I would have posted a chapter earlier but I bought Far Cry Primal and was playing the shit out of it! as to DracoMafloysSecretWide's question, I will definitely have Jade and Carlos invited to Phil and Max's wedding, i'm going to reveal where the wedding is at the end of this story and i'm not going to reveal anything, I almost have everything planned for it

Please enjoy

The gang had taken to riding on a boat rather than a cart through the streets, Stu had found a guitar on the floor and starting singing some made up song "Well, we're living here in Alantown

And he's driven our lives into the ground

When we woke up

We were wasted and drunk

Max got shot

We got beaten by a monk

I was happy, and my life was good

Getting married like a dentist should

Roasting marshmallows on a stick

I got fucked in the ass

By a girl with a dick"

"I remember that" cut in Alan

"And we're living here in Alantown"

They had arrived at the motel they had woken up in this morning, which seemed like he was weeks ago considering the amount of shit that's happened to them "There's water everywhere" Stu said when he got to the top of the stairs and saw the water leaving out of the ice machine

"Yeah, that's because it melted, Stu, the fucking power's out" Phil waddled over to the machine

Alan pulled out his info card "With an inadequate electrical grid serving millions of people, Bangkok experiences 1500 power outages per year"

"Seriously Alan, that's enough" Max walked over and grabbed Alan's card

"Out of the way" Stu walked over with a fire extinguisher, when the other three stepped back he brought the extinguisher up and raised it above his head, with all his might he brought it down onto the padlock on the doors to the ice machine, he used all his anger to smash at it until pen the dropped to the floor

Like déjà vu, Chow jumped out and went straight at Stu, he shot multiple jabs into Stu's solar plexus "Ghost! There's a ghost!" Alan yelled in fear, Chow swung a kick into Phil and swung around to kick Alan, Max squeaked and stepped away from the ninja

"Motherfucker!" Chow boxed Stu's ears

Phil got back up and grabbed Chow "Chow, calm down! Chow, calm down!" he swung Chow into the ice machine and forced him to sit down

"Fucking kill on me!" Chow screamed angrily

"No, no, no Ah" Chow spit in Phil's face

"Hey Chow calm down" Max crouched to the side of Chow and stroked his arm in a soothing motion "It's ok" Chow's tense muscle relaxed slightly

"Relax" hearing Phil caused Chow to tense up and try to attack him "Shh, Shh, that's it, it's just us, breathe"

"Chow so cold" the small man stuttered

"I'm gonna warm you up"

"Chow so cold, Chow so cold" he kept muttering

"You did good buddy, you did good"

"Chow did good?"

"Yea buddy, you did good"

"Come on Phil we need to get him a jumper and dry clothes before he gets pneumonia" the teacher nodded to the Vet and helped Chow to stand, Stu had gone off to get Teddy's jumper, once Chow was all warm and dry they left the motel and found a place that sold hot food

"Feeling better?" Stu asked

"You alright? You warm enough?"

Chow glared at Phil "I don't know, come feel my balls and tell me" Max chocked on her coffee "I've been locked in a fucking ice box all day" Chow turned to yell at Alan "Hey Alan, you want my awesome sunglasses you just ask Chow, you don't have to kill me"

Phil leaned in "Chow, nobody killed you, you were already dead, you didn't have a pulse"

Chow looked at them like they were stupid "Oh, you never do blow before? Sometime your heart stop, start up again, read a book" he put his glasses on

"Chow finish your soup" Max ordered from beside him

"You're not my mom"

"Right now I am, that soup is making sure you don't get pneumonia, and if you get that you won't be able to do drugs, whores and alcohol because you will be stuck in a hospital bed" Chow's eyes widened and he slurped up his soup as fast as he could, it's good being a mother, you learn how to manipulate children, or in this case Chow, by acting like they could lose their toys, or in this case cocaine

"Look, I'm sorry, we're just having a bad day" Phil said after a moment of silent

"Oh, you having a bad day? Did you die?"

"No but Max got shot and nearly died from mixing drugs"

"But did she die?" Chow didn't care "You too nice to die Max, pretty girls that aren't whores don't die"

"Aww thanks Chow…I think"

Stu sighed "Chow, some guy told us that you've got a bank code or something and if we don't bring it to him first thing in the morning he's gonna kill Teddy"

"Who, Kingsley? Pfft, he's harmless" Chow snorted "Don't worry, I got the bank codes"

Phil sighed in relief "Great, alright, we gotta meet him at 8 a.m. Who that fuck is that guy anyway?"

"Invest in my buisness"

"Yeah? What buisness is that?"

"It's called Not Your Buisness, ok? So where's the monkey?"

"The monkey?"

"Yeah, I stashed the account number and password in his vest, where is he?" the groups shoulders slumped

"Why would you do that?"

"Safekeeping, pretty boy" Chow said to Phil "I got a lot of heat on my ass, I got FBI, Bangkok P.D., Interpol, MSNBC, the monkey snorting coke with me all night jerking me off while I watch Max and Phil fuck and Stu fuck with ladyboy"

"Ugh" bile came up Stu's throat

"He no going nowhere"

"We don't have the monkey, Chow"

Chow waited for Stu to answer but Phil did instead "No, some Russian thugs took him from us"

Chow looked at them like they were stupid...again "oh you fucking guys" he rubbed his temples in frustration "Ok, no problem, we just have to get him back"

"From where?" Stu asked

"Same place we took him from"

"I don't want to be shot again" Max muttered and slumped down in her chair "finish your soup then we can go"

"Yes mom, you care for Chow so much why don't you get under the table and suck on my Chinese dick?"

Max scoffed "Sorry I only like big dicks"

"Oh like Phil's, I've seen his dick, he impaled you like meat on stick" Phil chocked on his own spit

"What?"

"Yeaah you guys fuck like animals, made me explode in my pants without touching it"

"Please stop talking about sex" Stu groaned

"Thank you Stu" Phil and Max wholeheartedly agreed

They all sat in a silver car watching the monkey smoke a cigarette on top of a roof "This monkey isn't just normal monkey" Chow said in a serious tone for the first time since they met him, a green car in front of them honked their horn and the driver hit the side of the car and whistled "Think of him like monkey drug mule" the monkey climbed down a pole and waddled over to the car "He take coke to buyer…" he pulled a small bag out of his pocket and handed it to the man, in exchange, the man gave the monkey the money he owed "…and deliver cash to dealer" the monkey waddled across the street and jumped onto a table and gave the money to a extremely suspicious man that thought he was hiding really well "He middleman, dealer never handle drug directly, he clean" the dealer gave the monkey a nut and the chimp squealed and jumped up and down

"That's terrible" Stu said from the back seat

"Not terrible" Chow shot back "what you talking about? It's fucking genius" the monkey climbed back onto his roof "You ever see monkey go to jail? We just signal money for deal, he come close, we take his vest and that's that…Maybe get some blow too, you know, just bump"

"No, no more bumps Chow" Phil snapped, Chow looked at him sadly

"Ok, this is ridiculous" Stu muttered

"Just go with" Max said from beside him

Chow brought his hand to his mouth and blew air "Stu, Mr. Chow can't whistle, signal monkey" Stu rolled down his window and let out a loud whistle, Chow flashed a wad of cash at the monkey and watched the chimp climb on a wire

"Alright, here we go"

"Come on" Alan was looking up in awe

"How'd we wind up with the monkey last night?" Phil asked

"Well, I needed some blow and Alan thought he was cute, so we stole him" the monkey dropped down onto their car and slid onto the window "Ha ha so stupid, Stu, ready to grab vest?"

"I…ok, I just grab it?" Stu leaned out the back window

"Yeah, just do it, Stu, just do it"

"Hey monkey!"

"Alan shh" the monkey turned around and screeched at his owner

"Fuck!"

"We gotta go right now" the dealers pulled out guns, Chow hit the gas and zoomed off

"Pull that fucking monkey in!" Stu grabbed the monkey but it fought back

"I'm trying!" the dealer shot the back window "Aah! Fuck!" the chimp was holding onto the car door tightly "He won't let go!"

"Stu get back in the car right now!" Phil screamed

"I'm trying! Slow down!" the dealers started shooting at the car again

"Ahh!" Alan screamed, Max was curled into a ball on the floor of the car

"He's so strong!" Stu continued to scream "Let go, you fucking monkey!"

"Look out!"

"Aah!"

"Oh shit! Tight squeeze" Stu managed to get the monkey to let go of the car and pulled them both inside

"I got him! I got him!"

"Where's the code Chow?" Phil demanded when the dealers caught up

"Check his little vest" Alan pushed the vest aside and found a small card

"You got it, Alan?"

"Yeah, I got it Phil"

"Slow down! Slow down! Chow!"

"Hold on gay boys!" they drifted onto the crossing street, one of the dealers motorcycles fell over and got hit by a car

"Holy shit!"

"What?" Phil asked Stu

"Don't worry, I got this shit" Chow drifted again and was about to hit something

"PIG!" they hit a body was flesh and blood and Stu and Max was sprayed with it "AAAHH!"

"Oh my word!" Alan screamed, Max started to gasp, an oncoming panic attack started to form in her stomach

"Ha ha Sorry, Stu, my bad"

"Phil! Max is about to have a panic attack!" Stu screamed at Max's fiancé

"Shit! Max stay calm!" Phil turned around and saw his girlfriend crying and hyperventilating, a motorcycle drove up beside the car and aimed its gun at them "Oh shit…"

"Get down!" they shot at the back window, the monkey started screaming alongside Max "oh, no, they shot the monkey!" Alan started crying "They shot the monkey! I'm at my wits end! Max help him!"

"She can't!" Stu screamed back, he had moved down to Max and was holding her tightly as she thrashed around, her panic attack in full swing, he looked out the window and saw the motorcycle "he's coming back around!"

"Look out!" the gun was pointed directly and Stu and Max, Phil felt like he was going to have a panic attack too, the man was just about to pull the trigger when a car came swerving around and hit him "Holy fuck!"

"oh no" said Chow, everyone turned around and screamed, the car hit a flight of steps and went flying over the river, they landed on the other side and skidded to a stop

"Shh Max it's ok now…" Stu whispered to Max, she stopped screaming bit was still sobbing

"Everybody alright?" Phil asked

"yeah" Alan whimpered

"we're fine too" Stu said, he let go of Max and gave her the monkey to hold and look at, it managed to distract her and calm her down

"Whoo! I have such an erection right now" Chow laughed and drove off

"Are you for real?"

They stopped at Pa Doong Veterinary hospital for the monkey to be looked at as Max didn't have the tools or the calm hand to perform surgery, her hands were so shaky she would put zig zags in the poor thing, Alan had taken the monkey to the door whilst Phil turned to look at Max "you alright sweetie?" he asked softly

"Y-yeah…I didn't know I had a phobia of guns…fuck me…" she huffed and wiped at the blood on her face "I have pigs blood on my face…eww"

"I got it in my mouth" Stu drawled

"It really isn't our day today" the group laughed unenthusiastically "Alan's taking to fucking long"

"Alan come on!" Stu yelled, Alan rang the bell and ran back to the car "Come on, get in" Max slid over so Stu was in the middle

"Oh, we gotta go see Kingsley, he gonna be fine" Phil comforted Alan

And another chapter is done! The end is near but don't you worry, the gang will be together again after this story

SCREAMINGTOMCAT OUT! 3