I'll start things off simply with an apology. I never considered this fic abandoned personally, but due to school stress, and then family stress, I wasn't able to focus attention on the chapters for very long. Plus, the times I could write, it was always about something else, and/or I'd be interrupted in moments. And after a point, I'd look at this fic and worry that I couldn't finish it because I wasn't in the same head-space that I had been when I started it.

Fortunately, that has changed. Not only because I'm a college graduate, but earlier this year, I pulled a Lifetime Movie 'vanishing-spouse-no-jutsu', and after an adjustment period, I am feeling better than I have in a very long time. Now, I am definitely not the same person I was when I started this fic, but I'm very hopeful that means I'm going to be even better and have the less stressful environment that will allow me to finish this story along with the others.

Fingers crossed in that regard, lol.

Imperial Servant: Chapter 8
Drawbacks

OOOOOO

Cologne smirked in amusement as the mother to her son-in-law made another lap in front of the doorway to the Tendo Dojo's backyard, chasing after her husband with a katana in hand and the implication that she was either going to use it on him, or make him use it on himself. The Amazon Matriarch found it ironic and oh-so-fitting that a man who claimed women were weak would be thoroughly henpecked. Though 'henpecked' felt like an understatement in this case.

"More tea, Cologne-san?"

"Thank you, Kasumi." Cologne nodded to the eldest Tendo sister, while the panicked Genma and irate Nodoka made yet another lap in front of the patio door. "I must say, I find this scenario very satisfying, considering the circumstances."

"Indeed," Soun nodded in agreement, showing absolutely no concern for his best friend receiving his comeuppance. "While it hasn't been as much of a snare in Akane and Ranma's relationship as everything else, the Nekoken has caused it's fair share of problems."

Cologne side-eyed the Tendo patriarch at what sounded like a deceptively subtle comment against the legitimacy of Shampoo's claim. Before she could reply, Kasumi added. "That reminds me, I must apologize to Ranma-kun later for not taking his phobia seriously when we discovered it." the brunette gave a small regretful sigh as she remembered bringing neighborhood kitties near Ranma, while also wondering why that cruel act was not held against her regarding the divine spell she'd performed earlier. Brushing that aside for now, she turned to Cologne and said, "I believe Shampoo should apologize to Ranma as well. She uses her cursed form to punish him quite often, especially for what she saw as infidelity on his part."

Cologne grimaced. While nothing more than a mild statement, less than even a weak rebuke, it still stung. "You make a fair point, Kasumi Tendo. Even if the cure doesn't pan out, it wouldn't do to have such a thing straining son-in-law's relationship with Shampoo."

Soun's eyes narrowed slightly, though he didn't counter the Amazon's assertion to her descendent's claim on the heir to his dojo. Instead, something else occurred to him regarding how his son-in-law had become involved with the Amazons in the first place. And with the truth spell still in effect, it seemed like there was no time like the present to get an honest answer as he addressed the older woman with a respectful, "Deimo, Cologne-san, that reminds me of something. How did Ranma defeat Shampoo at your village? He has stated many times to my daughter that he doesn't hit girls."

Cologne was silent for a moment, before deciding that there was nothing to be lost by answering the Tendo patriarch's question, and she declared, "Well, not to put too fine a point on it, son-in-law too advantage of Shampoo's overconfidence, since she had just won our yearly tournament quite handily and he was just an arrogant foreigner. The 'arena' for the tournament was a log that was suspended off the ground by ropes, and the conditions of being defeated were getting knocked unconscious, surrendering, or falling off the log." Cologne sighed heavily in a fair amount of frustration. "We don't normally condone the Kiss of Death in this day and age for any woman who happens to win a fight against an Amazon. But when Shampoo was disrespected by the victory banquet being eaten right in front of her, and then beaten with nothing more than a trip, I and the rest of the council agreed that she needed to redeem herself."

Kasumi blinked. "A trip? None of her other opponents tried that?"

"None of them had the chance to attempt it. But Shampoo underestimated son-in-law, was caught off-guard by his speed, and sent to the dirt in less than a minute by a move that was showier than a simple leg-sweep, which made the blow to Shampoo's pride all the more harsh."

"But then she discovered that Ranma-kun was a boy."

Cologne nodded. "Which is when I came here to test him, and make sure his victory wasn't a fluke, or extend the honor of being made into an Amazon."

Soun paused in raising his mug of tea to his lips, eyes narrowing slightly as he said, "This is the first I've heard that was an option."

"Me too." Kasumi nodded in agreement. "Does Ranma-kun know?"

Cologne, carefully considering the spell she was under, offered simply. "No, he does not." She cocked an eyebrow at the two Tendos. "But do you think for a moment he would accept the offer?"

While better than Ranma, Kasumi and Soun's social-fu was still weaker than the Amazon Matriarch's or Nabiki's, which is why they let the subject drop with understanding nods. Satisfied that she wouldn't be probed with questions that shouldn't be answered honestly, Cologne turned her full attention back onto the evening's entertainment and basked in the relative quiet.

Until it was shattered by a pair of feminine screams from upstairs, which froze the occupants of the living room and the two Saotomes outside. A second later, Cologne's tea hit the ground as her afterimage faded from view, while the matriarch herself stood at the door to Akane's bedroom, bristling with fury at the sight of a familiar pancaked figure embedded in a crater that had formed in the wall over the bluenette's bed. The shock of red hair was a welcome sight, though slightly undercut by irritation that her son-in-law had gone straight to Shampoo's primary rival. But otherwise, all of Cologne's attention was focused on the tangential source of today's misery while Ranma-chan shouted, "WHAT THE HELL, YOU OLD FREAK!?"

"Aww, don't be like that, Ranma-chan!" Happosai declared as he pulled himself out of the hole in the plaster he'd formed, none the worse for wear. "I just wanted to join in on the fun—"

He was silenced by an axe kick driving him face-first into and through Akane's mattress, prompting the bluenette to angrily shout, "My bed!" before Ranma-chan reached down and pulled the dazed Master of the Anything Goes school out of the ruined mass of springs and padding by the front of his gi and held the little troll an inch from her face.

"Listen to me, you old goat," The pigtailed girl hissed as a thrum of killing intent filling the air. "If you tell anyone what you saw, I will kill you! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?"

Cologne and Akane shivered at that statement, though the Matriarch's curiosity was piqued to the point of bordering on suspicion while the rest of the household reached the youngest daughter's room and looked in through the open door. Spotting his sensei, Soun frowned called out, "Master, what do you think you're doing?!

Happosai shook himself out of the slight concussion in a second, choosing to answer his student's question before disciplining the upstart heir to his school. Unfortunately, while the old man intended to say he was simply enjoying the company of two pretty ladies so he didn't risk calling the redhead's bluff, Happosai's actual answer was, "I was spying on these two's heart-to-heart and when they kissed, I figured I'd get two good doses of energy with a double-glomp."

At the same time the old man's eyes swelled to the size of dinner plates, Akane somehow turned pale and blushed furiously while Ranma-chan's expression turned grey and cold. The others however, stared in shock at the old man's admission, while Cologne looked between the two teenagers with one eye twitching furiously and muttered, "Son-in-law, what do you have to say for—"

She didn't have a chance to finish as the redhead disappeared, Happi fell to the ground, and before Cologne could registered the sudden disappearance of Ranma's ki, she fell to the ground with an indignant squawk. The Matriarch had a moment to wonder where the hell her staff had gone, when Ranma's unique ki signature re-appeared in front of her along with the redhead herself, who was holding her staff and a katana in her hands. The blade was pointed at the Amazon while the staff was passed to the bluenette behind her as Ranma-chan growled darkly, "Granny, if you make one move towards Akane, I swear on my manhood, my name, and to every kami who's listenin' that I'll commit seppuku before I marry Shampoo!"

The group froze at that, none moreso than Cologne as who was stunned that Ranma would honestly go that far over a girl who'd seemingly been overtly hostile towards him from day one. While Nodoka quickly unwrapped the silk bundle in her hands and stared at the empty sheathe inside, tears flowed down Genma and Soun's faces as the Tendo patriarch declared, "Saotome…they were kissing!"

"The schools will still be united, Tendo!" Genma choked out, overcome with emotion.

"Oh happy day!" Soun cheered as he and Genma grabbed each other's arms and began to dance around. "We should call up the priest immediately! They'll be wed tomorrow, first thing in the morning—"

The pair froze as a wooden mallet brushed past their noses, threading the eye of a needle by sailing through the gap between their faces and smashing into the wall behind them. Looking back to their son and daughter(s), Akane was giving off an aura of outrage equal to any she'd brought to bear on her fiancé, but far more than either patriarch had experienced personally before it formed into a miniature demon-head aura which furiously screamed, "WOULD YOU SHUT UP!? YOUR STUPID MEDDLING AND PLANS HAVE DONE MORE TO MAKE ME AND RANMA HATE EACH OTHER THAN ANYTHING ELSE WE'VE BEEN THROUGH!"

"What she said!" Ranma fired out, while not taking her eyes off of Cologne in case the old woman tried something.

"But Ranma-kun," Kasumi asked hesitantly. "What about the Imperial Servant? I thought you didn't like girls that way."

Ranma-chan blushed brightly as she replied, "It...it doesn't work as well when I'm a girl than when I'm a guy. I still don't see the appeal in...stuff, but I know I see other girls as more than damn paintings in this body."

Nabiki considered that for a moment, then turned and smirked at the two petrified men. "Looks like you're still not gonna have an heir to the schools yet, daddy."

The pair immediately looked crestfallen at that. Until a thoughtful expression appeared on Genma's face.

"Pops, if you even think of cursin' Akane with the Spring of Drowned Man, I'll turn you into a eunuch, AND I WON'T USE A DAMN PRESSURE-POINT!"

The larger man turned white at his son-daughter's threat, and nearly fainted as everyone else fixed him with similarly murderous looks, including his best friend. As he mentally backpedaled and prayed no one in the room had become a mind-reader in the last half-hour, a voice saying, "The sky is…" caught his attention. Slowly, he and the others looked at the Master of Anything Goes, who was peering out Akane's window and up into the darkening night sky as he repeated, "The sky is…" with a searching expression.

Akane and Ranma stared at Happosai for a bit, and shared a look as the bluenette said, "I think you knocked something loose."

"I didn't hit him that much harder than normal."

"The sky is…" after another moment of searching, Happy hefted himself up, spun around, and planted his backside on the edge of the window sill. As he reached into his gi and withdrew his pipe, the old man asked, "Who cast Zone of Truth?" in a conversational tone.

The group blinked rapidly at that, with Nabiki being the first to ask, "How did you know?"

"I had no intention of testing the boy's patience, I sure as shootin' wouldn't have said anything about getting some energy from copping a feel, and I couldn't say 'the sky is green' just now." His pipe lit, the old man gave the group a dry look and stated, "This ain't my first experience with holy magic. So who used it?"

As he took a hit on his pipe, after a moment's hesitation and with a significant amount of blushing, Kasumi raised her hand.

Happosai's eyes widened, but then he nodded before blowing out a puff of smoke. "I buy it."

While the brunette's face reddened, the old man looked among the group as a whole, his eyes narrowing and his expression turning dark as he growled, "Now...what's this I heard about the Imperial Servant?"

OOOOOO

The Tendos, Saotomes and their guests had adjourned to the living room for their recap of the day's events. As the tale finished, Happosai sighed heavily, arms crossed and head lowered as he mused, "I always wondered what was wrong with the boy, getting so angry with me wanting to appreciate the pretty girlies every now and then."

Ranma-chan growled and started getting to her feet, but was restrained by Akane's hand on her arm. Cologne twitched at the sight, but said nothing, because the redhead still had that damn sword with her and the old woman had yet to figure out how the cursed gender-flipper had masked her presence so completely.

"So, where's the succubus who started this mess?"

"We don't know," Nabiki answered Happi's question with a shrug. "She just said something about needing a power boost if she was going to teleport all the way to Nagano and find this Toshi guy."

Happosai gave a delighted laugh at that and said, "If she wanted a powerboost, the little minx should have come to me!"

"So we heard." Cologne muttered darkly, recalling the glamour that Dabbler's associate had used the pacify the old man. "Anyway, we're hoping that he has the cure for the pressure-point, because otherwise, we're out of options for fixing—"

Ranma-chan scowled.

"—helping son-in-law." Cologne corrected herself.

Happi looked curiously at Cologne while everyone else fell silent, mulling over the unspoken possibility that a cure didn't exist. "Cologne-chan, why didn't you think to come to me about this?"

The Amazon Matriarch snorted. "We had no idea where you were, and considering you almost destroyed the cure to the Ultimate Weakness Moxibustion on accident, it wasn't hard to figure out that you'd disposed of the Imperial Servant scroll long ago."

"Well, you'd be wrong."

Eyes snapped to the old man, who pursed his lips disapprovingly at the old woman and added, "I've got the scroll sitting in my stockpile right now. And—"

Immediately, Happosai found himself with a pair of pants thrust into his face as Genma and Soun grabbed Ranma-chan and held her in front of their master, his head level with her waistline as they shouted in unison, "FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT—"

A splash and a crash echoed as both men were launched out of the living room, with one landing in the koi pond and the other smashing into the outer wall of the dojo. Their flight was followed by a very irate redhead screaming, "Goddammit pops! Would you cut it out!?"

"Damn straight," Happi agreed, glaring in disapproval at his two students-cum-toadies. "If you want an heir that badly, how about one of you get a girly curse and do it yourselves?"

Everyone save for the ancient lech twitched violently at that, with Nodoka being the first to recover and give Happosai a pleading look. "Happi-sensei, can you please help my son? He needs to understand what it means to be a man among men, and he can't do that as he is now!"

Cologne cocked an eyebrow at that, wondering why that phrase had been used. But she was shaken from her curiosity by Happosai sadly declaring, "As much as I would like to help the boy, m'dear, I have to say no."

"WHAT?!" Cologne rounded on the lech. "Why not!?"

"It's never been documented what happens to those who have suffered the long term effects of the Imperial Servant pressure point and then have it removed, and the idea of putting it on a child who hadn't even developed as a man is inconceivable." Happosai narrowed his eyes and stated severely, "The overload may shortout the boy's family jewels and leave him permanently in the same state as now, or he'll need to indulge himself in a bender that would make mine look like a one night stand."

Akane blushed furiously as she remembered her own comment from that afternoon on Ranma's 'potency'.

"Or worse…" Happosai scowled darkly. "He may become something...enslaved to his hormones, more than anything the world has ever seen before. A beast whose sole focus is on satisfying itself, with no thought or discrimination regarding age, attractiveness, commitment…or consent."

Pale faces surrounded the table at that, with none more horrified than the redhead as she suddenly remembered Mikado Sanzenin, only now, her natural form's face had replaced the figure-skating jackass' oh-so-punchable features. When she started shuddering, Akane reached out and gently held Ranma-chan's hand, which earned her a grateful look from the redhead before she turned back to Happosai and asked, "Then, what can we do?"

"We'll need someone well-versed in the interaction of a person's internal ki, so they can examine you and figure out what the most likely outcome will be." Happosai looked to the oldest Tendo sister and asked, "Whatever happened to that doctor who was sweet on you? Tofu-something?"

"Tofu-sensei?" Kasumi thought for a moment. "Last I heard, he'd taken an extended leave to study at a clinic in Fukuoka, so I—"

The brunette stopped as the entirety of old man's comment registered, and her cheeks reddened as she stammered, "W-Wait, what do you mean, sweet on me!? Tofu-sensei isn't—"

"Oh come on, nee-san." Akane said with a faint bit of frustration, but also a teasing lilt in her voice. "Tofu-sensei's been in love with you for a long time. It's the worst kept secret in Nerima."

Kasumi blushed even brighter and looked down, worrying the hem of her apron between her hands as she murmured, "But he never said anything about it!"

"Because whenever you're around, he goes completely crazy." Nabiki smiled at her embarrassed older sister. "You never heard about him dancing around in the streets with Betty after you visited him at his office?"

"I…I thought he was just being silly!"

"Regardless," Cologne said, drawing attention from the terminally embarrassed young housewife. "Shampoo spoke highly of the doctor, and it will be good to get a second opinion on the matter. Though we should inform Dabbler of the change in circumstances."

With that, the old woman pogo'ed a few feet away from the group, and fished into her sleeve to bring out a group of stones. While she activated the magical communication array that Dabbler had left for her, Ranma-chan was looking downwards, deep in thought as she considered the new information about her...condition. And how the cure could be even worse.

OOOOOO

Xuriel stepped out of the bathroom to the love hotel, clad in a bathtowel around her chest and sighing blissfully as she stretched her arms over her head. Looking around at the bodies strewn across the floor like the scene of a massacre, save for the groaning noises emanating from the group as a whole and the lack of bloodstains, she smiled widely and said, "Thanks for that, boys! A little pick-me-up was just what the doctor ordered."

"Ou-our...pleasure…" Groaned one man who was half hanging off of the bed which was officially beyond saving, his cheek pressed against the floor while his boxers dangled from one of his ankles.

"Oh, I know." Xuriel chuckled lightly at her little joke.

Another of the succubus' 'victims', who was laying across a chair with his back against one armrest while the backs of his knees were hanging off the other, heard a rattling sound and opened his eyes, taking a second to focus on the upside down image of a small handbag with a blue light peeking through the opening. "Hey…lady? Your purse is shaking…"

Xuriel glanced over and said, "Oh? Hopefully it's good news." Before making her way across the assortment of worn out bikers. Reaching into her purse, the succubus ignored the weary, quizzical looks as she pulled out her runic stones, and the wide-eyes that abounded when she activated them. Though she did afford herself a small smile when one of the guys offered a quiet, 'What the hell?' and another one sighed and said, 'It's Nerima, Daichi. Just roll with it…'

When Cologne's face appeared, she said seriously, "Dabbler, Listen up—" Only to pause at the slight movements of men weakly trying to cover themselves and several of them grimacing as they made comments on, 'from heaven to hell' in regards to an anatomical exam with a lustful supermodel being followed up with the image of a talking pink prune. The old woman did a double-take, and then let out a cackling laugh like a box of frogs rolling down a staircase, drawing shudders from several of the bikers as she declared, "Well, I certainly wasn't expecting to see that!"

"What can I say?" Xuriel looked over her shoulder and wiggled her fingers teasingly at a few members of the group, some of whom tiredly returned her gesture even as they wondered what was going on. "I do good work."

"So I see." the old woman chuckled before returning her attention to the succubus. "Listen, things have changed here. Son-in-law is back, and more importantly, Happosai is here and he has a way to cure the Imperial Servant."

The voice of an older man came from somewhere behind the crone, sounding slightly echo-y through the void as he cackled, "Hey! Give my regards to Carrera, will ya!?"

Xuriel's eye twitched and she growled, "Considering she's one of my closest friends, and I intend to keep her that way, no dice!"

"Aww, why you gotta be so mean to me…"

"But anyway, that's awesome news!" The illusory tanned blonde cheered happily. "How's the stud doing now that his dick isn't just for show?"

Numerous bikers frowned at that, their brows furrowing as distant growling came through the display, which was drowned out by the old woman saying regretfully. "It's not that simple. We don't know what will happen if we remove the Imperial Servant, but there's a doctor in Fukuoka who can examine him and make sure there won't be any side effects."

"Fukuoka!" Xuriel repeated in shock. "That's a hell of a lot further than Nagano! I'm not going to be able to get there, and come back with someone else, even with this boost! I'm gonna need at least another day!"

The old woman frowned at that, then looked over her shoulder for a moment. "Well, son-in-law has gone this long, I suppose he can wait one more day. The Doctor's name is Ono Tofu, please find him as soon as you can."

"No problem." Xuriel replied, before reaching out and collecting the stones in one hand. As she put them into her purse, she tossed out, "Well, it's been fun boys, but I gotta go and find some other guys who need to get lucky—"

"Wait."

Xuriel stopped, and turned around to see the most heavily tattooed member of the gang, who was apparently the boss of their little group, getting to his feet and looking at her with a serious expression. "What was this all about? Who was that?"

Xuriel paused, then sighed and turned around, crossing her arms as she said, "Okay, you want me to level with you?"

The boss nodded.

"I'm a succubus. And before you ask!" She said quickly at the wide-eyed and worried looks that broke out. "No, none of you had your souls taken; and no, this doesn't mean any of you are going to hell! If I have a lot of sex, then I get a powerboost. And if it's really good sex," She smiled wickedly. "Then it's a really nice powerboost."

An awestruck voice whispering, "The hentai was right!?" was ignored by the boss, who crossed his arms and looked pointedly where the portal had been hovering over the wall. "And what does that have to do with some servant?"

"Long story, I'll sum up." Xuriel replied as she leaned back against a table and mimicked the boss' posture. "I got called up to expose a guy who was supposedly a cheating douche. Trouble is, he's had some kind of pressure point on him that means he can't cheat on someone, 'cause he can't get horny. At all."

Numerous wide-eyes came from that statement, including from the leader, while a rail thin man laying spread-eagle across the floor softly asked, "A-at all?"

"Nope." She affirmed in a pitying tone. "Put it to you this way, Mr. Revolver." she smiled a little at the joke, while he and others weakly chuckled. "He didn't salute even when MY magic fingers were working on him."

A horrified silence descended at that, broken by a few sniffles and one overly muscled hulk with a deep voice saying sorrowfully, "That…that's too cruel!"

"Tell me about it." Xuriel met the boss' eyes again. "So, what I got out of you and your boys, was enough lust energy to go find a schmuck in Nagano who made a twelve-year-old into a eunuch and hopefully come back with a way to fix him. But now, I gotta go find some guys who aren't worn out, because I need a lot more power to get to Fukuoka instead. Savvy?"

Another round of quiet followed that, and the guy hanging off of the chair murmured, "You're an angel…" in a heartfelt tone.

Xuriel smiled at him and said, "Wrong direction, but thanks."

The boss, eyes narrowed as he mulled over the succubus' words, straightened his back and said, "Ma'am. You asked for me and my men's help, and I wouldn't be able to look myself in the eye if I didn't do all I could to save someone from a fate worse than death!" The leader saluted Xuriel and declared, "As long as my heart beats, I will help you!"

A determined, "Yosh!" of agreement came from the men, some of whom were struggling to stand up on jellied legs. Xuriel looked around at them, impressed by their willpower before she grinned seductively and let her towel drop to the floor. "Well then, guess it's time for round 2!"

-AN-

I am well aware that Ranma probably did land an actual hit on Shampoo in their canon-fight, but screw it, I'm patching that slight plot-hole with a semi head-canon of my own. (drives me nuts whenever I read a story where that gets subverted badly or is ignored outright..."Ranma was so eager for a fight after everyone abandoned him that when Urd came out of his TV-set, he socked her in the face", suck my clavical, you hack...)

Just so y'all are aware, I'm not going to leave the Toshi-hook dangling. We'll find out his motive eventually, because it's definitely not the kind of thing that can be shoved into a closet.

I do have something planned out for the steps between here and the end, but I'm going over my notes and having to re-tool them a bit, because there were moments where things got a bit more...serious than I'd intended for the overall tone of this fic, and I'll be correcting that tout suite.

As a shameless plug, one of the things that took my time away from this story (Besides manipulative, mentally-ill people, pain-in-the-ass college courses, and my muse being fickle as hell) was an omake I wrote for the One Piece Self-Insert fic This Bites! That omake actually IS done, it involves Exalted shenanigans and I'm pretty proud of it, look for it in the TB! Thread on Spacebattles, or the TB! Omakes story-thread here on FF.

Next time should be coming sooner than this delay, because like I said, I am more free to live my own life than I have been in...wow, almost a decade.

So, everybody have faith.