Honestly this story is just an escape for me at this point...

Next chapter will be mostly Joel/Tess btw because I miss them ;(

(Ellie)

The look Riley gave her, her eyes staring wide with the dim lamp cascading her features, is one she expected.

Riley sits on the cushioned window sill. Relaxed, leaning back against the window, legs open. Ellie remembered that she always sat so boyish, like the other guys in their school. Their teachers had always scolded her for slouching, resting her head on Ellie in the middle of class, sometimes casually drooling on her. Riley had always called the military rules misogynistic bullshit.

Ellie sat across from her. Cross-legged on her bed, the sun setting with orange and pink clouds behind Riley's silhouette, the small desk lamp enlightening them in her room.

"Ellie…" Riley whispers, her brown eyes fixed on the girl huddled on the bed.

"Yeah?" Ellie says quietly, expecting the worse. Expecting her to call her crazy and never talk to her again. She doesn't know this Riley. After talking to her for hours she knows there's a part of her still in there that shared a life with Ellie long ago, but this girl doesn't know that. Or maybe she doesn't remember. Ellie had hoped maybe for a second things could be the same again, but then it wouldn't be the same. Riley had died. Ellie had made sure of it. She never would want her to remember that.

The corners of Riley's mouth tug up slightly. "Are you high?... or something?"

"What!?" Ellie says, abashed. "Fuck, no."

"I just mean…" Riley sighs, rubbing her hands together in her lap, "This really doesn't make a lot of sense to me."

Ellie closes her eyes, resting her head in the palms of her hands, feeling the knot in her chest tighten sharply. "Never mind… I shouldn't have said anything." She doesn't believe her, and Ellie doesn't blame her for it.

It really does feel like just a dream, and maybe Ellie was stupid for confiding in Riley. She once was the only person Ellie could trust but that different now, Ellie is different now.

She feels the bed sink next to her as Riley gingerly sits down, her legs brushing up to Ellie's. "You know I wouldn't deny you anything," Riley speaks quietly, one hand coming to rest on Ellie's thigh, "and I always say you can tell me anything." Riley takes a deep breath. Ellie turns her head slightly, so her eyes meet Riley's, strong and fierce, the opposite of what Ellie feels now. "So, what should we do?"

Ellie sighs, leans over to rest her head on Riley's shoulder. She lets a ray of sunlight streaming through the soft white curtains splay across her face, the dark orange sunset illuminating the two girls on the bed.

"What if I died?" Ellie whispers, keeping her eyes on the grey carpet below her feet. She lets her the carpets soft ruffles sift through her toes as she waits for Riley's response, listening to her friend's soft breathing, so close.

"What?" Riley breaths, her voice breaking.

"What if I died," Ellie starts again, her thigh burning under Riley's hand, "and there was nothing you could do to stop it. The only thing you could do was make… the pain go away."

Ellie feels Riley's eyes burning into her, even though she can't seem to face her. The older girl takes a deep breath in. She though Ellie was just overworked over their latest fight, the one where Riley had fucked up royally, but this seemed different.

"I really don't want to have to think about you dying," Riley says, and she feels Ellie shrink away from her. "But…" Riley reaches out and captures Ellie's hand before she can get any further away. "I would stay with you until the end, until I know you've shared your last breath on this earth. I just… don't know if I could bear to witness all that and not want to… you know." Ellie knows. "Go with you."

Ellie nods her head gingerly, "Yeah." Ellie leans away from Riley and flops down on to her pillows, tucking her hands behind her head. "It was a fucked up thing to ask you I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Riley says, moving across the bed so she can lie next the auburn-haired girl. They face each other, Ellie tucking a pillow into her arms and Riley leaning on her elbows, letting her eyes wander across those green eyes and long eyelashes. "I just wish I knew where this was coming from, what you're thinking."

Ellie sighs, "Even though you're here, and I can see you, and touch you, and smell you, and fuck-" Ellie takes a shaky breath in. "All I can think about is losing you."

A small smile tugs at the corner of Riley's lips, she reaches out to pull a strand of hair off of Ellie's face, tucks it behind her ear. "I'm not gonna let that happen."

Ellie closes her eyes, letting her body relish the feelings of those fingers upon her check, touching her hair. She wishes that this was it, that this was all she could focus on, but she can still see the marks of sunken teeth embedded in Riley's hand.

Come back to me.

Riley sighs affectionately, moving closer to Ellie. "This past that you remember," Riley starts, licking her lips, "this reality of you and me in another life."

"yeah?"

Riley looks at her with worried eyes, "Was I a good kisser?"

"Oh fuck!" Ellie giggles, shoving Riley with her pillow. Riley smiles mischievously, taking in the sight of her best friend laughing.

"I'm sorry," Riley says, "I really couldn't live with myself if I knew you were getting wet, sloppy hog kisses from someone as equally as hot as me."

"I'm serious!" Ellie exasperates, trying to hide a smile that threatens to break her fierce exterior she practiced. "For months, all I could hear when I would fall asleep was you, your voice as clear as the day we were on that roof, letting me know you were slipping away from my grasp. All I could see when I closed my eyes was…" Ellie shakes her head, she practiced over and over again to get that image out of her head, night after night she fought off the demons sleeping in her past. She had gotten good at it, even stopped dreaming all together.

"Oh Ellie," Riley soothes, scooting up to the young girl to rest her arm around her. "I'm so sorry."

"riley…" Ellie breathes, her eyes still closed shut, her arms holding her pillow tight to her chest. She wants to stay in this tight ball forever, letting the world move on without her, never having to get hurt anymore. But… maybe she doesn't need to as afraid anymore. Maybe… for a second… just a moment… she can let go.

"ellie" Riley responds, her voice so close, so quiet. Ellie wants to hide in the warmth of it, let Riley's smell and heat wash over her forever. She can feel the strings in her chest tug when she thinks about Riley, whether its pain or happiness she relishes in the feeling.

"Make me forget," Ellie whispers, her entire body loosening as she feels Riley move to hover atop her.

She feels small under the older girl's shadow, and she likes it, she wants to be under her until she's only a shadow herself. There's a pause between them, where Riley lingers over her, a cheeky smile staring back, and Ellie lays there helplessly, tears welling just behind her eyes. Ellie let's her eyelids flutter shut as she waits for the Riley to move, and when she feels the firm press of the girl's lips on her own, she can only think god yes.

(Joel)

Sarah hisses lightly, drawing her lips back and gritting her teeth as Joel slowly pulls down the thick cotton sock to her ankle.

"Yikes," Sarah says, tilting her head so she can observe the seemingly huge scrap across her shin. She tilts her head back and takes a shaky breath in, "Damn… that's… gross." Joel looks up at her to see a slight sheen of sweat cover her forehead, her complexion ghostly pale in the dim light.

"Take deep breath baby girl," Joel soothes. Sarah nods, pinching the top of her nose as she sighs through pursed lips. "Didn't know you were such a wuss about a little scratch like this," Joel jokes, taking off her cleat.

"Am not…" she huffs. "It's just hot… and I haven't had a lot of water… and it's been a long day, okay?" She stubs at him with her foot, poking him lightly in the chest.

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?" Joel chides, getting up from his knees and moving to the kitchen.

"We were only a quarter in," she says, moving to slump against the couch. "I didn't want to just leave the game so early on, not fair for me and the team." Joel gives her a skeptical look across the island counter. Sarah sighs, letting her body mold into the pliant cushions beneath her. "And, I wanted you to see me play. You've never came to my games this much before or showed any interest really."

Joel frowns, turning away from his daughter so she can't see his face. It's true, he either didn't have time or couldn't make the time to see her be happy, running across an open field, determination etched stubbornly on her face. Funding it was troublesome enough for him that he thought just letting her go and play was enough of a contribution. He knew she understood the situation they were in, but damn was he missing out on it. He turns on the hot tap and lets the water run over his fingers, testing the temperature. "I'm sorry Sarah," he says quietly, "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Sarah giggles from across the room, "Who's a wuss now?"

Just then they hear a noise from upstairs. Laughing it sounds like, the sound of hushed talking. Joel pauses for a moment as he runs a white cotton rag under the water. "Who's that?"

Sarah bites her lower lip, her eyes wide.

"What?" Joel asks, turning off the tap, wringing the wet cloth over the sink.

"I think maybe we should go," Sarah says, her voice high pitched. She sits up on the couch and stares at him with piercing eyes, her fingers twiddling against each other, one leg bouncing.

Joel feels his chest tighten, feels worry grow in him as those wide and distressed eyes borrow into him. "Why would we leave?"

"Um…" Sarah shifts around, her eyes now fluttering against the ground, looking anywhere but at him. "I think it's Ellie and Riley," she says, almost whispering. "I just didn't think they'd be so obvious about it."

Joel almost doesn't catch the last part, has to strain himself towards her to listen. "Ellie?" he says, trying to make himself connect the scattered pieces in his brain.

Did she say something to Sarah?

"Oh!" Sarah perks up, almost jumping off the couch. "Tess came by today! Yeah, she said she wants you to meet her at The Dogwood to talk about scheduling or… something." Sarah picks herself up from the couch and skips towards Joel, still locked in his place by the sink. "So uh, why I don't I do this and you just head on out," she says, pushing him out of the kitchen. She takes the cloth from him and leads him towards the front door, all while Joel is trying to think of something to say.

"Look Sarah I don't think I should- "

"Don't worry!" she sputters, opening up the door for him, her face flushed. "Elevate it, ice it, clean it, I'll do the whole routine, I promise!"

"But- "

"No buts!" she says, holding out his jacket for him that she speedily plucked from the hanger. He hesitantly takes it from her, taking in her bewildered behaviour. He can only think of what Ellie might be up to, but he trusts her, trusts both of them. Yet he wants to stop, to go inside and never leave Sarah's side again, but Tess. He looks down at the side table and gingerly grabs the keys to his car, noticing Sarah relaxing slightly.

"I'll be back soon," he warns, giving her a small smile.

She nods and returns the smile, her face beaming. "Just have some fun, take all the time you need!"

He lets a small laugh escape his lips, backing away from the door onto the steps of the front porch.

"Oh and dad?" He turns around to see Sarah, almost guarding the doorway, looking at him with questioning eyes. "Maybe run a comb through your hair," she says before she lets the door close in front of her, leaving Joel standing alone and aghast on the front porch, basking in the heat of a Texan night.