Request: i wish you would write a fic where Sakura and Zetsu fall for each other, and the Uchiha boys don't approve. Violently.

moor: (I'm so sorry it took me until now to reply! Here you go! Short, but fun was my goal.)

Sakura eyed her guest with her rose brow arched.

A muffled crash sounded behind her.

"You thought you heard a scream. From me," she repeated. Her tone was so unimpressed that paint drying was heard heaving a sigh.

Sasuke nodded, ever so subtly positioning himself so he could angle a look behind Sakura into her apartment—until she cleared her throat.

"Well, the only thing getting the neighbours' attention right now is the fact that you think I didn't hear Shisui and Izuna knock over my birthday flowers from Ino. From Ino. We're clear that they were from Ino? Because they were from Ino."

Sasuke's face pinched around his eyes as the sounds of a mild scuffle broke out behind them, further back in Sakura's apartment. Frankly, for shinobi of their caliber, they were being awfully clumsy.

Or competing.

Her shoulders sank as they weighed heavier by the heartbeat.

Her lids lowered to half mast as she stared Sasuke down.

"I know you guys don't like that I'm seeing someone new—"

"Plenty of opportunities in Konoha!" cough-offered a playful voice behind her.

"Or that you don't seem to recognize my ability to make my own decisions—"

"Your judgments are sound and lauded. We are merely concerned about the other party's gross penchant for calculated manipulation and demonic possession—" chimed in a lower voice. Izuna.

Sakura's shoulders twitched with their mounting tension.

"But you need to understand my own bodily autonomy. I support your clan—as I support all clans in Konoha—but this is a Friday night and I'm trying to get ready for my date with—"

"There! There he is! Get him, Izuna!"

"KATON JUTSU NO MUTHA FIREBALL—"

"NOT IN MY APARTMENT, YOU NIMRODS!" shrieked Sakura, wheeling around on her heel and raising a fist their way.

"He disappeared into the wall again," huffed Shisui.

"We can still catch him if you head him off—"

"On it." Shisui shunshinned away in a flash.

"So help me, Izuna, if you run away before putting out the fire on my drapes your clan head will hear about it!"

"Ah, I see they already came by," said Itachi, appearing behind Sasuke on Sakura's apartment doorstep. "Please accept this cheque and apply it towards all damages and ameliorations you deem necessary. The Uchiha are humbled and honoured by serving our fellow kunoichi, particularly in her time of need. Please use us as you deem fit."

"...Itachi, this cheque is blank. And my name isn't 'Uchiha', it's 'Haruno'. We went over this last week... Izuna, the drapes..."

"In a moment. That conniving vege-zombie could resurface at any moment. This is merely a ruse."

"Izuna, it's spreading to the couch." Sakura sighed, rubbing at her temples. "And I was supposed to be going out tonight..."

"We are more than happy to assist you and entertain you this evening if your deplorable gentle-plant caller dishonours himself by standing you up," offered Itachi hopefully.

"I think him standing me up would be an act of self-defence at this point," deadpanned Sakura.

"He is cunning," admitted Izuna,

"It is time to dine. I brought a feast," said Madara, walking past Itachi, Sakura and Sasuke and making himself at home on Sakura's—flaming—couch where he opened a scroll and released the contents onto her—not yet flaming—coffee table. "Izuna."

"Hai, ni-san."

The flames were extinguished immediately.

Sakura closed her eyes and prayed for patience.

"He's just as reformed as you lot, you know," she growled.

"Precisely," said Itachi, slipping past and guiding Sakura by her elbow back inside the apartment. "We remembered you enjoy tempura."

Sakura's shoulders drooped.

The End