The impact was hard, and for a moment, everything went black. But Dean opened his eyes in time to see AJ grab the title. He closed them again, and next thing he knew, he was backstage – and there were… cheers for him? People slapping his back, saying "Great match" and all that… he found it hard to focus on faces. One hand remained on his arm though, steering him. Renee. Ah. Nice of her.

They found his locker room, but somehow, Renee still did not leave. "You alright, love? Looked like you hit your head harder than you should have… I think James is out there, fretting he might've hurt you…" He allowed her inspect the back of his head. Weird. Not unpleasant, but weird. And James? Why would that son of a bitch care after what he did? Dean sighed to himself. He would never learn, would he? What trusting people got him in life?

From his memory, he saw dark brown eyes look down on him, not James's eyes, of course. Dark brown eyes of a brother, lover, enemy. From his sportsbag, a phone started to ring. Absentmindedly, he picked it up and froze. The same brown eyes looked back at him from the screen, pulling a goofy face at the camera. His heart turned even colder. Practical joke? Must be. Very funny, ha, ha ha.

But… he would not call. Why would he? Dean's mouth went dry and Renee turned to him.

"Aren't you going to answer him?" Dean looked up at her in complete bewilderment. She finally had enough and grabbed the phone. "Seth, hey, it's me!" she said warmly and Dean wanted to punch something. "Yeah, he's okay, little roughed up, but definitely been worse. Might still need some time. Maybe call back later? Or is there anything urgent?"

Dean blinked, tried to follow the conversation. It just didn't make sense. "Give me the phone," he heard himself say. It couldn't be. But he needed to know. Renee handed the phone back. "Hey, Deano!" the voice he had only heard on TV or in the ring since… since then. "Fucking awesome match. Yelled at the screen so much I scared Kevin," he laughed. "Last bump looked nasty though. They should leave it to me to betray you!" There was nothing mean in his voice, just amusement… friendship.

"You good though, man?" Dean swallowed hard. This could not be true. This could not be real, no way. But it felt real enough. Heart racing, throat dry, he whispered: "Feel kind of weird." The laughter at the other end stopped. "Okay, if you admit that, it must be bad. Go see a coach, will you? Get yourself checked? Your better half can tell me when you'll arrive on Wednesday for your party." "Wednesday?" Dean whispered. "You, me, Roman and Renee? My place? Celebrating your birthday, have some winter barbeque, meet my new cat? Seriously, Dean, see a coach." "No, sure, Wednesday, of course…" Dean said and his voice trailed off. He noticed Renee's hand on his shoulder. His better half, Seth had said. But of course that was not true. The only person he had ever felt whole with… "I'll see you then," Dean told Seth and disconnected the call. "Come on Sweetie, I'll take us home," Renee said. Home. He did not know where he was, but he certainly was not home.

And Renee did not take him home, but to the hotel room they shared. There was another show tomorrow and no time to go to their real home. They had a real home somewhere. Together. Dean collected the little pieces of information as they came, but the most important one he gathered as they left the arena – it was a show here, their competition. AJ hobbled up to him to high-five him before they left, even though he had apparently hurt his ankle. James poked his head around a corner, worry all over his face, but Renee calmed him down instantly. Dean had always liked Renee, her looks as well as her personality. She was a great girl. But he knew that in his heart, that would not be enough. He followed her, though, and listening to her with one half of his mind, but the other half was on Wednesday. His birthday.

But first, there were two more shows to go through. Dean seriously considered faking an injury, after all, because he did not know how anyone could fight without meaning to, without trying to hurt. He found out that his body did, though. He ducked, stopped in time, pulled his arms up or down just the way it was needed for the move to work. Muscle memory, apparently.

But everything else remained uncanny. Being given the lines to say in his interviews. Renee's happy chattering about Seth finally starting his "program" with Hunter while she was getting into bed next to him. She had definitely noticed the change in him, he was sure of that, but since he had no answer for her when she asked what was wrong, she had settled on being as cheerful and supportive as possible. He appreciated it, even though he could not show it.

He went through his phone but found no more pictures to help him explain, only text messages from both of his former brothers, planning the details of his party. And then, when his birthday started, messages from everyone in WWE. AJ with updates on his foot, as if Dean would care (but then, here, he would, right?). He had to switch off the phone when a combined Christmas card and birthday wish arrived from Bray Wyatt and his family – but not Harper and Rowan, but a beautiful wife and two cute daughters. It was just too bizarre.

Dean remembered Seth's house. It was the first thing he had bought when any money came in. They had been here before. Roman and him. On Seth's birthday, for the last time, only days before… Days before his life was changed forever. Days before he received the one injury that would not heal. Though here, wherever here was, this apparently had never happened... Still, Dean did not know what to do when they arrived at the driveway, but Renee did not let him stop to brace himself and Seth threw the door open before they even rang.

"Aah, the Birthday Boy! Happy Birthday and come in!" The hug came too fast, his knees were too weak and they almost fell over backwards - Seth had to balance both of them so they would not end up on the ground. Seth looked right. And felt right. And smelled right. And while all the memories came suddenly back to Dean, he realized that he could not remember the look in Seth's eyes, calm and fond, if a little worried. "You okay?" Seth asked immediately. "You seem…" but he did not know how to finish that sentence. "I'm good," Dean lied and Seth turned to greet Renee, complimented her dress and picked up their luggage for them.

While Renee freshened up, Dean wandered into the house, looking at the familiar and the unfamiliar things. A big couch to play video games on. Or meet up in the middle of the night, Roman asleep on the second floor… When he glanced through a door, he suddenly saw a flash of his own face – but it was no mirror. It was a SHIELD poster, him in the middle, his brothers to his sides. He entered the room that seemed to be Seth's office now. At one side, he spotted a low shelf that held all kinds of wrestling stuff – the battered Money in The Bank case and Seth's SHIELD facemask. He had it on display. Proud.

Dean found himself walking over and almost touched it when Seth's voice came from the doorway. "Miss it?" he asked, and Dean could not read the tone; he stuttered to find an answer. "What exactly?" "SHIELD," Seth said as he came closer. He picked up the mask, looked at it, set it back down again. "Because I do," Seth sighed. "Not the mask, obviously, that thing was stupidly uncomfortable even just down the stairs, but…" he shrugged. "All good times, I guess."

Dean felt his heart beat with Seth so casually, naturally standing next to him. He could look at him now, take in the way he stood, smiled. He could see no difference to the man he knew, loved, hated. Just the way he smiled at him without a hint of nerves was different, new. "I miss it, too," Dean finally managed. "Yeah, and the brand split kind of sucks," Seth added. "But, the good and the bad thing in wrestling – nothing is ever all that permanent. I'm sure we'll be back in the same ring in no time. Survivor Series was a good start." Yes, they had all worked together there, but to Dean this did not mean anything, really. Made nothing alright. "Oh, wait!" One of Seth's hands found their way on Dean's stomach and pushed him back a little, sending little, awful sparks through Dean's body. But Seth moved to a chair close by and picked something up…

"You haven't met Darrell!" Seth cradled a small black cat in his arms that Dean had not seen on the dark chair. "Come on, you take him. He's a cuddler." Seth came close, so close, to carefully place the tiny creature into Dean's arms. The cat was warm and purred, but Dean felt Seth's body heat even more acutely, the way their arms touched when he let go of the cat. "That's good. He's adorable, isn't he? Aren't you adorable?" Seth cooed at the cat and Dean found himself smiling in spite of himself and petted the cat carefully.

The doorbell startled him a little and the cat gave a soft cry. "And there's Roman! So we're complete!" Seth left Dean alone in the room to open the door, and Dean was not sure if he wanted to laugh or cry.

Roman had looked and felt just as familiar as Seth had, but Roman also kept asking if he was okay. But what could he say to that? "Oh, I'm fine, but I think I'm in someone else's life right now?" He tried to play along, joke with his friends, play video games. Be close to them. Pretend this wasn't the weirdest things that ever happened to him. And he realized they loved him here in this strange place, all three of them, his girlfriend and his brothers, but it felt strange and painful that it was not actually him they meant, but someone else. Another Dean. Toasting him with stories that he could not place, not understand.

But he could not help glancing at Seth, and feeling the electricity every time they touched. He could not believe that any world could be so different, that even though they were friends here, that the betrayal never happened…

When night came, Renee fell asleep quickly next to him in the guest room, but Dean kept staring at the ceiling, wondering how many nights he had been this close to Seth, in another hotel room, but miles apart because of all the things that had come between them.

His feet moved out of bed almost on their own, out of the room, toward Seth's door. He didn't knock, just slipped inside and was happy to see Seth still awake, watching something on his tablet. He was out of bed and next to him in a second. "Dean, what's wrong? You look…" Dean did not let him finish but pushed him against the wall, pressing his lips on Seth's mouth, taking in the taste he had missed for so long, curling a hand into the dark hair that came undone from the bun at the nape of Seth's neck, the other on his hip…

But he felt Seth's hands shove against him, not the feeble struggle he put up when he actually wanted to be pinned down harder. It was firm enough to get Dean away from him, though he realized that Seth could have pushed him a lot harder if he had wanted to. Seth's hands stayed on his shoulders and the younger man looked out from under dark lashes in utter confusion. "Dean. What the hell…" Deep down, he knew he should not, but the words poured out of him, held back too long, fuelled by a day of too many casual glances, touches.

"Don't tell me we never did this… I know you, Seth. I know every inch of you. I know what you taste like, I know the look in your eyes when you are close. I know the sounds you make when I touch you right…" His hand played with Seth's waistband, found the spot he wanted, just beside Seth's hipbone, and the little gasp from Seth gave him hope, a little darkening in Seth's eyes that might just mean…

But Seth took a deep, shuddering breath and then pried Dean's hands from his body by interlocking them with his own, keeping him close, but stopping him from touching him.

"Dean, I have no idea what you are talking about," he whispered softly. "But… this… this isn't you. Dean, you have this awesome girl over there, the girl you always wanted…"
Dean didn't know what to say. He tried to pull away, but Seth didn't let him go. "You've been different, since TLC, I think. Please, go see a doctor. This really isn't you…" "I'm sorry," Dean whispered and moved away, pain and embarrassment almost choking him. "Don't be. Just…" Dean felt soft hands on his shoulders, turning him back. "You're my big brother and I love you, you know that, right? But not like that. This here never happened, okay? And you'll get that concussion seen to and we go back to normal?" Dean looked up into warm, worried, brown eyes and tried not to look at the lips he had kissed so many times. That had kissed him back so many times. But not here. He nodded and left, closing the door behind him. For a moment he was scared he would hear Seth lock the door behind him, making sure he would not come back, but the click did not come. There was some comfort in that.

Dean could not face going back to bed, to the woman who had done nothing wrong, who thought she loved him and whom he would have betrayed easily. He slipped down the steps and saw Roman sitting up on the couch in the dark as if he had been waiting for him.

"You wanna talk?" The Samoan said softly. Roman's voice alone, him being there for him, made it all better already. "Yes, but this might be the weirdest conversation you ever had…" Dean said softly. He saw Roman nod slowly in the dark. "Okay, shoot." Dean sat down next to Roman, now seeing his face a little more clearly. "I think… I think I'm not really the Dean you know." Roman seemed to give this some consideration. "Yes, I think I knew that. So, tell me who you are?"

Dean tried to explain, stumbling over his words, feeling like he made no sense at all… But when he stopped, Roman nodded again. "So, what you say is that since that bump at TLC, your… your memories don't fit with this world, you remember things differently, right? Like… like the show is real. As if it all really happened." Dean nodded. "That's… one way of putting it, I guess." "So, either you are just really shook up after than bump, or, cue to Twilight Zone music, you are really someone else, from some other reality, I don't know."

"Ro, I know about losing memories after bad bumps, but that would be the first time to get a complete new set." Dean felt Roman's eyes on him, sizing him up. "Call me crazy…" he said after a while. "But I don't think so, too. You're… different. Just a little. But I think I can tell. And this place you come from… all the insanity really happened? Seth actually jumped from the stands for us one day and betrayed us the next? And you fought him since then?" "Pretty much," Dean said quietly.

Roman was lost in thought again. "I can't even imagine," he said after a while "What?" "What that must be like for you. I mean, with allegiances changing from week to week, nothing and no-one you can trust… It suddenly makes sense, really, being The Lunatic Fringe… if there's nothing reliable anyway, you can just be as unpredictable as possible, it does not even matter… and at least you won't be disappointed…" Dean felt Roman shudder next to him, but he could not quite get his horror. To him, it all felt normal. Maybe that was the worst thing about it.

"Ro?" Dean asked. "I need to ask you a question, about this place." Roman nodded. "Did Seth and I… do you know if we were ever… more than friends?" Roman took his time to consider this, and Dean loved him for it, the careful way he checked if he might have missed something this big. But the answer was the one he expected. "I don't think so. If you ever hooked up, you kept it secret from me. But honestly I don't think you did." Dean took a deep breath. "It's just…" he tried to tell Roman what had just happened between him and Seth, what he had done. He felt hot with shame and embarrassment, wanted to punch something… but Roman listened and when Dean had finished he put a heavy arm around him, calming him down just like Roman in his own world would do. He felt the trembling inside him subside.

"So you love him, hm?" Roman said quietly. "Even though he is all the things, did all the things that our Seth here just played?" The concern in Roman's voice startled him. "It's not like I'm all that innocent. Wrestling soulmates, you know. In some way we probably deserve each other," Dean mumbled into Roman's neck. "No-one deserves to be treated like this," Roman said back. Dean pulled back, trying to get his mind straight. "Your Dean, here… he's pretty happy, isn't he?" "I would have said so," Roman said. "He loves Renee, the career is going well, okay, I think he misses us, but he travels with his girlfriend, gets booked in good matches… I think he would have proposed, soon. Seth and I have a bet going…" Dean nodded. What was there not to be happy about?

"I looked at the phone," Dean remembered suddenly. "And there are almost no pictures on there. Why is that?" Roman chuckled. "Because he was clumsy and dropped it into his coke a month ago. Had no time yet to restore it. You wanna see mine?"

Dean nodded and Roman searched through his phone. "There you go, the folder I still wanted to send you." The photos were chronological, and Dean found he remembered some of the scenes. Shield days. Good times. Roman understood immediately and when the photos post June '14 came, he supplied the information. Summer party. Side by side with Seth at Roman's hospital bed. Backstage at Wrestlemania, both of them hugging their first World Heavyweight Champion. Seth threatening to hit Dean with one of his crutches, the picture taken just where they were sitting right now. Money in the Bank, Dean with his first Heavyweight Championship, Roman and Seth glowing with pride on either side of him.

Dean put the phone down, it suddenly felt heavy in his hand. Yes, there was no reason here not to be happy, really. But deep down, he knew it was all wrong, no matter how good it was.
Because there was one thing he could never have here.

"So, what now?" Roman asked softly. "I don't know," Dean whispered back. "But it's not my life. The other Dean needs to get back here, wherever he is right now." Roman looked at him and Dean could see the conflicting emotions on his face. Dean knew he must be worried about the other Dean, if he was stuck as well…

"See a doctor, Dean, as soon as possible. Maybe there's a medical way to fix this. And don't… do anything stupid." Dean answered that with a lopsided grin. "And how am I supposed to do that?" Roman smiled a defeated smile back. "I hate to think of you back in that other place. I… wish I could tell you I'll always be there for you, but I guess that would be an empty promise, right?"

Dean nodded slowly. "Maybe. But so far, no Roman has ever disappointed me, no matter what happens. And if he does, some time down the line… I hope I can remember you… and this place, and I'll know that you and the other Dean will have a beer and celebrate a good show." Suddenly Roman's arms were around him and he was almost crushed in a bear hug. Roman had no words anymore, but Dean understood him. It was all said. He hugged him back before he left, wordlessly, to slip back into bed next to Renee, who was lost in what he hoped were pleasant dreams.

Dean had slept little and dreaded the first time he would see Seth in the morning, but the moment was so short that Dean was not sure if the last night had actually happened. There was a brief flush of embarrassment on Seth's cheeks when he and Renee came down for breakfast, but that was it. Seth joked with both of them, looked at him the same way as yesterday, bumped into him while playing video games just like yesterday. "Nothing changed between us," he said with every glance, every gesture, "Nothing ever will."

And that's good, Dean thought. For the other Dean, when he comes home. But not for me. "See a doctor, promise?" Seth whispered into his ear as he hugged him goodbye. "Sure," Dean lied and wondered if the other Dean would have lied to Seth, too. He could think of no way to tell a doctor what had happened without ending up in some kind of institution. He could think of one way to potentially reverse what had happened. Maybe a stupid way, but he had no other. And so, the next time in the ring, he forced himself to stand still and his arms to stay down, just the one moment that would mean another full impact would hit him…

Roman saw Dean's name light up on his phone and felt his muscles tense slightly. He accepted the video call and saw Renee grin at him and adjust the webcam so he could see Dean, sitting on his hotel bed. "Hey Ro. I'll leave you two now." She waved and left the screen and Roman saw that Dean waited until the door closed behind her.

"What's up, bro?" Roman asked and heard the tension in his own voice. "Medicalled out until after Christmas," Dean answered. He was fidgeting, and Roman tried to find the answer to his most urgent question in his voice or his manners, but couldn't. "Docs said two bumps like that in one week is just too much…Ro… there's something I have to tell you…" Roman's heart missed a beat.

"Thing is… I was sure it was still Sunday. TLC. I'm missing almost a whole week. Don't tell Renee, I'm afraid she'll freak. But… it's gone. We went to Seth's for my birthday, right?" Roman took a deep, shuddering breath, and he had to catch himself before almost saying "Welcome home." "We did," Roman said instead, and had to cough to get the choked up sound out of his voice. "Too bad you can't remember, was a nice party. But nothing really important happened. You… were a little quiet. Not all yourself, maybe." "Let's not tell Seth…" Dean murmured. "Nah," Roman disagreed. "He'll find out some time and then it will be worse… but I can tell him, if you want." And make sure what the other Dean did will forever be filed under "concussion aftereffect" and forgotten, he added in his mind.

"Ro?" Dean asked again and there was a strange spark in his eye now. "I didn't… make any kind of announcement, did I?" "No?" "Well…" Dean smiled to himself, but looked down at his hands for a while. "I wanted to tell you, and Seth. But apparently… Anyway…" he took a deep breath. "I'm going to propose to Renee on Christmas, and I want the two of you to be my best men, of course." Roman heard himself laugh out loud with happiness and relief. "Congratulations! Awesome, bro. Great. She'll say yes, you know that. And you just made me 50 bucks." "What?" "I had a bet on with Seth when you were going to propose. I said Christmas, he said New Year's Eve. So don't be surprised if he doesn't look happy when you tell him." Of course, Roman could not tell Dean all the reasons for his happiness, his relief. That he was back, in the right world. And he hoped the other Dean could somehow find his place, too...

"I considered doing it on New Year's Eve. You know me too well. Both of you." Dean smiled to himself. "I'm a really lucky fuck, right? Girl of my dreams and two best men…"

"You deserve it," Ro said quietly. "Ahh, we need to stop, this is getting sappy!" Dean laughed. "Renee will be back soon and I don't want to spoil the surprise." "Take it slow, and I'll fill Seth in about the amnesia, but you tell him about the big news yourself." "Will do. Take care, Ro!" The call was disconnected and Roman smiled at the blank screen, looking forward to getting out his best tux and standing by Dean's side when he got married. And he also sent a silent wish to the other place, and hoped that the other Roman would always be there for him like he would be for his Dean and that some time, the other Dean might find happiness, too…

Dean's head hurt, but then that was to be expected. But it was still Sunday, still TLC, when he opened his eyes. The silence backstage felt colder than it had, no pleasant conversation, just quiet nods from acquaintances and glares from enemies. Renee gave him a smile and a wave before leaving with her girlfriends. Home. Maybe not the nicest place to be, but home. He dressed and almost missed the vibration of his phone.

No goofy picture, but a name that had been too hard to delete. Was he not back after all? Why would this Seth, his Seth, ever call him? He watched his fingers accept the call, but his mouth did not know what to say.

"Dean?" Seth's voice sounded small, insecure. "Well, that's the number you dialed, so…" "Hey." Dean blinked a couple of times and tried to wade through the emotions in his chest. It was harder to be cold when he had just joked with him, well, the other Seth, days ago, but then, in that other place, nothing bad had really happened. "So, why you call?" Dean asked and regretted the harshness in his voice, but not much.

"I don't even know…" Seth whispered and Dean wondered if his Seth got caught up in something from that other world as well, felt the other Seth dial Dean's number…

"…last bump looked nasty…" Seth continued before trailing of and Dean realized it were the same words he heard before. "So you think betraying me should be your job?" Dean mirrored the other Seth's words. There was a sharp intake of breath. "I was worried, believe it or not…" Seth said uncertainly. "And… I don't know. I… never told you. But I'm sorry. I thought what if I miss the chance to… well, at least say it. I know it won't make any difference to you, but there it is. I'm sorry and I would take it back if I could... You didn't deserve this. Not now and not… back then… and… I miss you…" Dean stared at the wall in front of him, waiting if Seth would say anything else. Taking in how different the two Seths sounded, one self-confident and friendly, but this one… fragile. Lonely. In a way he had hardly ever realized before. He lived in an unpredictable world, yes. But one with opportunities he would otherwise never have.

"So, what are you doing on Wednesday?" Dean heard himself say, lightly, playfully. "On your birthday?" Seth asked immediately. He remembers, Dean thought and added as evenly as he could. "Yeah. What if for my birthday, I wanna find out if you mean it?" There was silence from the other end of the line and Dean felt the dread rise that the next thing he would hear would be loud, obnoxious laughter. But Seth's words were hardly above a whisper. "Really?"

"Really. Don't you know, I'm a lunatic!" And there's a special kind of freedom in that, he added in his thoughts. "So, meet at your place on Wednesday and see where it takes us?" "O-okay," the voice on the other end of the line stuttered and Dean disconnected the call.

He remembered the impact of the steel chair on his back, but he also remembered the impact of Seth's lips on his. His body remembered Seth in a million ways. And he remembered the hug a man who smelled and felt like Seth, but was nevertheless someone else. Here, it would always be extreme between them. It would always hurt, and never be easy, never be completely safe. But here there were chances he could take. Wednesday.

In spite of himself, alone in his cold dressing room, he started laughing with the sheer happiness of being home.

Thank you for reading and Happy Holidays! Comments are always appreciated 3