Sharp as a Feather and Soft as a Blade

Chapter 2: "Am I your Cheshire cat?"

Kaneki awoke suddenly, one moment drifting in darkness and the next acutely aware even as his brain struggled to orient his surroundings. The soft buzz of the artificial lighting was abrasive in his ears and the brightness behind his eyelids almost painful. Another moment and he knew he was in the white room, the lab deep in the CCG headquarters. He'd slept without dreaming, which generally meant he had been sedated. The CCG must have put him under while they cleaned up his mess. Yes, he sort of remembered thinking that they would. He even remembered telling Hide that they would drug him, that he could predict the timing because of the slaughter taking place earlier that day. Hide, oh god. Hide was alive! The thought brought a slow, completely spontaneous smile to his mouth.

"So you are awake." A voice over the speaker and not the same one he'd heard before.

"I am." He agreed quietly.

"How do you feel?"

His eyebrow twitched at the question. What an incredibly strange thing for them to ask and what purpose could such an inquiry possibly serve? The ghoul slowly opened his eyes, wincing only a little at the piercing glare from the phosphorescent exam lights on the ceiling. He did not feel as fatigued as he expected to and he was not really in pain. If anything, the sensation was more of a low grade discomfort from being thoroughly and invasively cleaned while he was unconscious. Kaneki could feel where they had scraped the blood out from under his nails and how someone had cleaned between every one of his teeth, where the soles of his feet had been exfoliated and the skin of his anus scrubbed almost raw. Not that being detailed like an expensive car was unusual, they'd done the same thing numerous times before, but he could tell that his body had been touched and, without his knowledge or consent, the sensation was unpleasant.

"I'm very clean, but I would prefer to wash myself." Kaneki replied at last, turning almost languidly to look at the wall that was not really a wall.

"Hahaha! I'm sure!" The voice over the intercom laughed jovially.

"Your people fought and died unnecessarily. I have no intention to harm Hideyoshi Nagachika." Kaneki said, "I'm sorry lives were lost."

"But not sorry enough to avoid doing it in the first place, I note." The voice almost chortled.

"I reacted instinctually. Their intention was not clear to me. I was distracted." He argued coolly.

"So I saw. The question now, of course, it whether or not you intend to cooperate?"

Cooperation implied active participation in whatever it was the CCG was attempting to do and, by definition, one could not actively contribute to something if he or she had no idea what was going on. He wondered if the subtlety of the misnomer was merely overlooked by this newest voice-behind-the-glass or if the word was used intentionally to measure his reaction. In Japanese, the term he used was "ringiseido" and could mean anything from submitting a proposal to joint decision making between equivalent parties. If he wanted to imply forced cooperation, the voice could have used hourensou, which is more often used to mean "frequent reporting to one's superior", but he didn't. Perhaps ringiseido was simply a more habitual part of his lexicon, but Kaneki didn't think so. Perhaps the man just wanted to ascertain if he was paying attention.

"Enjo. Is enjo what you really want?" Kaneki replied softly.

The term 'enjo' still meant cooperation, but now with a more religious overtone, as in giving alms, a resultant force. If he cooperated, it would be because he had to and not for any mutual benefit. In the current situation there was only keeper and kept, no opportunity for an armistice. Kaneki used the word to imply something almost mathematical, an equal and opposite reaction, with the subtle barb of a greater being speaking to one lesser, an alms-giver to a supplicant.

"Ahahaha! You are a sharp one!" The voice cackled, "We appreciate your benevolence, oh great and wise ghoul! Ha! How unusual for an eater of human flesh to be so well-educated. One might even think you're well read, a scholar perhaps…"

"Perhaps I merely repeat what I read, like a trained parrot." Kaneki whispered, closing his eyes and trying to shutter his expression.

"Trained parrots don't choose their responses with such intelligent humor and most ghouls don't read at all, repetition or otherwise. We know you have some academic background, there's no need to be modest."

Shit. He'd given them something and too easily too. If Hide was right, and he usually was, they were looking for information about how he was made, the process behind changing a shy college student into a half-monster freak. Confirming that he really had just been a college student in the first place would no doubt be part of a deeper investigation into what had been done to his body, how Rize's organs came to be inside him. He was tempted to keep talking and that was dangerous. Even a nice, long, achingly arousing chat with Hide seemed insufficient after so many days of silence, but he would have to be careful. Acting recalcitrant or proud would only put Hide in harm's way, but actual helpfulness would bring the CCG closer to Hide's fear. Kaneki would not allow an army of brainwashed, one-eyed ghouls. Nothing as awful, perverse and miserable as himself should ever be made again. He licked his lips, hoping the gesture implied hunger instead of anxiety. He had to allow a friendly rapport, but keep the words empty.

"I'm not modest, just tired." Kaneki said at last, and meant it.

"Indeed, well that is understandable as well. Also a good way to answer a question without answering a question. Touche. In another life, you and I might have liked each other, boy! The irony! Ahahaha!" The voice chortled.

"I'm hungry. Does cooperation mean more food?" He asked, trying to sound interested.

"Don't tell me your ever-delicate appetite was stimulated by your little encounter last night?" The voice replied.

"Fighting makes me hungry. I burn more energy when my adrenaline is up." Kaneki shrugged,

"Ah. Well, food is hardly a problem. We may even have a surplus, especially if you decide to be less than accommodating…" The voice purred.

Without any other preamble, an opening in the wall to his left slid open. The interaction was so direct, so sudden, that for almost a heartbeat Kaneki lay stunned, watching like a startled reptile as a CCG soldier wearing full riot gear and holding an irritable looking Hide sidled into the room. The next moment, his blood was pounding in his ears, vision narrowing, growing brighter. Kaneki bolted upright, eyes locked on where the guard was holding his friend, pinning Hide's right arm up behind his back in a joint lock that appeared both firm and likely painful. Hide's face was placid, but pale, pale with pain. They were hurting him. A low, menacing snarl boiled up from his chest to vibrate out into the air like the quaking thrum of a powerline waiting to explode. The soldier broke into a sweat under his riot mask. Kaneki could see and smell the man's fear, sallow and tangy, mixing unpleasantly with the warm cinnamon and sesame musk of his friend's body. His eyes narrowed.

"Now, now," The voice sang, "Nothing hasty. This is merely a reminder that while you have your claws and spines and your lovely little shell, the young man you so cherish does not. He is much more fragile."

"Hide?" Kaneki hissed.

"I'm alright, stay cool. Stay cool now. I'm fine, so don't worry…"Hide began, smiling casually,

"Let him go." Kaneki snarled, belly tightening, winding like a steel coil.

"Show him." The voice ordered.

There was a moment of stillness and then the sharp crack of bone as Hide screamed shrilly. Kaneki was off the bed, hands and feet hitting the floor simultaneously, darting closer like a wolf spider ready to strike a hapless fly wriggling in its web. The force of the feeling surging through his blood was like lightning, but darker, the killing instinct raging out of control. He couldn't see the injury, but his own hands had been mutilated enough times to know the sound by now, to know that the man holding Hide had just snapped one of his fingers. The man, the thing made of acrid smelling fear and synthetic plating, had hardly even moved and now Hide's bone was broken, one piece now two, broken. The tentacles shifted under his skin and the blood surged hot and furious through his limbs. Hide, his Hide, was being harmed.

Kaneki snarled, feeling his teeth practically thrum with the sound. The fear mingled nauseatingly with the pain of watching Hide go pale, ashen and quiet, shaken by the injury. The kagune unfolded itself from his back, lashing angrily, but freezing in midair as the guard turned slightly to reveal the long knife he had pressed against Hide's vulnerable back.

"Let's remember, friends, that the abdominal aorta lies just to the left of the vertebral column in most people and happens is be generally larger and more fragile than it is up in the chest. One swift jerk and the lovely boy, here, will bleed out in seconds." The voice said, all traces of humor gone.

"You wouldn't…" Kaneki gasped.

"Oh wouldn't I?" The voice replied, almost quizzically.

The ghoul stilled, almost holding his breath. The rage was hard to stem, hard to manage and contain! Kaneki gnashed his teeth, quivering impotently, maintaining only enough self-control to hold his body immobile. A cold sweat broke out over Hide's face and it was all he could do to check the violent motion before it moved to the surface. Instead, the anger, the instinctive and inherently vicious reaction to Hide's pain writhed within, coursing sickeningly through every nerve, thrashing around in his heart like a large and poisonous eel.

"Easy Kaneki, easy now buddy! It's nothing big, nothing as bad as when I broke my toe that summer at the shore. Just a little pain, no biggy…" Hide was saying, licking his lips and trying to smile.

"Quiet." The soldier whispered.

"He's right, of course, a minor injury. Tempting to overreact, I know. Just keep your eye on the knife. Yes, yes, focus on that shiny, shiny knife and let that nice, big, human brain of yours take the lead." The intercom chirped encouragingly.

Kaneki shivered with the effort, crouched against the ground, not yet sane enough to speak. He had to keep still. Fuck, fuck, he was barely holding back. One of Hide's fingers, one of his beloved, gentle, perfect fingers, had been cracked like the shell of a walnut. Cracked like his control, like the fragile pane of human logic holding back the ravenous infuriated beast he had become, like ice over a lake filled with blood, cracking as something dark moved too forcefully in the depths below. It was a sound like that; a sound so visceral, like something a person could feel in his own bones. He wanted to crack the soldier's skull the same way, with the same tone, harmoniously and make it resonate like music with his breaking, splintering, mental fortitude.

"Just think Kaneki, keep thinking. Stay rational. It's all for show, you know it is…" Hide whispered, warm brown eyes locked with his own.

The soldier turned minutely, angling the knife to catch the light, clearly demonstrating the motion he would use to slice into Hide's back. His friend smiled, then winced, and Kaneki felt his neck crack from the tension radiating through his spine alone. For an endless moment, no one moved. He could smell Hide's tangy fear, the bite of cinnamon sharper and burning in his nose like smoke, the sesame barely an undertone. He breathed in, focusing, listening to the pulse of Hide's heart, beating fast, but not unevenly. Kaneki took a breath and let it out. His kagune undulated slowly, moving with a darker emotion, as he gradually rose to stand on two legs. Facing them like a man, like a human, a person, nodding to show Hide he understood.

"Good ghoul, very nice! You're doing splendidly. Pay attention now, it can become much worse if you don't behave." The voice continued.

"Don't." Kaneki managed, eyes burning as he watched the tip of the blade dig into Hide's skin.

"Never fear, never fear darling boy! We don't have to be uncivil. Just produce the Kakuja, show a little good faith, and we'll let this one out of his predicament and into your loving tentacles for a while."

"Hey, Mark. Come on now. Dude, this is seriously not smart. Kaneki gets very excited in situations like this. He gets excited, you know, and the last thing we need is…Ow…" Hide began, but was cut off as the soldier jerked him more firmly into the joint lock.

Kaneki's vision flooded red, the serpentine tension coiling in his kagune finally snapping. The left appendage struck the floor like a steel cable cut free of an immense weight, crushing the tiles with sudden, concussive force. The predatory organ moved, thrashing helplessly, harmlessly, but definitely without his rational control, showering bits of ceramic everywhere. Debris fell around them, clattering as Kaneki struggled, trying to hold the madness in.

"Don't move." The soldier barked.

"Count down from 1000, by seven, just like you always do…" Yamori suggested softly from the screaming in his mind.

"Hide…" He gasped.

"Eat them." Rize cooed.

"He can't help it! He's trying!" Hide shouted, jerking his torso angrily.

The man holding Hide stiffened, jerking the knife, but not enough to kill. Kaneki snapped his jaws, but held himself back, taking the time to analyze the situation. Attacking would solve nothing and the soldier, Hide called him Mark, obviously had no intention of really, permanently harming his cherished one. Mark hadn't cut him, even when his kagune began destroying the floor. No, the man in the riot gear was afraid too. Kaneki knew it. The only one with nothing to fear was the voice on the other side of that wall. He had to think. Hide was right. He was always right. Kaneki took a breath and willed the kagune into perfect stillness. The silence stretched awhile.

"Does the intercom have a name now?" Kaneki asked, turning to face the wall that was not a wall.

"My, my! That sounds so verbal! Have we come to a decision then?" The voice asked.

"Tell him your name! Your name! We're cooperating dammit!" Hide snarled.

"Very well, since you ask so nicely. I am Dr. Riko Shinguya and I am currently tasked with the project of your biologic exploration, shall we say. How do you do?" The man on the other side of the wall said in a pleasant tone.

"Well enough, though I cannot say I am pleased to make your acquaintance." Kaneki replied quietly, his Kagune slithering restlessly around his legs like a quartet of vipers.

"Naturally, you would say that. Hardly any reason to state otherwise, after all and your honesty is actually quite refreshing! Don't worry, I'm not offended."

"Fuck you!" Hide snapped.

"Now, down to business: The kakuja, ghoul. Do it now." Shinguya ordered softly.

Kaneki glanced at Hide again. The other boy's face was ashen beneath the perspiration, his usually warm brown eyes as hard and cool as chips of agate. The ghoul could sense that Hide was trying to decide how he could change the direction of their questioning. He was weighing the benefit of speaking out with the considerable risk that Dr. Riko Shinguya would simply snap and hurt them both, again, with no ground gained. The breathless silence continued, but the intensity of his friend's expression clearly conveyed his opinion about supplying the CCG with any information about Kaneki's body. He felt his kagune stir restlessly, mostly without his will, moving towards Hide despite his conscious intentions. He had to do something.

"I…I don't really know how," The one-eyed ghoul said at last.

"Don't be silly, we've seen you do it before. Many, many, many, many times even since your capture and also before." Shinguya scoffed, sounding distinctly impatient.

"Yes," Kaneki hedged, "It happens, but I don't make it happen."

Their captors considered his words for a heartbeat. The statement wasn't a lie. Despite his strength, which was only won gradually and with tremendous pain training with the murderous rebels of Aogiri Tree, Kaneki knew he was still a very poor liar. No, he wouldn't lie, but that didn't mean he had to tell the whole truth either. The kakuja, the impenetrable exoskeleton that enshrouded him with every truly aggravated attempt to damage his body was not really under his conscious control. He had a vague idea about how to summon the armor, it was the same demand they had been making for weeks, maybe even months, but only in theory.

If Hide was right and the goal behind his torture and captivity was to create more artificial, hybrid ghouls, how could he possibly comply? More unhappy, fractured beings like himself, only without the freedom to choose who they served, was not an eventuality Kaneki was comfortable with. Yet, if he did nothing, they would surely kill Hide.

"Try." Shinguya ordered, "I will give you exactly three attempts before the pretty snack, here, loses that broken finger."

Kaneki opened his mouth to reply, but thought better of it. Instead, he focused inward to where the delicate engine for changing energy into matter was fastened like a leech to his spine. He had no idea what the organ actually looked like, but he could feel it the same way he felt his kidneys: Distantly and only with tremendous focus. He could sense his kagune now, but only after he'd trained his confused, terrified human mind to recognize the tissue. Once aware of where the kagune was in his body, he had been able to feel the appendages move and shift, both reflexively and with his will. The kakuja would probably feel similar, only more rigid perhaps? More brittle? Kaneki grit his teeth and tried to remember what the sensation had felt like the last time his armor appeared, how the plates joined together.

He focused and something stirred, spiny and uncomfortable, wriggling in between the joints of his vertebrae. With the movement of the alien limb came pain and Kaneki felt perspiration bead on his face with the visceral discomfort of his abdominal organs moving to accommodate something else, something trying to…trying to emerge. He groaned, turning carefully towards the wall that was not a wall. He wasn't sure how much he would be able to manifest and Kaneki didn't want to bet Hide's body parts on the notion that he would be able to produce the entire centipede with the armor on his first real attempt. The ghoul slowly began lifting his shirt, trying to reveal the area of his back that was rippling, moving with the expansion of foreign flesh, without losing focus. There was an abrupt release of the pressure building beneath his skin and Kaneki practically sobbed with relief as the warm segments thrust from his body and out into the chilly air.

"Not enough. Only the tips are visible. That is your first attempt." Shinguya said coldly.

"I've never done this before." Kaneki whispered, afraid.

"It's hurting him! Stop it! Assholes!" Hide shouted, stomping uselessly on the soldiers' booted foot.

"Stay still, boy." The man snapped.

"Your beloved monster has survived much worse, I assure you, Nagachika-san." Shinguya chuckled.

"Let me go to him! Let me help, you sadistic pricks!" Hide snarled.

"Kaneki Ken, the One Eyed Ghoul. You are not a beasty to be trifled with and I realize that manipulation of an organ that is not necessarily yours does represent some challenges. The question then becomes: How much investment do you have in that little finger, hmmm?" Shinguya's amused voice resonated from the intercom.

A sharp spear of panic lanced through Kaneki's heart, chased by the still-molten rage he had struggled to contain since Hide was brought into the room. The anger was good, helpful in a way that the fear and desperation hadn't been before. Every time the kakuja manifested before, it was in the setting of impending death, imminent dismemberment or blinding wrath. Of the triggers, the wrath was obviously much easier to control, at least consciously. Kaneki allowed the searing fury to flood through him now, focusing the feeling down low, into his back where a new and terrible strength crouched like a parasite in his body. A sound, more like a snake hissing than anything human issued out of his throat and the articulated plates of the centipede-like weapon slid more fully out of his back.

The kakuja came, inch by slickened inch, forced free from his trembling flesh just beside the stem of his kagune. The movement of the armored segments felt more mechanical than the slick grace of Rize's tentacles and the appendage was heavier overall; a club instead of a lash. With a grunt, he felt the muscular weight of the arachnoid sections tug uncomfortably on the joints in his back and allowed the limb to hit the floor with a dull, almost metallic sound. The eerie scratching of the endless, slender claws scrabbling on the ruined tiles of the floor was almost enough to turn his stomach, but Kaneki refused to shy away in shame. As ugly as the new and awful thing he became was, he needed it to help Hide.

The weapon wasn't the armor and he could guess enough to know that it wasn't exactly what they wanted, but perhaps it was enough. The spines on the segmented limb moved and he could feel them, almost like fingers, but larger and much, much, much more numerous. Almost too numerous to understand, but dexterous, and he could sense how they wriggled and how the claws might slice into prey. Deeper, in the dark currents of his psyche, he felt that he could go farther too. He sensed the way his armor might fully form, how it might creep over his body and face to form an impenetrable shell. He could sense the potential of the action much the same way one would feel how to strike a tennis ball with a racket without actually performing the motion.

"Yes, learn it, feel it," Rize whispered with not-quite-sisterly warmth, "But don't show them all your tricks on the first date."

"Ah, hmmm, yes. That would be forward." Kaneki agreed, nodding.

"Fascinating!" Shinguya chirped.

"Always better to be coy. Play hard to get!" The echoes of the female ghoul's mind chimed in his own, almost loud enough that he was sure the others could hear her.

"Can't…be…too eager…" He choked, the dry laugh rasping out into the air.

"Kaneki?" Hide asked, voice small with worry.

Kaneki blinked, realized that his lips were pulled back in something like a snarl, and slowly composed his face. Yes, Hide was there. All of this, the centipede and everything, was for Hide. Like plunging into cold water, the ghoul returned to the moment, to his precious friend's frightened eyes and the long knife held against his back. Kaneki shivered, unnerved at how close Rize had seemed, how close the echoes of his madness could come to the surface, so close even when he was awake and amply occupied. Yamori chuckled, the voice stirring languidly in his overwrought brain and Kaneki's teeth practically chattered.

"Count back, starting with a thousand, do it now. Don't let things slip." Yamori whispered.

"Kaneki, are you okay?" Hide asked again, looking harried.

He nodded and tried to smile, without teeth, or thought he did. He may have simply grimaced. It was so hard to know what motions, what gestures or thoughts or words, were actually real and which were the mere reflections of his internal drama. He couldn't tell if the smile was his smile or Rize's or Yamori's or just the reflexive facial spasm of an anxious beast. Oh, the madness was close! He was too angry, too stressed and on edge. The centipede-thing would have to be sufficient. Hopefully, a creepy new body part would be enough to intrigue them and not enough to help with their plans.

In any case, Kaneki was at his limit. Any more ire or weaponry, and he risked losing control and simply exploding, losing himself to the others, annihilating everyone in sight, Hide included. The thought of accidentally killing Hide, of harming him at all, shook the half-ghoul from the pulsing fugue of his rage and he stumbled, legs suddenly weak. His body ached everywhere and he was panting with the strain of simply holding all five additional limbs upright. The feeling was familiar, something Ayato attributed to a kind of unfamiliarity with the predatory organs, the pain of trying to use a limb one wasn't born with, moving muscle never conditioned before. He groaned, suddenly feeling shackled by the sheer weight of his new and much more ungainly 'arm' as whatever boiling resentment was left over in his mind gradually evaporated into a feeling much closer to frantic anxiety. With an almost feline undulation of his back, the ghoul pulled the crackling segments of his centipede appendage back into his skin, folding the spines in harmlessly to avoid lacerating his own flesh. Once again, his spine felt uncomfortably full with the sharp, rigid plates of it, his ribs aching, and then the kakuja, or perhaps it was simply another kagune, was gone.

OoOoOoO

Hide was proud that he'd managed to avoid screaming when Mark broke his finger, though part of his supposed stoicism was simply because he was fully occupied with staying conscious. Broken bones, no matter how small, hurt and the darkness lapping at the edges of his vision for several minutes afterwards was very real. Passing out was not a good idea, not now, not with so many chances for everything to go south in a hurry. Kaneki was not a naturally aggressive person, but he was protective, very, deeply, horribly protective. Protectiveness was an essential part of his being, sort of like water being an essential part of ice, and it was much easier to imagine Kaneki flying off the handle when a friend was threatened rather than just himself. Hide was also willing to bet that his new instincts as a ghoul would only sharpen the risk, make control more elusive, blunting his logic and making a tragedy almost inevitable.

So Hide took deep breathes through his nose and let Mark hold him up as much as the man was holding him back until the pulsing blackness receded from his vision. Even with the tone he was using, Hide could feel Mark tense and tremble any time Kaneki moved, especially when he moved the kagune. The man was a single misplaced twitch away from doing something stupid and Kaneki probably even closer. He needed to be able to talk the ghoul down, to keep some semblance of control. Without his conscious reassurance, the CCG would only make his friend more upset, upset enough to get someone killed and that someone could easily be Kaneki himself. The last thing Hide wanted was to bear witness to his precious friend turning into a corpse, crackling into blackened nothingness as the CCG electrocuted him to death in a vain attempt to save their own, manipulative asses.

Hide shook his head angrily. He should have known they would pull something ugly like this. He should have warned Kaneki somehow, but everyone was acting normally until the last minute and he was just too relieved to be suspicious. After talking the night before, Hide was worried that he might have to wait days, maybe even weeks, before seeing Kaneki again. When they came to bring him back to the white room for another visit, he followed as meekly as he could and didn't risk asking questions.

Truthfully, he was so occupied thinking about Kaneki, about the way it would feel to touch him again and if they would kiss, that he was basically oblivious until Mark grabbed him. In the small alcove that was almost like an antechamber between the multiple sets of doors leading to the clean-room currently employed as Kaneki's cell, there wasn't enough room to escape a joint lock. Even if he had room to squirm, Hide wasn't trained and Mark was, after all, a professional. Until today, Hide would have counted Mark as one of his more preferred CCG guard dogs. The man was friendly, less robotic and cold than Akira or Amon, and he liked to talk about his kids.

How much of a jerk could someone really be with that many pictures of three little girls using him as their model for makeup and glitter? Apparently, Hide thought wryly, quite a damn bit. Despite how totally ridiculous the orders were, how awful and unreasonable and just plain stupid, Mark never wavered. Hide only felt him relax when Kaneki pulled the kakuja back into his body and slumped against the raised platform, apparently exhausted.

"Haven't you had enough?! Isn't it enough!?" Hide shouted, glaring at the upper corner of the wall where the voice through the intercom was loudest.

"I suppose it will be sufficient, for now." Shinguya replied with a sigh, sounding resigned.

"Sir?"

"Let him go. A promise is a promise." The mad scientist sighed again.

"Like that means anything to you people!" Hide shook his head, the tears stinging his eyes from frustration alone.

Mark released him from the joint lock, softly, so that the sudden lack of support didn't just send Hide tumbling to the ground onto his face. On another day, he would have appreciated the small gesture of kindness, but not today, not with Kaneki looking at him with his mismatched eyes filled with equal parts terror and madness. Today, anyone who made Kaneki's pain more unbearable was an enemy and not even one he could pretend to like. Hide moved towards the ghoul only to find his wrist still clutched in the solid shackle of Mark's gloved hand. He glanced up at the man.

"Don't go," Mark whispered.

"They promised." Hide hissed.

Mark flinched at the sound, not enough to see, just enough to feel through the glove around his wrist. Hide met the soft grey eyes, earnest and filled with concern over the rim of the man's helmet, and felt his face twist into a sneer. The CCG were all the same, all so fucking self-righteous in the end, saving the world one unfortunately necessary sacrifice at a time. What a damn joke. At least the ghouls he knew accepted that they were predators; eternally on the wrong side of karma and damned to stay there. The agents of the CCG were nothing more than a bunch of nicely dressed wolves walking around and trying to convince each other that they were just extra-protective sheep. For once, Hide couldn't manage a smile for the sake of keeping one more bridge from burning.

"No one said you had to," Mark said softly, hesitating, "I can take you back to your room."

"He needs me. Let me go." Hide snarled.

"I know you think he's your friend, but he's a ghoul…He's dangerous." Mark said softly.

"Not as dangerous as you are, apparently." Hide spat, "He wasn't the one threatening to break my fingers off."

Mark looked away, the subtle gesture of shame somewhat ruined by the riot gear. He clung to Hide's wrist almost obstinately, but not tightly. Hide allowed it, though he wanted nothing more than to slap the man across the face as hard as he could, the tension and sheer callousness of everything making him sharp-tongued and tense. Fighting against him was worthless, though, at least fighting physically, a fact proven more than abundantly already today. He had no natural weapons, no kagune to be both a sword and a shield. The only thing in Hide's arsenal was his intelligence, and perhaps his privileged position as a human captive, with cushier bedding and lighter security. Any battle he won would be done so with a smile and a lie, but right now it just felt too wrong.

Hide couldn't help struggling when they forced Kaneki to manifest the kakuja, something he had never done before, on the spot. All of it was just too cruel. He also couldn't help the small grunt of discomfort as his other hand, the injured one, moved up to pry Mark's fingers off of his wrist. On the third digit he was feeling faint with the pain, his broken finger aching horribly, but his hand kept moving anyway, moving those iron fingers one damn inch at a time. Mark was a stubborn bastard, he decided, and permanently on his shit list for this.

"Hide, go with him." Kaneki whispered, his voice low with warning.

"I won't!" Hide fumed, finally shaking free of Mark's grasp.

"He's right, it isn't safe here for you here," Kaneki said, hiding his eyes behind the white curtain of his hair.

The indignant fury bubbled up in his chest again, but he was so tired of having the same damn argument with Kaneki over and over again, not to mention that yelling when his friend already looked so defeated was too painful. The ghoul was leaning against the platform, obviously exhausted and looking less like a hunting cobra and more like a tomato vine that someone forgot to water and was now wilted in the sun. Of the two images, Hide found that he much preferred the snake. Seeing Kaneki angry was scary, his kagune lashing and ripping up the floor was scary, but seeing him like this made Hide's soul hurt from the inside out. They'd both been through enough ugliness for one day. So, instead of shouting, instead of saying anything at all, Hide simply walked to his friend, stepping delicately over the rubble on the floor, moving into the other man's space as easily as breathing. He sat on the platform, one hip pressed against his friend's elbow. The posture felt familiar, just the way they used to arrange themselves in high school when Kaneki came to watch his soccer practices, leaning on the bleachers in a vain effort to hide from the bigger boys while Hide sat on the bench.

The mismatched eyes flicked up to meet him, the dark one already fading from a ruby lantern on a starless night to the soft slate black of his more human appearance. Those eyes, filled to the brim with too many feelings, emotions both familiar and bizarre, felt like looking into a whirlpool these days. Hide felt that Kaneki could pull him in with that gaze, charm him to death like a mermaid taking a hapless sailor. Perhaps they would both drown. It was sort of romantic in a fucked up kind of way and Hide felt a wry smile split his face at the notion. Thank god ghouldom didn't come with telepathy, he thought, or Kaneki would know what he was pondering and go on to call the whole idea something like a gothic cliché done backwards. He'd still probably have the nerve to cite books that used the device well and those that couldn't quite pull it off too, which was too much even at the best of times. No one could nullify passion with academia like Kaneki, Hide thought with a laugh.

"How can you laugh, even now, even with your hand…"Kaneki whispered, shaking his head.

"The world is ridiculous and my brain is a very strange place. Of course I have to laugh!" Hide chuckled.

Kaneki peered at him and Hide had the distinct impression that he was smelling him as well, searching for some other odor. The ghoul nodded a bit to himself and moved a little closer.

"I thought they might have drugged you." He said.

"Moron." Hide chided.

With a huff of air that was not quite a laugh, he surged closer and pulled the ghoul into his arms. Still lightly built, maybe even petite, the other man was like molten iron in his arms, flexible, but shockingly heavier than he ever was as a human. Even with the change, it felt so viscerally wonderful to finally hold him, to feel Kaneki's heartbeat thumping against his own skin. His injured finger sent a warning spear of pain from his hand to his arm, but Hide's vision remained steady enough and the pain was more distant now. He could hear Mark suck in a breath and Kaneki's breathing caught too, pausing for a moment before the familiar girders of the other man's arms circled his shoulders. The feel of him was deceptively substantial, like a charm made of granite, something that looks delicate, but is actually very dense. Hide let out a sigh of relief and buried his nose in Kaneki's hair, feeling the first hot tears drip from the ghoul's eyes to fall against his cheek.

"Kaneki…" Hide breathed, not entirely sure what he wanted to say.

"Oh…oh shit, Hide…I was so scared…" Kaneki whispered in a soft rush, almost sounding like himself again.

"It's okay, okay, everything is okay. Shhh, it's okay, nothing much happened you know," He laughed reflexively, the adrenaline still darting through his body in shaking little bursts of anxious energy.

"You saw it, but that isn't even the worst of it. Aren't you frightened?" Kaneki asked in a small voice.

" 'How fine you look when dressed in rage. Your enemies are fortunate your condition is not permanent. You're lucky, too. Red eyes suit so few.' " Hide quoted, smiling.

"Am I your Cheshire cat, Alice?" Kaneki asked, his face gentling as he recognized the words.

"Probably. You can't be Alice, you're too much of a top, and you do have an unnerving habit of disappearing." Hide sighed, a bit theatrically.

Kaneki's breath hitched and he sobbed in earnest, shoulders shaking. Hide swallowed as the ache in his chest expanded, filling his thrumming bones with a deeper kind of pain, something worse than any broken bone. He hadn't really seen Kaneki cry like this since his mother passed away. In another moment, he was crying too, the stress releasing through tears into the rabbit pelt softness of Kaneki's hair.

They stayed that way, locked together in an embrace too desperate and chaste to be anything other than fraternal, sharing comfort through simple touch alone. Mark exited the space with a small hiss of air and the squeak of meticulously maintained combat boots and Hide felt an ounce of tension come out of his neck once the man was gone. Fucking Mark; he was never going to speak to him again. His eyes flicked over to the far wall, leveling his best death-glare at the sadistic bastard he knew was still watching from behind the glass. Hide privately hoped that someday he could watch Kaneki eat Dr. Riko Shinguya, one little bite at a time, but eating trash like that would probably just give him indigestion.

"This is my fault," Kaneki whispered miserably.

"No, asshole," Hide chuckled, "The only reason we're in here is because I got hurt."

"I thought they would kill you if I didn't do it, I'm sorry." The words were barely perceptible.

"You did perfect. It looked hard."

"It is. It hurts," Kaneki sighed, "But not as much as watching them break you."

"They won't break me. They can't. They need me to make you do stuff." Hide replied with a shiver he couldn't quite suppress.

"Hide…"

The ghoul was probably going to ask a question, or maybe just make another vain attempt at pushing him away again, but Hide never gave Kaneki the chance. He tilted his head and lifted the other man's chin, pressing his lips against the trembling dampness of his best friend's mouth once again. Kaneki was the perfect height to kiss, tall enough that he didn't need to stoop, but just short enough to make the angle sweet and easy. Hide groaned at the feeling as the soft, cool skin moved beneath his lips. The tears there tasted salty, but a bit metallic too, as if the water was tinged with just a hint of blood. Maybe Kaneki cut his mouth during the fighting the night before, or maybe his changed eye wept a little blood along with the saline tears. In any case, Hide was not turned off by the taste. If anything, this kiss was even more arousing than the last. He had a chance to think about how Kaneki felt and tasted, the thrilling flutter of the other man's heart against his chest and the muscular slimness of his waist. He was slender and pretty and even without the swell of hips to rest his hands or the press of breasts against his chest, Hide couldn't get enough of him.

The ghoul's response was soft at first, hands clenched in his shirt, leaning into his arms with lips soft and a little awkward, kisses moving over Hide's mouth with thoughtless sensuality, so like every other virgin he had dated. Hide missed the press and force of his friend's more dominant responses, but it was nice just to take a little time and kiss Kaneki the way he would a girl, to feel a modicum of control. The sensation was almost nostalgic. The ghoul pressed a soft, slow kiss against him, tongue tentatively stroking the seam of his lips. He responded in kind brushing, sucking gently, teasing Kaneki's mouth with the tip of his tongue.

A more submissive lover would have opened their lips, but Kaneki met him stroke for stroke instead, capturing Hide's mouth and angling against him with his jaw for another ounce of leverage. The ghoul's hand drifted to cup his jaw, granite fingers rubbing maddening little circles into the joint of his mandible and behind his left ear. Hide moved a hand lower, cupping the firm rise of Kaneki's buttock through the thin cloth of his hospital clothes, wondering how the flesh would feel with nothing in the way. So hard, powerful and yet round, pleasing, but very different from any girl. He moaned at the sensation and kneaded the muscle there, feeling a surge of desire as Kaneki arched his spine to press back into his grasp.

They moved, messily, the saliva slick and warm between their mouths. Kaneki nibbled his lips, his chin and lower, moaning softly as Hide pressed him with his hip, allowing himself to be pushed, maneuvered against the platform. There was a blush rising over the pale planes of Kaneki's cheeks, pink and lovely like a raspberry ripening in the sun. Hide could feel his own face warming as the roiling pleasure intensified and transformed into a sensual ache in the hardening flesh between his legs. He moved closer, flush with Kaneki, threading a thigh between his friend's legs to feel the rigid column of his sex. The ghoul's breath caught, one hand splayed against Hide's chest as he gasped for air. The feel of his masculinity was startling, enough that Hide almost froze, knowing he probably would have with any other man, with any other body even a fraction less familiar. However, it was Kaneki in his arms, the one person he knew better than any other, and simply knowing that Kaneki was also aroused was enough to be fully erect made him dizzy with desire.

Almost as one, the two men undulated against each other, the blessed friction barely tolerable where their bodies met. The ghoul moaned, the sound startled, almost feminine in intensity. Hide rocked against him, the slender hardness of Kaneki's leg quivering against the hot, electric sensitivity of his own intimate body. The first pearls of moisture were leaking from his penis, the small release hardly enough to ease the swollen need in his body, but more than sufficient to wet his tingling skin and make it burn. Hide could feel the fluid on the front of his shitty hospital scrub pants, providing heat without lubrication, making the place where he was pressed to Kaneki's leg almost embarrassingly warm.

He wondered idly if Kaneki's precum would also taste faintly bloody, like his tears, or just like musky sex. He wanted to know. He wanted to try. God, how could another male feel so fucking good? Hide moved his other hand down to meet the first, holding Kaneki's ass, crushing the ghoul tight against his body with real strength. For a moment he hesitated, the ingrained restraint stilling his eager fingers before pleasure could turn to pain, but the body in his arms was no fragile girl or even another human man who would suffer for his roughness. No, it was Kaneki, his Kaneki, a predatory being made of steel wire and molten emotion. He could grip him, hold him, pull or push him as much as he wanted now and all without fear.

The thought was enough to make Hide's pulse pound in his ears, enough to make him fill his hands with supple muscle and squeeze until his fingers ached, enough bite at the pale throat beneath his lips and oh! The feel of him! Like living marble, he was so cool and smooth. Hide moaned, the sound vibrating into the seams between them, relishing the texture of the smooth skin between his teeth as Kaneki hissed with barely restrained pleasure. He didn't even pause to worry. Hide knew he could take it; knew he could take everything and more, no need to worry about fingerprint bruises on that smooth, white, perfect body.

Kaneki's hand was sliding down his chest, the black tipped fingers tripping lightly over every muscle, pausing only once he reached the waistband of Hide's pants. There was a moment of quivering stillness, a hint of hesitation, and then Hide felt the sharp tug as Kaneki captured a bit of his shirt in his teeth and tugged. The gesture was a mirror of his own, but with that special brand of caution and gentleness that could only come from Kaneki; a sweetness that only he could ever really possess.

"I want to touch you." The ghoul whispered, his left hand drifting lower as well, pressing the small of Hide's back in gentle suggestion.

"Then do." Hide gasped.