude. I'm repeatedly touched by your kind actions, thankful that you people have taken your precious time to read, follow, and leave comments that show your appreciation. I hope you know I appreciate you all just as much, if not even more, truly.

I first started writing this when I was barely fifteen. Young, immature, clumsy, naïve, greedy, and very, very excited. I made a lot of mistakes and by doing so, offended more than one person. I'm still very, very sorry. I am now eighteen, and I've changed—both in terms of character and skillset and personality and perspective and so, so many more aspects. My writing style has changed, too. Even though I still love and will always love writing stories, I haven't written any for my own enjoyment in a pretty long time. I've become a very different person.

The truth is, I'm scared. I've been very busy with college applications and dealing with other personal matters. This feeling of hopelessness and powerlessness and uncertainty and fear all tangled up together into this too-large ball lodged in the middle of my chest. This is life, and I'm growing up, trying to find a foothold in this world. Just like anybody else. I wish I could say that I am strong enough to bear all this pressure and stress and anxiety and manage my schedule and all—but I'm not. I feel like I'm being overwhelmed. It's hard writing this, even. I can't get the right words out to properly express myself.

I haven't logged into my account for a long time. I also had a few problems with my email account and I think it might have done something to my FanFiction alerts. I remember how I used to reply to every single comment, and I'm regretful to say that I don't think I have the energy or time to do the same now—but that doesn't mean my gratitude has lessened in the least, please understand that. Every single positive comment makes me giddy. I also just noticed a bunch of private messages in my inbox and I will definitely get to replying to them! I wasn't ignoring you on purpose, I really had no idea, sorry!

Another thing: I've lost interest in Naruto. To be honest, I've never been into anime that much in the first place. The only anime shows I've ever gotten into are Naruto and Shingeki no Kyojin. I remember how obsessed with Naruto I used to be, how eager I was to finish all the episodes in one sitting—but now? I'm still on Shippūden episode 52—or was it 42?—and anything to do with Haruno Sakura and fanfiction and fanart and you guys and my own fondness for writing are literally the only things that still catch my attention regarding Naruto. Now, I have become unfamiliar with the entire plotline and even my own story. Along the years, I've also witnessed and experienced firsthand how ridiculously toxic some Naruto fans can be, and that's probably another reason I felt like I needed to take a break from this fandom.

However, this doesn't mean that I have given up on this story. I once promised to complete this story and I have not forgotten about my promise. It might take me years and years and years—but I will complete this story. I'm going to be revising all the chapters and rewriting—and maybe even deleting—some scenes. A few days ago I managed to draw enough bravery to give martyr a quick scan and man did I cringe at some parts. I might also start on another Sakura-centric fanfic if I'm ever in an another writer's block while writing martyr. I have a lot of ideas. I'm just not sure whether I'll be able to execute them smoothly. If I make any mistakes concerning the canon universe please don't hesitate to inform me! Politely and reasonably, of course, since I hope we can all interact as civilized humans with the most basic manners. Please be gentle. Remember there is a living, breathing girl on the other side of your screen, sensitive and nervous.

Long story short:

1. I've been very busy and stressed and had to focus on my other more important priorities such as school and life. My email account and FanFiction alerts were also weirding out.

2. I'm going to be rewriting/editing/deleting a few scenes because reading some parts of my writing made me cringe. So don't be too surprised if you notice some changes while reading through the chapters again!

3. A big, big thank you, thank you, thank you to those who shower me with endless support and encouragement. You guys keep me going. And I'm so sorry to be making you wait so long.

4. I promise you, I have not given up. I will see this story to its end.

5. I will write "revised" on top of the chapters I've edited. If you do not see "revised", then rest assured that I've not changed anything notable.

Also, please take extreme care of your health and hygiene during this very sensitive period of time! Remember, we are against the coronavirus (nCoV), not the people. Please don't partake in any Sinophobic or racist behaviors. Anyone can get infected. Please do not misplace any blaming or resentment. During such crises, mankind should unite and take care of each other, not turn upon one another. Remain calm and level-headed. Stay safe!

Thank you, and take care, always.

Sincerely,

lilacwrath