"Get Tsunade, or, or Shizune," Sakura manages to get out. "Shikamaru's going to die if you don't get to him soon."

Her small bottle of antidote was almost out. She had spent the last two days worrying that she would run out before they got back to the village and trying not to let it show; she didn't want to subject Ino to even more uncertainty when it came to her teammate's life.

In the end, at the hospital, it falls to her to inform the medics that are rushing about what is happening. She stumbles through the basics of it. The steady weight of a hand on her shoulder (was Kakashi here since she got back?) and the crushing grip of another in her hand (the way that Ino is using her for support, it's not something that Sakura ever expected to happen again) are the only things keeping her mind from floating away. She hands over the scrolls, one with a body and the other with somebody's poison blood, and what is left of her senbon and the antidote.

.

Never become so hardened that you can't cry, is what Kakashi had told her. She still feels wisps of shame when she breaks down into her friend and sensei's arms the second she is not needed for any more information. The last week and however many days play in her head, even with her eyes open.

Shikamaru was attacked, and nobody had noticed anything wrong until he collapsed. Nobody had known what to do until Ino spotted the insignia of an almost dead clan with a deadly bloodline, and Sakura had the perfect toxin. (And Sakura killed a man, she felt him go limp; she felt him crack underneath the stomp of her foot and in the grip of her hands.) They had almost ran out of the antidote that was keeping Shikamaru from succumbing to the thing that Sakura had given him in an attempt to save him.

Shikamaru had come so close to death. The whole way back, Sakura had been praying to anybody or anything for him to survive. (She had asked Naruto to save him too, wherever he was; as if she had any right to ask that of him.) She had expected to wake up to a corpse when she slept, or for him to expire as she was keeping watch over him. Sakura had been bracing for Shikamaru dying between them, in their arms.

Sakura had also been determined not to let Shikamaru's last words be doubts about his leadership ("I'm supposed to be a leader." Sakura knew the tone of voice, the doubt and the grief); not to let Ino feel what she had felt in that cursed valley; not to be the one who gave him what killed him in the end.

So she cries, and the people that she has left don't speak, but they keep her from falling to the ground.

"He almost died," she says between ugly sobs. "He could have died."

.

Shizune took over the procedures from the Hokage when it looked like Shikamaru would make it through whatever they were doing, as toxins were her specialty.

When the worst is over, she has to report to Tsunade. The job would fall to Shikamaru. Sakura has to do it, because she had been the impromptu leader after Shikamaru… couldn't. She won't ask Ino to leave the hospital with her teammate in the operating room, anyways. Tsunade had requested her privately, in her office, to give the report.

"Report."

"Mission success," there is a pause, heavy and choking. "But with complications."

She explains as best she can, filling out what she did not have time to say at the hospital.

"Come here, Sakura." Tsunade sounds grave.

Sakura would not blame the woman if she terminated her apprenticeship, if the Hokage's student is so useless as her teammates fall, then she can understand wanting to be rid of the student. (She couldn't save him, she doesn't know if Shikamaru will make it.)

"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama, I-"

The woman grabs her, and suddenly Sakura is in being enveloped in strong arms. It's such a shock, that for a second she is paralyzed, but she eventually brings her arms up and returns the embrace. The woman squeezes tighter, and they do not exchange any more words.

.

When she gets to her house, her parents are all over her. They give her hugs, get all teary eyed, and make her her favorite dinner. They do not ask about the mission, nor do they pry. The Haruno household is warm, and she revels in it. Sakura is glad that they do not follow when she retreats to her room, before that warmth becomes suffocating.

She is surrounded by four walls, in a bed with thick blankets on her, and she is as far away from the forest as possible. Ino is safe, Shikamaru is being taken care of by some of the best medic-nin in all of the nations, and Sakura cries. It's a good cry; not the frantic tears of comprehending the mission after the adrenaline wore off, not the crying of a girl who is living the death of a friend over and over in her head, but the tears of somebody who is safe, who has made sure that she can help others safe.

She cries, and she smiles and clings onto her pillow.

(She is too relieved to complain about the traces of a distinctive wet dog smell.)

.

Sakura visits the hospital the next day. She asks about Shikamaru at the desk.

"I'm sorry, but are you family or part of his official team placement? Because-"

"It's okay. She saved him, I think that the least we can do is give her visiting rights," a deep voice says from behind her. Sakura turns around, and sees a man who looks like an older, scarred version of the boy she saved. She remembers him from when she used to play with Ino, and by default Chouji and Shikamaru. The nurse looks at him, and startles.

"O-of course Shikaku-san," she takes out a pad of paper and writes on it. "I added her to the list."

The man thanks her, and leads Sakura down the hall, presumably to where Shikamaru is. He gives Sakura an appraising look, before speaking again. Amusement shows on his face, when he speaks.

"Most people just sneak into the hospital." He gets sombre, as they keep making turns in the maze-like halls of the hospital. "Thank you, for saving my son." His voice cracks a little in the middle of his words, and Sakura can only nod, and reply as best she can to the emotions of a man who, in the scant times she had seen him before, had never lost composure or let go of his laid back demeanor.

"I couldn't let him die; I wasn't going to leave him to die."

They walk the rest of the way in silence, eventually stopping at a door that leads to a room that is not in the ICU. Sakura wants to cry with relief, because he's out of danger; Shikamaru isn't going to die because she couldn't save him. The sunlight streams into the room, almost blinding Sakura as it hits her face when she enters.

Shikamaru is there, asleep but alive and no longer at death's door. The room is full of beeping machinery and IV bags, with the rest of his team trying not to bump into the equipment. Almost the second she steps into the room, Ino hugs her with such force that she is knocked backwards into Shikaku. Chouji is there, along with Asuma, and while they do not give her a bone-crushing hug, they surround her and look at her with a sort of gratitude so sincere it leaves her dizzy.

"You know," Asuma says, hand fidgeting without a cigarette to hold in it, "I went up against one of those fuckers when I was younger. She got her revenge, even after we killed her." There is a story there, in the way that he gets closed off for a split second. He does not need to say 'thank you' in as many words; Sakura knows what he means.

.

She does not speak much during her visit. The chatter of her friends and the sight of a Shikamaru, asleep but alive, is enough for her.

.

When she goes to pick up her payment, she tries to give it back as soon as she feel the weight of it. The man who gave it to her chuckles, and explains. "The mission was upped to a B-rank." Then, he paused and looked at the file he held in his hand. "Woah, kid, you have some file here," he lets out an impressed whistle. "Less than a year, and you got a high A-rank and now a B-rank. You one of those prodigy kids?"

Sakura shakes her head. "No. The other one, the A-rank, was supposed to be a C-rank too." (And I did nothing, I did nothing. If I wasn't so useless, would I have been able to save Naruto, stop… him before he deserted us?)

"So just shit luck?" The man shrugs. "Well, if you got outta both of them alive, I hope you make chunin soon. Could use you on a team, rather than the lazy bums I have to work with." He says this with no small amount of mirth on his lips. He hands her back the envelope with the money in it, and she takes it with quiet thanks, leaving as quickly as possible.

.

Sakura is in the training ground, letting her fists drown out the conflicting feelings that she has.

It is getting late enough for the shadows to cast long shadows on the ground and to dye the Hokage monument a brilliant orange. The world is moving too quickly, and she does not know how to handle it. She is moving on, and she wishes that Naruto were here to go with her. It is impossible, and she knows this, but the way that the world keeps on turning without him to brighten it still leaves her with a heavy chest and an extra hour at the memorial stone if she allows herself to think for too long.

Sakura thinks about the Wave mission that the man had mentioned, his voice carefree and with a tint of admiration. It seems like a lifetime ago instead of a few months. It might as well have been a lifetime, with how much everything has changed for her, for everybody she knows. Sometimes, she thinks that she can hear his laugh or feel his overbearing determination in the good in people.

She does not notice that her knuckles are raw and bleeding until the sting becomes almost unbearable. When she is out of her head, brought back to the present by the pain in her fists, does she sense the person lurking in the shadows of the trees.

"Sakura," Neji says, "You should take a break, maybe have a meal?"

"Okay," Sakura is panting, and she uses what chakra she has to heal the flayed skin of her knuckles. It would be amusing, how Neji is stoic up until he has to interact with other people. "Let's go. My treat." She heads off, towards the village proper, before Neji can object; she trusts that he will follow.

.

When they arrive at Ichiraku's, there is a noticeable lack of customers, save for a few Akimichi. Sakura has never seen an Akimichi here, except for Chouji. At least they will make up for the customers that the ramen stand somehow lost.

Neji makes a noise deep in his throat. "I haven't had the pleasure of eating at this fine establishment before. It looks very salty." He sounds so disturbed that it forces a huff of laughter from Sakura.

"My money, my choice. Besides, this was his favorite place to eat." The way that she says this is fond, with a hint of melancholy mixed with affection. This place, which she had tried to avoid ever since that day, is full of memories; good natured yelling, loud and obnoxious slurping, the time they left Kakashi with the bill after Naruto beat his own eating record, the time when she was part of a team. She wishes that he could be here to see Neji mutter about the sodium intake, because he would laugh and tease the boy into trying some.

Neji nods, and takes a seat. He is handed a menu, fresh and newly made. Sakura is handed one too, and she checks the listings; there has to be a reason why they would change the menu after so many years of the old and gently worn one has worked for years. The reason is that there is a new special on the menu, big and bright.

"You named a ramen dish after him." That explains the lack of customers, although not the sudden influx of Akimichi.

"It's the least we could do for our favorite customer." The old man smiles, and it is tinged with sadness, like everything is nowadays.

Both Neji and Sakura order large bowls of the Uzumaki Naruto special.