This Student Life

Tsuna was sitting on the toilet with a textbook on his lap, seriously considering turning its pages into toilet paper when his mother knocked on the door. With genuine worry in her tone – bless her soul– she was going about with her half-hourly checks to make sure he hadn't frozen to death whilst camping inside the bathroom in nothing but his birthday suit.

"I'm coming!" the brunet yelled back, almost dropping the one thousand, four hundred and twenty-nine page monstrosity as he found his discarded boxers and hurriedly pulled them up. Peering through the mirror by the sink, he saw the thing – reflection - on the other side: a lifeless creature with pallid skin, bruise-like rings under the eyes and greasy hair that hadn't been brushed since last week. His armpits were unshaven and sticky too, from nervous sweat despite the chilly winter, and he could smell the funky odour filling up the bathroom.

And it wasn't just from the sweat.

He quickly wiped himself clean, hoping his mother wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary, and opened the door just a crack.

"Ah, there you are, Tsu-kun!" she quipped with ever-startling brightness. She clasped her hands together and leaned forward, delighted that he was indeed still alive. "You were taking a long time and Mama was getting worried!"

"I was having stress diarrhoea," Tsuna deadpanned, hiding his hands behind his back. And absolutely nothing else, he added in his head.

Suddenly the door flew backwards, sending him sprawling across the frigid tiles in a mess of limbs. For a moment he simply lay there, seeing stars, thinking he'd finally kicked the bucket. Then he was enveloped in pain from the impact and he thought he was dying instead – a short step away from actual death.

"Tsu-kun! Noooo Tsu-kun!"

Damn. If he died, his mother would be upset.

With a deep sigh, he peeled himself off the floor and lifted his head, glaring at the now fully ajar door. His mother rushed over to help him up, her eyebrows furrowed and her hand over her mouth in shock.

And behind her…

"I am the home tutor Reborn," a high-pitched voice greeted forebodingly from the shadows. "I will be instructing you from now on, Tsuna."

The brunet rubbed his eyes and cocked his head to the side questioningly.

An infant, about the size of his textbook, wearing a suit and a snazzy fedora leapt into his line of sight. He had the evillest black eyes Tsuna had ever seen, ones that sent a shiver down his spine. By pure survival instinct, the brunet scrambled to his feet and backed away.

"Mum," he said in a low voice, "Why is there a baby in our house?"

Sawada Nana beamed, holding up a piece of thin glossy paper. "I found an interesting flyer in the mailbox this morning, Tsu-kun! It says, 'I will train your child to be a leader of the next generation. I am very good-looking and will tutor twenty-four hours a day in return for food and board.' I know you're struggling with university, so I called them back immediately! Isn't this great?"

"I'd hope the tutor would be a babe, but definitely not a literal baby." He rubbed his eyes and sighed. "That hurts, mum. Are you implying that my intelligence is below that of a child's? I don't need a baby to-OW!"

A flying kick to the face sent him crashing onto the bathroom floor for the second time. The infant moved close to him, onyx eyes glinting with murderous intent. "Would you like to repeat that, No-Good Tsuna?"

"…Nope," Tsuna groaned, slumping onto the tiles. He didn't even bother getting up. He didn't ever want to get up. He wanted to sink into the floor, preferably all the way to hell.

Fuck his exams.

The weird infant-but-not-infant paced around, appraising him. Tsuna hugged his textbook, suddenly feeling over-exposed. Well, it wasn't like there was anything to look at – if he had a decent body he would've became a stripper long ago because that sounded a lot more promising than studying some bullshit degree. Horny but filthy rich people could pay bucket loads, while internships merely offered passion pay.

Reborn didn't appear impressed with his reaction at all. The brunet yelled in agony as a tiny foot pressed down the small of his back, crushing his bones and internal organs. Somewhere at the back of his head, he wondered if the infant was even human.

"Get dressed, No-Good Tsuna or you will be late for your exams."

"Nooooooo."

And then Reborn was there, his creepy onyx eyes filling Tsuna's entire vision and making the brunet's heart skip. Heat spread across his cheeks when he realised just how close he was. He could feel the tips their noses touching, and the infant's warm breath kiss his lips –

He stiffened.

Reborn abruptly pulled back, a wicked grin on his face. Tsuna was left breathless and wondering what the fuck had just happened and just how wrong it was –

The infant parted his lips, the smirk widening. "And if you don't arrive on time, No-Good Tsuna," he said in a low voice that sent hairs bristling at the back of his neck, "I will tell Mama exactly what you were doing in the bathroom for hours."

Tsuna had the feeling Reborn knew. He was facing the devil in human form. So he promptly clamped his jaw shut and obeyed.

"There's this international student in my lectures and tutorials who is utterly insane," Tsuna complained to Reborn later that day. "He's one of those over-achievers who never stops asking questions and argues with the lecturers until they're rendered speechless. During today's exam, he kept requesting more writing booklets when I couldn't even fill up my first one. Oh, and he stole another one of my pens. How anyone can bullshit more than three pages about Japan's foreign policy?"

They were back at Tsuna's house, snacking on whatever was left in his pantry to 'celebrate the end of finals'. His mother had gone shopping, and Reborn was reading some articles on his tablet. Now that he suddenly had heaps of free time, Tsuna considered being a model son and helping his mother clean the house. Perhaps after a long, steamy shower and some hot noodles.

He opened a cupboard and grinned triumphantly when he found what he had been searching for. "Coffee?"

Reborn glanced up. "It better be the best coffee I've ever tasted, or you're dead."

The brunet pretended to not notice the warning in his tone. "Okay then, I hope you don't mind instant coffee." He opened a packet and poured the contents directly into his mouth. He bent over and gagged, his face turning red. "B-Bitter!"

Reborn watched him with disgust.

Well, the coffee was some expensive brand that could only be purchased in Europe, so Tsuna was totally fine with it. It couldn't be helped that it failed to suit his new…tutor's tastes.

"Speaking of which," Tsuna said casually, turning on the kettle, "Why are you in my house again?"

The answer was instant and absolute. "I'm here to train you to become a mafia boss."

"I better hope it's the Vongola Family, then. Being a mafia boss sounds a lot more attractive than working at a fast food restaurant – or worse, being unemployed – for the rest of my life."

That seemed to pique Reborn's interest. "You know of the Vongola?"

"You'll be surprised at how much random shit I know." He shrugged. "I like to read a lot of articles on the internet when I'm procrastinating from studying."

The annoying smirk returned. "Excellent. You are next in line to succeed the Vongola Family. So, I'm here to train you to be the next boss."

There was the sound of a key turning and Tsuna's mother emerged from the front door, carrying several shopping bags. The brunet moved to help her, bracing himself for the three questions she asked him every afternoon.

"How was your day, Tsu-kun?"

"Fiiiiiine, mum."

"How was uni?"

"Gooooooood."

"Did you see your friend today?"

Reborn immediately raised an eyebrow. "Tsuna has friends?"

"Oh Reborn-chan, Tsu-kun talks about Gokudera-kun a lot! The handsome exchange student from Italy! They attend the same classes so it's no wonder they became close friends!"

Tsuna returned a smile that was painfully forced. "Yeeeeeeah he's doing fine. He was…happy to see me as usual."

"That's wonderful! You should invite him over to our home! Any friend of Tsu-kun's is welcome here!"

When his mother moved out of earshot, Tsuna leaned close to the infant and hissed into his ear, "I definitely don't have friends. But it'll break her heart if she finds out the truth."

"Oh?"

He sighed. "But for some dumb reason, Gokudera thinks we're friends. Apparently accepting my pens was a sign of our bonding." His eyes widened and he gripped the edge of the table intensely. "Oh my god. You won't believe what he said to me today."

Tsuna burst out laughing, and Reborn could see the cheekiness glittering in his eyes. "He said he wanted to be my right hand. To help me feel better about the exams."

Reborn raised an eyebrow. "So?"

"I said I didn't swing that way and told him to shove a stick of dynamite up his ass. And then explode."

"Explode?" his mother echoed, appearing genuinely concerned. "Isn't that dangerous?"

The brunet stretched his arms behind his head and smirked devilishly. "Well I guess it'd leave him all raw and writhing between the sheets in agony."

The infant smacked a palm across his own forehead while his mother asked whether she should call the ambulance.

"Is he always like this?" Reborn asked his mother. "With these terrible…innuendos?"

An innocent smile. A clueless expression. "Why, Tsu-kun likes to joke a lot!"

Tsuna winked right back at Reborn and blew at one of his curly sideburns. "Welcome to my student life, kid."