Salvaged and Alive

Chapter 4

"You said before sundown."

"I know."

"What happened?"

"We ran into some friends." Cassian briskly trudged past Jyn as she held the door open, with Sewald following closely as the desert had cooled to frigid under the midnight moon. Sewald greeted Marda with a tender hug, for the worry lines on her face were just as deep as those on Jyn's face.

"Friends?" Jyn stood expectedly as Cassian hastily took off his jacket and unloaded the two bags in his hands onto the kitchen table. Marda handed both of the men a cup of steaming liquid, and they obliged with a silent hearty nod.

"There were troopers posted everywhere," it was Sewald who replied to Jyn's unsettled temper. "It was nothing like I've seen before. We could hardly leave the city without inspections."

"They know we escaped." Cassian's sharp wary eyes rested on Jyn, "Is Bastian back?"

"No. He's supposed to be back five hours ago…"

"As expected. The base is on high alert…he may have to wait for clearance." Cassian gritted his teeth as he rummaged through a bag, until he finally found the object of his searching and pulled it out with a tinge of agitation. It was a rusty standard-issue blaster.

"Captain…" Sewald exclaimed in shock and unbelief, "Where did you get that?"

"I stole it."

"We've never had a weapon in this house…ever. We've never needed one."

"You do now."

"But…" Sewald stammered at the sinister sight of a blaster on his very own wooden table, "Captain…this is a peaceful planet."

"Not anymore. And you know it." Cassian exhaled deeply, "The moment you let us in through that door…this place was never going to be safe, ever again."

"We understand that, Captain Andor." Marda spoke with gentle acquiescence, but with a masked bearing of sorrow and grievance.

"If you understand that…" Cassian's tone hushed to match Marda's heavy heart, "Then you'll understand that sooner or later, they will march in through that door…and this is all we've got to protect ourselves. No matter how you feel about it, this weapon isn't going anywhere."

Then with a heavy huff, Cassian quickly picked up the blaster and roughly holstered it into his belt. Jyn looked over him warily, as pang of regret flashed across his darkened eyes. He was tired…very tired. "You should rest…"

"There is no rest." And with that, Cassian nodded hastily toward the older couple, and bounded out of the house, leaving behind the heat of war and turmoil.

. . . . . . .

"Cassian…" Jyn found him leaning against the wooden railing, facing the melancholy of the dim moon in the blackest night of the bleakest horizon. The exact spot where she stood the night before.

"You were right…they didn't ask for this." Cassian muttered softly against the curling gust of chill, "I brought a gun into their house. There will be blood…"

"There are no civilians in a war." She laid her hand firmly on his shoulder, "We're all in this together."

"Some more than others…" Cassian turned to face her, "I got in touch with my contact…"

"Contact?"

"It's too dangerous to send a wave directly to the Rebel base, I suspect all air activities are heavily monitored by the Imperial, now more than ever." He pulled her in closer to him, "I have a contact situated in Zeraph, and we were able to exchange some intel."

"The Death Star plans?"

"They have it."

Jyn exhaled deeply, allowing herself to indulge in quiet elation and even producing a small smile without being aware. But the deep furrows above Cassian's brows remained firmly intact, "The Imperial forces are on edge. My contact intercepted a wave calling for full strike."

"What does that mean for us?"

"Unrestricted surveillance. Jyn, you should've seen the city today…the troopers were everywhere…leaving no damn rocks unturned, I suppose." His eyes glistened in determination, "It's only a matter of days before they come knocking on that door."

"Are they looking for us?"

"Couldn't say for sure. I'd like to believe the Imperial heads think we're dead."

She looked ahead, beyond the glimmering horizon where a ghostly flash had settled mysteriously above the grey. The sun was rearing its head, ever so teasingly. "What will you do?"

"Lay low…for now." Cassian was also watching the thin line of eerie shimmer, "I informed my contact that I'll be staying here for two months."

"Two months…"

"Jyn…" Cassian eyed her with a weary remorse, his voice low and husky, "Jyn…I'm sorry…"

"You don't have to feel sorry for me."

"That's not what I meant…"

And she swiftly stepped away from him, with her head held high as she hurriedly reached for the door, "What you decide to do…it's entirely up to you."

. . . . . . . .

The new morning brought none of the refreshed strength and vigor, as the foursome gathered with their breakfast on the table in surly silence. Sewald ate his porridge in quiet dread of the unknown, Cassian hardly touched his bowl but sat rigidly in pensive unease, and Jyn stared at her bowl with no appetite and her head throbbing in pain. Only Marda appeared to eat heartily, a harmless pretense to ease the palpable tension of the company, but also to hide her own hidden ache of anxiety.

Not a word was exchanged, until Jyn's eyes caught the rattling of her spoon on the table, and felt the ground underneath her feet shudder in some quiet force. Sewald got up from his chair immediately, and looked out the front window, "It's Bastian."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Bastian muttered rapidly as soon as he walked into the house, "I tried to get here sooner…but it was nearly impossible to get proper clearance. The lengths I had to go through, I mean…"

"What's going on at the capitol?" Cassian cut in sharply and nudged him to get his attention, "What have you heard?"

Bastian gulped hard before sputtering excitedly, "The base detected nine Imperial shuttles leaving Scarif, and only six are accounted for."

"And?"

"They know it was you two who stole the plans, and they also believe you're still alive. Your faces are plastered all over the system…in active search. Active, as in shoot to kill when found."

"Damn…" Cassian cursed under his breath, and locked his feverish eyes with Jyn standing at his side.

"The capitol is on high alert…" Bastian stammered on, "Every planet is on high alert…every city is on high alert…every little speck of anything is on high alert."

"Got it…" Cassian's jaw tightened, and his eyes hardened to black, "How does civilian transport look like?"

"Impossible…" Bastian shook his head with a warning, "Captain Andor, if you're planning to fly any time soon…you can forget about it. Air transport is on high alert, land transport is on high alert…"

Cassian roughly kicked off his chair and walked toward the window, his shoulders rigid and tense. "I'm leaving in two months…"

"Two months?" Bastian snorted, "With a price tag over you head? Are you out of your mind?"

Cassian turned deliberately to face Bastian, with his lips stiffened and his fist clenched, not liking what was just said one bit. Jyn was ready to step in, if she needed to, but Cassian's hardened face slowly reared a bemused smirk. "I'm taking orders from a damn Imperial pilot…"

"Captain Andor…" Bastian took his cue and eased his tone, "Two months is out of the question. More like two years…"

"I don't have two years."

"One year?"

Cassian flashed a willful glance toward Jyn, and he seemed to consider it, "Six months."

"Alright…" Bastian nodded with an uneasy grin, "If that's the best you've got, we'll go with that for now."

. . . . . . . .

The six months were spent with a fixated watchful eye on the window, with persistent look behind their backs, and with Cassian's blaster ominously sitting on their wooden table. The daily life and chores were carried along, to the semblance of an orderly life. But there was nothing mistaking for a life disturbed; every change of wind brought caution, every distant noise brought suspicion, and every movement on their parameter feed brought trembling.

Cassian spent most of the day outside in their metal hub, hating every minute of rest and hoping that keeping busy with his hands would stabilize his sanity. At first, he was helping Sewald with repairing an old land transport, but he moved on to restoring an aged android model he'd found at the bottom of scrap heap. Sewald didn't know how the android was in his possession; however, he was contented to hand over to Cassian's ambitious energy. The android was a low-grade standard issue model, with none of the tactical features of K-2SO that Cassian would much prefer. But the droid kept Cassian distracted from the torment of war, if not for a fleeting moment, and Jyn delighted in the simplicity of laughter whenever he presented her with his progress.

Jyn spent the first month determined to help Marda with household chores, as a proper woman should do. But it became distinctly clear that Jyn was only fooling herself; she did not belong in the kitchen, nor was she a proper woman. It wasn't until Marda suggested that she help Sewald with mechanical duties that she steadily liberated herself from the dreaded kitchen duties, and gladly resigned to outside. Having Cassian in her view as he worked inside the metal hub was perhaps an added benefit.

All day, Jyn learned the tricks of the trade from Sewald, ranging from mechanics of transport, the engineering of basic energy power, and survivalist workings of machinery. Sewald was eager, if not quietly desperate, to teach her these skills, as if he knew she'd be reduced to rely on such knowledge to survive someday. He taught her how to hot wire a land transport, how to make explosives with basic materials, how to rewire a holding cell, and how to disable a blaster. Jyn didn't question not once how and where Sewald had obtained these skills, as she masked her mild surprise that he knew so much about blasters, the very weapon he had detested at being present in his home.

There were some nights that Jyn would look around her, look at Marda and Sewald, and couldn't resist to the simmering possibility that this was her life now, and they were her…family. And Cassian…he belonged with her, as well. But she was prone to foolishness, as she doted far too much whenever his hand brushed against hers, whenever his strong hand rested on her shoulder, and whenever her eyes found his dark eyes looking intently at her. There were times he'd pull her close to him and whisper words of reassurance, and fewer times his eyes would dare to flicker to her lips. And as the days drew farther away, she wasn't ready to let go…of the warmth of his hand, of his spirited smile whenever she sought it, of his determined stance at her side, and of the sweet scent of his nearness. No, she wasn't ready to let go of any of it.

. . . . . . . .

It was two days after six months that Cassian pulled Jyn outside after dinner. He had gone to the main city earlier in the day, and she knew he had some news for her by his dour disposition when he returned. "Jyn, we need to talk…"

"What is it?"

"I received intel from my contact and…" He stammered cautiously, "The alliance wants me back in two weeks."

Jyn didn't know what to say, "What does that mean?"

He smirked with a nervous chuckle, "That means I'm leaving in two weeks."

"You don't have to go…"

"Yes, I do…"

She felt her heart beginning to boil in exasperation and ache, "Is it even safe to fly?"

"I'll find the way."

"Stop it," she clenched her teeth. "Stop being so reckless. You jump into these…situations…and hope for the best that everything will work out somehow. One of these days…your hope will run out…and…and…it will get you killed."

"Then what should I do? Live by safe?" He waved his hands to the cold silent desert around them, "You call this safe?"

"Yes…safer than what you're getting yourself into."

"Obviously the hot air has gotten into your head."

"Cassian…"

"Jyn, I'm not afraid of dying. Never have been and never will."

"You don't have to live like that."

"Yes, I do…" Cassian darkened grimace matched the blackness of the night, "Jyn, my entire family sacrificed themselves for the cause of the Rebels. There is no shame in dying for what you believe in, and I won't think twice."

"You don't have to die to prove something."

"Well, I'm sure hell not gonna live in fear, or let fear get in the way."

"Cassian, you can't be thinking you're...destined...to die for the Rebels. There is no shame in living."

"Yeah, well, this isn't my life…" He stepped away from her with a light snort, "This life of…eating porridge…sleeping in warm bed…playing with metal trinkets…keeping my blaster hidden because it scares the folks. Jyn, no matter what you'd like to believe, this isn't the life for me. I don't belong here."

"Didn't realize you hated this place so much…"

"Jyn...please…" Cassian's hand lingered over her shaking arm, "Please…you gotta understand that…"

"You belong with the Rebel army…"

"I've given my life over to the cause a long time ago, and I'm not about to turn back."

"And I'd never ask you to." She cursed at herself for the welling of her tears, and clenched her fists to fight them back, "I think it's best that you leave tomorrow. I don't see why you need to wait two weeks."

"What…"

"I'm sure the alliance business is urgent, and it's best that you oblige their request. At your earliest, tomorrow."

"Jyn, you're being ridiculous…"

"And Cassian, do me a favor." She stood her ground, and stiffened her legs to conceal their trembling, "Once you leave this place, don't think of me anymore."

"What are you saying…"

"Leave everything behind…everything that you know behind. Memories will only get in the way of your focus." She was determined, "Forget about me altogether."

"Jyn…" Cassian held out his hand toward her, "You know I can't do that…"

"It's what's best…for you."

"Jyn, I can't ever forget you…" He brushed his hand upon her cheek, "I don't want to forget you…"

She slowly turned her face from his pulsating touch, "Cassian…you and I don't belong in the same world, and you know that."

"It doesn't mean that we…"

"I don't want to be some memory you hold onto." She braved a smile, "Please…leave in peace, knowing that I'm alive. And let it all go when you see the last of this planet."

"Jyn…"

"And don't ever come back."

"You don't mean that…"

"Yes, I do."

She didn't flinch at the harshness of her words, but Cassian stood back silently with his mouth ajar, taken aback by her stark requests without a semblance of remorse. He combed through his hair roughly, as if it'd clear his head, "So…this is it, huh? After all that we've been through, it has come to this. Unbelievable…"

"I'm sorry, Cassian."

"Are you sorry? Really?" His eyes wandered pensively toward the bleak horizon, "You might as well rip out my heart, destroy it into pieces, and tell me you're sorry. I'd probably feel the same as I do right now..."

And as if the black yonder had given him a sliver of courage, Cassian tried one more time as he gently grasped her arms in his hands, "Jyn…tell me…is this what you really want? Please…I'm begging you…tell me the truth."

"Cassian…" She felt herself breaking down, overwhelmed in the weakness at his pleading and the heat of his touch. She felt herself lost in a wave, carrying her along where she gave in to her heart and the emotions that engulfed it. She wanted to tell him that she wished him to stay. She wanted to tell him that she didn't want to live without him. She wanted to tell him she loved him, most desperately. "Yes…that is what I want."

"Ok…ok…" His face fell in ashen anguish, and his hands now hung at his side with limp surrender, "I don't know why you're doing this, but…"

Cassian's words hung in dense silence between them, as he seemed to have completely lost the strength to put up the tumultuous fight. Only a distant scrimmaging of a desert animal was heard in the air, with its dull hollow cry a melancholic note between them. Jyn couldn't face him, and instead focused on her trembling hands. What has she done? What has she done to Cassian?

"Promise me one thing. Will you?" He finally spoke, his voice dry and spent, "Please…Jyn…I'm asking you."

"What is it?"

"The droid, it's not completely finished, but it'll manage. I reprogrammed him, for you." He inhaled a fitful of air, "Can you promise me you'll keep him at your side?"

"I don't need a droid…"

"Jyn…if this is the last thing you can do for me…please…promise me you'll keep him at your side."

She locked eyes with him, being startled at the fiery demand reflected in his sharp gaze. "Alright…I promise. I'll keep the droid."

. . . . . . . .

A/N: Thank you for reading! And that you for all the support! I feel like I'm not quite sure how to write Cassian, but recently I saw an interview of Diego Luna, and he described him as "non-sentimental." So that's what I'm trying to do!