Chapter 17

All In

Summary:

Cloud breaks the news of his decision to Zack.

He had actually done it. It had been a lot messier than he ever anticipated but Cloud had accomplished it. He had been able to walk out of the hospital, after getting his fingers tended to, with his head held high and feelings of triumph gently washing over him. By the time his journey ended at the door of his warehouse Cloud was exhausted. He slumped down next to his bike unable to care about much of anything bar the relief he felt. He lay on the ground, staring up at the sky. It looked bluer than he had ever seen it before. The sun shone brighter than it had ever before.

Cloud was free. Free like he had never been before in his life. The shadow of the past no longer hung over him. It was still there, and would always be there, but it was safely tucked away in a corner, and Cloud felt confident that it would never threaten him again. Because things had ended right. It hadn't been perfect, but it had been right.

He could focus on his future now. What an alien concept. He could actually for once in his life truly focus on his future. That thought made him ecstatic. And not in a demure and quiet way either, as often was Cloud's prefered state of existing. No, he was burning with energy all of a sudden. His heart drummed a wild tune. His cheeks ached from the smile he had worn since he turned his back on that hospital. He wanted to dance and sing and scream. And he wanted to do all these things with Zack.

But Zack was gone. This was the resupply run to the church weekend. And Cloud knew Zack had gone down this morning, with Denzel and Rupert. And on top of that he would be visiting his parents this entire coming week. Cloud would have to sit on his excitement until Zack returned.

Cloud supposed he could share his joy with Roxas. His brother had tried to call him several times that morning, after all. But Cloud had ignored the calls on purpose. He had needed to concentrate on pumping himself up for his encounter with Sephiroth. But Cloud was now in a much better frame of mind to actually be happy on his birthday and to talk to another living being.

Cloud lifted his hips off the ground and rummaged through his pockets, feeling for his phone.

A shadow fell across his chest on this most beautiful and cloudless of days.

Cloud's hips dropped and he looked across to the source of the dark shape. His breath caught. His heart erupted and burst. Cloud lurched into a sitting position. "Zack! What are you doing here? I thought you'd gone to Gongaga." The pieces of Cloud's heart that had remained intact thumped with excitement. He couldn't keep the ever increasing joy from his face.

Zack however spoke stiffly, "Roxas called me. He told me today's your birthday," Zack rubbed the back of his head, "so I figured I should stay - no one should be alone on their birthday."

Cloud felt touched by the man's love for him. His smile only broadened, scrunching his face up with the immense affection he felt.

Zack had - of course - guessed correctly that the old Cloud would be having a miserable time on his birthday. Even though they weren't technically on speaking terms right now Zack made the exception to look out for him. Because that's the kind of guy he was. Because that's how much Zack loved him.

Jumping up, Cloud lightly dusted himself off and strode towards Zack for a hug. But he was taken aback by Zack's serious expression.

There was pain in his voice as he quickly spoke, "You went to the hospital today, didn't you? I was looking for you earlier, but you weren't here."

Cloud's smile fell and he stopped within arms reach of Zack. "Yeah. I saw Sephiroth," Cloud responded. The gravitas in his voice matching Zack's, beautifully.

Zack refused to look at Cloud, casting eyes to the side. "I'm sorry to do this to you on your birthday, but - I'm all out of patience, Cloud," Zack's words were labored and burdened.

Cloud believed him. He had stretched Zack's good will to the limit.

Zack's eyes flicked up. "I need an answer, today."

Cloud bit his lip to keep the shit eating grin inside. Everything was alright, Zack just didn't know it yet. Cloud had thought long and hard about how he wanted to announce his choice to Zack. How to properly tell this gorgeous ball of energy, compassion and strength that Cloud had chosen him; his future and probably the love of his life.

Cloud had run through different scenarios but there was only one he always seemed to return to. There was only one which felt poetic; only one which just fit. It was the most embarrassing, and most out of character thing for Cloud to ever do, but Cloud wanted to do it - for Zack, and himself. If Cloud ever wanted things to change in his life he knew he had to change himself as well.

There was no more shadow of the past to loom over and drown Cloud. That excitement of being free to live his life any way he wanted to, engulfed him. It coursed through his veins. His heart raced with vigor.

He didn't want to give the game away though. So Cloud mustered up all his two decades worth of experience at looking as solemn and grave as possible. He even threw in a bit of a pained frown, just to make Zack stew a bit more.

It seemed to be working, judging by how Zack's brow furrowed and the way sadness creeped into those naturally cheerful eyes.

"I have made a decision," he said gravely, while fireworks went off inside himself. "Can you come inside with me? I don't want to do this out here." Cloud threw a glance over Zack's shoulder and waved at Mr. Hennesey across the way, who waved back.

"Sure," Zack said, breathing out the tension he carried. He glanced over his shoulder and also waved at the man across from them, with a forced smile.

Cloud slowly lead the way inside to his workshop. It was actually difficult to keep the spring out of his step. This was so bizarre. Cloud never thought it possible for him to feel this way. He turned when they reached his desk."Can you just wait here for a moment. I need to get something."

"Sure," was the terse response.

Zack looked so anxious. Cloud was drinking it up. His excitement was building to its crescendo. He couldn't wait to see Zack's face. He also couldn't wait to see what amusing punishment Zack would come up with once found out how badly he had been tricked.

Cloud breathed in deep, quieting the trembling in his body. He moved up the stairs with very slow and deliberate movements. Yet once he was behind closed doors the grin he had been suppressing sprung forth. He raced around to fetch what he needed. Nerves were building inside of Cloud but he pushed through them. He wasn't going to chicken out of this. Cloud would never have found freedom and love if Zack had ever chickened out in the past. Cloud wanted to be brave like Zack.

No.

He was brave like Zack.

Having grabbed his speakers and music player he raced back to his door. Cloud breathed in deep, composing himself, and donned on the deadpan expression he had always worn so well. He gravely walked back down the stairs to stand before Zack.

Cloud buzzed with nervous energy. Warmth spread up his neck and onto his cheeks. He lit up with embarrassment. He couldn't stop the pained expression from scrunching up his face. Cloud set the speaker down on his desk, found the karaoke track and hit the play button.

The music started, and Zack looked confused. "What's going on?"

Cloud tried to keep a straight face as he began to sway. He inhaled sharply. "I'm giving you my answer." Cloud was completely unsure and uncomfortable with himself. It was too much like how he had been when he started his journey with Roxas six years ago. He felt totally stupid, and out of his depth. But he also knew it was something he needed to do. Better things awaited him when he pushed himself, and pushed through the negativity that lived in his head.

He had always needed to get on with life. And he owed Zack so much. So what was a few minutes of looking a fool? But he felt so sick inside. Cloud swallowed it down though. He started slow, breathing deeply to still his nerves. He sang with deliberation and care, trying to find his voice.

- All night staring at the ceiling
- Counting for minutes I've been feeling this way
- So far away and so alone

Cloud fixed his eyes on Zack the whole time, much like Zack had done with Cloud so long ago. His stomach blazed with a hurricane of butterflies. Cloud wanted Zack to know that every - single - word - was for him. Cloud meant everything he was singing, even if he didn't come up with the words himself.

- But you know it's alright
- I came to my senses
- Letting go of my defenses
- There's no way I'm giving up this time
- Yeah, you know I'm right here
- I'm not losing you this time

As the music built Cloud felt it echo and mirror the excitement and joy that currently lived within himself. Cloud became more comfortable with himself and what he was doing. And the same could be said for his life in general. Cloud was a lot more confident in his own skin nowadays. He had found something to fight for. And it wasn't so much an external force either, but more an internal one. Cloud had learned to fight for himself.

He gave himself over to the chorus.

- And I'm all in, nothing left to hide
- I've fallen harder than a landslide
- I spent a week away from you last night
- And now I'm calling, calling out your name
- Even if I lose the game, I'm all in
- I'm all in tonight, yeah I'm all in, I'm all in for life

Cloud watched with glee as Zack's expression changed. The words began to wash over him. Confusion morphed and blossomed into understanding. The small quip of lips grew into an enormous, all encompassing smile.

Cloud moved closer to Zack. He wanted to be intimate with him. He wanted Zack to know how much their relationship meant to him. Cloud poured his heart into the next verse.

- There's no taking back
- What we've got's too strong,
- We've had each other's back for too long
- There's no breaking up this time

Cloud placed his hand on Zack's cheek, stroking him gently.

- And you know it's okay, I came to my senses
- Letting go of my defenses
- There's no way I'm giving you up this time

There was nothing but love and joyful tears sparkling in Zack's eyes. Cloud pulled away and let all the rapture his new found freedom brought him, fly. He belted out the chorus like no one was watching. This was a celebration of Cloud's new found life. He had gotten himself into trouble eight years ago, but now he had finally put himself back on the only path he ever wanted to tread.

He really and truly was -

- All in, nothing left to hide
- I've fallen harder than a landslide
- I spent a week away from you last night
- And now I'm calling, calling out your name,
- Even if I lose the game, I'm all in
- I'm all in tonight, yeah I'm all in, I'm all in for life

Cloud grinned at Zack as the music slowed again. His face flushed brighter with embarrassment at the knowledge of what he was about to do.

- I want it, I want it, yeah I want it
- Yeah, I want you, I want you, I want you,
- Yeah and I want Zack, I want Zack, yeah I want you,

- And I'm all in, calling out your name
- Even if I lose the game, I'm all in, I'm all in for life

Cloud grabbed Zack's hand, pulling him close and they swayed energetically together with the music.

When Cloud started up on the final chorus, Zack joined in, having caught on easily enough to the words.

- And I'm all in, nothing left to hide
- I've fallen harder than a landslide
- I spent a week away from you last night
- And now I'm calling, calling out -

"Zack/Cloud!" they shouted each other's names in unison, grinning wildly.

- Even if I lose the game, I'm all in
- I'm all in tonight, yeah I'm all in, I'm all in for life

Cloud squeezed his eyes shut, clenched his fists and belted out the last line.

- Yeah, I'm all in, I'm all in fooooooooooor liiiiiiife! (1)

Cloud finished, breathing heavily, and smiling like a fool. His cheeks ached, his nose scrunched. He was over the moon.

"I choose you, Zack," he beamed, rosy cheeked and full of glee.

Zack's own grin couldn't be bigger if he had tried. "There's my sunshine," thumbs ran over the hot apples of Cloud's cheeks. "God, I love your smile," Zack spoke with tinkling elation. He pulled Cloud's face closer towards his own and planted a chaste but no less hungry kiss on wanting lips.

Cloud inhaled deeply. He had missed Zack so much. His smell, his warmth, his smile and voice. The love Cloud felt for Zack was enormous.

They pulled apart, and fondly gazed at each other.

"Welcome home, Cloud," Zack breathed.

Cloud's heart filled with warmth and pleasure. His eyes travelled around his dark warehouse. Across the vehicles he had to work on, and onto his flashing phone. There was always more work coming in. Eyes fell and rested on the frame holding that beloved photograph taken on one of the most painful days of Cloud's life.

Cloud smiled intensely as his heart filled with vibrant love and life. He lay his eyes back onto the flesh and blood Zack in front of himself.

"I really, truly, finally am home. I'm never leaving again, Zack. I promise. My life is here, in the present, with you. Although -," Cloud's face dropped a little, "I can't promise that the past won't come and haunt me from time to time."

Zack's hand slid up into Cloud's mop and gently rubbed, mussing already disheveled hair.

"It's alright. I'll be by your side, like I know you'll be by mine, when both our pasts come knocking."

Cloud looked back up, vibrance returning and lighting his face. "I love you so much, Zack," he managed to squeeze out through the enormity of deep love and affection which welled inside himself for the other man.

Zack pushed their foreheads together. "And I love you, Cloud." He nuzzled Cloud's cheek before he pushed lips firmly against Cloud's smiling ones for a deep and longing kiss. Tongues entwined and stroked against one another in languid leisure.

Cloud was engulfed in that scent of earthy warmth which was quintessentially Zack. Strong arms wrapped him up, pulling him closer against the only man he would ever need and want in his life ever again. Somehow Cloud's smile only grew through the kiss and a joyous laugh began rocking through him.

They pulled apart and Zack looked at Cloud with love and amusement, as Cloud shook harder with mirth.

"It feels like I've been waiting forever to see you like this. I'm glad it's finally here," Zack spoke tenderly.

Cloud's laugh simmered a little and he grew abashed as fingers were on his cheeks again, stroking him.

"Sorry it took so long," Cloud said, feeling somewhat shy.

"Gah! You don't need to apologize. And stop looking so cute! Today's your birthday. I feel like you're showering me with too many gifts, man. You're gonna make me feel inadequate, coz it was too short notice to get you anything."

Cloud looked up, meeting Zack's gaze. "It's alright, Zack. I gave myself the biggest gift of my life today."

"Oh?"

"Mmm, yeah. The gift of finally starting my normal life. I've put my past to bed. I've turned off the lights. I'm choosing to forgive him, and," Cloud felt the familiar prickle of tears in his eyes, but he still smiled through it, "I'm also choosing to forgive myself. I've done bad things. I've hurt people. But I'm not gonna be a victim of my past any more. I'm letting go of that. And… " Cloud grabbed onto Zack's sides and pulled the man against himself, "I'm holding on tight to my life with you. So don't worry. Nothing you could ever give me could possibly be better than what I've finally allowed myself to have." Cloud's soft smile turned into a cheeky grin.

Zack's eyes lit up and he began shaking with relief and laughter. It grew so enormous that he threw his head back and let his delight roar out of his body. When those gorgeous smiling blue eyes were training back down on Cloud they sparkled with joyful tears. "Wow, I'm so proud of you, Cloud. But I also take offense at that. I'm sure if you give me a chance I could find something that would be really good. Maybe something like this..."

Cloud was pulled into another loving kiss. Arms wrapped around one another, deepening their kiss. Cloud could feel how much Zack had missed him, and he was certain Zack could feel Cloud's own longing and joy at being together again as well.

They pulled away, both slightly breathless.

"That was pretty good, Zack."

Zack beamed. "I knew it would be. And there's plenty more if you want it. Anything for my birthday boy."

Cloud felt himself beginning to blush slightly. "What did I ever do to deserve you in my life?"

"Considering what you've been through I think life owes you." Zack's hands ran down Cloud's arms where he took both of Cloud's hands in his own and began stroking over bandaged fingers. His brows knit with concern.

"I'm alright, Zack," Cloud said, not even needing to hear the question.

Zack sighed with relief and let go of one of Cloud's hands to stroke his face instead. "You'll tell me about what happened one day, won't you?"

Cloud nodded and gave a reassuring smile, "Yeah. But not right now. I don't want to think about it for a while, if that's alright."

"Of course it's alright." Zack began pressing soft kisses against Cloud's cheek. "Today should be a happy day. So what do you wanna do? Do you want to do anything? Go anywhere?" he muffled against Cloud's ear, trailing kisses and affectionate nuzzles.

"I… I want to go out and drink. I want to go out and celebrate. Celebrate my life. Celebrate us. I… I just want to be with you and have a good time and go somewhere far away from here and camp out and be awake with you all night."

Zack hummed pleasantly and kissed Cloud's forehead before pulling away to smile at him. "That can all be arranged, Sunshine. Go pack some clothes and raid the cupboard in the boys kitchen. I know Rupert's been hiding away snacks. I'll go find the sleeping bags and tent. We can grab some booze on the way out of the city."

Cloud's face broke into a radiant smile. "That sounds really good."

"I'm full of great ideas," Zack boasted, looking rather proud of himself.

Suddenly a sob choked out of Cloud.

"Oh Cloud, what's the matter?"

"Nothing, it's just been a really intense day. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad I'm not all alone." Cloud smiled through his light onset of relieved tears.

Zack smiled at him softly. God, how Cloud loved that look. The love he felt for Zack was overwhelming. "I missed you so much," Cloud breathed, feeling the strangeness of being so unburdened.

Zack gently wiped at the tears and stroked damp cheeks. "I know the feeling, but c'mon, lets go. I've got this amazing place in mind, but we gotta get there before the sun goes down or we miss the most romantic part of that location."

Cloud chuckled, "Romantic? Really?"

"Yeah. You're gonna love it. The hills - the sunset over the ocean - the quiet."

"Oh, you're gonna shut up for five minutes?"

"Maybe even ten, but just coz it's your special day," Zack winked.

Cloud's slight rainy mood evaporating in Zack's bright cheer and enthusiasm. He huffed in gentle amusement and couldn't wipe the smile off his face even if he wanted to. "Alright, I'll race you. Last one to get their bike loaded up has to do the dishes for the next week." Cloud pressed a super quick kiss to lips and bolted towards his living area to grab a few essential things.

Cloud heard Zack's laugh and shout of, "You're on!" followed by thunderous footfalls heading in the other direction.

Cloud's normal life had finally begun.

.The End.

A Note from Cream Pudding -

(1) - Song Credit - All In - by Lifehouse

That's it for the fic and the series. I hope you enjoyed :)

I might write random one shots set in the universe of In Pursuit of a Normal Life (I've already written one follow up story), so if you're interested in that kinda stuff follow me to be notified. You can always chat to me on Kik - cr3ampudding or Tumblr - creamypudding

Take care!