39kg (87lbs)

Ayase read the number on the scale as he stepped off. He punched the numbers into the bmi calculator on his phone.

15.9

A joke? According to the calculator, he was underweight. He turned to face mirror and pinched his stomach.

Disgusting. The voice inside his head echoed. No way was someone as fat as him 'underweight'. Tears began to spill from his eyes. He didn't want Kanou to leave him because he was a disgusting fat pig with no self-control.

As was his routine, he flipped through a tiny notebook to a page with todays date on it and wrote the number 39 next to it. Underneath he wrote the words breakfast then a dash and the number zero. He hadn't eaten breakfast. Fatties don't need breakfast. Once he finished writing, he placed the notebook in the pocket of his pants sitting on the bathroom counter and walked over to the shower.

He turned the water on cold and curled up on the shower floor. Cold water was supposed to burn calories which lord knows he needed to do.

By the time his alarm went off to tell him he needed to get out and get ready to go to lunch with Kanou, he was shivering uncontrollably.

"Good" he thought. Shivering should burn calories.

As quickly as he could (his limbs were stiff from coldness and exhaustion) he got dressed and headed out the door. He had to stop a couple times to fight off the dizziness that threatened to overtake him.

"Is Ayase alright Kanou-kun?"

"What are you talking about you filthy Okama (male transvestite). Didn't I tell you to stop barging in my office?" Kanou threw a glare at his childhood friend Kaoruko.

"He looked really pale and sick yesterday. It's been bothering me. He's lost weight too. Is he sick? Please tell me it's not cancer or something awful like that!"

"He doesn't have cancer. He's fine."

"If you say so." Kaoruko wasn't convinced.

"Now get out. I'm leaving for lunch soon and you're dirtying my office!"

"Hai hai. I'm leaving." Kaoruko opened the door and left, bumping into Ayase on the way out. Somehow, the kid looked worse than yesterday, but he didn't comment.

Although he told Kaoruko that Ayase was fine, he wasn't entirely sure. He had noticed Ayase looked a little thinner, although they were only having sex a couple times a week during the past month, and it was always with the lights off since Ayase was more comfortable that way, and the boy was always in loose fitting clothing so it was rather hard to tell if he was actually thinner or not. He figured he was being paranoid, but if someone else noticed too, maybe it wasn't his imagination. He hated to admit it, but the Okama could be pretty observant sometimes. He would just ask the kid at lunch.

Speaking of lunch, he looked up to see Ayase poking his head in the door in that hesitant but cute way he always did it.

"Um….Kanou-san?" Ayase poked his head in the office door.

"Ah, are you ready to go to lunch?"

Ayase nodded.

"Where would you like to go?" Kanou removed himself from his desk, grabbed his jacket, and made his way over to Ayase. As he got closer, he noticed Ayase was shivering. "Are you cold?"

"Hai. Perhaps a little. Um. You can choose the place."

"Here." Kanou draped his jacket over Ayase's shoulders. The jacket nearly swallowed the kid whole and Kanou thought it was kind of cute. It didn't seem that cold though so the boy shouldn't be shivering. Maybe he really was sick.

"Thank you." Ayase said with a nod of the head.

"Alright. Let's go."

Ayase pulled the jacket around himself tightly. Being cold was good for burning calories but he was getting tired of shivering. Weakling the voice in his head taunted but he did his best to ignore it. He followed Kanou outside and into the limousine.

Kanou whispered something to the driver, Kuba, before sitting back in the seat and pulling Ayase close to him. The boy did seem a bit bonier than usual, but maybe Kanou had just forgotten.

They pulled up in front of a fancy looking restaurant and Ayase felt a twinge of guilt. He hated that Kanou was going to spend money on something he would just vomit up. Just a salad would probably cost 2000 yen ($20) or more and he wouldn't even eat most of it. It was too late now though. He tried to push the thoughts to the back of his mind as Kuba opened the door and they slid out of the car.

The hostess led them to a nice table towards the back of the restaurant that was slightly more secluded that the other tables. They always sat at more secluded tables due to who Kanou was and Ayase was thankful. He would feel bad if his ugliness ruined the other customers' appetite. It never seemed to affect Kanou, but surely others would be disgusted.

"What can I get for you to drink?" The waitress asked.

"The wine of the day please." Kanou ordered. This restaurant had a different featured wine every day. It was what Kanou always ordered.

"And you sir?" The woman looked at Ayase.

"Just water please." He whispered.

The waitress left and Kanou and Ayase looked over the menu. When she returned, Kanou ordered the Fiorentina and Ayase ordered a Cesar salad.

"So….how has your day been?" Kanou asked awkwardly.

"Fine. And yours?" Ayase kept his eyes on his glass of water, wiping the perspiration from the sides of the glass with his finger.

"Oh. It's been the usual." He really wasn't the best when it came to random small talk. Usually Ayase carried the conversation more, but he didn't seem interested in talking. Kanou decided to let him be for the moment.

They remained silent until their food arrived. Ayase mostly pushed the food around and only lifted very tiny bites to his mouth every now and then. Normally, Kanou might not have noticed, but today he was on the lookout for odd behavior.

"Are you feeling sick?"

Ayase jolted slightly as if he had been interrupted while deep in thought.

"I'm fine." Ayase replied.

"You're not eating much."

"I had a big breakfast. I'm sorry. I wasted your money….." Ayase put his chopsticks down and stared at his lap.

"Well, it doesn't matter as long as you are okay. You sure you don't feel sick?"

"I'm sure. Ano…where is the bathroom."

Kanou eyed him suspiciously for a moment but eventually pointed to the restrooms. Ayase politely excused himself and walked to the bathroom leaving Kanous jacket on his chair. He only had a few bites, but that was still too much. He locked the bathroom stall and leaned over the toilet with his fingers down his throat. It took a minute, but eventually the bile rose and spilled into the toilet. He continued a couple more times till nothing came up and said a silent apology to Kanou and the chef. He leaned against the cool wall and waited for the dizziness to subside, popping a breath mint in his mouth.

Kanou said nothing when Ayase returned and they left the restaurant shortly after. Ayase hugged Kanou's jacket even closer, but the shivering seemed reluctant to leave. Hopefully Kanou wouldn't notice.