Day 12 – First Christmas

"Merry Christmas," Barry said, attempting a smile as he sat down in the cortex next to Caitlin. She looked up at him, lips pursed.

"Are you okay?" she asked, swiveling so her chair was facing him instead of the computer desk.

"Well, I just got beaten half to death by the man who killed my mother," he said glumly. "Are you okay?"

"Well, my supposed-to-be-dead fiancé saved you from getting killed," she responded, chuckling bitterly. Barry sighed.

"I should've been faster," he said, rubbing his temples and cringing. His face was pretty banged up. Caitlin looked at him with concern.

"You're bleeding," she said, standing up and walking over to her lab area.

"I'm fine, Caitlin," he assured her, but she still kept walking. He sunk further into his swiveling chair.

"Here," she said, sitting down and scooting closer to him. She took a disinfectant wipe and dabbed his cheek, making him flinch ever-so-slightly. "Sorry," she muttered, before applying a small bandage to his cut.

"Thank you," he said, smiling.

"No problem," she said, trying to smile back. He wished she would smile more. She had such a pretty smile.

"Thanks for always patching me up," he added, not wanting to sit in awkward silence.

"Of course. That's what I'm here for, after all," she responded, slightly bitter. She seemed to be in quite a bitter mood tonight, not that he could blame her.

"Hey, come on, you're not just… my nurse or something," he said.

"I was for 9 months," she said, typing away on her keyboard a little bit too aggressively. Barry bit his lip. There were a few moments of the awkward silence he dreaded so much. "I'm sorry."

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, turning towards him yet again. "That was rude."

"I'm sorry you had to be my nurse for 9 months," he said, somewhat jokingly. He got a small laugh out of her.

"It wasn't that bad. Not much happened," she admitted, smiling at him.

"But uh… yeah… you're not just my nurse," he continued. She looked at him inquisitively. "You're my friend. My really good friend." She smiled, her cheeks tinting red.

"Thanks," she said quietly. "You're my… really good friend too." The pair sat there for a few moments, eyes darting around the room randomly. It wasn't awkward, per se, they just weren't sure where to go from there. Surprisingly, it was Caitlin who made the next move.

She stood up from her chair and wrapped her arms around Barry, making him jump slightly. He returned the hug, smiling into her shoulder. She tightened her grip, and Barry could feel her tremble slightly. He pulled away, eyeing her concernedly.

"Caitlin? What's wrong?" he asked, still holding onto her shoulders. She sniffled, blinking a few tears out of her eyes.

"I um… Ronnie… I just wasn't…" she trailed off, voice shaking. Barry pulled her closer, rubbing her back comfortingly. They sat there, hugging each other for a while.

Barry felt a little awkward; their embrace seemed more than friendly, but she needed comfort and he needed to be there for her. That's what friends were for.

Caitlin felt vulnerable and exposed. She hated feeling that way. That was something she'd reserved for Ronnie. Only he should be able to see her like this. But he was dead. Or was he? Maybe he was…

This was precisely the reason she was opening up to Barry. She was so confused and emotionally distraught about all of it. Well, that and the fact that she was quite fond of Barry. Maybe a little too fond.

Stop it, you're engaged her inner voice reprimanded her.

Were engaged… he's dead her other inner voice added.

But is he dead? Yet another inner voice continued.

"Stop it," she said suddenly, making Barry jump back in surprise. He let go of her and scooted backwards.

"I uh... sorry, I didn't realize…"

"No, I wasn't… I was talking to myself," she admitted in embarrassment.

"Oh… uh… why were you telling yourself to stop? If you don't mind my asking," he said.

"I was just overthinking things," she said, doing her best to be vague.

"Okay," he said. "Well if you… want to talk about it, I'm here."

"Thank you," she said, smiling.

"And not just like… right now, right here. Like I mean I'm here for you. But not like I'm here in this lab just for you, but not like um… I can be there for you whenever you need me. Not that you need me… in your life… er… Please feel free to stop me whenever you want." Caitlin giggled. His Felicity-esque rambling was quite adorable.

"I do need you in my life," she said, surprising him. "Where would I be without the Flash?"

"Where would the Flash be without his doctor?"

"I thought I was your nurse," she joked, standing up and picking her jacket up off of the back of her chair.

"Don't sell yourself short," he said, standing up with her. She smiled as she put the warm jacket on. "You heading out?" he asked, grabbing his own jacket.

"Yeah," she said.

"Mind if I walk you out?"

"Not at all," she said, smiling. The pair walked out of the cortex and down the hallway, footsteps echoing throughout the quiet facility. The silence wasn't eerie, it was peaceful. Peaceful as silence should be during the Christmas time. It was warm, inviting, welcoming. Both of the pair quite enjoyed it.

They indulged in their mutual silence on the elevator trip, and out into the parking lot. Before they reached Caitlin's car, snow began falling. Barry's face lit up, and Caitlin smiled even wider. The pair froze in the nearly-empty lot, looking up and admiring the sight above them. It was beautiful. It was Christmas.

"Barry," Caitlin said quietly. Barry looked at her.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to… go for a walk?" she asked, seeming nervous. His large smile somehow widened even further.

"Yes," he said simply, gesturing for her to lead the way. She began walking.

The two of them strolled around the city, unsure of where exactly they were going. They walked past brightly-lit office buildings, happy couples sharing kisses under mistletoe, families drinking hot chocolate, quaintly-decorated toy stores and coffee shops; everything one would expect to see around this time of year.

The air was brisk, chilly even, but the pair did not mind in the slightest. Every once in a while, they would brush hands, or tap elbows, or touch shoulders accidentally. Barry would instinctively move a bit away from her, and Caitlin's cheeks would turn a few shades redder.

A few times, Barry was tempted to hold Caitlin's hand, but he felt that would be crossing a line. Quite ironically, she had the exact same thoughts. It was a shame, really, that neither of them had made an attempt; neither would have objected to it.

"Hot chocolate?" Caitlin asked, pointing towards Jitters. Barry smiled.

"Definitely," he said, turning and opening the door for her. They walked in together.

"Oh, hey guys!" Iris said happily as they reached the counter.

"Oh, Iris, hey!" Barry said with a grin. Caitlin smiled and nodded at her.

"What can I get you?" she asked, voice chipper.

"Two tall hot chocolates," Caitlin said, holding up two fingers.

"Coming right up," Iris said, smiling widely at Caitlin. The two of them sat down at a nearby table waiting for their drinks.

"This is nice," Barry said after a few moments.

"Yeah," Caitlin said, trying to suppress a yawn.

"Sorry, am I that boring?" he teased.

"No, it's just getting kind of late," she said, checking her watch. It read 11:45 PM.

"Should I get you home?" he asked, looking a little concerned. She smiled. He was so sweet and caring.

"Our hot cocoa hasn't gotten here yet," she said. "Plus, my car is still back at STAR Labs."

"Okay," he said, feeling better. He was worried that he was beginning to bore her. He hadn't said much in a while, and he wasn't exactly the most interesting person.

Quite contrary to what he was thinking, Caitlin was having an amazing time. Despite their silence, Barry's company was so comforting and happy, and his good mood was infectious. She felt like she wasn't alone anymore; she felt like she didn't have to force herself to be alone. For the first time since Ronnie's death she was… happy.

"Two hot chocolates for the happy… pair of people drinking hot cocoa," Iris said awkwardly. The two gave her confused looks, oblivious to the direction her sentence was going before she stopped herself.

"Thanks," they both said at the same time. Iris chuckled, muttering something to herself as she walked away.

"Well that was… odd," Caitlin said, and Barry nodded.

"Good hot chocolate," he said, taking a sip. She copied his action and sighed in satisfaction.

"It's delicious," she said. The two stared at each other for a while, smiling. "Hey Barry?"

"Yeah?"

"Merry Christmas."