Word Count: 1,034

postponing The End

"We can't have a crisis," Theodoriel said, flipping through his calendar. "Not right now! My schedule is already full."

"What?" Basile put a hand over his vessel's heart, feigning shock. "Above and Down Below didn't account for your book club meetings when they planned the Apocalypse? I'm shocked, really."

Eight-year-old Hata laughed. "Good one, Papa!"

Hata had indeed called them Papa and Dad since the moment she could speak.

Theo was personally just glad that she didn't call either of them Father, but that title was reserved for her biological father, Samael. Also known as Beelzebub, Lucifer, Lord of Hell, Luci—provided you had a slight death wish or were called Gabriel—and, somehow, Oliver.

Nobody really knew how that had happened, but no one particularly fancied asking, either.

"Don't worry," Basile said, "I have a plan."

Hata turned to Theodoriel, "Daddy, may I teleport myself away? I don't think running's fast enough."

"Ha ha." The demon crossed his arms. "It's a great plan."

"The last time you said that—with the guardian-teacher meeting six months ago, you remember?—you set the house on fire-"

"It's wasn't technically on fire!" Basile interrupted his partner.

"You're right, Papa," Hata nodded seriously. "It wasn't on fire. It exploded."

Meanwhile, unknown to anyone outside of their little group, the Seven Deadly Sins—not to be confused with the fictional series, anyone who does that is dooming themselves—were holding their contest.

This contest was held every fifty years between Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Wrath, and Sloth and was used to determine who would be the main sin for the following five decades.

Envy had won the previous time and Lust the one before.

Pride couldn't let that happen again.

Ey needed to win this time. Anything else would hurt eir pride and Pride's pride was hurt by the mere suggestion that something like this might be possible.

And when Pride's pride was hurt, there was no real point in being Pride anymore, was there?

So, to gain eir pride back, Pride had to win the contest.

And ey would do that. For eir pride.

An angel, a demon—who have been sexually involved for over three decades—and their adopted child, the Antichrist, walk into a bar.

This is not the start of a joke. There is no punchline.

"Hey, no children in here!" the barman exclaimed, pointing to a sign by the entrance.

"Well, that is horribly rude," Theodoriel observed as looked at the sign.

It read No Dumbasses Allowed.

Basile looked at Hata proudly, before he turned to the perplexed human. "Don't worry. Our Hata's a smart girl. But we're here for business." He lowered his sunglasses slightly and gave the man his nicest smile. "So if we may speak with the manager of this...fine establishment."

The bar was called The Rotten Corpse and looked like it.

They were lead to the back into the office of some man in his mid-fifties. He was smoking a cigar and colossally failing an attempt to look like Marlon Brando in the Godfather

"Listen here," he said, slowly rising from his chair.

It might, possibly, have looked threatening to a human (child), but not for them.

"No, you listen. Remember me, amigo? I need a favour. You get your soul back in exchange. Do we have a deal?"

Pride was placed second, behind Greed.

Greed had really wanted the title again. Xey had been downright greedy.

As a celebration, xey gave someone the idea to raise the prices of water by the tenfold.

In other news, the closest thing Above and Down Below had to a headquarter on earth was bombed.

Separately, because they were not even on the same continent.

Humans suspected some terror group of the Middle East—because that had been the first impulse for over two decades now.

The damned and ethereal Beings knew better.

Basile shrugged as he entered his prized Pierce Silver Arrow. "Well, that didn't end the way I expected, but at least nobody important died."

"Nobody important?" Theo questioned as he entered the second place at the front. "The Pope died."

"That's what I said, nobody important."

Hata giggled in the backseat.

Theo shook his head. "I still don't understand how the barman was able to organise this."

"Oh," Blaise waved his hand dismissively. "He knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows that one guy that is smuggling bombs all over Europe."

"But, how?"

Blaise held up his smartphone. "The Internet, of course. How else does anyone know anyone these days?"

"Good point," Theo acknowledged.

"Can we go to the cinema?" Hata questioned.

Theo and Blaise looked at each other.

"Sure, why not," Blaise decided after a few seconds. "That could be fun."

Death, Pollution, War, and Famine were having a brunch in Tokyo when they all got a text message from St. Michael, the Archangel.

No one even knew when he had discovered the invention of the wheel, so it was quite stunning to see a text from him. It was completely in capslock and read.

IT IS TIME!

The four horsepeople looked among each other.

"Anyone else in favour of ignoring it?" Famine asked, moving her long, blonde hair behind her ear.

She received nods all around.

"That's good. Now, if you'll excuse me, a village in Somalia is waiting for my arrival." She didn't bother to stand up, she simply disappeared.

War muttered something about the Middle East and left, shortly followed by Pollution who had just discovered that more oil had gotten into the ocean somewhere.

"Excuse me?" Death motioned to the waitress. "Could I get another milkshake please?"

That was the reason that ne had reapers. Ne could take a break whenever ne felt like it.

And ne did that quite often.

At the very same time, an apple fell from a tree.

This was important, because it wasn't just any tree.

It was the Tree of Knowledge in the Garden of Eden.

No angel noticed the apple, until it was stolen by a human soul that had left their personal heaven to satisfy their curiosity.

The human in question was none other than...

You know what? That would be telling.

Please tell me what you think!

~Marvelgeek42