Maki Point of View:

Diary Entry:

I've been noticing the way she's been looking at me more and more recently. At least… I think I have. I kind of hope I'm not just imagining it. Every time she looks at me I feel my heart do a weird fluttery thing. It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but I just wanted to get this down on paper. I don't know. Its weird how it's easier to tell your feelings to a piece of paper than it is to a friend.

I thought about telling Umi about this, but I figured if Umi found out, then Kotori would be bound to find out as well, and it wouldn't be long before everyone knew... So, a diary entry it is.

Okay, I'm just gonna go ahead and write it: I like her. I like Honoka. I mean, really like her.

I know everyone wants me to be with Nico. I know she likes me. I like her too, but only as a friend. I can't help the way I feel. This is it. I know what I want, and its Honoka. All I need to do is work up the courage to tell her how I feel.

It's absolutely freezing today. I'm a second year in school now and so Nico, Nozomi and Eli are all off at college doing their own thing, but that doesn't mean we don't see each other regularly. I'm happy we've managed to keep the friendship group so close, and even though I do miss the live shows, it's sometimes pretty nice not to have the pressure of song writing and dance routine deadlines hanging over us. We can just take it easy.

I'm walking to the front gates, and my heart stops when I see Honoka standing there, blowing warm breath into her hands. I think for a second that I'd love to hold them – to say I wanted to warm them up, but really just to feel them – then I think about how embarrassing that would be and I push the thought out of my head.

Honoka sees me and smiles her huge smile, waving her arms and calling my name. I pad towards her, careful not to slip on any ice on the way. When I get to her, she immediately diverts her attention to Kotori, who was apparently following not far behind me. Kotori happily joins us as we approach the school, and I try not to silently curse her for not allowing us to have a moment alone.

Classes drone by, but it's not too bad. I'm excited for lunch because I've expertly prepared myself the most amazing bed of rice with chopped up vegetables. Despite the cold, I decide to sit outside on the bench that surrounds the big tree on the school grounds. I'm the only one there until Kotori sits down and joins me.

"Your lunch looks good." She smiles as she pulls out her own. Compared to hers, mine is nothing. She's got little pieces of meat that are cut into the shapes of smiling panda bears planted on top of carefully moulded rice. It smells amazing. I guess all that time she spends designing clothes makes her lunches come out cute too.

None of us say anything for a while, until I notice she's starting to look nervous.

She looks up at me and asks "Can I tell you something, Maki?"

"Of course you can, you can always tell me anything." I put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. I'm always happy for my friends to confide in me.

She looks relieved. "I'm so glad! I just wanted to tell someone. I don't think I can keep it a secret anymore…" she takes a deep breath. "I have a crush on Honoka."

I almost spat out my rice. My heart drops. I gulp but it's hard to swallow. I try to keep up my friendly expression and not tighten my grip on her shoulder. Instead I just nod, stand up, and say "Good for you! You should definitely go for it. I'm sure you guys would make a great couple."

I could feel her eyes on me as I walked away, hands stuffed deep into my pockets. I knew I'd left my lunch behind on the bench but right now I didn't care to go back and retrieve it. The last thing I thought as I walked away was 'This isn't going to end well.'

Woah, it's me, the one who wrote this. This is my first time writing a weird 1st person format, present tense, diary-entry-containing absolute mess. But I hope someone enjoys it anyway!