Hello Again!

This latest work will be a collection of stand alone, holiday one-shots - by request. If you have an idea or request, send it my way in a PM and I'll see what I can do.

This first one-shot is a very special one...for eopartners.

Mistakes are mine. Ed, Olivia and Noah, sadly, are not. Sigh.

All I Want

Ed sat motionless by a hospital bed, nothing but the beep of a machine in the background. Occasionally he heard a gust of wind from the swirling blizzard, and it brought a chill to his body. But that chill was nothing in comparison to the frozen nature of his heart in that moment. His piercing blue eyes were still on the angelic face of his girlfriend – now fiancé – and his mind was racing back through all of their time together, as he hoped and prayed it wasn't coming to an end.

"I think you should try the bourbon…" he said and walked back towards the corner of the bar, almost mentally kicking himself for saying something so ridiculous. But to his surprise, she followed him with a smirk donning her face and it nearly brought him to his knees. As he ordered them each a bourbon and they toasted each other, he knew right then that he was putty in her hands.

That first drink hadn't lasted very long, but it was long enough for Ed to keep going back to the look on her face. How her hair glowed in the soft lighting of the bar, the brown specs in her eyes twinkling as she would smile and laugh at some of his comments.

Now, she was pale and her hair was fanned out on the crisp, white sheets of Mercy General's ICU wing. No bruises marred her face, by some miracle, but he knew the damage was internal.

He hoped that other driver was experiencing just as much as pain as he was in that moment. And all for what, a quick text message? A tweet? Now his life, his whole world, was fighting to get better. It just wasn't fair.

Ed's eyes closed, his hand still clutching Olivia's, as he continued down memory lane.

The night was chilly, but not too chilly, as they walked down the bustling New York City street. Olivia's hair was blowing lightly in the wind and both of them were looking straight ahead, wanting to be close to each other but still tentative of the spark they were feeling.

"Ya know what? Not here…" she had said, as they neared their usual after-work drink spot.

Ed, surprised at her sudden change of mind, was happy to give her whatever she wanted. And he said as much.

"Wherever you wanna go. You tell me…"

As soon as those words left his mouth, she clutched his arm as they continued on their way and Ed's heart just swelled. Olivia Benson was on his arm and leading the way. He would follow her anywhere.

Opening his eyes back in the present moment, Ed scanned her face and her body, watching the rise and fall of her chest. There was a twinkle of colorful lights from the mini Christmas tree Noah had insisted be brought to the room that morning.

"Mommy gotta have a tree, Cap'n", he had said, as Lucy brought the toddler into his mother's room for a quick visit. "If she have tree, den she wake up."

"Maybe you're right bud," Ed had told him, letting Noah settled on his lap and watch his mom for a bit. He held the three year old close to him, kissing his head, and promising that he would always be there for him. But they both needed Olivia to just wake up.

"Noah brought you a Christmas tree," Ed told her. "Fin finished picking up his Santa gifts for us and is keeping them at his place until we are ready to wrap them. I think he secretly loved playing Santa, but he pretended to be annoyed by it all."

He kept watching her face, as he just made small talk and caught her up on the holiday preparations.

"I know you were still mulling over what to get me…and I was no help…" Ed said with a little laugh, as he thought back to how she frustrated she got with him every time he responded with "I don't know" to her asking what he wanted for Christmas.

"Well, you have to get something," she had responded with. "And it can't just be sex. It has to be something you can open in front of Noah."

"How about you get me a new blue polo?" he had suggested as he looked her up and down.

"You're such a pain in the ass," she said with a laugh. "But you're MY pain in the ass."

Now as he sat next to her, he kissed her hand and told her his Christmas Wish.

"I just want you to wake up," he whispered. "That is all I want this year. You."

"What, do you sleep with a radio under your pillow?" Olivia had quipped at him, causing him to smirk inwardly as he admired the way she looked with her hair in a ponytail, exposing her neck. He loved that neck. The way Noah would curl into it when he was tired or upset. The way he could just bury his face in it, and breathe in her scent. The way she would whimper when he kissed it, or the way it would vibrate as she let out those feral screams as she let go for him. He had to fight to keep his eyes and hands off of her that very moment, oblivious to the fact that she felt the same way about him in the fitted polo.

"You should wear your hair up more often," he told her, as they left the hospital together, not-so-accidentally bumping into each other as they walked out.

"Only if you wear more polos," she said, as she looked up at him with a smirk, before they parted ways on the street. He had followed her with his eyes as she headed towards her cruiser and took a deep breath. He wanted her. No. He needed her. He also needed to add more polo shirts to his wardrobe.

Now Ed was sitting with her, in that same blue polo. He almost chuckled at the clothing choice he made, as he hurried from his upstate hotel room and headed back towards the city once he received that dreaded phone call. He had grabbed the first thing he saw, not realizing it was her favorite shirt of his. Only barely ranking higher than when he had a tie on.

"We can order in," he had suggested in her office, keeping his eyes down on the floor for fear he would be caught checking out how amazing she looked in red. "Have it ready by the time we get to your place?"

"Sounds romantic…" she had responded, with that smile that he loved.

Ed had finally looked up at her, smiling softly at her and nodding, before punching in their usual order from the local Italian eatery near her apartment.

They had barely gotten in the door to her apartment and bid Lucy goodbye, before she had his tie in her hands and was pulling him towards her.

"I love you in a tie…but I really love you out of it..." she said, untying it and tossing it on the couch as he just laughed and grasped her hips.

"Anything you want, Liv."

"Please wake up, baby," he whispered, kissing her hand. "Please. I don't remember how to do life without you."

And he really couldn't. Never in his life had Ed Tucker had someone so vehemently believe in him like Olivia Benson did. She was loyal, almost to a fault, but her loyalty and love often overwhelmed Ed. She fought for him like no one ever had.

He reached up to twist her hair in his fingers, remembering back to when he was being set up to take the fall of his cousin…

"Ed…" she breathed out, falling right into his arms in the back of a run-down bar he had summoned her to. She seemed almost out of breath, as if she had run the 12 blocks from her office to their meeting place of choice.

Not wanting to let go, but knowing they had a lot to discuss, Ed released her and helped her get settled in the booth before they dove right in. As they continued the conversation, Ed saw the pain and fear behind her strong, brown eyes and it nearly broke him.

They talked a bit more, Ed gripping her hands more tightly as time went on, almost in a desperate attempt to have her not walk away. Then she got that phone call, and both of their faces fell at the same time.

Olivia had squeezed his hand, kissing his fingers, before sliding out of the booth. Ed quickly stood and grabbed her elbow, turning her around and cupping her face as he looked into her eyes.

"Olivia…" he whispered, unsure what else to say in that moment. Olivia just leaned forward and kissed him gently.

"I know," she whispered. "It's going to be okay, Ed. I believe in you."

"I believe in you," Ed now said to Olivia, as she continued to sleep through the day. "I believe in you. In us. In our family. You are going to wake up. I just know it."

Ed was resolved to now fight for Olivia. That was their relationship, though. Constant fights and battles to stay together, to persevere through the murky, muddy waters that surrounded both of their lives. Maybe it was their job, maybe it was their past, but likely it was a mixture of both. Either way, their road to being together was complicated and curvy, but they were walking it together, hand-in-hand. And he wasn't walking away anytime soon.

"Does anyone in the NYPD care if you live or die?"

Ed heard that question in his head, remembering back to when Olivia was telling him what happened in the townhouse after she was cleaned up and sent home. He sighed a bit, knowing this wasn't the first time he was terrified of losing Olivia. But last time he had a little more control of the situation, or so he had thought.

"LIEUTENANT!" he heard himself yell for her, as the guns went off and she was propelled forward. He was by her side in an instant, sort of in awe that he hadn't yelled out her name. They were fighting to stay professional in that moment, but he threw his hand around her waist in an attempt to hold her up, and squeezed her just lightly enough so she knew that he was there.

"I gotcha," he whispered so only she could hear him, and he heard her take a breath before asking about Noah.

Now he was completely at the mercy of a higher power; a god that he prayed to, but wasn't convinced existed. He needed his fiancé to wake up. He needed to look into her eyes again. To tell her how much he loved her. How he couldn't live without her. How Noah needed his mother.

"Liv…" he whispered, his voice full of tears as he ran his fingertips along her arm. "Don't give up on us…on me. Keep fighting."

He just kept watching her face, one hand still running along her arm, and the other hand securely holding hers. That was when he felt it.

A squeeze.

It was light, but it was there. She squeezed his hand. She was there. She was fighting. She was going to wake up.

"I'm here, baby" he said, kissing her hand and watching her face. "I'm right here."

They stood together in Central Park, both on a work break and watching Noah chase the pigeons around the fountain. He would giggle as they ran and flew away, but they would always come back for more.

Olivia stood next to him with a sad smile, as she piddled with the little sticks in her hand, presumably given to her by her son.

"Long week," Ed had said, not quite sure how to get her to open up.

"Yeah…" Olivia sighed out, still watching Noah but cutting her eyes towards Ed for a brief moment. "The funny thing is, I've never been happier…"

Her voice cracked at the end of her sentence, punching Ed right in the gut so he quickly grabbed her hips and turned her around, searching her face for any reason to her distress.

"Then why are you crying?" he implored, determined to fix whatever it was that was bothering her.

"Cuz I'm afraid it won't last…"

There it was, he realized. Finally. She was admitting her fear that what they had was not going to be end game for them. He knew that she was afraid of that, deep down, but she refused to voice it. Maybe now that she had, he could work to reassure her that he wasn't going anywhere. That he was hers. For good. Forever.

"That's not true," he said softly, his head cocking to the side a bit as he kept his gaze on hers. "Not if I can help it."

He remembered her smile and her tears, almost as if she were relieved to hear him say those words. That he would fight for her the same way she fought for him. Ed relished in the memory of how they walked through the park, Noah in between, holding their hands and pointing out all the different birds and colors he saw along the way. It was simple. It was easy. It was everything they needed in the midst of a hard road.

"Not if I can help it…"

He heard those words over and over in his head as he kept vigil by her bedside. Watching the snow come down, he looked at the Christmas lights, then he looked back at her face.

"Not if I can help it…"

He couldn't help it. He wasn't there this time. He wasn't in the car. He wasn't even in the same city.

Ed Tucker had promised to do everything he could for Olivia Benson, but it wasn't enough.

His head fell, as a few lone tears began to make their way down his face and his shoulders began to shake.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry, baby."

"We've got a good thing going here, the three of us."

The memories just kept swirling through his mind, as he finally allowed himself the relief of tears. He couldn't stop them, but he didn't want to. Out of his fifty plus years of life, most of his favorite moments were in the last year. All of the time he spent with Olivia. And with Noah. So he surrendered himself to the onslaught of memories, letting his head fall onto her arm as he tried to fight the sobs. She would be okay, he just knew it.

"The three of us."

Feeling another squeeze to his hand, Ed's head shot up and he hopefully searched Olivia's face. He could see a little movement, eyelids twitching slightly, but not opening just yet. So Ed moved one hand to cup her face.

"Hey, Olivia," he whispered. "I'm right here. You're okay. Just open those eyes for me, okay?"

"Mmmmmm," she groaned out, her forehead crinkling into a grimace, but her eyes still not opening.

"I know you're in pain," Ed continued. "But if you'll just open those eyes and wake up for me, we can get you some help with it okay? I'm right here – you are going to be okay. You just gotta wake up, baby…"

"Ed…." She mumbled as she gripped his hand tightly in hers, showing him that she was there but scared of what was going on.

"It's okay. You were in a car accident," he said, watching as she struggled to open her eyes. "But you're okay."

Finally, her eyes opened and she worked to focus on the man in front of her.

"Hey there, baby…" Ed said, his tears beginning to fall again at the sight of her awake.

"Noah?" she rasped, her voice not quite working how she would have liked. But Ed began to fill in the blanks.

"He's at home," Ed assured her. "Lucy had class this afternoon, so my mom's with him and spoiling him rotten."

Olivia just smiled, her eyes becoming more clear as she just stared at her fiancé.

"He brought the tree?"

"Yep," Ed answered, moving his index finger to stroke at her cheek. "He wanted you to have Christmas in your room…"

Olivia just followed his face with her eyes, a look of contentment washing over her, before she took a deep breath.

"Am I okay?" she asked softly, almost as if she wanted to relish in their moment together before he delivered bad news. But he just nodded and smiled.

"You are," he said, sparing her some of the details she didn't need that moment. She was awake and that was all that mattered. "They had to remove your spleen and you lost a lot of blood. But they got you patched up. Just been waiting for you to decide to stop playing Sleeping Beauty on me…"

Olivia let out a little chuckle, before grimacing at the pain.

"Ouch," she said, Ed immediately clutching her hand and reaching for the buzzer.

"Let me get a nurse in here," he said. "They should check you over."

As they settled in together, waiting for the arrival of the nurse, Olivia smiled at Ed and moved her hand to cup his cheek.

"Thank you," she said.

"For what?"

"For not leaving my side…"

"Never will," he said, firmly.

"We may have to push Christmas back a few days," she said with a playful tone to it. "I still don't have my shopping done…"

Ed just smiled and kept playing with her fingers and her hair.

"Doesn't matter," he said. "I only had one wish this Christmas, and you just gave it to me."

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