A Very Brockton Christmas

Part the First

'Twas the night before Christmas

And throughout Brockton Bay,

The villains were awaiting

Saint Nick and his sleigh.

Bakuda was Tinkering late in her lair,

While visions of explosions danced in her head.

Lung drew his plans, slowly but sure,

To see the jolly fat man captured or dead.

At a meeting that was called of the Empire Eighty-Eight,

Kaiser made a sword, the steel shining bright.

"He's eluded us before, this fat man in red,

But he'll be in our hands by the end of the night."

The Merchants had plans to capture him as well,

And force him to give them the best drugs to be found.

But Skidmark got wasted and Squealer forgot,

So they were asleep when the time came around.

Uber and L33t wanted to capture him too,

So the Tinker began working on a cold-ray device.

It exploded of course, as they often did,

So Uber was left to chip him out of the ice.

Part the Second

As Santa loaded the sled high with his gifts,

Mrs Claus came out with a frown on her face.

"I wish you wouldn't go out to Brockton Bay,

No good ever came of that horrible place."

He took her in his arms and kissed her so sweet,

And in a deep loving voice the fat man did say,

"My presents are given all over the world,

So I have to go everywhere – yes, even the Bay."

"I thought you'd say that," she said with a sigh,

"But while you are gone, I won't be able to rest."

So saying, she dug in a bag at her feet,

And gave him a helmet, and a thick Kevlar vest.

His belly jiggled as he let out a laugh.

"I'll be careful, my love, to come back to you."

And he gathered her in, to kiss her once more.

Then he pulled on the helmet and the vest went on too.

On to the sleigh he sprang with a shout.

"On Rudolph! On Dasher! On Donner, away!"

The sleigh gave a jerk then off it did fly,

While Mrs Claus watched as it went on its way.

Part the Third

They came into Brockton flying nap of the earth,

Rudolph had his nose tuned to infra-red light.

"On Blitzen, on Vixen, on Dancer, hooray!"

He whispered, as the stealth sleigh flew through the night.

Side-mounted launchers fired off the gifts,

Homing nose-cones guiding them to land.

To each and every house they flew without fail;

You didn't really think he delivered them by hand?

But the villains were waiting, to the right and the left,

They arose with a roar, to capture his sleigh.

He pulled on the lever to double the output,

Every present would be delivered, if he had his way.

As the presents flew away, he grabbed at the reins,

Gave them a twitch, to give him some pace.

As Lung swooped in to grab at Saint Nick,

He swivelled a launcher, and gave him coal in the face.

Kaiser was next, with a barricade of blades;

Santa rolled the sleigh, and scraped through with a sigh.

Rune sent a dumpster, two cars and a van;

He evaded them all with a loop through the sky.

The launchers were still throwing presents galore;

Plus coal for the villains (he had more than a ton).

He dived down again to taunt them anew,

His laughter boomed out – this was quite fun!

Lung dived again, his fire blazing hot,

So Santa gave him snow from the northernmost Pole.

It streamed from the launcher, his hands growing chill

Until Lung fell away, fleeing the cold.

Again and again he evaded the foe,

Till the last of the gifts had gone with a 'chuff'.

"Come let's away, we've more presents to share."

Of the coal-covered villains, "I think they've had enough."

And the last that the villains saw of Saint Nick,

Was his happy round face, full of good cheer.

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night,

And I'll see all you rogues again in a year!"

End