There is no "the One;" only "Close Enough to Round Up to One"
Maura wanted to be patient, because she knew just how far she had pushed Jane already with regard to bondage. Getting Jane to the point of being willing to try it in a sexual setting had not been an outcome Maura was truly expecting, and now, Maura didn't want to push Jane too hard. But it was difficult when she would remember the image of Jane hovering over her, holding her binds in place and smirking down at her. When that thought surfaced, Maura wanted nothing more than to be in that position again. The feeling of transference of her power in that moment had been intoxicating.
But she also knew Jane's struggle with this had been raw and taxing, so patience won out, and in the meantime, she had terrific fantasy fodder.
And even though Jane's dominance in the moment had been extremely erotic, the experience itself wasn't really about that for Maura. Like she told Jane, it was more about trust and vulnerability. Maura didn't necessarily feel submissive when she was restrained, and she wasn't specifically looking to be dominated; there was certainly a fine line in which domination switched suddenly from arousing to repulsive for her. But she did feel as though she was in someone else's hands, and when she trusted that person…that was bliss. It felt like the one moment in time in which Maura allowed herself to not think. She just experienced. She didn't have to think of what might come next in the encounter, because it wasn't up to her, and as long as nothing she specifically didn't want was happening, she was just along for the ride.
This was why it was so important that she actually do this with Jane someday. Maura knew that, in Jane's hands, this bliss would be magnified. Jane knew her better than any of her lovers, they'd talked much more extensively about what they enjoyed, and ceding her power and her very thoughts to Jane's will felt like the safest, sanest thing she'd ever done. Her line of work often planted just enough doubt in her other partners to dampen the mood a bit. With Jane, she had complete trust, a rare thing that Maura couldn't wait to indulge.
The binds themselves were more of a symbol of powerlessness than anything, but despite that, they worked, and they brought Maura to that blissful headspace. She had tried and enjoyed having her feet bound, but really, all she needed were her hands immobilized, useless, and she would succumb.
A few weeks of fantasy, and no word from Jane about bondage, and Maura was beginning to wonder if it was safe to bring up the topic yet. She rehearsed a few different ways in her head as she fell asleep that night, while Jane spooned her, breathing already slow and content.
She woke up a few hours later from a light kick to her lower leg. She frowned and turned over. Jane could occasionally be a restless sleeper, or a restless not-sleeper. Maura tended to rest well in bed with Jane, but this happened every once in awhile. Mostly it would be Jane, half-awake, struggling to find a comfortable position, sometimes she would still be asleep. And sometimes, Maura would wake up to use the bathroom in the night to find Jane already awake, staring at the ceiling. But right now, Jane's eyes were shut, her brow furrowed, her lips moving soundlessly.
"Jane," Maura whispered, "Are you alright?"
Jane's eyes opened, huge and blinking, and her hand groped for Maura's arm. She swallowed. "Sorry. Did I wake you?" Her voice was rough, but steady.
"Yes, but it's okay." Maura settled down next to her, still unsure if it was safe to touch Jane.
But Jane grabbed Maura's arm and pulled it over her stomach. Maura squeezed. "Sorry," Jane muttered.
"Don't worry," Maura said quietly, moving closer, already drifting back to sleep. She knew not to ask if Jane had been dreaming. Most of the time, Jane didn't remember anything, or at least that's what she said. Sometimes, her restless sleep was because of some ridiculous dream about playing baseball. Once, she'd woken up, already on high alert, due to a dream in which she'd been battling a cavewoman with wild hair wearing black and white face paint.
Maura knew Jane still had nightmares, and that was to be expected, with everything she had been through. But she didn't try to force Jane to talk about them. When she blinked opened her eyes what felt like a few minutes later, Jane was breathing deeply beside her, Maura's arm still slung over her middle. Maura smiled and drifted back to sleep.
In the morning, Maura scrapped her rehearsed requests for bondage. Not knowing what had made Jane restless in the night, she didn't want to risk an insensitive suggestion. But Jane appeared fairly upbeat that morning, at least after her first cup of coffee. Their outlook on work appeared uneventful for them both so far, and although they knew that could easily change in a moment, it meant they lingered over breakfast a little.
Jane had several tells, and as they lingered, Maura was beginning to pick up on one. The nature of her eye contact changed in a subtle way when Jane was interested in sex. It was difficult to describe precisely what the orbicularis oculi did to indicate this, but Maura was beginning to notice it. She was starting to wonder if Jane's restless dream had been something not traumatizing, but erotic.
And when it was time for a shower, on a whim, Maura invited Jane to join her in her own bathroom.
Typically, they didn't shower at the same time, and most of the time, Maura preferred to do so alone. She had a routine she liked to follow, and having to accommodate someone else's use of the water disrupted her flow. Jane appeared to think along the same lines, as she'd never objected to using the guest room shower when she stayed over. But there were times Maura was willing to share her shower, and the strong possibility of a quickie before work definitely qualified.
Besides, in the back of her mind, Maura had filed away Jane's desire to bathe together, intending to enact it someday, probably on a cold night. This wasn't a bath, but it was similar, and Maura knew Jane would probably enjoy it. She was pretty sure she would, too, even if she had to share her showerhead.
Jane followed her into the bathroom, and Maura began to undress, placing clothes into the hamper. Behind her, Jane turned her head to watch Maura in the mirror over the sink, eyes drifting down shamelessly to take in Maura's breasts as they were revealed. Maura caught her eye and they smirked at each other. Jane seemed less embarrassed by being caught ogling Maura as of late, and Maura enjoyed the attention. Jane began to take off her own clothes, eyes returning to catch Maura's in the mirror as they undressed together. Jane dropped her clothes onto the floor, and though Maura itched to put them in the hamper, she knew that sometimes Jane wanted to take her dirty clothes home to wash, apparently guilty at the thought of Maura or her housekeeper doing her laundry—even though Maura washed more of her clothes than Jane probably realized. Jane sometimes seemed to not even notice when clean clothes were returned to her drawer in Maura's bedroom or the guest room.
Jane moved, then, coming up behind Maura to wrap her arms around her, kissing her shoulder, eyes still watching Maura's face in the mirror. Maura closed her eyes and felt Jane's arms, secure and strong around her, felt Jane's skin pressing against her. Maura smiled, and turned in Jane's arms to kiss her briefly. "Are you ready to get in?"
Jane nodded, "Yeah. Let's take a shower, babe."
Maura turned on the water and stepped in, inhaling deeply as the cool spray washed over her. She tended to wait for the water to warm up while she was already inside. Jane stepped in behind her and yelped, stepping right back out. Maura peeked around the shower curtain with a grin, "Sorry."
"Don't tell me you're one of those cold shower people," Jane grunted, face and hair glistening with just a splash of water, arms folded over herself.
"I don't mind a cool shower, but I'm just waiting for it to warm up," Maura called, then pushed her head under the water. She shook out her hair and continued, "While hot showers are good for stiff muscles and sinuses, cool showers are better for our hair and skin."
"My hair and skin are fine," Jane argued, "Is it hot yet?"
"It's warm. Come in."
Jane stepped in, arms still wrapped around her torso. "This isn't warm," she countered.
Maura laughed and reached to turn up the hot water. "Better?" she asked after a moment.
"I guess," Jane grumbled.
"Come here," Maura pulled Jane to her, and held her, the warming spray flowing down Maura's back. Jane exhaled near Maura's ear, and held her firmly for a long moment, but then her hands began to explore Maura's wet skin.
Jane pulled back, smiling, then asked, "Can I get wet now?"
"Just let me know how I can help," Maura replied with a wink.
Jane groaned and it turned into a laugh. "Well, first, let me warm up under the water, and then maybe we can talk about, um, other stuff."
Once Jane had enjoyed the hot shower spray, Maura was quick to initiate intimacy. For all that this had been the point of showering together, logistics had made it somewhat difficult to get to this point. Maura remembered why she didn't often attempt shower sex, but the sight of Jane, hair wet and dark, skin glistening with shower spray, was inspiration. Within a few minutes, she had Jane arching off the shower wall, clenching around Maura's fingers, their bodies pressed together as Maura practically held Jane up.
Maura watched Jane's heartbeat flutter in her throat as her head rested back against the shower wall, and then Jane was leaning forward to kiss her, lazily. Prolonging the kiss, Maura reached for the bar of soap and lathered it between her palms, then gently began running the soap over Jane's body. Jane laughed, a little. "You're washing me?"
"Yes," Maura responded playfully, and in spite of banter over the use of the shower spray, they both seemed to enjoy washing up together.
Naturally, Maura was perfectly content with the fact that she hadn't had an orgasm in the shower that morning, and just as naturally, she was certain that Jane was mildly disappointed that she hadn't. She anticipated that, probably sometime soon, Jane would make it her goal to get Maura off.
What she couldn't have anticipated was how.
During lunch, they took a walk to a nearby park with some carryout sandwiches. Jane found a bench that was at a distance from most of the activity in the park and they sat together.
Maura enjoyed the sun and the sounds and scents and sights of the nature around her. Boston was full of little oases like this, little parks in an emerald necklace among the buildings, just green enough to make one forget that they were in a major city. But halfway through her sandwich, her curiosity became her dominant thought, and she asked Jane, "So, why the picnic today? You hate the outdoors."
Jane shrugged. She was nearly finished with her sandwich and was focused mostly on her chips. "The outdoors are okay sometimes. Just wanted to go somewhere with you today."
It was sweet, and though Maura felt like this couldn't be the entire story, she decided not to press Jane. Jane eventually set her chips aside without finishing them and sat sipping her coffee, gaze taking in the park, a serious expression on her face.
By the time she had nearly finished the fruit that accompanied her sandwich, Maura was certain they didn't have much time left for lunch and should be heading back soon. She was about to say so when Jane finally said , "I'm ready to…you know. Do it."
Maura turned to her, perplexed. "To what does the 'it' refer in this case?" she inquired. But already her BPM was accelerating, already her body was tightening, coiling in anticipation of being told what she longed to hear.
To her credit, Jane remained fairly unflustered as she responded. "I want to fulfill you in ways I wasn't able to before, Maura," she started, and she angled her body more toward Maura on the bench. Her hesitant gaze crept toward meeting Maura's as she continued, "You've done…so much to make me into a happier, healthier and more fulfilled person, and though I mean sexually here, it's true of the rest of my life, too." Her eyes darted away at the confession, but other than a light flush on her face, she continued to remain collected. "Today in the shower made me remember, I don't want to keep you waiting for something you want or need, because you never make me do that." For a moment, Maura thought about her plan for Fenway, and wanted to refute Jane, but she avoided spoiling the surprise in the works. "So I want to do it for you. I want to…like…tie you up and, uh, fuck you while you're wearing your butt…thing." She met Maura's eye cautiously again. "If that's something you want," she added, voice soft and vulnerable.
"That's…exactly what I want," Maura replied faintly. Her head was swimming, and just the sight of Jane wetting her lips, probably to combat xerostomia due to nerves, made her feel even more light-headed and dreamy.
"Yeah?" Jane was smiling a little, "Want to do it tonight?" She almost blurted it.
Maura almost laughed. "Yes. Absolutely."
For the rest of the day, Maura had difficulty focusing on her work. It was a little frustrating, given that this was not a problem she typically had, but she also didn't exactly mind the way her thoughts were drifting to what she was going to do with Jane that night. She finished up her work as quickly as she could given her state of distraction, and then headed home to meet Jane.
Maura's heart was pounding as she entered her home, knowing Jane was parking and would be right behind her. She put her purse on her desk, on autopilot, and shuffled through it to retrieve her phone, but then she heard the door, and stopped. Jane stepped in, and Maura took in her wild eyes, the way she licked her lips. Jane strode toward her and took Maura's hips in her hands, leaning down to kiss her. Maura indulged the kisses for a few moments, then disengaged, wanting to look at Jane again and gauge her expression. Jane often appeared nervous before they tried something new, but even so, Maura wanted to make sure Jane had an out, if she required it. "We don't have to do this, you know. If you're not ready…"
"I'm ready," Jane kissed her again, "I want to do this," she told Maura, backing away enough to meet her eye, "I just don't want to screw it up," she said with a half-smile and a chuckle.
"I sincerely doubt you will," Maura replied, "And even if, for some reason, we had to stop the scene, it's absolutely okay." She felt it was necessary to ensure Jane realized consent could be withdrawn at any time. Jane gave a short nod, and Maura said, "Shall we head upstairs?"
The air felt like it was buzzing between them as they ascended the stairs, and even though Maura was fairly certain she should be hungry, she was too excited for it to be relevant. Besides, there was time for dinner after sex. Maura believed in fucking first.
Once inside her bedroom, Maura headed into the closet. There was no reason not to leave the door open, no reason not to allow Jane to follow her inside, but Maura liked making Jane wait outside. It built curiosity, it built tension. Jane, being an impatient person anyway, always had a frenetic energy after being forced to wait for something she wanted, and Maura liked when that energy got directed at her.
So she took her time, debating how much to undress. She settled on stripping down to her underwear, briefly debated changing them, but she didn't suspect they would be on her body for much longer, anyway. She opened her sex toy drawer and lifted out the cuffs, the butt plug and lube, and then grabbed a scarf, then headed out the door.
Jane had removed her shoes, socks and jacket and started unbuttoning her top, but was otherwise clothed. She stopped when she saw Maura approach. She reached out a hand to circle Maura's waist and bring her close, leaning in to kiss her. She eyed Maura's hands. "So, that's everything, huh?"
"Yes," Maura replied, moving toward the bed to place everything down. Jane followed, and quickly, they, too, were on the bed, Jane straddling Maura's hips and kissing her. Jane's fingertips were stroking over Maura's bare skin, grazing over her bra, and the longer they kissed the more desperate Maura became to touch Jane. She began reaching for her buttons, but Jane gently took one of her hands, bringing it to her mouth to kiss her fingertips, then placing it back down on the bed. It wasn't until Maura lifted the hand again, only to have Jane intercept it and put it back on the bed, that she understood, and she nearly whimpered at the realization that Jane wasn't going to let her touch her. Maura felt a desperate energy of her own well up in her body, and saw, from Jane's smirk, that Jane could tell exactly what was happening to her.
"Sit up a sec," Jane murmured, sitting back on her heels. Maura obeyed, and Jane grabbed both her wrists with one hand while the other reached around her to, a little clumsily, unclasp her bra.
The grip on Maura's wrists wasn't a particularly strong one, and she probably could have broken free, but she decided to indulge Jane, and helped take the bra off once it was unclasped. She couldn't even care that much about Jane tossing it onto the floor. Mostly, she was eager to see what Jane did next.
Jane chewed her lip for a moment, then reached for the cuffs. She held one up, and Maura let her buckle it on, then the other one. Though the action itself didn't carry any significant erotic weight to Maura, she felt wetter, just from the anticipation of what the cuffs promised.
After the cuffs were both on, Jane lifted each hand in turn and kissed both of Maura's palms. Maura wanted to reach for Jane's hair, wanted to cup her jaw, but Jane held her wrists just firmly enough to prevent it.
Jane looked at her with anxious eyes, then. "I think…you should probably handle the…butt plug." She'd managed the words, which was good, Maura though.
"Absolutely," Maura agreed. She could understand Jane's reticence. Jane needed to get used to this, like she got used to so many other things about sex with Maura.
Jane moved off to the side of Maura and handed her the lube and the butt plug. "Should I…give you some privacy?" she asked uncertainly, as Maura removed her panties and applied some lube to the tip of the toy.
"If you want to," Maura replied, "You don't have to watch if it will bother you."
Jane didn't say anything, but she didn't move. She didn't exactly have a head-on view of what was happening, but Maura was sure she could see the gist. Maura leaned back. She gasped at the cool sensation of the toy, a not entirely unpleasant feeling. Jane shifted, and Maura closed her eyes, concentrated on relaxing her muscles, slowly easing the toy inside of herself. She was glad Jane hadn't left the room or anything, because even if she wasn't watching the exact process, Maura knew she would at least be getting a sense for how to take things slowly and gently.
It felt sudden when the widest part of the toy pushed inside of her, and she groaned as it slid fully into place. Her eyes fluttered open, and sought Jane, who apparently had been watching Maura's face, her lips parted.
Jane licked her lips, "Is it…in?"
"Yes," Maura said softly.
"You look amazing," she murmured, and in a lithe motion, she was leaning across Maura's body, lowering her mouth to kiss Maura's face. Her hand trailed over Maura's skin, smoothing over her hip and then up to her breast. Her palm covered the curve of the breast, her fingers stroked Maura's nipple.
Maura arched toward Jane's touch and then reached for Jane herself, unable to resist, wanting to tangle her fingers in Jane's hair, wanting to stroke the soft skin and lithe muscles of Jane's upper body. But Jane retreated as Maura's hands lifted, moving back to sit on her heels, and her hand followed the curves of Maura's waist and hips, over her thigh and between her legs. Her fingers stroked over Maura, gently touching her clit, then stroked further down, exploring the anchor of the butt plug, making Maura gasp.
Jane watched her, brows constricted, "Okay?" she asked as her fingers stilled.
"Yes. Even little touches on it…feel amazing."
Jane touched the anchor, barely manipulating it, and Maura whimpered at the sensation in her sensitive flesh. But Jane didn't spend too long there, perhaps due to unfamiliarity, and was soon reaching for the scarf at the side of the bed. She knelt before Maura, who sat up a little. "Hold out your hands," Jane requested softly.
Maura did so, and watched as Jane carefully tied the scarf to either cuff. She let Maura test the strength of the bond, and as soon as Maura realized it was secure, Jane smirked, and Maura felt like she was melting.
Jane leaned to kiss Maura, then her lips began trailing down Maura's body with an excitement bordering on impatience, and quickly she was settling between Maura's legs, tongue stroking all over soft flesh. Maura groaned, feeling her back arch involuntarily, as Jane's tongue swirled over her clit. Maura's hands reached, finding Jane's hair, her fingers tangling and tugging. Jane made a muffled, pleased sound as her mouth continued to work, and Maura reveled in the feeling of her bound hands holding Jane's head steady.
Jane indulged Maura's hands on her head, continuing to lick and suck at Maura's clit, until Maura was undulating against her mouth, hands gripping Jane's hair in a steady tug, the air full of breathy gasps and muffled moans. Then Jane was lifting her head, forcing Maura to let go, and she gazed at Maura with dark, wild eyes, licking her lips and wiping at her mouth. She reached for Maura's hands, grasping the scarf that bound them together, and then was leaning over Maura's body, lifting her arms over her head and pinning the scarf against the headboard.
Maura's eyes rolled back in her head as Jane pinned her in place. Maura gave a cursory tug, ensuring that she was actually immobilized, and then focused on Jane, who was looking down at her with a confident smirk, wild hair falling over her shoulders. She leaned close, and Maura lifted her head to meet her lips, but Jane stayed just out of reach, until Maura sank back with a frustrated moan, feeling the erotic charge between them.
Jane kissed her then, a quick, short kiss, a reassurance, a reward, and Maura grinned. Jane's other hand stroked Maura's breast, rolling her nipples, and Maura sank into that state of trust and relinquished control. Jane was leaning over, pressing her face into Maura's cleavage, teeth and tongue teasing the soft flesh of Maura's breasts. She worshipped them with her face and one hand, and Maura tugged against her bindings as the longing to touch Jane's hair and face overrode thought and the knowledge that she was bound. Maura's breath hitched as Jane's hand kept hers in place, and her body felt like it was filling with lightning at the unrequited need to touch her lover. Maura's eyes fell shut as she released a long moan.
Jane chuckled, but otherwise seemed unaffected by Maura's palpable desperation. She continued her near-sacred ministrations on Maura's breasts, continued drawing out sounds from Maura's lips, until Maura heard the quality of her moans change, and she was practically whining, her nipples so hard and so sensitive from repeated attention that they were almost sore, her clit so swollen she felt like it was the source of her pulse. It was almost too much to bear, and a "Please," spilled out from her mouth before she could suppress it. Jane gave her a triumphant grin and latched onto a nipple once more, giving it a short, firm suck that verged on painful, but produced an explosion of pleasurable stars behind Maura's eyelids.
Then Jane released her breast and almost immediately Maura felt Jane's fingers pressing between her legs, stroking over her clit, over wetness. Maura arched again, hips lifting to meet Jane's hand, and her eyes flew open wide as she felt fingers slipping inside. A groan started in Maura's chest, her eyelids fluttered sightlessly. She could feel Jane's fingers pressing deep inside her, could feel her knuckles nudging the toy through the thin layers of Maura's flesh. Maura was gasping wordlessly, trying to express how amazing it felt to be so full, for every pump of Jane's fingers to press against the toy, heightening all sensation.
Jane's fingers were moving slowly at first, curling, pressing deep. Maura looked up at her as she held herself over Maura's body, took in the muscles of her forearms that held Maura in place. Jane was still almost fully dressed, her shirt unbuttoned, with the sleeves rolled up, and her mussed, wild appearance was insanely sexy to Maura, much as she wished she could just tear the rest of her clothes off. That desire, impossible in her position, only made her wetter, and she met Jane's eyes. Jane was studying her, looking almost smug, and indulged Maura in another quick kiss, just enough to make Maura whimper.
"I love making you feel so good," Jane murmured, her fingers continuing their steady movements, "You're so beautiful."
Maura didn't have much of vocabulary at the moment, and her only response was a few disjointed curses and blasphemous phrases. Jane's smirk grew, and she pushed her fingers in deep, curling, making Maura arch and moan. Maura's hips were now undulating, trying to match Jane's motions, and as she started gasping for breath, Jane pulled her fingers almost all the way out and thrust them back in. Maura groaned aloud, her arms flexing to balance as her body pushed back against Jane, and then Jane was thrusting, steadily and firmly, and Maura felt every sensation of Jane's fingers, of the toy, of her wrists held in place, reverberate all through her body. She felt like an instrument, and Jane was playing all the right notes.
And as Jane continued to thrust, Maura felt her orgasm building. She began to moan encouraging and affirming words, and Jane's eyes were alight, her lips parted, all of her attention and focus on Maura. She murmured, seemingly to herself, "God, I love making you come," and that was all it took for Maura, she was arching, bucking, crying out as Jane's fingers kept moving inside of her, intensifying everything. And abruptly, Maura was coming again, Jane's ceaseless movements and soft moans of encouragement drawing more out of her.
Maura wasn't entirely sure how long she came, nor if she was experiencing multiple orgasms or just one extended orgasm, but finally she gasped, "Okay. I…can't." Jane pressed her fingers deep inside once more, eliciting a last jolt of pleasure through Maura, and then Maura collapsed, her body finally relaxing into the bed.
Jane withdrew her fingers and held the scarf still attached to Maura's cuffs, drawing Maura's hands away from the headboard and toward Jane's chest. Maura's arms felt limp, and Jane quickly unbuckled the cuffs, tossing them aside and holding both of Maura's hands in hers. Maura, meanwhile, was catching her breath, gathering her wits, but as soon as she felt like she had control of her body, she reached for Jane, grasping her by her shirt, bringing her down for a kiss.
Jane lay next to her, stroking her hair and her skin soothingly, kissing her face as Maura shuddered lightly, still feeling the aftershocks of her orgasm. Maura reached for her hands, gripping Jane's in both of hers, unable to verbally express how sated and fulfilled she felt. She brought Jane's hands to her mouth and kissed them, each one, right over the scars in the center of Jane's palms. Her lips lingered over Jane's left palm, and Jane's fingers moved, stroking along Maura's jaw as her thumb sought her cheekbone. Jane's hands were strong, but soft, if not entirely smooth, yet her touch was so gentle. Maura ached over Jane's scars, the weight that they carried, and how cruel it was that something so essential to Jane had to bear the mark of someone who horrified her so much. Maura hoped that the fact that those hands were also capable of giving so much pleasure allowed Jane to reclaim them, at least a little bit. Like how bondage, for Maura, was an exercise in trust, and in participating in it, she healed a little bit more from the times she'd been vulnerable to the wrong person, and ended up in peril.
Sex was both sacred and profane, Maura knew, though the profanity, that being the biology, of sex struck Maura as something sacred in itself. Still, she could understand why others would find it off-putting to be so driven by the base instinctive desire to slam and rub flesh together. And the sacred, soul-fulfilling pleasure that kind of primal connection with another person elicited, well, Maura had never felt it so fully as with Jane. Maura wasn't sure she believed in soulmates, because the statistical improbability of randomly dispersed soulmates in the human population ever encountering each other made the whole idea moot and, possibly, cruel to consider. In simple terms, she knew that Dan Savage was right; there was no "The One," only the .65 she could maybe round up to "The One." But regardless of that fact, in moments like these she wondered if it could be true of herself and Jane. Or if, at least, Jane was an almost unheard-of .95 that Maura could round up to her "One." She knew Jane well enough that she didn't think she was necessarily deluding herself with these thoughts, as irrational as they were.
Maura considered all of this as Jane's fingers wove into Maura's hair, gently massaging her scalp. Maura found her voice, "You are divine."
Jane snorted. "Please," she purred, grinning fondly. Maura kissed her, pressing her body toward Jane's, sliding her arm into Jane's button-up to press closer. Abruptly, she remembered how erotically frustrated she had been by her inability to undress Jane, and she wanted to feel Jane's skin against hers. Maura's body and mind were waking up from her post-orgasmic haze, and she felt the strong desire to make Jane climax.
"Is there anything specific I can do for you, given you just enacted one of my fantasies?"
Jane shrugged, "Not really."
Maura studied her, and wondered how Jane would react to having her boundaries pushed a bit more in one night. She also knew that Jane typically required Maura to initiate something new. So Maura said, "May I suggest something we have not yet done?"
Jane cast her a curious look, her eyebrow rising. "Sure, why not?" Her tone was playful but guarded.
"When we initially discussed strap-ons, you confessed that you were mostly interested in wearing one. Which implies that you are also interested in being penetrated by one."
Jane winced, "Okay, really? 'Penetrated?' Not effective."
"Have it your way. I'd like to fuck you with a strap-on."
Jane's eyes widened. "I, uh. I mean, sure. I don't really come from that, but…we can try it if you want."
Maura wasn't deterred by Jane's uncertain response. Though her goal was to make Jane climax, it was fine if she had to switch tactics to do so. But she wanted to try this first. Not because she didn't believe Jane, but because it was something new for them to explore. After all, Jane had never been penetrated like this by a woman before, and Maura suspected the experience would be very enlightening for them both.
They climbed down from the bed, and Maura took the cuffs back to her closet, this time, beckoning Jane to follow her inside. She opened up her drawer of sex toys and watched Jane's eyes seem to glaze over as she stared at the assortment of objects within. "How do you have this many?" she asked.
Maura chose not to reply and instead asked, "What would you like me to wear?"
Jane blinked, refocusing on Maura, and without hesitation replied, "The Fusion." Maura cast her an intrigued look, and Jane elaborated, "It feels really good to wear it, and at least one of us should get off during this."
Maura wasn't sure if she would be able to achieve orgasm again, especially after the one—or ones—she'd just experienced. They were so intense that she suspected her refractory period would likely be longer than normal. But if the possibility existed for her to climax during this, she welcomed it. Besides, she had always been curious about that particular toy and its seemingly brilliant anatomical design.
So Maura gathered up the Fusion and the panty-style Spareparts harness, kissed Jane, and said, "I'll be right back," as she retreated into the bathroom for some privacy.
She removed the butt plug she was still wearing, intent on cleaning it and putting it away. She debated, for a few moments, leaving it in while wearing the strap-on, but although that sounded very pleasurable, she wanted to keep things simple as they tried something new together. Then she assembled the strap-on and pulled it on, aligning it as best she could.
Once she was prepared, Maura regarded herself in the mirror for a moment. Wearing a phallus wasn't something that made Maura feel sexy on its own, though the cut of the panty-style harness did help. Still, she found it difficult to strut into her bedroom the way should would any other time she was simply wearing underwear. Jane was undressing, and looked up as Maura walked in. She looked at Maura and chuckled, once, her eyes scanning. Maura folded her arms, "Why are you laughing?"
"I'm not," Jane replied, "Seeing you wearing it…it's just a bit weird, you know?"
"I suppose," Maura raised an eyebrow, taking in Jane's body. "Why are you still dressed?"
"I dunno," Jane said evasively, taking off her bra, though her pants were still on.
"Then I suppose we should address it." Maura approached, taking Jane's elbow, guiding her to the bed. She kissed Jane, who hummed contently against her lips at their initial contact, and Maura's hands began to unbuckle Jane's belt. Once Jane had stepped out of her pants, Maura coaxed her to sit on the edge of the bed. She was almost still the same height even sitting there, and Maura kept kissing her as she ran her hands up Jane's thighs, and she quickly confirmed something. "Are you wearing a thong?"
Jane was definitely blushing. "It felt appropriate."
"Wait. Did you put this on just now?"
"Maybe," Jane grumbled, "I just wanted to look sexy for you, okay? You know, for this."
Maura wanted to laugh, but pressed her lips together. Ultimately, whatever Jane needed to get into the headspace required to get fucked, Maura wouldn't deny her. Even if the fact that Jane was keeping thongs at Maura's house was something she was dying to discuss. "You are sexy," she told Jane, who gave her a half-smile in return, eyes almost smoldering.
"You're just saying that because you're about to get some," Jane retorted, but then she kissed Maura softly, nose bumping hers affectionately.
"I can't wait," Maura murmured softly in Jane's ear, then she reached to start pulling the thong down Jane's legs.
Maura had to admit, as the silky, insubstantial undergarment slid down Jane's thighs, that there was something very erotic about the experience. Jane wearing a thong wasn't something she'd considered much, because it seemed antithetical to the aspects of Jane that she found most attractive, and yet…removing her thong gave Maura a thrill, a charge. Perhaps Jane was onto something in her decision to further gender code the experience.
As the thong slid down Jane's calves, Maura recalled Jane borrowing a razor to shave her legs that morning, and Maura couldn't help but caress the smooth skin. She loved that Jane was pragmatic, that Jane was the kind of woman who waited until she needed a reason to shave, and even though Maura shaved daily, it had never bothered her if they'd been intimate when Jane was stubbly. Still, the fact that it heightened Jane's femininity in the moment was its own kind of erotic. She always found Jane sexy, but the little details that set the stage for the sex they were about to have just made Maura even more excited.
So excited, in fact, that she couldn't resist kissing her way back up Jane's legs as she dropped the thong on the floor next to her. Jane's hands found her hair as her tongue traced the adductor longus of Jane's inner thigh. Eagerly, she swiped her tongue toward the apex of Jane's thighs, a felt Jane's grip tighten on her hair at the first broad lick. Maura moaned; Jane was already so wet, and Maura eagerly pressed her face closer as her lips and tongue began stroking all over Jane's clit. Jane whimpered and gasped, still gripping Maura's hair.
Maura brought her hand up after a few moments and, mouth still working, she pressed a finger inside Jane slowly. She felt Jane's posture change as her back arched, heard Jane's stuttering moan as Maura's finger pressed and stroked inside. Momentarily, she added a second finger, and they slid inside easily. Maura reveled in the feeling of Jane tightening around them.
Gradually, as Maura continued, Jane began to lean back, her thighs parting more, until she was fully reclined, hands still in Maura's hair. Maura lifted her head, looking up Jane's body to see her head tipped back. Jane looked down to meet Maura's gaze after a moment, flushed and panting, and began to rise on her elbows. Maura removed her fingers slowly, then stood up and let her hand fall to the strap-on. She watched Jane, who was watching Maura's hand as she ran her wet fingers over the toy. Jane blinked, and she glanced up to meet Maura's eyes. Maura stroked up Jane's thigh with her left hand, her palm settling on the curve of Jane's hip. "Are you ready?" Maura asked her.
Jane nodded, jaw tensing. Maura could sense her nervousness, and rubbed both hands over Jane's thighs and hips for a moment, then gripped Jane's hips and pulled her forward, just a little bit more. Jane wrapped her legs around Maura's back, helping to pull herself, and Maura grabbed her legs, holding them there, fingers pressing into her hamstring muscles. Jane's legs were strong, lean, and Maura ran her hands down them until she was grasping Jane's ass, and she leaned forward to press a kiss onto Jane's sternum. As she kissed her way to a nipple, she reached next to Jane on the bed, groping for the lube they'd left there. Maura indulged for a moment, swirling her tongue against the stiff flesh just long enough to make Jane squirm and moan and for her legs to wrap around Maura's, seemingly instinctively. But then Maura straightened again, flipping the cap off the lube and squeezing a tiny bit into her fingers. She ensured that the shaft was well-lubricated while her other hand kept Jane in play, teasing her nipples.
Once she was certain she was sufficiently lubricated, Maura's hand slid back down to Jane's waist. Jane rose on her elbows and watched as Maura began guiding the tip toward Jane. She let the length of the shaft slide between Jane's labia, over her clit, making Jane's breath hitch, and then they were both watching as Maura gently pressed the tip of the toy against Jane's entrance.
Maura glanced up, and waited for Jane's eyes to meet hers before she barely pushed her hips forward. She watched Jane let out her breath, jaw trembling open. Maura moved again, pushing just a little bit deeper, and Jane's eyes closed. She leaned her head back, her whole body arching subtly, and she lifted her legs again to Maura's waist. Maura pressed forward once again, finding she moved easily, and in a long, steady motion, she pushed fully inside Jane. Her hands travelled, settling just under Jane's ribs, and Maura stroked Jane's side soothingly as she groaned, legs tightening around Maura.
"Effective?" Maura asked softly.
"Feels good," was all Jane said, her voice practically a purr. But then her eyes cracked open, "Dunno if it's enough to make me come," she admitted softly.
"Don't think about that," Maura replied, gradually pulling out almost completely. Her right hand smoothed down Jane's side, her thumb seeking out Jane's clit, and she began to trace unhurried circles, barely pressing into Jane's sensitive flesh. "You're not supposed to be coming yet. I want to savor this," and at the penultimate word, Maura pushed back in, deliberately slow. Jane arched slowly along with her, peaking as Maura's hips met the backs of Jane's thighs. Jane exhaled sharply and relaxed a little as Maura began to pull out steadily again.
Maura wanted to move slowly for Jane's sake, knowing she was nervous and wanting to give her time to be reintroduced to the sensation of being filled, even if the Fusion was modest in size. Maura knew Jane might need time to relax, though so far, it seemed as if everything was going well. But Maura took her time for a few more moments. She liked watching the toy disappearing inside Jane, loved watching Jane's face and body respond to each thrust. And though it was fairly subtle, she was enjoying the friction the toy gave her clit.
Gripping Jane's hips, Maura began to move a little bit quicker, her strokes still long and deep. It was almost like dancing, the way she began to roll her hips to a rhythm, and perhaps that was why Maura felt like she needed to do something with her hands. Merely holding Jane's hip and touching her clit felt almost mechanical, so she began to caress Jane's torso, tracing the curve of her waist and hips, cupping her breasts only to stroke down her abs, smoothing over her hipbones. Her touches made Jane arch and squirm as her breathing changed, matching the rhythm of Maura's thrusts, which were unintentionally beginning to accelerate in tempo.
Before too long, Jane's hand was falling between her legs, fingers moving over her own clit as Maura began to play with the tempo. It felt almost like jazz improvisation, as she searched for different patterns that made Jane respond the most, changing from quick, short, deep thrusts to long and slow, then abruptly to very slow and very deep. She wasn't following any sort of rules, but she was seeking something coherent, seeking to produce something beautiful as her body moved with Jane's. She settled for awhile on a steady rhythm, watching Jane, whose eyebrows were constricting, "You okay?" Maura asked, wondering if perhaps they needed more lube.
"I don't think I can come this way," Jane said quietly.
"We can stop, if you like," Maura said, though she hadn't stopped yet, merely slowed.
Jane was quiet for a moment, though her fingers still idly moved over her clit. Finally, she said, "Can we try it with me on top?"
"Of course," Maura said, and she reached for the base of the dildo to hold it steady as she gently pulled out. Jane exhaled loudly as the toy fully slid out, and took a moment to catch her breath as Maura climbed up onto the bed next to her. Maura kissed her lips, a leisurely kiss that Jane prolonged by gently grabbing the hair at the base of Maura's neck, and when they parted, Maura reclined back onto her pillows, and Jane moved to straddle her waist.
A little clumsily, Jane moved to position herself just over the strap-on, and Maura held her waist, more out of a desire to touch her than anything else. Her gaze darted up to meet Jane's for a second, and then Jane's eyes were closing as she slowly sank down onto the toy. Maura watched her face, the way her eyebrows constricted and then relaxed as her mouth parted in a barely suppressed whimper. Jane stayed still for a moment, letting her weight settle against Maura's hips, and then one hand splayed over Maura's ribs, steadying Jane as she rose only to come down again. Maura watched the toy this time, watched it disappear inside Jane, and they groaned in unison.
Her hair had begun cascading over her shoulder, so Jane flipped it back with a sweep of her hand that made Maura's stomach flutter excitedly. Her hair had already begun to spill over her shoulder again as Jane began to find her own steady rhythm, balancing herself with a hand on her thigh and the other still cupping just beneath Maura's breast. And as that rhythm began to take form, Maura began to feel the pattern of friction the Fusion gave her clit. It had grown more intense when Jane had gotten on top, and Maura was certain that if they continued long enough, that she would, indeed, climax. But she wanted to focus on Jane, so she concentrated on trying to match Jane's rhythm, meeting her thrusts. Mostly, she let Jane set the pace, which quickened until Jane was riding hard, their skin slapping as Maura fucked her, though, with the way Jane moved, her hips rolling on each downstroke, it almost felt like Jane was fucking her.
Still, even as Jane shifted position, bracing herself against the bed while her other hand fell to her clit, Maura could tell from Jane's expression that this was quickly becoming less about chasing her pleasure and more about becoming desperate to achieve orgasm. The mind was the biggest sexual organ, and if Jane suspected she would be unable to climax, that could prevent it entirely. Maura decided she needed to try to take control of the situation, to help coax Jane there.
Maura began to sit up, enough that Jane slowed down and shifted, staying balanced as their positions and the angle of penetration changed. They reached for each other at the same moment, holding each other up, Maura's hands circling around Jane's hips and ass, Jane gripping Maura's shoulders. Jane was still moving, but the thrusts were much shorter, the strap-on staying mostly buried deep inside of her. Maura nuzzled Jane's breasts, taking a nipple between her lips and stroking it with her tongue, as Jane's hands gripped her back and shoulders, fingers digging in. Maura could hear her breathing, loud exhales with each thrust, and she reached her hands up to grip Jane's hair, making her moan aloud. Maura kissed up her neck and Jane bent her head down to meet her lips, and Maura felt Jane's moans against her lips and tongue as she continued to ride the strap-on.
Their mouths parted, and Maura kissed Jane's jawline, gently turning her head with the leverage from her grip on Jane's hair so that her lips were just next to Jane's ear. "God, I love this. Feels like I'm actually inside you," Maura murmured, hoping to give Jane's erotic brain something to latch onto.
"You are," Jane whimpered, and Maura felt a tremble run through her body.
"Yeah?" Maura asked, feeling something electric move down her own spine at Jane's words. Jane whimpered out an affirmative, her hands running down Maura's back, gripping at different points to steady herself as her hips moved. Maura's hand held her waist, encouraging her movements. The words spilled out before Maura could consider whether Jane would find them as hot as she did. "I love fucking you."
Unexpectedly, Jane groaned, slammed her hips down into Maura's lap with more vigor for a few more thrusts. "Yeah," she gasped out.
Maura felt like she had stumbled upon something absolutely decadent. She kissed her way to Jane's ear again and spoke softly but clearly, "You love it when I fuck you, don't you?"
A full-throated moan was her answer, and she felt nails dig into her back as Jane's hips moved hard, fast against her own. Maura groped for more words, more narratophilic things to say, but before she could come up with anything, Jane was moaning, "Yeah, yeah," and then her arms were wrapping around Maura tightly, her head was falling forward, and she thrust down hard onto Maura's lap.
There was a moment of stillness, barely a instant, and then Jane's open mouth was pressing against Maura's shoulder as she muffled a guttural groan there. Maura felt Jane's hips moving now, rolling against hers, and in a moment, Jane was shaking, body pressed against Maura's. Maura held her up as each wave of orgasm made Jane's entire body bow and constrict, felt each scream of pleasure muffled against her shoulder, felt Jane's teeth press just into her flesh as she rode Maura throughout her long climax. Maura had never experienced anything quite like this, and all she could do was hold on to Jane's body as it let pleasure overtake it, and Maura felt like an anchor for a ship at sea being buffeted by a storm. She couldn't even be entirely sure the storm hadn't caught her up, too, just from feeling Jane coming against her.
Finally, Jane's body seemed to sag, and she held herself against Maura. Maura could feel Jane's pulse racing, her chest heaving with her breaths. Jane didn't seem at all inclined to move, and her weight was bearing Maura down onto the bed. Maura came down gently, cradling Jane along the way, and once she was supine, she unwound her arms from their hold on Jane's back, settling on Jane's hips.
"Come on," Maura said softly, hands urging Jane to lift off of the strap-on. With effort, Jane lifted herself off, groaning and shuddering as she fully slid off the toy, and, limbs trembling, she stretched out next to Maura, burying her face next to Maura's breast and moaning softly. Maura reached for her, lifting her up so that Jane's face was buried in her neck, and held her as Jane continued to moan and tremble through the aftershocks of her orgasm. She had certainly never made Jane climax this hard, and she welled up with pride.
Finally, Jane seemed to regain her voice, and she said roughly, "I didn't know I could come like that, too."
The awe in Jane's voice made Maura fill with even more pride, this time for Jane. "That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen," Maura replied honestly. She retroactively fact-checked herself, thinking about all the wonder she had seen under microscopes, through telescopes, in the symmetry of mathematics and the certainty of the laws of the physical sciences, and yet, she knew she hadn't lied. Watching Jane Rizzoli come apart in her arms had been absolutely breathtaking.
Jane snorted, pressing her face against Maura's breasts again, and Maura indulged her need to hide. Maybe she would always be shy after sex. Maura could accept that, even found it a bit endearing. She kissed Jane's head, pulled her closer, and Jane sighed contentedly, another small tremble rippling through her. Finally, she spoke, lips grazing the swell of Maura's breast. "I guess I might have some kind of fantasy. Sort of."
Maura perked up. She still had a few months to wait before Fenway would happen, and she was eager to have something else they could explore before then. "What is it?"
"I just like when you do housework. Like, when you're barefoot."
Maura angled her head, trying to catch Jane's eye. Most of Jane's face was still pressed against Maura's side, but one eye peeked up to meet Maura's. "You like to watch when I do housework? Barefoot?"
"Yeah. Like dressed like you usually do, vacuuming or something."
Maura was intrigued, "Is it simply voyeurism for you?"
"I dunno. I guess. But also you just look different in bare feet. Or when you're not wearing heels, like sometimes in the autopsy lab. I mean, you look great in heels, don't get me wrong. But I like watching you work on something, especially when like…your posture is more grounded, I guess." She shrugged, "It's sexy."
"I'll definitely keep that in mind," Maura hummed, eager to have something else in her wheelhouse with which she could seduce Jane, especially something so simple. Coming from anyone else, Maura might have considered eroticized housework deeply sexist, but Jane had a way of making her feel sexy when she subverted gender roles, even if that subversion wasn't exactly what Jane was tapping into. She smirked. Perhaps she had a bit of an exhibitionist streak of her own, because the thought of Jane watching her, getting an erotic charge from her housecleaning, well…Maura liked perverting domesticity with Jane.
"You know I'm gonna marry you someday, right?" Jane asked, closing her eyes and nuzzling Maura's breast again.
Maura almost laughed. "I know, Jane. When we're ready."
And they would be, because they already were. Nothing had changed between them, except everything. And for Maura, comfort lay in the fact that only she and Jane could make so many discordant truths find harmony.