Author's notes: Hey FFNET readers! I'd just like to say that this one has been out for a long time on AO3 and I upload my stories there first vs here. Also, when I transfer them over here, the formatting gets screwed over so it might not provide the same reading experience as when you read it over at AO3 so, I'd recommend you guys to go there instead. (I still upload here although, slower and later than the other site.)

Additional Tags: Naekusaba, Loyalty, Betrayal, Angst, Memory, Uncertainty, Mentions of Other Characters

A Soldier's Code and A Schoolgirl's Values

It was a quiet night at Hope's Peak Academy. The lights illuminating the hallways failed to find the shadows of its inhabitants that once attended the crowded and lively school, all with the exception of one person.

Mukuro Ikusaba stood outside the door to Makoto Naegi's room with a heavy feeling down in her heart. She wore her usual uniform: a white dress shirt and skirt with the addition of a tactical vest on top, her usual combat gloves, and combat boots below. She held her fist an inch off the door, unable to proceed as the uncomfortable feeling boiled inside of her.

It was a rather simple mission assigned by Junko: Isolate the fourteen targets, inject them with the serum and move onto the next phase. Or at least, that was as close to a mission briefing that Mukuro could make out of Junko's antics.

Her mission so far, had been flawless. Mukuro had lured every other classmate of hers to their designated locations and had successfully injected the serum into them while they had their guard down. The serum was designed to both knock out a target and erase their memories at the same time. It was rather a rather efficient drug as it only required a few hours to erase two years' worth of memories. Junko has adjusted the dosages of each syringe she has given Mukuro so that all of her classmates would wake up at the same time. Although, some of them, mainly the tougher ones, didn't go down as smoothly as she had wanted.

Mondo swore and attempted to turn around before tripping on his feet and blacking out, both Ishimaru and Aoi managed to stumble a couple paces and gave Mukuro a shocked expression before dropping, and Sakura needed an extra tranquilizer to put her out. Kyouko immediately collapsed to the floor as Junko reserved a special one for her and everyone else went down without a hitch. She carried out her orders without hesitation or remorse as the rest of her classmates are now lying unconscious in various locations across the first floor of the school.

But now, Mukuro found herself hesitating in front of Makoto Naegi's door, her final target. While Junko has promised that Makoto would be spared from the killing game, Mukuro still didn't like the idea of having him participating. She didn't even want him to be part of the game in the first place but Junko said it would bring her great despair. She said despair was supposed to feel good, and Mukuro has seen this first hand multiple times with Junko. If it was such a good feeling, why hasn't she experienced it yet?

*Knock Knock*

Mukuro took a deep breath as her hand returned to her side. It was starting to get late, and she just wanted to get this over with so the uncomfortable feeling inside of her would fade away. Makoto should be her easiest target given his naive nature and yet, he was the only one to have stirred up this foreign feeling within her.

The door slowly opened and as the sight of the familiar brunette comes into sight, her original plan of quickly knocking him out and injecting him with the serum was quickly forgotten.

"M-Mukuro-san?"

She stiffened.

"Makoto-kun."

"Ahh… I guess I'm a little surprised that you came to visit me haha…. Would you like to come inside?" He smiled.

Mukuro's heart grew heavier as more and more, she realized that she didn't want to do this to him. It's only knowing that Junko would never forgive her, that she hasn't decided to back out yet.

"Actually Makoto-kun, I would like to discuss some things in classroom 1-A."

"Oh.. Alright! Give me a quick minute, I just need to put something away!"

Mukuro nodded as he went back inside. She bit her lip as she realized she missed another opportunity to knock him out. The discomfort inside of her seemed to rage harder every time she thinks about doing this to Makoto. She quickly glanced at her watch. There were seven more minutes until she could administer the drug and Junko should still be having her fun with the headmaster right now.

"Time is running short. I need to make this quick later…" She thought.

The door opened again as Makoto came out, ready to go.

"Alright Mukuro-san, let's go!" He cheerfully beamed.

Mukuro nodded as they proceeded to walk in silence towards the target location. She frowned a bit as the walk brought back memories of their school life. The first time Makoto had smiled at her, the many times that she had to save him from his luck, and those rare times where his life was actually in danger. She remembered the times he'd try to repay her for saving him, the times he would simply smile at her and the times he would invite her to hangout alone.

She remembered the time Makoto finally confessed his feelings for her after Yasuhiro almost got both of them killed. She remembered the first kiss they shared in his room and his surprised expression that painted his face when she pressed her lips into his. Mukuro barely registered the concerned voice of her lover calling out to her as she relived those memories.

"Mukuro-san? Mukuro?"

"Hmm?"

"Is something wrong? You seem spaced out for a second.."

"It's nothing Makoto-kun. I was just thinking."

Makoto then slid his hand into hers. Mukuro turned her head to the sudden contact only to be met with his usual smile, and a reassuring squeeze on her hand. She returned with a half smile as the for the moment, the discomfort inside her seemed to have calmed down.

Mukuro suddenly stopped as they arrived outside the target location. As Makoto entered the classroom, she followed and locked the doors without him noticing. He sat on top of a nearby desk and watched as Mukuro leaned against the door, uncertainty written all over her face.

"So Mukuro-san... what was it you wanted to talk about?"

She took a breath as she pondered about what to say. Initially, she had wanted to see how Makoto would react to knowing that Junko orchestrated the Tragedy and that she helped her with it. However, it felt wrong to start with start with that question, so she opted for a more subtle approach.

"Makoto-kun…. Do… do you think that.. spending the rest of our lives here was a good idea?"

"Is this what you wanted to talk about? Well…. Given what's going on outside, I'd say it was a reasonable decision. Although, I'm still worried about my family out there."

Mukuro cast her gaze to the floor, knowing that by now, his family should have been captured and moved to Towa City, where they kept everyone's relatives as potential murder motives. She has never met his parents, and only met his sister once. Even then, that one encounter has left Mukuro feeling a little guilty with endangering her life.

"Do you… think the world will return to normal?"

"Of course it will! I'm sure that as long as we don't give up, we can restore the world back to normal!"

It pained Mukuro that Makoto had no idea what was going to happen to him in the next few minutes. She knew that despite Junko promising to spare him from the killing, the world wasn't going to return to normal. Not as long as Junko was still around. It especially hurt knowing that she was torn between the two people she cared for the most. Mukuro had to choose between Junko's world of despair, or Makoto's world of hope. She had already abandoned Junko once, and had swore as a sister to not abandon her again. However right now, the decision to choose between two people has never been harder in her life. She stayed silent as she continued to stare at the wooden floor and tried her best to hide her distress from him. Suddenly, a pair of shoes came into sight and Mukuro snapped her head up only to see Makoto, his face filled with concern.

"Is..Is something wrong Mukuro? You don't look convinced."

"I – I was just thinking of my old comrades in Fenrir." She lied.

"I'm sure they're fine Mukuro-san. They are famous for being the best in the world. You of all people should know that." He said with a reassuring smile.

She returned the gesture with a half smile before looking away once again. Mukuro knows that at this point, they likely would have succumbed to the despair propaganda and are just mindless killing machines now. She pictured some of her old comrades slaughtering anyone in their sights, including each other. While they were somewhere across the world, she is sure that the infamous mercenary group known as Fenrir was soon to be no more.

The two entered a somewhat uncomfortable silence. Makoto was now standing beside Mukuro, leaning against the door as well. She formed a fist with one hand as the weight of her actions slowly settled in. She has never felt anything while Junko and her orchestrated the Tragedy. She never cared about the killing of the student council, the brainwashing of the 77th class and the mass suicide of the reserve course. She never gave a second thought to the despair that ravaged the world, or the concerns of the class when several of their upper-classmen "disappeared", at least, not until she found out how horrified Makoto had reacted to everything.

Mukuro always knew that Makoto had disliked the idea of killing others, and when he found out about the student council and the disappearances of several upper-classmen, he was horrified. The idea of the council killing each other alone has left him in tears as the pain of friends killing each other stabbed at him, and that was just the beginning of the tragedy. He was furious that someone or something had forced the innocent students to murder each other and also felt guilty on his part for not having potentially done something to prevent it. His reaction has left a scar of guilt within Mukuro, as she had a hand in setting up the first mutual killing game. Surely, Makoto would look at her differently if he found out right?

She looked at her watch again. She was now late by five minutes. She looked over to Makoto with an obligating curiosity to know how he would react to the crimes she had done. Her heart slowly sank deeper as she prepared herself to ask the questions.

"Makoto-kun…"

"Ah! Yes?"

Mukuro's hands bawled into fists as she began.

"The tragedy that's happening, the despair outside…. D-Do you think there's a mastermind out there?"

"You…You're not going to go look for one are you?"

"N-No. But how would you feel, i-if you knew there was a mastermind behind all this?"

"Hmm…. Well, I'd be really mad knowing that there was a single person responsible for all this needless killing…."

Mukuro stiffened.

"… But I would also want to understand why they did this. There has to be a reason."

Her brows furrowed at his answer. He really didn't grasp the concept of despair, but she was also surprised by his answer. While knowing that good-nature was part of Makoto himself, she wasn't expecting him to continue showing that side of him considering everything that happened.

"You've seen it first hand Makoto-kun. There is no logical reason for despair, it just… happens."

"Then I would want to save the mastermind of course. I'm sure that even they must have some form of hope."

"You're….too kind Makoto… Junko would kill you for that.." Mukuro thought. She bit her lips and fought back the tears that threatened to flow out from that thought.

"Then, what if….. the mastermind… was one of us?"

"Wha… HUH? Where is coming from Mukuro?"

"I – Just answer the question…. Please.." She gritted her teeth as she awaited his next answer.

"Erm… Okay…. Uh.. I guess.. I would feel betrayed… and still be upset... But I would still want to save them. After all, we're all friends."

Mukuro again, was surprised by his answer. She never anticipated that even with the betrayal of a close friend, Makoto would still try to help them. There has to be some kind of limit to his good nature. Perhaps it was part of his naïve optimism.

She felt herself fighting a losing battle against the tears that threatened to flow out as she glanced at her watch again. Ten minutes late. If she injected Makoto with the serum now, he would wake up ten minutes later than everyone else. Junko wouldn't be happy, but there was still one more question she needed to ask. It was getting extremely difficult to continue, as part of her doesn't want to hear the answer to the next question, but another part of her needed to confirm his feelings. With a shaky breath, she forced herself to continue:

"Makoto-kun…. W-would you….hate me If I played a part in all this?"

"M-Mukuro! W-Why are you asking this?"

"I – I'm just curious of….. what you think about this Makoto…."

"Look Mukuro, you can just tell me what's wrong! I'll keep it a secret! Promise!"

He placed his hand on her shoulder as he tried to look her in the eyes. However, her blue irises refused to meet his as she needed closure on this issue that has been causing her so much agony.

"… I'll tell you after your answer."

"M-Mukuro I…"

He grabbed both of her fists and held them in his hands as he spoke

"I don't think you're the kind of person to do any of this Mukuro…. You may have killed before as a mercenary, but I cannot see that you would do this without reason… you're just not that kind of person! A-and if you were the mastermind…. I would want to save you too… I don't think it's ever too late to turn back…"

Mukuro closed her eyes as the words hit her, the tears she's been holding back finally started to flow out. She removed her hands from Makoto's and turned away, a feeble attempt to hide the fact that she was crying.

"Mukuro!" He cried in concern. He took a step forward but quickly stopped when he noticed that she took out a syringe from her vest.

"…. I'm sorry Makoto…." She said in a broken voice.

"M-Mukuro? W-What is that? Talk to me…. Please!"

"….I'm sorry Makoto…. I can't… disappoint Junko again…."

"What? W-What does Enoshima-san have to do with this?"

"Makoto…. The killings, the despair, we….. we're the masterminds."

Makoto's eyes widened at the sudden confession. He froze as he tried to process that Junko and Mukuro had started this worldwide despair, this hopeless tragedy. Mukuro turned around, tears flowing from her eyes as she watched Makoto desperately trying to prove her wrong.

"Mukuro… you… that… that's impossible…. Right?"

"I'm sorry Makoto…." She started to approach him with the syringe in hand. Out of fear, Makoto finally broke out of his stupor, and started shuffling backwards.

"M-Mukuro! W-What are you doing? W-Why?"

Mukuro paused as the question hit her. She had to admit that she didn't care about despair, but she had her orders, and disappointing Junko again was not an option. She took a breath to compose herself as she started explaining

"Junko wants to bring despair to the world…. She wants the despair of watching her classmates kill each other…"

Makoto could only stare in horror as he realized this wasn't a joke anymore.

"What?"

"This serum will wipe your memories of the last two years. You will forget that you have ever attended here, waking up to believe it was your first day. Then, out of fear and distrust, Junko will find ways to make you kill each other."

"I don't want to forget you though! You wouldn't want that either!"

"T-There was no other way to spare you from everything Makoto... I did what I could..."

"I...B-But... Why?"

"Like I said, there is no logical reason for despair, and for Junko, it is what defines her as Junko Enoshima."

"B-But why are you doing this?"

"I promised to never leave her side again Makoto... and she also promised that you would be spared from the killing. It is the best I could have done..."

"I… I refuse to believe this! T-There's no way you would do something like this!"

"I – Sorry Makoto, this is for Junko… I-I can't disappoint her again…"

As those words left her lips, Mukuro rushed at Makoto who has now backed into a corner of the classroom. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pressed his body against her as if he would disappear if he slipped out. She closed her eyes, her other hand positioned the needle behind is neck and her tears started falling as soon, Makoto would forget her entire existence. Her only hope in this world was about to abandon her.

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Makoto couldn't move as he's held in the hard grip of the soldier, but he knew one thing: He was still conscious, meaning that there's still hope that he can talk her out of this. He could feel her entire body shaking as she held him against her. It was strangely reminiscent of one of the times where he almost tripped down the stairs and Mukuro held him in a similar way.

"M-Mukuro…"

As she heard her name, she realized that she was still holding the needle just off his skin. She grit her teeth she tried to force her hand to press the syringe into his neck, but instead of complying, her hand just shook more. Underneath her combat gloves, her knuckles glowed white as her grip on the needle tightened in an attempt to regain control and yet, for some unknown reason, she couldn't bring herself to do it. The soldier side of her grew frustrated as she still had not completed her objective, but the other side of her seemed to have taken control of her entire body. She shut her eyes as she tried to find a solution to the conflict inside.

Sensing that Mukuro still hasn't stabbed him yet, he decided to take his chance. He took a breath as he searched for the right words to hopefully convince her to reconsider.

"Mukuro…. I.. I don't know what have you done, but if what you said was true, then it can't be helped."

"I… I didn't know you would be involved…."

"But… I know that you don't want this Mukuro…."

"Junko said this was supposed to feel good…."

"The fact that you're hesitating now… the fact that you still haven't stabbed me with it…."

"I… didn't hesitate with all the others…"

"…Means that there's still a part of you who wants out…"

"Orders can't be disobeyed... Makoto…"

"You can still turn back Mukuro…. We can still fix this…"

"Junko would never forgive me but… I…"

"Mukuro… It's not too late…"

"Why? Why is everything so…. Difficult when it comes to you and Junko?"

"Please Mukuro…. I don't want to forget you…. I..I need you.."

"This is what Junko wanted… She promised to spare him"

"… I'm sorry Makoto!"

"Wha—HMPH"

She pressed her lips into his and at the same time, her hand finally drove the needle into his neck. Her tears fell onto his face and the ground as his eyes widened at the sudden intrusion, feeling the liquid slowly pour into him. He struggled against her hold as the serum began to take effect inside his body. Completing her objectives were supposed to bring a sense of victory, but why did it feel like defeat? His legs slowly started to give out, and Mukuro broke the kiss to look at him. His eyes were desperately blinking and looking around in a struggle to stay awake. When he finally dropped to the floor, she cradled his body and cried out on the floor as agony overwhelmed her.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" She kept repeating as the boy in her arms slowly lost consciousness.

"Muku…ro…please... you…. Can still…turn….."

"Back." Mukuro finished in her head as he finally closed his eyes. She held his head against her chest as his memories are slowly being erased. The thought of him forgetting her existence only brought more despair to the soldier as she continued howling in anguish, holding the only other person she cared for in her arms.

Mukuro has never suffered an injury in all her battles as a soldier, but this would definitely her first. The pain her heart felt, the guilt and regret that's clouding her head, and the despair of her love completely forgetting everything they have done together was worse than any injury she could have suffered from her time in Fenrir.

"This…. This feeling… This has to be despair right Junko? Why then….. Why does it feel so horrible? I.. don't like this Junko…"

When Mukuro finally calmed herself enough to regain her senses, she looked at her watch again. Twenty minutes past the time from when she was originally supposed to have completed her objective. Junko should be finishing up with the headmaster's execution, and Makoto would be waking up twenty minutes later than everyone else.

She picked up the unconscious boy in a bridal carry and walked towards the desk that Makoto always sat in. She gently eased him into his chair, folding his arms onto the desk and resting his head onto them. The sight of Makoto asleep in his seat, somewhere lost in his own world as his memories are taken from him has caused the tears that she thought were no longer possible to start falling again.

"I'm so sorry.." She whispered.

She knelt down to his level and ran a hand through his hair as tears continued to flow down her cheeks. She pressed her face against his and for the last time, pressed a kiss onto his forehead before preparing herself for the next phase of the plan.

"Junko….. were you wrong about despair? I… I don't like this at all Junko….. But everything's going to be alright… I think…. You promised that Makoto would be spared from all this…. Yes… He will be safe…. Everything will be fine…."

…

…

...

...

"But ... I don't want this at all..."

...

...

...

...

Hours later, Makoto Naegi woke up in an empty classroom, wondering why his cheeks were rather itchy and why there was an oddly familiar scent that lingered in the air.